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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Sixth-form girl living alone

523 replies

BoboChic · 16/03/2017 10:13

Do you think that a private mixed sixth form should admit a new pupil who will be living alone in a small rented apartment during the week, returning home to her parents at the weekend?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 16/03/2017 14:38

I'm not sure that it's so straightforward to monitor the comings and goings from an ever-open-door crash pad round the corner from school. My friend said that the girl was renting her flat out to couples for quickie sex after school etc

So their results went down because they were having sex? Presumably they would be having sex anyway?

This gives me quite a vivid picture of the kind of thing that was being said about this girl.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 14:38

We used to shag in my mates parents touring caravan. We split the cost of the camping weekends and took nights about. There was also a tent. But no one liked shagging in the tent.

Happy memories.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 14:40

The hypothesis was that the results went down because a lot of under the radar stuff was going on and the parents are understandably cross that the school dissimulated an issue that contributed to that situation.

OP posts:
ealingwestmum · 16/03/2017 14:40

Grin Anne

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 14:44

We told our parents boys in the tents girls in the van but that wasn't true.

Teens lie to parents Shock. Hold the front page.

Mate whose parents van it was got paid in beer. He had quite the sideline.

antimatter · 16/03/2017 14:46

If my ds changed address, and he is now in 6th form, would the school even ask - are you still living with your parents?

Trifleorbust · 16/03/2017 14:47

You are being ridiculous and you sound vindictive. I am at a loss as to why you are this invested in a situation that has spunk all to do with you! Bizarre thread.

spiney · 16/03/2017 14:47

Bobo - why did your friend think the school did not not exercise pastoral care in terms of identifying that the year group were very err ' preoccupied ' and therefore grades slipping etc were they worrying about losing fees? Reputation?

Pallisers · 16/03/2017 14:48

The hypothesis was that the results went down because a lot of under the radar stuff was going on and the parents are understandably cross that the school dissimulated an issue that contributed to that situation.

These parents are just looking for someone to blame. They should look closer to home. In my world, parents actually know what their kids are doing, where they are at night (at home doing homework and studying 99% of the time), where they are going with their friends, what parties they are going to. I suppose I could see a 16 year old managing to squeeze in a quick shag in a friendly apartment for an hour after school without me knowing, but if this sexual activity is enough to scupper their exam results, then I'm not sure they would ever be able for adult life (what having sex and holding down a job too??? How????)

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 14:48

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza - the level of freedom parents give their DC varies wildly. For responsible parents, to a large extent, the more trust you have in your child and its community, the more likely you are to give your DC freedom within it. I give my DD more freedom at her current school/community than in the previous school/community because I trust the current one a lot more. I'm still very vigilant, however.

OP posts:
ealingwestmum · 16/03/2017 14:50

I think NotwhatIexpected has summed it up well. Not sure the ensuing fodder has gone to plan though in preparation for suing.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 14:53

spiney - my friend said there were general concerns from the very beginning of sixth form and that the parents raised them at several opportunities but nothing came to light at the time. It was only a year later, when it became known that this girl had failed her first year, that the DC spilled the beans! So the knowledge dates from last summer and the parents have been back to the school (or at least the parents who still have DC there, like my friend).

OP posts:
Reow · 16/03/2017 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 14:54

You know. I tend to ask my kids to take personal responsibility for their own actions. It's part of growing up. School ask that of them too.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 14:56

Why should school have any authority about taking personal responsibility when it asks one of its pupils to dissimulate her living arrangements?

OP posts:
Orangetoffee · 16/03/2017 14:57

The girl was just used as an excuse, an easy target rather than anyone taking responsibility for their own behaviour. Horrible.

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 14:57

No one is blaming the girl.

OP posts:
Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 14:58

You can't know for absolute certain what the school exactly said to the girl and her parents.

And if there's one thing you should have taken from all this it's that teens don't tell the truth - and the chances are they're not telling (or even know) the whole truth about what the school told or didn't tell the girl to say

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 14:59

Obviously I do not know the girl's side of the story, but there has been a huge investigation at the school by parents who are understandably cross.

OP posts:
Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 15:00

But you and the parents don't know. And you'll never know. Because it'll be confidential.

Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 15:02

And if parents have been using information they found from the school because they work there or are governors or similar and they've used that info for purposes it wasn't provided for then that is a MASSIVE breach of dpa.

And how else could the parents know for certain? Other than confidential info via school confidential records?

Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 15:02

There clearly has been a great deal of bean spilling by pupils who enjoyed their sixth form a bit too much Grin. Understandably parents are both cross with school but also find the whole thing fairly hilarious - it's a multi-faceted story.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoboChic · 16/03/2017 15:04

I'm not sure what exactly would be confidential information?

OP posts:
Annesmyth123 · 16/03/2017 15:04

But how can there have been an investigation at the school by parents? Unless they were using confidential info that they were privy to from school sources. Which is illegal.

Pallisers · 16/03/2017 15:05

You have no idea what the school told the girl. I imagine what they said was something along the lines of "we advise you not to tell everyone that you live on your own or else you will have classmates wanting to come by or use your apartment to crash." rather than "please lie to your classmates".

The parents are ridiculous. They are understandably cross because their children didn't do as well as expected. Pinning this on one girl living alone is ridiculous. And blaming the school for not telling them? What if the school knew a parent was caring for an elderly grandparent and so would be away from home for several days a week - should they issue a warning to the parents of other classmates "Alert! Possible free house".

These parents are setting such a bad example to their children - telling them there is always someone else to blame instead of sitting their children down and saying "you made a poor choice, you suffered as a result, your actions have consequences. Now what are you going to do to make this situation better". But they were probably reared themselves by parents who taught them the world owed them something.