mummytime I was trying to support Verbana39 by explaining what is different in some children with ASD. I am sorry if you felt I was insulting you, I was responding to your comment of "For a ruler, there was no need for him to leave class - he could have borrowed one." I was trying to explain why some/many children with ASD cannot do this. When a child starts secondary school it take s a while for teachers to get to know the children, and so it is harder for them to spot the subtle bullying. Yes good communication with the school is vital.
"willitbe - thanks for you damming of my knowledge of ASD - so helpful!" - I was not damming your knowledge of ASD but as you say if YOU know one person with ASD you know one person with ASD. I could fully see what Verbena37 was saying about the ruler as my ds has exactly the same issue. It is not that the ruler/pencil/pencilcase.... are expensive or anything to do with that, it is purely any possession is what he does not like anyone else touching. It is not that it is "precious" to him, it is just that he can't cope with anyone touching any of his possessions. There is no "reason" for it, just a reaction. My son would absolutely not be able to cope with taking extra things in his pencil case in case other people want to borrow them, so your simple solution for your daughter, would not work for my son. Yes the bullying / teasing should have been stopped immediately, but when a child is in a fight/flight reaction, then explaining what has just happened to the teacher is not practical in the amount of time. So instead there is a perceived punishment of detention for being special needs. The fact that it is not really a detention would not necessarily be realised at the time (when in a heightened stress situation).
In this particular situation, the child asked to go look for the ruler in the toilet, and was given a "detention". The fact that it was not a detention was not obvious to the child. Yes children should get detentions for bad behaviour, when it is justified. I am happy for you that for your children "being reassured that there is no punishment outside of school, and that it is not a big thing has helped them cope" has worked for you. It has not for my ds. If my son was told off for something on a Friday, that reassurance would do nothing for the whole weekend, he would still go into school on Monday upset for getting told off (no matter if it was justified or not). When I say that I am talking about the teacher telling all the boys in the class off for messing around, when actually maybe two of the boys might have been sitting and getting on with work fine, my son would feel that telling off personally even when not involved. The old teachers knew this and many adapted their use of generalized language to stop encompassing children who were not involved. But many overworked secondary school teachers do not see this as significant, as it is not life-threatening. They do not see the stress levels of my son all weekend.
I was offended to read "It may be a personal possession, but if the child is unable to borrow a ruler either: a) The child should have far more support to remain in Mainstream (1:1 TA) or should be in a special school" 1:1 TA nor a special school would be either appropriate or necessary for my son. He is high intelligence and copes incredibly well for most things. But he is susceptible to bullying in situations where he is not known, as in the start of secondary school. In this way he does need more support than some of his peers. Your attitude towards others with children with ASD is lacking in the same way in which you accuse me. Just because you know your child with ASD does not mean that you know all children with ASD. Your simple solutions for your daughter would not work at all for my son. This is the problem that faces teachers.
b) the incident of "hiding a ruler" should have instantly been escalated as bullying.". - yes b) recognising it as bullying is what should happen, but in real life it is not always supported by teachers who make comments like "boys will be boys". Please don't presume it is possible for all children with autism to get help from teachers, they are overworked and not able to provide what is necessary for the children who cope most of the time.
It is nice that your daughter is doing so well, but it would be nice for you to show some understanding to parents whose children with ASD, who are struggling with the start of secondary school, and all the issues that this involves.