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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Yr7 new starters

363 replies

simpson · 01/09/2016 00:11

Hi...

Just wondering if other parents/kids are worrying about starting secondary school. We have had tears (from DS) tonight and we still have another week to go!!

I am sure he will be fine but I am worrying (as is he).

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Original poster
simpson · 31/10/2016 18:21

Titsy - have you emailed form tutor?

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Titsywoo · 31/10/2016 19:39

No but I will tomorrow. She said she was sent to a quiet room earlier because she got upset before her class - I think because one of the boys was being a bit nasty. She is fine with friends and ok with the work but I think the whole thing is still overwhelming to her and the idea of being a small fish in a big pond is hard for her to cope with. She finds the older kids intimidating and gets upset by their general messing around. She finds some of the teachers really strict too.

Basically she just needs to grow in confidence and get used to it. Not much that can be done about that but we are already dealing with the anxiety as that is a long standing issue and will find ways to build her confidence. Any ideas appreciated!

Original poster
simpson · 01/11/2016 07:29

I am dreading this with DD (yr4) as I think she is going to be completely overwealmed with it all when she starts Sad

Has she looked at joining any clubs?

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Titsywoo · 01/11/2016 16:09

She doesn't want to as she says there are no year 7s there and she doesn't want to go in alone. Her best friend lives quite far away and gets picked up by her mum so doesn't do any clubs. I think I will let her be for now and hopefully by the end of the term she will have settled down a bit!

I worry about ds too. He is in year 5 and has asd but high functioning. Not sure how he will cope with the change.

Original poster
simpson · 01/11/2016 18:23

Titsy - DD has just finished all the assessments for aspergers, we now have at least a 12 week wait for the results Sad

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Titsywoo · 01/11/2016 18:59

Why so long?!

Original poster
simpson · 01/11/2016 21:49

Overworked and understaffed I guess. I really wanted to know before Xmas but that's not going to happen Sad

She finds social aspects v difficult in primary let alone secondary school Sad

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Titsywoo · 01/11/2016 22:12

That's really crap :( We had to go private as waiting list was 2 years so got results in days. 12 weeks seems excessive as it is pretty easy to collate the info. I hope you hear soon. Just so you know aspergers is no longer a diagnosis so if she does get diagnosed it will be with autism spectrum disorder.

Original poster
simpson · 01/11/2016 22:59

Yes I know, I work in DD's primary school and we have been filled in. However I will try and pin them down as I feel that there is a difference.

Tbh I cannot complain so far... Went to the GP about a year ago and have had 3 appointments (including ADOS) in that time.

The school wouldn't take a private diagnosis hence waiting grrr!

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whirlygirly · 02/11/2016 21:07

Just found this thread and it's really reassuring to read. I'd been really worried about ds, a young year 7 with language disorder/mild asd. Despite his tutor telling me he's a popular member of class, he doesn't feel it and has been telling me tonight that he feels lots of boys dislike him, they don't pass to him in rugby or football etc.

Thing is, he's a kind, gentle soul, not a boisterous sort and likes to be compliant - he doesn't like rule breaking swearing and probably says so, which isn't likely to endear him to anyone.

I'm trying to equip him with coping strategies but he needs to find a little group of gentle geeks to hang out with really.

Original poster
simpson · 02/11/2016 22:41

Aww, bless him he sounds like my DS.

DS came home today & said he was deliberately tripped over by a yr9 kid (he fell & got small cut to the knee). When I asked him if he had told anyone he said "no it happens to all the yr7 kids and today was obviously my turn" Angry

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WhatHaveIFound · 03/11/2016 11:43

Flowers to all those with DC having a hard time and hoping you get all the support you need.

DS seems to be doing ok though i did have to admit at Parents Evening that i'd barely seen him (due to 5 weeks spent caring for my dad whilst my mum was in hospital).

He's still ignoring his big sister in the corridor (much to her annoyance) Grin, joined a few clubs and is hoping to be picked for one of the sports teams next week.

So i think it's a good start, if only he'd get on and do his homework!

Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 16:51

Sorry some of your DC are still having a hard time. I was hoping it would be easier by now but no such luck :( DD came home today in tears. Her new best friend has turned on her. Seems like one of the boys has been turning her against DD through jealousy and today it came to a head. Her best friend suddenly started screaming "Stay away from me" and won't explain why :( So sad for her and no idea what to do to help. Hopefully it will resolve itself.

whirlygirly · 03/11/2016 20:01

Titsywoo Sad I think sometimes we need to remember we're looking at all this from an adult viewpoint and with the benefit of a lot of hindsight. They're just behaving like the immature 11 year olds they are. That sounds hard for your dd but also very normal, my niece has experienced very similar just this week but all was resolved the next day.

Ds has been hit and kicked today by the boy who was originally a friend but now appears to be an enemy. Being socially immature, it took ds way longer than it should have to realise they weren't compatible, and he chased (literally) this other lad for his friendship to the point of completely irritating him.

He took himself off to pastoral to discuss it all and thankfully now seems very chilled out about it. I'm going to contact his form tutor tomorrow as I think a gentle chat from him might help.

This is all so gut wrenching.

Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 20:45

Thanks whirly - I just started another thread asking if it is normal for year 7's to be this over dramatic. It's constant at the moment and really doing my head in. I feel like it will never settle down and I know she won't be concentrating properly with all this going on around her.

Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 20:45

Sorry for your DS too. How horrible for him :(

Original poster
simpson · 03/11/2016 21:47

DS was off sick today. No days off for over 2 years in primary but this is his 3rd since September Sad

Luckily DS loves his school & has got in with a nice group (so far) but my goodness he is struggling with tiredness!

He is exhausted already and he has only been back 3 days after half term, wonder if this is why he is being ill more Sad

He is also finding the homework pretty demanding too.

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Original poster
simpson · 03/11/2016 21:48

Sorry, Titsy but I think you need to email tutor. Do they have a buddy system?

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Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 21:53

But what do I say simpson? DD's friend has been turned against her by another kid and she is upset? Surely they don't deal with friendship dramas?

DanicaJones · 03/11/2016 22:22

No, more general. That she is finding settling in stressful and overwhelming/feeling anxious because of friendship issues/other reasons. Is there any help available?

Titsywoo · 03/11/2016 22:28

Yes there probably is help. I know she often goes to a place they have in break and lunchtimes where you can chat about anything that is upsetting you or bullying/teasing. She spends quite of bit of her time there already.

I'll see how she gets on tomorrow then will call her form tutor.

DanicaJones · 03/11/2016 23:07

Sorry i realised that wasn't clear "Is there any help available?" was what i was suggesting you ask the teacher when mentioning the other stuff.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 04/11/2016 00:11

Titsywoo I did a lot of dealing with friendship dramas when I was a year 7 tutor, either in a more general way with the whole form in PSHE lessons, or in more specific ways with those having difficulty. Year 7 is a hard year for friendships and every year towards the end of this term as the novelty wore off and the tiredness kicked in we'd have some massive falling outs. 11 / 12 year olds can be really unpleasant to each other and sometimes very thoughtless, in some cases the " how would that make you feel if someone said / did that to you?" chat would be helpful. Other times I would encourage them to broaden their friendship groups a bit, particularly those who had come from the same primary. Anyway, I'm rambling, but do let the tutor know.

Original poster
simpson · 04/11/2016 07:27

Something along the lines of she is finding it hard to settle in and seems to be having friendship issues & is very upset about it.

I hope she has a better day today, keeping everything crossed! Grin

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WhatHaveIFound · 04/11/2016 09:01

Titsywoo, they do deal with friendship dramas in Y7 as my DD had problems when she first started high school. Even now (Y10) i'd email her form teacher or HOY if she was having friendship issues as pastoral care is a big thing for them.