Son won't be attending GCSE results day....i'm distraught!!

[mirrenso]

Hi, my son, who's expected to do ok in his GCSE's but be rather borderline in terms of school requirements for 6th year entry.....has just announced that he intends going on summer camp to Europe run by a church group to help underprivileged children....hence missing results day 25th August!!
I'm utterly devastated....I have been looking forward to this day for years.....he is the apple of my eye......and this day would be one of the most proud in my life.
However....if he were to be borderline....that very morning is crucial in terms of negotiation with 6th year heads....and competition for places is extremely fierce.....we both need to be there!!!
Son says, text me the results....which I think is ridiculous.....he is already getting a week camp away with Scouts at the start of August...and the school will take a dim view of him not being there!!! His father says I'm being silly and the camp will "look good on his CV".....but if he doesn't get into 6th year he won't need much of a CV!!!
I am at my wits end....advice please.....complete split in house, fights, arguments.....disaster....please help!!

Only child?

What a load of shit

It's August so I don't imagine everyone will be there. I am sure it's disappointing for you but your son sounds amazing and I would be proud of him. Maybe he doesn't want to be there because it's boarderline. I would suggest that he has a good talk to school about his options before the summer and discuss with them what he needs to do on the day in case he needs to contact them. Everyone's mind is at ease then!

I am going to disagree on this, the crux of the issue is that he is BORDERLINE and depending on his results he is at risk of not getting a place. This situation requires IMMEDIATE action in oversubscribed areas.

If the school has made it clear that he needs to be there in person to negotiate a place on the day. He bloody has to be there, sorry.
If he had a place assured due to good grades, yes go on holiday. If he hasn't, this little holiday (as good as volunteering is) can take him out of the game.

I always feel dumbfounded at parents expecting the schools/colleges/universities to bend the rules a bit to adhere to their plans and whims. Let's be clear, if you have less places than candidates, the rules will be applied firmly and in such cases, even which place you are in the queue to negotiate a place MATTERS. (First come first served often applies in these cases).

I would stand my ground and make him stay, he would have got more freedom if he had put more effort to avoid finding himself in that predicament.

And no, the school won't be able to come with some ideas. If you have 20 desperate applicants begging you for a place for which they don't have the grades, the place will go to the ones that made the effort (not to the one whose mummy rang to say they would do the negotiation at another time/in a different way because her kid wants to go/has gone away on holiday).

he would have got more freedom if he had put more effort to avoid finding himself in that predicament

Although I agree mainly with you Memy I think that is a bit unfair. There is nothing in the OPs post to suggest her DS isn't working his socks off to get his results. Some people have to work extremely hard to get 'borderline' results.

memyson that's exactly how it works in our area. The majority of families I know with year 11 children DO NOT go away over results time. If there is a problem / unexpected bad grades, it HAS to be addressed in person, on the day.

For those posters saying their experience of asking mates etc to collect. .. was that recent? It's a military operation in our area.

It is clear that what happened years ago is different to what happens now, so the fact that some posters say that they didn't collect their results is irrelevant. Schools obviously do it differently nowadays.

DD's school will either post results or give them out to the student only, unless they have given written consent for someone else to collect them. They will not email the results, nor do they post them online. Students are expected to enrol for 6th form before the start of term.

Her 6th form is oversubscribed as it is the only secondary school in the LA with 6th form provision. The other options are the 6th form college in town which is better for vocational courses or a 6th form college 15 miles away.

Parents are well aware of the date for results and usually make a point of not being away for them.

Teen, he may have put all the effort but still the fact remains that he might not have the grades to go to college. If he needs to fight for a place, he better be there to fight for it.

There are a lot of students that do not get good grades no matter how hard they tried, but you cannot get a place over other candidates due to your sad story if you don't fit the entry requirements (or do not show you have what it takes to move into the next level)

Bit sneery there, Memy. I, unlike many others, was trying to help the OP come up with an action plan. Maybe the school won't help, but there really wasn't any need to be so sneery about it.

Catgirl83 you may not have seen us because we're all in the car park, anxiously waiting.. but I assure you - We're there!!!!

Memy - just saw your 'should have worked harder to avoid the situation' type comment.

For what it's worth - one of my children was borderline - and had worked very, very hard to get to borderline. I was more proud of their results than if they had coasted and got A's... results don't always reflect the effort.

Whats Gcse results day do they go to school to get them? Why are you looking forward to it we just get results in the post here, do you not think you are being slightly dramatic he is going away making a good kind choice is that not more important than picking up results when he can get them when he comes back

Jee, leave your son at home.
Go and apologise right now for your view, the shouting and the arguing.

You do realise that as he's not started his exams yet, your behaviour is more likely that he feels got at and unsupported and will care worse in his exams which you have been liking forward to the day for years for? I went in on my own, without parents.

Have you been this intense in real life? Is this why your son has decided to get away from it and open his results when he is ready?

Ok I was a bit drama and worried...i'll now calmly set the whole context.
Its a school like described as bbcessex post above.
Heavily oversubscribed, fierce competition for places.
DS 2nd child of 4.
DD eldest, last year (15 points with C=1, B=2, A=3), or bust for entry 6th form.
DD goes for results with me gets 14.
I pay £100 for panic remarks on four 69% C grades in four subjects.
Immediate 6th year head meeting....told "I've a queue of (from other schools) 25-30 pointers outside waiting for places, I'm sorry."
DD within a week at inferior secondary school 6th year and currently floundering.
DS goes on at least 2 summer camps every year for past number of years, never an issue.
I am extremely proud of him and happy about what he's doing, school expect 15 points, they have to draw a line somewhere.
Everything fine unless he get's 14 points. Then it's important to be there as 6th form is filled literally by 12 noon. Fact. I saw it with my own eyes last year.
DS away first week August Scouts.
For next 3 weeks church running Poland summer camps, you can go on any one of the three. 3rd camp (vital last week August, "football camp".)
Try to compromise with son and say "you're away 1st week August with Scouts, you can go to either of the other 2 available Poland week trips."
DS says, "no thanks, I prefer the football camp please, thank you.
Does this shed any light on situation?
I would let him get results himself, then come to car park to get me, if negotiation needed, negotiation needed on 14 points situation.
I know my son, I know his levels, school know, school have predicted 14-16 points.
Last year with DD school were bang on the nose with predictions.
Is compromise with son about other camp dates not reasonable?
Thank you.

You sound like a complete nightmare and totally overbearing. No wonder he wants to be out of there asap!

I also along with bbcessex just read MeMySonAndI posts above and that's the situation at the school.
If he gets 15 points I ring him and congratulate.
If 14 he's out of the school he has loved for years and the sport that he has loved for years, (rugby).
I'm sorry, but I don't see how when he's away 1st week August with Scouts and can go either of the next 2 weeks to Poland, with full approval from me, he can't be there on week 4 of August because of..............."football camp."
The school itself love extra curricular activity and rounded education but on that particular day its hit 15 or hit the road and buy a new blazer and find new friends and you have a week to do it. That's what happened last year with DD so I do not wish it to happen again.
I will try to get him to go to an alternative Poland week of which he has 2 to choose from.

Much better post. Your DS is being unreasonable about it, BUT does he actually want to go to 6th form there? Or, in fact, anywhere? I think that must be your starting point.

If he does, and is blithely assuming it will all be ok, then he's being rather silly.
If, OTOH, he doesn't care about going to 6th form at that school, then he's making that very clear and will probably get his wish.

I think you need to be very clear with him about his chances of going to 6th form where he wants to, or potentially ending up in the same situation as his sister, if you haven't already done that.

So if he gets 14 points he won't get into the school 6th form anyway, whether he is there or not?

I guess it depends on whether there is a queue like there was last year or not...

Fire - if it's anything like here the next day is crucial as you news to go and sign up at colleges. If you're not there in person you miss out on the course you want. No one with any sense goes away at that time here, it's like a military operation as a PP above said!

But yes, if the situation is exactly the same, then it won't make any difference whether he's there or not, if he doesn't get his 15 points, he'll still be out the door, so why worry about it?