Son won't be attending GCSE results day....i'm distraught!!

[mirrenso]

Hi, my son, who's expected to do ok in his GCSE's but be rather borderline in terms of school requirements for 6th year entry.....has just announced that he intends going on summer camp to Europe run by a church group to help underprivileged children....hence missing results day 25th August!!
I'm utterly devastated....I have been looking forward to this day for years.....he is the apple of my eye......and this day would be one of the most proud in my life.
However....if he were to be borderline....that very morning is crucial in terms of negotiation with 6th year heads....and competition for places is extremely fierce.....we both need to be there!!!
Son says, text me the results....which I think is ridiculous.....he is already getting a week camp away with Scouts at the start of August...and the school will take a dim view of him not being there!!! His father says I'm being silly and the camp will "look good on his CV".....but if he doesn't get into 6th year he won't need much of a CV!!!
I am at my wits end....advice please.....complete split in house, fights, arguments.....disaster....please help!!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

So hold on - what's this new nonsense about having to be there in person to hand over your results slip to attempt to enrol for 6th form?
If this is "a thing", and competitions is fierce enough for places that your son might not get a place because of him not being there, then I can see your point (although not so much the whole "oh my BAYBEEEE!" nonsense).

Is there a genuine possibility that he could miss out on a 6th form place entirely through not being in the country on the day? When is he due back from his working camp thing? Can the school advise how to deal with this?

FGS, calm down and think logically about how this can be dealt with instead of having histrionics over it all.

[OnTique]

Patterkiller says it all. He's doing a fantastic thing, focus on what he is not what he isn't.

Dd had her results last year..it was simply the handing over of a piece of paper, no drama whatsoever. I'm at how wound up you are. No wonder he wants to be elsewhere.

[notagiraffe]

This post has to be a wind up.

I'd be delighted if my son was off doing charity work instead of screeching around J'amie style on results day. Any boy who is clearly involved with the world and looking forward not back is doing fine.
I can't believe this post is genuine.

[NicknameUsed]

My friend's son nearly missed out on his 6th form place because he didn't enrol when he should have done. He just turned up at school on the first day of term.

[FishWithABicycle]

If I had a mum with this kind of attitude, I would want to be the other side of the world on results day.

Calm down. He hasn't even taken the exams yet and your attitude is a positive disincentive for him to put in 100% effort.

[bbcessex]

I would have the same view as you about non-atteneance (not about thinking of it for years though!)

Our school make it quite clear that any negotiations about sixth form MUST take place in person, om the day.

Borderline pupils have already been told to make a plan b in terms of other school options.

Those posters thinking you are mad either don't have teenagers or don't live in over - subscribed areas.

[TheFairyCaravan]

Good grief. The only reason I went with my kids to pick up their GCSE results was because they needed diving there and so we could sort out their sixth form places.

I feel sorry for your son, he's volunteered to do something really worthwhile and you're being melodramatic arguing, fighting and saying it's a disaster. nHe should be living in a calm atmosphere so he can revise, that's what he needs to get the results to get into sixth form. Maybe if he spent his Summer in bed or on a console you'd be happier!

[MrsKCastle]

I was on holiday both on GCSE results day and A-level results day. It made no difference. Your son will get far more benefit from the camp than he will from being there on results day. Let him go. Encourage him to go, he's making the right choice.

[firesidechat]

I do wonder why this is the subject that made the OP write their first post on MN though.

I had to check that too and wasn't remotely surprised to see it was the only post by the op.

[TheFairyCaravan]

We could have sorted out sixth form places by email or phone if necessary. We live in an area with a large Forces population so our schools and colleges are very flexible.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

bbcessex - so it is a thing in some areas then? Obviously most posters don't know about it either.
What "plan B" are borderline children supposed to make - going to other schools/colleges/ getting jobs?

[Rollinginthevalley]

Your son is doing something for others, and you're devastated that the day you've been looking forward to won't happen?

Have you thought about him? Maybe he is anxious about his results, and feels he's failed, and doesn't want to feel he is putting himself in the position of being humiliated in public. So he's avoiding the whole thing.

Why aren't your proud of him? Poor boy.

[firesidechat]

So hold on - what's this new nonsense about having to be there in person to hand over your results slip to attempt to enrol for 6th form?

Things have definitely changed since I did this a very long time ago and I'm sure my daughter didn't have to be there and that was only a few years ago. I accept that it is like this because others have confirmed it on this thread, but it all sounds very intense.

[BoGrainger]

If the student is borderline then it is important to be there on the day to discuss what happens next if poor results mean non-acceptance into the chosen sixth form. Schools won't be open again until term starts and then it might be too late to enter into any discussions!

Not sure I'd been waiting for it all dd1's life though

[TheLesserSpottedBee]

I was in the US for my GCSE results, I didn't even ring up on the day. Once I was home, I rang the school and gave permission for the school secretary to open them and read them down the phone.

I had the required grades to get into sixth form and I had already informed the school of my holiday.

Speak to the school re sixth form application.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

OK, since it apparently is a thing, then I agree that the OP's DS needs to have some kind of plan in hand, rather than just being absent on the day - but surely the school would be able to come up with some ideas!
For e.g, - have the enrolment forms filled in already before he goes away, just the results to be filled in when they turn up (and I'm sure he can designate a family member to do that for him) and then equally, a designated family member could take the form(s) and results slip to whichever school(s) necessary.

It would be ridiculous of any school to penalise the boy for what he's doing - it's a great thing to do! - but there has to be a pre-decided plan of action put in place if he's going to do it.

So I say again - cut the histrionics and work out how to work around it, rather than creating a war over it.

[bbcessex]

thumb witch yes, absolutely. 6 'B's minimum in most schools (A's on super subscribed).

Advised to have vocational courses / college as back up. Won't get a place at own school if don't achieve necessary.

[DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke]

Hmmmm.

Or rather hmm....mmm.....mmm.....mmm.....

Sounds like BS to me. Do people really get upset about their 16 y/o choosing to do voluntary work for a week instead of collecting their GCSE results?

[firesidechat]

If the student is borderline then it is important to be there on the day to discuss what happens next if poor results mean non-acceptance into the chosen sixth form. Schools won't be open again until term starts and then it might be too late to enter into any discussions!

Not sure I'd been waiting for it all dd1's life thoughconfused

I think if the op had just stated the facts and said she was worried she would have got a more sympathetic response. It's the hysterical tone which is causing the negative posts.

[mouldycheesefan]

Welcome to mumsnet.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I agree with that, fireside!

[ALaughAMinute]

My son got his results online. No big deal. Calm down.

[TeenAndTween]

I can see your point a bit. I would have been disappointed not to have seen my DD on her results day, and to be there to either share in her joy or comfort her in disappointment.

I also think you and your DS need to clearly understand the process for obtaining results, signing on for 6th form and, if 'negotiation' is required, how that could be done if he is out of the country. At our school, if someone other than the pupil is picking up results, it has to be agreed in writing beforehand.

You definitely also need a backup plan if there is any doubt he will be allowed to enter his preferred school on his preferred courses. Too late before GCSEs now, but something that needs to be considered in July.

[ProseccoPoppy]

I wasn't there to collect my GCSE results because I was on holiday. No drama, I gave the school a short signed note so my mate could pick them up. I then rang him when I could get to a pay phone (didn't have a mobile that worked abroad). I then rang my mum and left her an answerphone message to tell her my results (she clearly wasn't hanging around waiting for them).

The only academic thing my parents ever came to was my graduation (and then only the first one) - I thought that was really normal. Now I get that as a parent you'd look forward to a graduation (with a ceremony etc) as a key "life event" but I genuinely didn't realise parents ever went in for results at any level . I would have been horrified if my parents had tried to!

OP I understand that you want the best for your son but this does all seem a bit dramatic and unnecessary. He won't be the only one absent, surely he can just speak with his school/any sixth form colleges etc in advance so he knows who to call on the day if he needs to. He'll also need to give the school written permission to give his results to someone else, whether that's you or one of his friends.

[TeenAndTween]

I didn't go to results day, but was there at home when she got back.

Also for kids who normally use school buses, they often need parents to take them to results day, so they are 'there' even if they don't get out of the car.