Year 7 Starters

[pippistrelle]

The new uniform is all ready, pens and pencils bought, as many of the practicalities that I can deal with now have been dealt with. So, just a few days to go. Daughter is getting nervous and, to be completely frank, I am a bit too. Not because I don't think she'll be fine but because, well, change can be daunting.

Anyone else at that stage too? Or, if you're already past this phase, how long did it take until you all settled in to a new routine?

(Couldn't spot any other general Year 7 threads, but apologies if there are any others already.)

Is everyone else back in the swing of it after half term?

I am grumpy today.

Since Monday DD has lost her PE trainers, her pencil case, her Maths set and calculator. This morning she announced she had left her coat in school!

She has forgotten/left things on a regular basis, but this is at the extreme side of her normal. I did do some digging, and it is genuinely misplacing or not putting things away when she should, not someone picking on her.

She has struggled with organisation this term overall, but we got the homework situation sorted - I hope!

I have had niggles about her being organised before in primary, but this is a whole new scale, and now I am wondering if the protective bubble of primary has burst, and perhaps there is something else going on.

DS2 is going through the process of assessment for Dyspraxia, ADHD and ASD, and looking at how DD is struggling makes me think Dyspraxia too.

But is could just be normal scatty stuff and getting used to high school, though DS1 never had this problem.

I've emailed her form tutor today to see if they can give tips for helping her be more organised in school, but not mentioned possible Dyspraxia yet.

Her HMS has not been too bad so far, though she hasn't enjoyed cross country. The days she has it she has taken some ibuprofen and gone to bed early with a book.

moosemama hope your DS is ok today.

My son has just returned to his secondary school after the half term break and we seem to have gone back to square one with anxiety. He tells me its mainly the journey thats the problem, we knew the bus journey and the walk from the bus station to school would be an issue, having come from a tiny village school, but I thought he would get used to it. In my heart I know he needs to brave it our but I'm finding it very difficult. He does know a couple of other boys on the bus but they don't seem to have any fear of the journey and he doesn't want to appear upset in from of them.

It's so hard to know what's, as you said, the extreme end of normal scattiness and/or just getting used to the new demands on them and what's likely to be something more isn't it? I think you're approaching it the right way, approaching school for help/strategies and if that doesn't help, then maybe pursue other possibilities.

Good to hear her HMS hasn't been too bad. I've been surprised at how well ds has coped, although he did have one week of lifts to and from school and missing PE last half term. I do think all the walking is actually helping strengthen his legs, which has been beneficial.

Ds is the same when he's bad with it, ibuprofen and rest is pretty much all he can do.

He's also surprised me with how well he's been doing organisationally. Which is good, because I found out he got a 45 minute lunch-time detention, last half-term, for not having a protractor in his maths set when his form tutor did an equipment check, despite him not even doing anything in maths that required one. He'd used it to do get the angles right on his technical drawing homework and forgot to put it back in his bag. I really think a 45 minute detention for that was ott.

Caroline that sounds really hard. Is there any chance someone could shadow him until he gets used it. Maybe sit elsewhere on the bus so he feels reassured?

moosemama that is a bit extreme!

DD has had 2 break time detentions so far - for forgetting to bring in homework she had completed but left at home!

That's what I thought notsomanky. Another lad got a similar detention for not having a green biro. Yet nothing was done when the Y10 and 11 pupils wrecked his cake in full view of a teacher yesterday. They seem to be hardest on the Y7's then ease off as the years go on, with the result the older pupils think they can do what they want and get away with it. It doesn't help that a lot of them are very entitled and spoiled at home as well though.

I take it back, DS actually has a GANG to hang out with at school. Mostly boys he also sees on the bus.

There was an incident on the way home yesterday, involving snatching of phone and 'friend' sending a nasty text. DS rang me when it happened so I rang the head of year before he got home, and could ask me not to, and she's spoken to the boys this morning and it appears to all be sorted. So I'm impressed with how seriously they're taking relatively minor incidents and nipping them in the bud before they escalate.

Fortunately, in this case I don't think they're going hard on the Y7s and easier on the older ones as in your DS2's school, Moosemama, I think they're hard on all of the pupils equally.

This is reassuring as a few years ago they were useless in dealing with at least two cases of bullying, ie the ones I heard about as I knew the parents of those children, but it does look like they've got their act together since then.

Wondering if anyone can help me make sense of things...DS started Year 7 in September and last night we met his tutor during a consultation night, she said she thought he'd settled in okay but was concerned that he spent too much time reading (she said she thought he was using his books as a 'mask') and not enough time interacting with classmates. He is very shy - maybe introverted - but he always says he's happy and he has been like this since pre-school and through primary school both here and overseas where we were for three years until August this year. He's bright and well-behaved, but very quiet in school. His tutor also said that another pupil told her she thought he was being called names by other boys in the tutor group - obv we are very concerned about this, but he's adamant he hasn't heard name calling...so we're at a bit of a loss as to what to do!

Clearly we don't want him to be bullied, but if he's adamant that he's not, the teacher says she can't do anything. He's pretty good at opening up to us about his feelings/emotions so we don't think he's hiding anything...really at a loss as to what to do! Should we meet again with the school immediately, or keep our eye on it, or just trust that he's okay because he says he is?

I would emphasise to him that nothing he's done would make teasing & bad treatment by peers acceptable, so please let me know if there's a problem so we can try to sort it. And then leave it.

I was bullied in primary but not secondary, if that's relevant.

Thanks yeOldeTrout; we don't want to make an issue of it, we reassured him last night that any sort of negative treatment wasn't okay, but we could only do something about it if he let us know.

That's strange, Potter, but perhaps the person who heard the name-calling misheard something, or got the wrong end of the stick. I would also take the approach suggested by yeOldeTrout. And I get why teachers (and others) would want to encourage sociability but not everyone is a big, old chatterbox. However, might there be any clubs that he'd consider joining? They might help with creating some social bonds.

Thanks pipistrelle, he's joined two clubs (and Scouts externally) since starting school, drama being one of them, so we're pretty happy he's trying to find new avenues, he just tends to take his time to make friends, observing first and then moving in with people he feels comfortable with (always been this way). I appreciate the teacher looking out for him, I think I just panicked when she mentioned the name calling, it was so out of the blue!

Update from here. DS made another trip into town the first Friday back with one of the friends who had to bail (due to being off ill) before half term, so we're glad he's doing stuff with friends. He also seems to be walking back part-way with this friend, stopping off at the park with other friends on the way home and what not. Which is freaky, but good. :) And he is very good at phoning and letting me know what's happening.

moosemama we got results of DS's ADOS test which say he isn't on the spectrum, but because of the SALT's report, and the possibility that things will show up when he's older which he's compensating for now, he's being kept as an open case. They're also going to get OT in to see if they can help improve his atrocious handwriting. Crossing fingers something helps. But we will implement the strategies you suggested in the hope of reducing our stress levels. I'm being more pro-active in checking his planner. I have days I forget, but we're getting there.

Sounds like your son has settled in well, Mackem.

My daughter's doing fine but still struggling with organisation. She's just told me she's lost her football boots. This is the second pair. I'm not happy.

A second pair of boots, oh no! DS hasn't even worn his once yet as far as I know! Glad I bought him a couple of sizes too big.

pippistrelle Hmm, seems I spoke too soon about him not losing stuff. He's managed to lose his planner for the second time. The first time it showed up the following day, but no such luck this time. I've made him take the £5 cost to replace it from his pocket money. He has until tomorrow to find it, otherwise he has to replace. I think he'll be replacing.

HELP! DD was eating breakfast today on the first day back and burst into tears. She said she doesn't like the school or the teachers and the year 11s are horrible and she didn't want to go back. And she never wanted to say anything before because we had bought the uniform.

This has totally come out of the blue. The only issues I were aware of were her organisational ones.

I told her we would talk tonight after school. She is tired and is on her period, so it might be that, but she has left the house upset and I am going to spend the day worrying.

I was going to call school but I think I need to speak to her properly tonight first.

Oh, you poor things. But I don't think it's too unusual a reaction to the return to school (or to work, for that matter). And, in one way, it says more about how she's enjoyed her holidays than about how she feels about school. Hopefully, once she sees her friends today, she'll feel better, and will get back into the school rhythm within a few days.

It's also good that if there are specific things bothering her (like horrible Yr 11s), you now know and can talk about it with her.

I agree with your wait and see approach for today. I know it'll be hard but try not to worry.

Thanks pippistrelle

DH is more laid back than me and says its the fact its first day back and she is tired and hormonal, and that as sh has not mentioned it til now she is ok.

Me being me I'm stressed.

We will see what this afternoon brings.

Hope things have settled down now, notsomanky, and you've been able to stop worrying.

Oh notsomanky sorry, I missed your post on Monday. Hope you've been able to talk it all through with dd and she's feeling a bit better about things now.

Ds2 had his wobble just before Christmas, when he and a couple of friends were being repeatedly targetted by some year 11 pupils. Thankfully school took it seriously and did their best to sort it out - unfortunately they were unable to identify the pupils, but ds and his friends have been given a strategy for what to do if they see them around school. Fingers crossed, they haven't crossed paths yet this week. So maybe that's an end to it. The last incident was on the way home and very unpleasant with threats and physical stuff, so he was very upset.

We (and by we I mean I) have spent the last week working on that stupid 'family project' they were set at their induction day last summer. Ds has done very little of it and left to him it wouldn't be finished. I am really angry that it's compulsory and they get full detentions if they don't submit a project. It's beyond the pale demanding whole families produce project work.

DD seems more settled this week - been to a new friends house for tea, gone to choir as usual and has been positive about school in general.

We did have a chat, but tbh all the things she is unhappy with are things she will encounter at other schools. We have said we will give it to the end of the school year and talk again. I think she would just rather not go to school at all.

But she doesn't hate it - just hates the fact the will not let her coast!

moosemama I am with you on the projects.

DD had to make a volcano for geography. By the time it was done I was the one going to erupt!

I hope everyone has settles back in?

Good to hear dd is feeling better about school. I do think going back after holidays is really hard for them, especially when there are things about school they really don't like, but can't change, iyswim.

Ds2 has settled back in ok after Christmas, but is off today with a stomach bug, poor lad.

Managed to get the 'family project' done and handed in on time, thank goodness. Even though it did mean ds2 having a late night and dh and I up until really late getting it finished.

Glad to hear your daughter's a bit happier now, notsomanky. And that you've done your homework, moose! Hope your son is better soon.

I had a plaintive call from my daughter this morning saying she'd left her geography project at home. She's been lugging the wretched thing back and forward for weeks, but on the day it's finally due in, has forgotten it. She asked was their any way I could bring it. Unfortunately, as I was half an hour away from home at the time, and the lesson was due to start in 15 minutes, I wasn't able to help. So, she'll have to bear the consequences. I felt very sorry for her as she sounded so glum.

They may be growing up, and learning to be responsible for themselves, but you still feel like crap if you can't make everything all better for them, don't you?