Year 7 Starters

[pippistrelle]

The new uniform is all ready, pens and pencils bought, as many of the practicalities that I can deal with now have been dealt with. So, just a few days to go. Daughter is getting nervous and, to be completely frank, I am a bit too. Not because I don't think she'll be fine but because, well, change can be daunting.

Anyone else at that stage too? Or, if you're already past this phase, how long did it take until you all settled in to a new routine?

(Couldn't spot any other general Year 7 threads, but apologies if there are any others already.)

Having a nightmare with homework, we ask if he's been given anything new and he says no, even when his planner says differently! We've now told him to look at his planner before answering the question. To be fair, he is currently being assessed for ASD/Aspergers so we don't want to come down too heavy on him if his lack of organisation is beyond his control. However, it's safe to say it's driving us mad, so if it is due to ASD I can't wait to get a diagnosis and guidance on helping him improve.

ASD considerations aside, homework seems like a big leap up from primary school for everyone, Mackem. I'm having to be pretty hands on with my daughter. She's only now just starting to contemplate being a bit more independent by, for example, working with a friend on a project after school in the library. But it's taken a lot of hand-holding, and she wants my opinion on presentation for everything.

(I've also found out how little biology I know when helping her revise for a science test. Every day's a school day.)

But dealing with a potential ASD diagnosis on top of the brouhaha that is is Yr 7 sounds like it must be tough on all of you.

Muddling if you suspect ASD, I would just start implementing the support strategies you would use if he had a diagnosis. They can't do any harm and believe me, it will really help lower your stress levels and probably his too.

Ds1 is 13 and has AS. We are heavily involved in his organisation and planning, both in terms of bag packing and homework. He has to give me or dh his planner as soon as he walks in the door and we work out what needs doing when together. Then, after his snack and computer time (computer time destresses him after school and a long taxi ride home) he has his tea and we remind him what he needs to do homework-wise and make sure we keep a check on him throughout. After that we pack his bag together. He always answers 'none' when I ask what homework he has been set, but it's very rarely true. He's not being obstructive, his poor executive function means he doesn't find it easy to recall what happened when over a period of time. Invariably it will be that there was no homework set during his last lesson and that's as far back as he's thought.

I find it useful to write a small note on the day his homework is actually due in, as well as the day it's set to remind us both he needs to take it in that day. I still despair sometimes as he'll swear to the teacher he doesn't have it, when we put it in his bag together the night before and checked again in the morning, but they won't go into pupils' bags, so he gets into trouble when he had it all along. It is exhausting.

Checklists don't work for ds1, he needs a checklist to remind him to check his checklist and according to his old outreach teacher, that's fairly common. Visual prompts, backed up by verbal prompts and reminders do help though. Ds simply doesn't have the executive function necessary to organise himself, so he needs us to help him, if/when he ever reaches the point where he seems to be more capable, we will change the way we support him, but in the meantime he has enough to deal with and we live in hope that the repetition of doing it all with us will eventually help him learn some good organisational habits.

If he's going through assessment, I would also stay in regular contact with his Form Tutor and Senco and if possible his teachers as well, so you can query any homework issues and chase up lost PE kits etc. After two years we're in quite a good rhythm with it now and it is so much less stressful than dealing with constant missed homework, lost equipment etc.

Ds2 on the other hand, is pretty self-sufficient with 99.9% of his homework now and seems so far to be pretty good at planning what needs doing when and getting it all handed in on time. I did it with him for the first few weeks, then it just kind of drifted into him doing more and more himself, until he was doing it all. I do still ask him what he has each day and he's honest. I think he's come to me a couple of times when he's felt overloaded and couldn't see the wood for the trees and we've talked through a plan of action, but that's been rare.

Having said all that, I have, somehow, managed to agree to help him and a friend make a motte and bailey cake for their History project. It's not really a problem, as cake decorating is one of my hobbies, I'm just worried about making sure it's all their work, not mine, because I know I will find it hard to stand back and let them make a mess get on with it. Ds is going to his friends' house tomorrow, to plan it out and come up with what ingredients we need, then ds and I will bake the cakes and his friend can come over and assemble the whole thing with him later that day. I swore I wouldn't do it and I hate having friends over, but somehow he managed to charm me.

Thanks for the tips moosemama. I think asking him to get out his planner and check for homework when he gets home would be a better approach than just asking if he has been given anything new so I'll start that tonight, but he breaks up tomorrow night for half term so it's a good chance to decide on any other things we could change once he goes back.

To be fair, throughout primary he's always been very sensible, very responsible and he doesn't have form for losing his belongings at school, so we're lucky in that we don't have to micro-manage that, it's just that he seems to have problems with time management and breaking down big jobs into smaller tasks (eg tidying his room just seems to overwhelm him, it's like he just can't figure out what he needs to do and in which order).

We've let his form tutor know about the ongoing assessment via a private note I handed to her at the parents / tutor evening and I sent in a message for the SENCO after his report from the specialist SALT back in May said that he was textbook profile for a child with an ASD. We haven't really done anything else as he is doing fine so far socially but we're on stand-by ready to step in if necessary.

Good luck with standing back and letting your DS2 and his friend make a hash of what could be a beautiful cake though. :)

pippistrelle I think for some of them it's just realising that they are allowed to get on and do stuff for themselves as some primaries insist on so much parental involvement that being hands off is almost perceived as child neglect!

I think when DD starts seniors she'll be fine, but I'm pretty hands off with her and she's only Y4. She doesn't have much homework but she manages to schedule it in to what else she wants to do after school without me nagging her, whereas DS would put his off and then have to be reminded multiple times that he needed to do it tonight as it's due in tomorrow.

I had the conversation with DS yesterday morning about how he will reach a point where he is learning stuff beyond what DH and I know, and that was a shock to him. I did say he might get lucky with help depending on what the subjects are, but that there will be stuff we just didn't cover at school ourselves.

The difficulty with breaking down bigger jobs into smaller tasks and knowing what order to do things in is down to poor executive function. This is something my ds1 really struggles with, so we just support him in those areas as much as we can. He also gets overwhelmed with things like tidying his bedroom, whereas if I ask him to, put everything that goes into say, the lego basket, away, he'll do that and then I advise on the next task and so on and that doesn't seem so huge and complicated, so he can cope.

It seems counter-intuitive, but having tried both ways - even though you have to do the lion's share of the work, it really does help reduce your stress levels.

I am flummoxed by ds1's maths homework these days. It never was my strong point, but they teach it so differently now too. He thinks it's hilarious!

Can I ask people about discipline in the new Y7 classes? Specifically in mixed schools?

My dd talks about the rowdy behaviour, especially with her maths teacher, but she also says Geography and music is rowdy. Her year head has described her class as 'boisterous'. She is well behaved and a keeny.
For us this is quite different from primary, but for some reason I expected behaviour to not be as good - maybe from watching those 'Educated in...' series of programs.

How much of this is normal secondary school/primary differences, do you think? And how much of it is due to bad teachers? There is no setting in this school, so that may be a factor too, as struggling kids might be more bored and distracted.

What do I do if I carry on hearing about the level of rowdiness in the classroom?

From what ds has told me there's no rowdy behaviour in his classes at all, but the school is known for being strict and most of the pupils wouldn't dare.

I also went to a school that was - and actually still is - known for being super strict, but we still had certain pupils that caused big problems in certain lessons. From my experience it was definitely down to individual teachers being ineffective, rather than a whole school problem. There were teachers you knew you could get away with things with and others you wouldn't dare even try.

But strict is good. You've got to have calm classrooms.

wwyd moosemama? I can't complain to the form tutor as he is the maths teacher where the problems lie. Head of year? Headmistress? Watch and wait?

I agree Iam.

If it's down to poor teaching, then I'm not sure approaching the actual teacher will make any difference anyway, as if they were capable of controlling the class, surely they'd already be doing it?

I think the structure at our school goes Form Tutor, Head of Year, Head of Key Stage, Assistant Principal, Principal. So I suppose the Head of Year would be your only option, given the problem teacher is also her Form Tutor. That said, they may just tell you you have to go through the levels, which means you might have to speak to her Form Tutor anyway.

Not an easy situation at all, but like you, not one I could ignore.

My dd is on her first day of half term today. She is absolutely shattered from her first half term in senior school. Amd where has the time gone??

DD says behaviour in the classroom is much the same as at primary, although people shout out a bit more. Outside the classroom there is 'a lot of swearing', and she says she is bullied a bit ( but she's not letting on more, and I think it's piss taking rather than genuine systematic bullying).

She's watched a lot of Educating ... and is gobsmacked at the classroom behaviour shown.

Well an update. Yesterday she came home to tell me that a girl (who she has always said was nasty) properly laid into another girl when they were lining up. The othe girls didn't fight back, but girl A was swinging her bag into girl B's head!!!! Awful. I was drafting a letter to the tutor about my dad being grabbed at the collar and threatened (by another girl altogether), but that suddenly seemed rather vanilla in comparison!

Ugh! Anyone else still up?

Realised that I should have been in bed an hour ago as it's back to school tomorrow for DS. Irritatingly DD has an inset day, so no chance of catching up with stuff after a holiday just yet.

Forgot to post about DS's last day of half term. He'd planned to go into town for a burger with friends, but those who'd said they'd go all dropped out for various reasons, yet he went anyway, on his own. I was really pleased he did but very nervous until he got home safely.

hello all - I'm new to this so bear with me.... DD started in Yr7 in September, not our school of choice and she has been separated from all her friends. She is still so unsettled it was really horrible sending her in this morning - she feels so isolated. I'm sure it would be easier if she was in one of the schools we wanted but waitlists are still immense. Would be really good to know if others were shoe-horning their children out the door this morning for first day back - thanks

Sorry to hear your daughter's taking a while to settle in, DeeDee. Did most of the others already know people in school/class? It must be tough for her but I hope she managed an okay day.

My daughter didn't know anyone at her school but luckily, it seems that most kids were in that position, or they only knew one or two others, so everyone was looking for friends. For that reason, she's settled in and made friends relatively straightforwardly. However, it was still tricky getting her out the door this morning: she was very subdued and even asked me if I'd come on the train with her. Sucker that I am, I did. I think the bottom line is that over half-term, she saw quite a bit of primary school friends, and she misses that camaraderie. It's hard leaving people behind when it's not your choice.

Thanks pippistrelle. I think there are a lot of children who do know others (although in her mind it is everyone). She has come home happier than she went out which was good.

Dd was happy enough to go to school but have had her in tears tonight...she misses her old school soo much. Just being at primary and with her friends. Problem is she flat out refused to go to the local school she has made new friends but just says she misses being at Primary.

Checking in after half term

Secondary has been so so so much better than primary for Ds. He has suspected Aspergers & primary was a nightmare. He loves the independence of secondary.

Now granted he has had one major meltdown (his 3rd minor misdemeanour which he knew meant a lunchtime detention led to it). I got a text from him at break time asking he to come collect him NOW & he wasn't wve going back) but before I could phone school I got a call from the teacher whose class he was in atvthec time.

His form tutor found him hysterical & organised cover for his own class before passing him to pastoral. Basically they spent a lot of time with him finding out what had gone wrong & trying to help him. He has been told what to do if things/homework get on top of him.
He had to do the detention but that too was handled positively. It took place at lunchtime & consisted of the head of year chatting to him about how he can cope better, then he was sent to the library to read under supervision. Ds said that reading helps take his mind off things.

He is still struggling a bit socially but has made lots of friends in years 8-10. Even going to the cinema with them on the last day of half term. He is really enjoying school play rehearsals & has volunteered to sing solo in the music concert. His schedule is hectic because of school play rehearsals (he has the lead role) but he loves rehearsing with the 6th formers!

I'm so proud of how he has handled homework but the school online planner on his iPad has been a godsend. w have had none of this build things, make things nonsense homework ( art excepting of course) it's all been manageable, relevant & takes 20 mins at most. He has struggled a lot with English though.

Anyone else's DCs struggling with balancing old primary friendships with new secondary friendships? I can sense the beginnings of some big girlie dramas with DDs friends who are all getting a bit put when new friends come on the scene.

Iamthinking what's happened with the bullying. Did you send the letter in in the end?

Muddling well done your ds. Ds2 has been round to a friends to do homework after school, but hasn't ventured out on his own anywhere yet.

DeeDee it is really hard when they go somewhere different than their friends. That was what happened to me, on top of which we were out of catchment and lived a long way away from everyone else that went to my school. It did take me longer to settle than other pupils that already had friends there, but I made friends with a little group about half way through year 1 (now year 7 - I am ancient [blush) and we remained friends from then right through college and in some cases longer, so hopefully it will get better for your dd.

The fact she comes home happier than she goes out sounds hopeful, like it's more the idea of school that's daunting, rather than the reality. Hope she settles in soon.

smellylittleorange poor dd. I think ds2 felt a bit like that after he came with me to collect dd from his old primary a few weeks into term. It's that yearning for the comfort of familiarity. I told him I understood, but that while primary will always be a fond memory for him, before long secondary will just become his new normal and he'll be able to look back at the memory, without wishing he was still there. Hope your dd is able to settle and enjoy secondary more soon.

balletgirl your ds sounds like he is doing fantastically and the school sounds really supportive too, which is half the battle. Ds1 (also ASD) tended to make friends with older pupils too when he first started, but has gradually made more friends in his own year as time has gone on. He's in Y9 now and seems to have friends in just about every year group, right through sixth form - not bad for the quirky kid who only had one friend at primary. I do think indie's with small class size, if properly managed, can really help facilitate social inclusion - they have vertical tutor groups at ds' school as well, which also helps.

shebird I haven't noticed any major problems, yet, but I have noticed a shift in ds2's friendships slightly. He's made a few new friends that weren't at his primary school and his closest friends from primary seem to be doing things without him. That said, I know he's chosen to specifically befriend and look out for a couple of the less popular, more quirky lads, as he hates to see anyone excluded - he did the same at primary.

I suspect he's a bit sad about his primary best friend seemingly moving on and becoming closer with another boy from their old primary class - but we were already aware of there being some parental involvement in pushing these lads together, as the parents have become good friends themselves and sadly for ds2, we are just not the right sort of family for them. I think it's also been exacerbated by ds being a good upper/average pupil and the other lads concerned both being in the top of the top groups, so in addition to the other two seeing each other regularly outside of school with their parents, they are in the same sets. I need to check with him tonight, because I suspect he might be walking on his own - at least in the mornings, although he had a lift today, as he was lugging yet another 'project' homework creation.

He was so tired by half term that all he wanted to do was chill out. We had one day out, that involved a lot of walking, but other than that he didn't really do much. As a result the walking yesterday really knocked him for six and he was on his last legs by the time he arrived home. It's gob-smacking just how quickly he deconditions. I'm fully expecting him to need pain relief by the end of this week.

Just checking in to say that DS still seems fine at secondary. He's even organising his own homework .
Hasn't really made new friends, but I suppose the upside of that is still has his main friend he went to high school with, and no friendship dramas.

Has started to come in my room in evenings to talk about the purpose of life questions. :)

Well, DS has just got in, but he rang to say he'll be a bit late home as he's stopping off at the park on the way with a couple of friends! I was a bit nervous, but they're boys I know from his primary class so trust them not to be stupid - much! Eek! And he's home safe now.

Hope your DS isn't in too much pain Moosemama. I think it's a shock to all of their systems when they're no longer at a school around the corner from home, without health issues making it even harder.

yeOlde ds2 has been doing a bit of philosophising as well. I reckon he's suddenly realised just how big the world really is. It's fascinating seeing how them leaving the cocoon of primary school safety changes their perspective on things isn't it?

Muddling ds2 was also late, as he waited for his project partner who was fetching the remains of their project. As it turned out he'd forgotten his phone today, so very responsibly asked the parent of his old best friend if she would text to let me know. I am liking this responsible streak he's developing.

He arrived home outraged, having had a gang of Y10 and 11 pupils destroy the cake he and his friend made for their project, plus another cake a lad in their class had done, by crowding around and grabbing handfuls and shoving them in their mouths. Fortunately this was after the teacher had seen them. For some reason she thought it would be a good idea to tell the boys to take their cakes down at lunchtime and eat them on a bench - they didn't even make it out of the building before the cakes were destroyed. Think we'll stick to papier mache from now on.

I'm thinking of getting dh to ask the Y9 lad we give a lift to a club on Saturdays what other lovely 'project' homeworks we can expect this year. Forewarned is forearmed as they say.

Actually we still have the 'family project' to do. It has to be in for January. Ds changed his mind about what he wanted to do it on, hence the day out during half-term to research his new idea. I think we're all agreed now though and at least we have time to get it done without any pressure.

Missed your last paragraph Muddling . Thank you. Yes, it's hard on all of, be it facing public transport alone or walking either way it's a lot to cope with at first. I think it's also hard on ds because he looks fine and no-one would know how much pain he's in unless he told them. He's not one to complain, he'd rather stagger home and collapse. Sadly, I think I've done him a disservice by modelling that behaviour myself.