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Secondary education

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Original poster

being a bridesmaid in the middle of GCSEs - yes or no?

70 replies

RoyTucker · 25/05/2015 12:27

We have been asked if DSD would like to be a bridesmaid at a family wedding on the Sat at the end of the Summer half term next year. She will be in yr 11 so sitting GCSEs. Clearly we don't know the exam timetable yet, I assume she will have already sat a good number of exams before half term but will probably have some afterward too.

Our thinking is that she will have all of half term up to the Friday afternoon to revise, realistically a complete day off from revision on the Sat of the wedding, the Sun am would be a write off too, then she has Sun afternoon to revise and back to school on the Monday. Any thoughts please?

We don't want to wreck her exams, we don't want to say no to a lovely opportunity, we run the risk of her having an exam on the Monday morning and being tired, but this may not be the case at all. What to do?! She is not very academic and finds schoolwork and revision hard going. She would be thrilled and excited to be part of a wedding in this way. She doesn't yet know about any of this.

OP posts:
MrsCornish · 25/05/2015 12:27

Yes.

sooperdooper · 25/05/2015 12:28

Yes, it's one day and there's plenty of time to revise beforehand

MagentaVitus · 25/05/2015 12:29

Let her do it, a day off won't make a scrap of difference.

If anything, something to look forward to will keep her morale up.

eurochick · 25/05/2015 12:30

Sounds fine to me. Presumably she would go to the wedding anyway so standing holding some flowers doesn't really add much. I'm not sure why the Sunday would need to be a write off though. Would you be travelling?

BackforGood · 25/05/2015 12:31

Yes.
Of course.
My dd is doing GCSEs at the moment.
She had a whole clear week before 1/2 term (having done 4 in the week before that) and now she has the whole of half term before starting again next week.
She's gone off today (for a long, long day) to do her hobby, with my blessing.
Unless the 'being a bridesmaid' involves a fortnight abroad somewhere, then she should be able to manage it no problem. Presumably at 15/ 16 even the most bridezilla-y bride won't be expecting her to organise week long hen dos in the run up, or anything Grin

AuntieStella · 25/05/2015 12:33

Yes she should be a bridesmaid.

You'll need to encourage her to revise properly, so she isn't going to feel the need to stay up late for 11th hour cramming (actually, you should do that regardless).

A special day will be good for morale however the exams are going. And as you'll want to attend the wedding anyhow, why not do it in a pretty frock.

You will need to keep an eye on the timetabling - of wedding (not just exams) and make sure she stays in a sufficiently regular sleep pattern. Also, tell bride now that as it's exam season she might not be able to make all peripheral events (if any).

And make sure that she sticks to one glass for the toast only. At 16, it would be legal to serve her wine/beer/cider with a meal, but this really isn't the time to try it out.

MuttonCadet · 25/05/2015 12:35

Yes, with the caveat that you need to get her mum's buy in to the idea. (I'm a stepmum and this kind of thing can cause issues if not agreed between the adults up front).

3littlefrogs · 25/05/2015 12:39

It sounds fine to me.
I think people get too anxious about GCSEs - although you know your own child best.

Personally I think that adequate rest/food/sleep/downtime is as important as revision - an exhausted, burnt out child is not going to perform well in exams.

Just make sure she has a structured revision timetable so that she is not relying on last minute studying.

Original poster
RoyTucker · 25/05/2015 12:48

Thank you, that's a great consensus and brilliant advice. She will be tired on the Sunday, and then travelling which is why we wouldn't want to assume she could schedule in much useful work. We wouldn't go to the wedding at all if we thought it would create problems, but that wouldn't be such a big issue for DSD, it's the BM bit that matters! And no, no need for hen dos / drinking / being involved in weeks of run-up events. Just a day of huge excitement and one late night!

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 25/05/2015 13:43

The week after half term my DD has her 2 most important GCSEs - English Language and Maths.
If the impact would be as you have described, then that should be fine.

However watch out for time spent bridesmaid dress shopping / fitting, rehearsals, expectation of a meal the night before etc etc.

So I agree, yes, with the proviso that extraneous events may not be attended, and dress shopping/fitting needs to be done well in advance.

ByTheSea · 25/05/2015 14:17

Dd1 is in the middle of GCSEs now and it revising as I type. Tomorrow will be no revision as she attends her uncle's wedding.

Fluffcake · 25/05/2015 17:07

Yes. Something to look forward to for her. Just make sure she is well organised with her revision and on the day of the wedding.

Molio · 25/05/2015 17:28

Yes definitely. It won't make or break anything and they all need a good amount of time off over the May half term.

PenelopePitstops · 25/05/2015 17:33

Yes yes yes and more yes.

Balls to any pressure, one extra day of revision will make fuck all difference, missing out on being a bridesmaid will.

Exam boards tend to leave the Monday fee of any major exams.

Please let her enjoy it with no mention of exams at all!

goshdarnit · 25/05/2015 17:41

We're halfway through GCSE's in this house. Ds has gone off to a festival today, I think that having downtime is as important as revising this week, for his mental and physical health, he is a teenager, not an exam machine.

He will hopefully be getting his nose to the grindstone later in the week.
I hope your dsd enjoys the wedding, being a bridesmaid is a lovely thing to do, and will take some of the pressure of exams off her young shoulders

Iwantacampervan · 25/05/2015 19:04

Definitely yes - eldest daughter takes her GCSEs next summer and I'm certain that she won't be revising all half term week. Being a bridesmaid is something to look forward to during the week.

5madthings · 25/05/2015 19:11

Let her do it.

Ds1 is doing his gcses now, we are getting married on Thursday. Wed and thu no revision will be done as we have a house full of relatives. There is also some revision sessions at the school on wed and thu that the school just told me about before they broke up for half term. Ds1 is not going, I explained to them we are getting married, we as in his parents... They asked if it was an important wedding that he needed to go to.. Ffs.

Anyway he is fine with missing the revision sessions and is being a witness at the wedding.

It's a couple of days and will be lovely for her, a nice treat actually to distract from exam stress :)

SueDunome · 25/05/2015 20:20

Absolutely, yes. Down time, seeing family and feeling normal are all a very important part or ensuring revision doesn't get out of hand and too stressful.

BeaufortBelle · 25/05/2015 21:02

Going against the grain here. Absolutely not. GCSE's are unimportant looking back but pivotal in keeping doors open at 16. If Mondays GCSEs happen to be English or Maths and dropping two or three marks is the difference between a C and D it would be suicide.

The wedding is fine. The travelling the next day eats into down time and potential revision time.

A teenager needs down time but the teenager's head doesn't need to be filled with wedding excitement and all the frills that go with it during GCSEs.

My DC are 16 and 20 btw. We wouldn't even have attended a family wedding during their GCSEs.

PenelopePitstops · 25/05/2015 23:18

Belle that says more about you than your dcs. They would have coped and one day and night of travelling makes fuck all difference. Unclench and let your dcs enjoy life, they will thank you in the end.

Eating into revision time... It's a gcse not the end of the world.

If they are 3 marks off, ask for a reference mark!.. Or let them re sit in November.

PS. I am a teacher!

Molio · 25/05/2015 23:18

BeaufortBelle my DCs are 25, 23, 22, 21, 19, 18, 15 and 13. Only the youngest hasn't yet taken her GCSEs. In my experience the May bank holiday is welcome relief in the weeks which the GCSEs span. One day for a wedding with a couple of days either side to travel up/ down or down/ up are nothing really, in the overall scheme of things. I agree that measuring days/ rehearsals etc should be kept in check but other than that absolutely fine. I wouldn't have hesitated had any of mine been asked. As it was, they all had a break over the May half term and it was the right thing to do.

caringdad66 · 26/05/2015 14:40

Yes.....valuable life and social skills to be learnt.

var123 · 26/05/2015 22:11

I'd be saying no too if it were my child. The Gcses do not matter once you have the A levels under your belt but they matter as an access route to the A levels.
I'd probably even say no to attending the wedding as a family if it added up to anything more than a day off in total.
For me, life experiences are what you have when you are not in the midst of exams.

I suppose it depends on how important exams are to you.

summerends · 26/05/2015 22:26

I agree with the majority. A brain holiday is required anyway at the half term stage to refuel concentration for the next phase of revision and exams. This has the added benefit of something exciting to look forward to in the weeks of work before.
If she is a borderline candidate this could also be used as an incentive to start revision earlier in the year.

3littlefrogs · 26/05/2015 22:27

Really, IME a little bit of down time is important. Revising constantly is tiring and doing something else for a little while is therapeutic.
As long as the work is timetabled and organised around the wedding I can't see a problem.

As long as enough revision is done and not left till the last minute I think it would be a shame to miss the wedding and the experience of being a bridesmaid.

Overdoing the revision can be counterproductive IME.

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