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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

being a bridesmaid in the middle of GCSEs - yes or no?

70 replies

RoyTucker · 25/05/2015 12:27

We have been asked if DSD would like to be a bridesmaid at a family wedding on the Sat at the end of the Summer half term next year. She will be in yr 11 so sitting GCSEs. Clearly we don't know the exam timetable yet, I assume she will have already sat a good number of exams before half term but will probably have some afterward too.

Our thinking is that she will have all of half term up to the Friday afternoon to revise, realistically a complete day off from revision on the Sat of the wedding, the Sun am would be a write off too, then she has Sun afternoon to revise and back to school on the Monday. Any thoughts please?

We don't want to wreck her exams, we don't want to say no to a lovely opportunity, we run the risk of her having an exam on the Monday morning and being tired, but this may not be the case at all. What to do?! She is not very academic and finds schoolwork and revision hard going. She would be thrilled and excited to be part of a wedding in this way. She doesn't yet know about any of this.

OP posts:

Molio · 26/05/2015 22:58

var123 I don't think those of us saying a break at that stage of the exam season is a good idea are automatically dissing exams....... Out of interest, where are your DC in the process? Are their GCSEs all behind them?

BackforGood · 26/05/2015 23:06

No var123 - we're not saying that exams aren't important. We're saying you know that you won't be doing a lot of revision for 2, possibly 3 days during the half term break, which you know about a whole year in advance. Therefore, you ensure that you aren't leaving all your revision to the last days. Maths, in particular - for both my dcs (1 currently in Yr11 and 1 at university) - was all finished being taught by February, so plenty of revision has been continually been done anyway long before May half term. You shouldn't be relying on last minute cramming.

Mellifera · 27/05/2015 06:55

Yes.
My DD's school finishes teaching in December, since then it has been revision.
She has had three days off this half term, with maybe 1 hour revision a day, and has a friend over since yesterday.
Today after the friend is gone, she will start revising again.
There will be exams on Monday after half term, almost guaranteed.

You won't make her sit and revise, she has to do it. And denying her a bit of fun will not make her work harder.

I'd let her go.

schokolade · 27/05/2015 07:52

It would depend on DD for me. If she's the type to spend the day worrying that she's not revising, then not much point going really. If you/she think the break would do her good, then go for it.

MuttonCadet · 27/05/2015 07:56

My DSS has been revising approx 2 hours per evening since Nov, with a bit of time off over Christmas and Easter.

He took a break Sunday and Monday this week, and is better for it. If preparation is done well in advance then some time off is important.

It's the kids who leave it until after Easter to open a book that have to cram.

clairemum22 · 27/05/2015 08:00

Difficult one, when I was doing my GCSE's I wouldn't have wanted to lose that study time. Last minute cramming always worked best for me. I'd definitely see what mum thinks too.

OddBoots · 27/05/2015 08:01

I am in the yes camp too (provided the bride isn't going to make unreasonable demands in the run up to the wedding).

My ds is mid GCSEs, he has been revising for months but having days off is important and having an event that breaks up what feels a very long slog is a good thing in my view. Research shows that last minute cramming doesn't make any significant difference so even if she has an exam on the Monday it is all the work leading up to that weekend that matters most.

noblegiraffe · 27/05/2015 08:07

I'm a teacher and my Y11s were absolutely frazzled before half term. I'd be horrified if they weren't having at least a day off from revision in the holidays. The exam period is very long and now courses are linear is very intense. My lot have another three weeks of exams to go and they had their first exam on 5th May. Revising every single day with no break over that time would be unhealthy.

BeaufortBelle · 27/05/2015 08:18

I absolutely agree but I don't think being a bridesmaid and the stress of fa.ily weddings equates to down time. The reality more likely would be a day's prep for the wedding, the wedding, a day to travel and come down from it with a GCSE the following day. So what would happen is tired and frazzled girl the previous weekend who needed some down time until Monday - a bit of revision Mon-Thurs, probably not enough and then three full on days of excitement launching into two more weeks of exams.

Just can't see that as having been helpful for my DD last year and she wouldn't have been happy either.

sandgrown · 27/05/2015 08:23

Most girls of that age would love being a bridesmaid and no real stress attached to dressing up and posing for a few photos! Quite frankly if she does not know her stuff by half term it will not make a lot of difference. She deserves a bit of time off. I agree with Penelope.

Mellifera · 27/05/2015 08:28

BBelle, I read it that her DD would be back on Saturday night, then sleep in on Sunday, with half a day left for refreshing stuff. Sounds reasonable to me.

It's a family wedding, she would go anyway I assume.

OP, if your DD is sensible, maybe leave it up to her. My DD has a good sense of what would be ok for her.

MitziKinsky · 27/05/2015 08:31

There are people who expect their DC to revise every second of the day during exam weeks? Seriously?

My personal opinion is if they don't know it by now, they'll never know it. Cramming isn't going to help. Being relaxed will.

I would definitely let my DD do it. Just like I encouraging my DS who has a full week if exams next week to go out on long bike rides, and come with us in days out.

BeaufortBelle · 27/05/2015 08:34

Crikey. We had a family wedding during my GCE's in 1976. I refused to go because I didn't want the disruption to my routine.

TeenAndTween · 27/05/2015 09:22

if they don't know it by now, they'll never know it

Now that definitely isn't true. 9 days over half term even with 2 or 3 days off, plus time between exams is a lot of time to learn stuff!

My DD is having 2 days off over half term, but also every afternoon off, so pacing herself rather than big breaks then really heavy days.

PenelopePitstops · 27/05/2015 09:29

Beafort again your last comment says more about you and your expectations than what your child might want to do.

Let them enjoy themselves, worse comes to the worse, exams can be re sat. Family weddings cannot be re attended.

MitziKinsky · 27/05/2015 10:46

They shouldn't be learning stuff now! They should have already learned it!

I do realise some people don't retain information as well as others, and need to remind themselves....y'know "revise" but I would be seriously worried if any learning of new information was going on.

I'm not of the "exams can be resat" school though. It's not quite as easy as that. You need to have decent GCSE's in the bag by August to move on to the next stage easily.

treaclesoda · 27/05/2015 10:53

Are weddings stressful? My sister got married during my GCSE s, it didn't occur to my parents to say that I couldn't be bridesmaid. My best friend's sister got married during her GCSEs too. The fact that we had exams at the time was a total non issue. And yes we both did very well in the exams.

Biscuitsneeded · 27/05/2015 10:57

Of course she should be a bridesmaid. She can't revise all through half term with no time off anyway. I'm a secondary teacher by the way. I would say a couple of hours a day of revising during half term, with the Saturday completely off for the wedding, should be more than enough. She will have done many of her exams by the half term anyway. I think to deprive her of this would be very unfair.
Schools and parents are loading too much pressure onto young shoulders currently. My local school was doing after-school revision every night, and every weekday during the Easter hols, and the expectation was that the children would attend. The diligent ones, who didn't really need these sessions anyway, were on their knees with exhaustion because they felt they HAD to go. The ones to whom education doesn't matter never showed up, so it will have made no difference to them. I appreciate there is a middle band who needed a bit of extra help/focus/practice, but improvements there are achievable with short bursts of effective revision, not daily slogs of many hours. Please let your DSD have some fun during her half term.

Theas18 · 27/05/2015 11:00

Of course!

If revision on 1 day before a GCSE is " vital" you are doing the revision wrong :)

After all you could loose a day or 2 during the 5 weeks of the exam span to a tummy bug or something - and unless it was actually on an exam day , good luck trying to get " special medical consideration" for that- you need to plan/revise ahead .

OK no alcohol and leaving the party in time to get a reasonable sleep would need to be planned but otherwise - go for it!

var123 · 27/05/2015 12:23

I said "how important", not unimportant!

Last minute cramming was a feature of every exam I ever sat, and I sat many if you include the professional exams. Its not good practice, and you can be full of never-again plans when you've just done it, but I think I did it nearly every time (and judging by the lack of people to hang out with in the couple of weeks before exams, i am guessing that I was not the only one!).

Weddings never seem to be just one day either, especially if you have a slightly bigger role. Even just the manicure and the haircut would be things I would not normally devote time to in the run up to exams.

It is horses for courses though, and there is no need to jump on someone else's priorities.

DoctorDoctor · 27/05/2015 16:45

Agree with all those saying a few days' off at that stage should not wreck things. Learning is a long term process. And even last minute merchants break down thug stress if they cram all day every day for weeks.

Re those saying you have to get decent results in the bag or else, I say to young people worried about stuff like this that there are actually remarkably few ways to wreck your life beyond all redemption, and most of those involve doing something that gets you a long prison sentence. We should be teaching kids that there's almost always a way to pick yourself up and learn by experience, not making them shit scared of failure.

summerends · 27/05/2015 16:50

var123 the OP said DSD finds revision and schoolwork hard so she is unlikely to benefit from the last minute cramming compared to more prolonged steady revision in manageable chunks. She can fit in some time for revision during the week in between the weekends of halfterm.
I agree with Mellifera, let the DSD decide. However if she does want to do it make sure the bride knows the time limitations for all the extra stuff.

var123 · 27/05/2015 17:28

My interpretation of "finds studying hard" is does not make good progress easily, which to me, implies that the girl in question would benefit from another couple of days work, especially when she's at the stage of storing things in her short term memory.

I can see how this is going though. I won't try to battle against the tide. Its not what I'd be trying to persuade my DC to do (and I believe DH would back me up). However, you all run your households differently and that's fine. Live and let live. (Surely no one will try to argue with that?!)

Molio · 27/05/2015 17:52

Although I'm sure that a few days break in the half term is a good idea, I'm certainly with the poster who said ask the DD, and let her decide. Also with the comment that for some people not revising up to the last minute is more stressful than taking a 'break'. But she is very young and won't have any previous experience of public exams, so I'd nudge her in the direction of taking up the bridesmaid offer and do exactly what summerends suggests in politely but firmly letting the bride know the score. The previous weekend would be better though, then all those attending have an extra day to travel/ recover etc and your DD would be rather better placed! The bride has a whole year to plan!

FifiForgot · 27/05/2015 18:00

Exam boards have published provisional timetables for Summer 2016 already. Have a look and see if your DSD potentially has any exams on the Monday.

You may have to dig a little bit, but they are there (on OCR it is under "OCR for exams officers".

Hope that will help you make a decision.

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