So have your private school fees been worth it?

[jeanne16]

Just that exactly? Both my DCs have been through private London schools all the way through from Reception to 6th Form and although they have both done very well ( eldest now at Cambridge, younger about to go to very good RG), I can't help wondering if it has been worth the money.

I am currently wondering if we could have done things differently. We have spent an enormous amount of money on school fees that could perhaps have gone on other things. Could we have tried harder to get them into decent state schools, particularly at primary level?

Your thoughts?

DS1 - dyslexic, he would have sunk without trace at a state school.
DS2 - very clever he would have done well wherever he went.
DS3 - clever but needs to be in a small class because of shyness.

They all attended an outward bound type of school, which has given them confidence. The two eldest left uni. with excellent degrees and Masters.

Honestly, I think the natural confidence they exude which means they have worked all over the world with many nationalities is more important than the bits of paper they worked for.

measles that isn;t necessarily true.

Many state schools are far better equipped to deal with dyslexia. My friend is really banging his head on the wall of a local well regarded private school with regard to his daughters dyslexia. He says if he has his time again he would absolutely put her through the state system.

I think it depends more on the school than private vs state.

I am almost certain my DS would not have have worked out in a private school who don't have an obligation to provide him with an appropriate education - I think he would have been asked to leave. As it is the school have stuck with it, got relevant professionals in to assess him and provide him with support and he is now an above average, pretty well behaved student at his high achieving state school.

Very interesting thread as dh and I are just about to embark on this journey with dd, well providing she passes the assessment for reception next week.

We were always considering private from 11 as the secondary schools in our borough fall in the bottom 10% of the country every year, but we have a good village primary, however we have not got a place.

So having weighed up the alternatives, revisited offered school, low chance of winning appeal etc have decided that dd will hopefully go to an excellent but expensive school.

The fees will mean we have to drop a holiday a year and when it comes to replacing my car it will be a runaround instead of something nice. Sky is going to be replaced with plus net and now TV (something we should have done years ago anyway). We will be able to afford it along with all the extras such as ski trips etc, but sacrifices shall be made.

I was privately educated until age 7, then due to family circumstances had to enter the state system, but I was lucky as there were grammar schools. We don't have that option in our area and moving to a comparable house in a grammar school area would cost more than 14 years of fees.

Fingers crossed we have made the right decision.

Private school has been worth every penny so far. The level of pastoral care, of attention to detail, of opportunities offered, or interests nurtured and developed is just outstanding. If I could dream up an ideal school, it would be almost identical in ethos to where my DC are right now..

For some reason this thread makes me feel very sad.

Actually I know the reason - effectively OP (without I'm sure meaning to) you have invited parents to come on and list all the reasons why having the money to buy a private education for their child has given them advantages that the rest of us apparently can't hope to get for our children.

I've not felt strongly opposed to private education before but everytime I read this thread it beings home to me how private education brings advantages that aren't for the likes of me or my child.

I'll be honest - it does leave a slightly sour taste in my mouth.

Perhaps best to hide it now.

My DS deserves good pastoral care and to have his interests nurtured and to be in small classes, a stimulating learning environment etc etc. Sadly for him, he drew me in the life lottery.

But kewc- you have changed his lot in life beyond all recognition. You have given him a stimulating environment and love and pastoral care beyond anything he would have received had he stayed where he was.
Celebrate what he has now. What his life can be.

Actually kewcumber, I think the responses have not all praised private schools. On the contrary, many are saying quite the opposite.

kewcumber, bear in mind that the single strongest indicator of a child's success both in exams and in life generally is a supportive parent. Sounds like you care and you are on the ball about how to support your DC. That's what matters most.

Also people will come to this thread and say why they are pleased. It's a staggering amount to pay so people want to be reassured it was worth it. But I know parents who have had very poor experiences with private education - exam factories that boot out children who look like they'll lower the grade average; bullying going unrecognised, SEN going untreated etc, just the same as state schools. There are good and bad schools everywhere in all sectors.

kewcumber we have 2 dd one went private one went to state. Academically up to gcse's dd who went to private gained 3A* more than dd who went to state. They both did well up to gcse. So basically you could say it cost us 50k for dd attaining a extra 3 A stars In that sense it was not worth it, plus she may have got them had she gone to state as she is naturally smarter and harder working than her older sibling who went to state. However at 6th form dd who went private, out performed dd who went to state. This was more to do with the real difference between them both in twems of hard work ethics, one being less distracted and difference in personalities. I'm sure dd who went private had she had gone to state she would have done just aswell since the private school she attends isnt that great at all. Paying £800 per month for what we are getting is not worth it believe me not all private schools are good we learnt the hard way.

I've resisted reading or responding this thread 'til now. It seems to me that Kewcumber's DS clearly had a major win in the life lottery.

The only private schooling in which all my DC thrived, and even retrospectively remains fabulous, were the two years they each spent at nursery (now gone, due to avarice of the church hall landlord, resulting in a major chain subsequently failing to meet their demands). The bar was set so high, most of the 'outstanding' schools, public, independent and state, just didn't have the care and true interest we had come to expect. So far, the only candidate possibly in competition with our beloved dodo nursery, is a state comp.

Were the fees worth it? If I'd known better then, I wouldn't have needed to pay fees. Every one of these eight schools remains lauded by parents, including dear Dodo. Five out of the eight schools we used are ones I would still consider 'buying', but three are single sex, and I draw the line at wig-wearing DSs and chest-binding DDs... Three of these five gems are state schools. The three I would not 'buy' again occupy the very top of many parents' wish list in both fee-paying and state sectors. Sometimes you can pay nothing and still have the best. If only I'd known then what I've found out after shelling out a serious amount of what DCs call their ice-cream money...

Kewcumber - I know exactly what you mean but I very much doubt those that have spent thousands and thousands of pounds and had it wasted are likely to admit it.

moving to a comparable house in a grammar school area would cost more than 14 years of fees

Bear in mind that it would be money invested, though, not spent. If your dd is happy in state school, makes good friends, thrives in the environment and achieves well academically, then all that money you would have spent on fees could go into your house instead, which will probably increase in value over the next 14 years.

As has been said already, the single biggest influence on your child's education is going to be you. Parents supporting and valuing education is a major factor, regardless of which school the child attends.

Fairenuff- I see school fees as an investment also, though. Not one I will make a return on, obviously, but an investment my children will get the benefit from for the rest of their lives.

Yes but I was talking about the actual financial investment.

Children can benefit for the rest of their lives from a state education too. Plenty do. Especially with supportive parents.

Kew

If you are still here I would like to echo what Atomic has said.
My parents couldn't afford private for us 3 girls, but they lifted us from a life in care and gave us everything they could, just as you have done for your ds.
I have seen you on threads and am in awe of what you have done.
Please don't let the education stuff put you off the fantastic parent you are.

We couldn't afford private fees for our eldest 2 but for dd it is to be different.
Yes, I think the fees will be worth it as she couldn't get this education anywhere else.
We still have to make sacrifices but for us it isn't holidays or Sky or cars as we don't have these anyway.
The fees are a drop in the ocean compared to what some people pay, but a few grand is just as hard when you are a low income family.
I see it as investing in her future and setting her up in the career she has chosen.

FAIRE tbh, I know you wouldn't think so from MN, but actually a lot (most?) private school parents can afford it reasonably comfortably.

It's generally not a choice between nice home or fees. Investment or fees.

So the reality is most wouldn't consider it a waste if their DC could have got the same grades elsewhere because a. they'll never know and b. grades are only a small part of what they're buying.

morethan- my brother went to the same school your DD will go to- it's definitely worth it!

As mentioned, DH and I have an equal number of state and privately educated middle class friends and know far more people whose lives have been damaged by private education than by state education with drug abuse and sex abuse rife at certain private schools, and a large number of people unhappy in a boarding environment. I therefore think it is too simplistic to generalise on whether the investment is worthwhile; people judge a particular school by how successful their child or children were at that school and are generally loath to admit to themselves that they may have wasted money . Hence if a child is doing badly at a private school I have heard parents say things like “at least he'll have good manners etc” when some of the worst mannered and most pompous people I know are privately educated. I suppose what I am saying is don’t fall for the private is always better line; it may well be better depending on the child and the school but often it turns worse than the state alternative (and these days private school children with poor exam results get very little sympathy from unis).

We could have easily afforded private school but have a decent comp on our doorstep.
3 DC are at RG Unis doing maths type subjects and medicine so I don't see how it would have been 'worth' the money and travel time of going private. We were confident they could and would do well at our local comp. and they have.

DC4 is doing A'levels and I'm think she might have benefitted from private school. She loves her school but the smaller classes and extras you get at a private school might have been useful for her. I'm still not sure.

We have discussed this issue with our kids and they are all glad they went to the local comp. They feel proud of achieving good grades 'despite' their school.

I don't like the elitism and pompousness of some private schools. The fact that you can buy an 'unfair' advantage for your child seems morally wrong to me even though I would have happily sent my DC to private school if I thought it was in their best interests. If we lived in an area with poor local schools we would definitely sent them to private schools.

We have saved a lot of money by sending the kids to state schools - we are giving the money we saved to our kids for house deposits.

It currently costs about £250k to privately educate a child. KILLIK private education report 2014 It would have cost us a million pounds to send our 4DC to an average private school. (More in London, much more for boarding). That's a lot of money.

Even if people can easily afford it Word, it's still a lot of money to spend if the option is there not to.

However, as I said, by sharing the wealth they do keep a lot of people employed

typos your amazing with the tables! But it makes me want to cry when i see the numbers. I'm trying not to think about the money we have spent . My last cheque for paying school fees forever next month yipee!!

We used private schools mainly at primary level, with the odd top up for GCSEs / A level if needed. DCs went on to a selection of grammars and inner London comps (depending on their preferences).

Was it worth it? Yes 100%. They mainly went to very unstuffy, child friendly but fast paced prep schools that encouraged them to be themselves and to love learning got it's own sake, not just to pass exams. We tried local state primaries but hated the focus on behaviour management, and the depressingly narrow curriculum.

I didn't really say what I said to get any plaudits. Most parents are amazing to their children in their own way.

I just find it sad that so many children like DS are disadvantaged in some way whether its by birth or parentage or additional needs and don't get the opportunity that private schools might offer. In fact in terms of behaviour I think DS would have had no sympathy at all at most private schools so he most likely would be a private school reject anyway.

The fact that DS might currently have a better life than he would have had in care doesn't preclude the fact that he still deserves the best. He copes with way more than the majority of children and is such a trooper about it so much of the time.

Why should my son have the depressingly narrow curriculum? Doesn't he deserve what notquiteruralbliss children had?

Obviously yes he does. But he can't have it.