Finishing (not starting) Year 13 support thread (number 5!)

[Littleham]

Exam season starts....

What are your DDs, or their friends, doing to celebrate 18th birthdays?

Most of ours just seem to be having small house parties. closed friendship group < 20.

That sounds so frustrating whatsername. As a parent you can see what they should be doing but can't make them.

Is there a back-up plan if exams do go badly?. Obv it's not the end of the world if he doesn't go to uni but I would be making it very clear that he would be expected to get a job & contribute to the household expenses in that case.

Dd is going to uni this year circular so we are hoping the therapy will start to help her before then.

Dd's 18th is the week after next so we are keeping it low key then as she will be revising but we are planning to celebrate in the summer instead. She is not a party animal so we are having a vintage afternoon tea party with both sides of the family and her closest friends. Think lots of bunting, cakes, bubbly and garden games. She has a pinterest page devoted to ideas including having a black and white film projected on to a sheet strung up in the garden

Some of her best friends have their birthdays during exams so I don't think there will be too much going on for their birthdays either!

Thanks mumslife. The cbt does sound good so we are hopeful that it could help. Dd was able to do a self-referral (recommended by her doctor) but you can pick up a form at the doctors and refer yourself without having to see a doctor. You then get assessed to see what treatment would work. Might be worth thinking about for your ocd if and when you feel up to that? Dd certainly came out of her assessment feeling positive and like she could see away out of this.

a way

Sympathies from me, too, Whatsername. Do you have a plan B if your DS doesn't manage to meet any of his uni offers? Is clearing an option, or repeating the year? Though something will have to change with his girlfriend if he is to do himself justice a second time round.

Have you been able to talk to him about this, or has he got his head in the sand? I agree with whoever said that he must be worried even if he doesn't say so. I know you feel there is absolutely nothing you can do because he's 18, but you're still his mum and have his best interests at heart. He must realise that.

Mrs Bartlett, I hope CBT helps your DD. I've heard very good things about it. I love the sound of her 18th party! My DD doesn't want a party at all, which I think is a shame. I've tried to persuade her that she should mark the occasion, even if it's just having a few friends round. What she mainly wants is to have dinner at a really glamorous upmarket restaurant (I'm happy with that! ), but even then she doesn't want any friends invited, just us and her boyfriend.

Circular, my DD sounds like yours, still some way off the grades she needs. I have been trying to focus on the positive this year, and there has been steady improvement, but reality is starting to bite and sometimes I think she hasn't a snowball's of meeting her offers. I'm hoping that the resits (she's doing 3) will boost her marks. She has said she doesn't want to go into Clearing because she doesn't want to settle for a 'lesser' university, so her plan is to resit (where? how? ) and do some things that will improve her personal statement, then reapply next year.

I don't think you get a 'lesser' uni with clearing, you just get a lower offer. Does she understand how the system works muffin?

I know someone who missed their offer for Durham but got in at Warwick - both great universities, imo.

DD had a house party for her 18th for 50+!
She went out last night for a friend's 18th but was in by 2am (rather than 4am) and up at 8.30 for studying ......and doesn't smell like a brewery. She is desperate to get her grades now she has firmed/insured. I just have everything crossed and results day and next day booked off ready to help her go through clearing if when necessary

It's more the accommodation at some places through clearing. Most don't guarantee. DD has only just come to terms with the likelihood of going away, so would not accept anywhere with accommodation not certain.

Heart really set first choice. Fairly sure her course was in clearing last couple of years for the same as her offer grades. Not sure if that is an indication they don't accept much of a drop. At the open day they said not everyone on the course had those grades. Anyone's guess really.

I was surprised at just how many students I spoke to didn't have the grades required. Hopefully the universities might be lenient if, say 1 grade below. Fingers crossed XX

I know clearing is unpredictable, but I am assuming that if DD doesn't manage BBB, her options in clearing could be unis that offer the same course (not many!) on BBC or lower, and still have places available. This would drop her about 20 places down the league tables. (This matters more to her than to me, though I won't pretend I'm indifferent!)

Horsemad, I agree that Durham and Warwick are both great unis, but we are not in that league at all!

We were in that position last year. DD1 came out of one exam paper knowing it had gone badly, so she had the advantage of knowing she probably wouldn't meet the exactingly high grades for Durham. However, her insurance Bristol took her and she is very happy there (got accommodation too).

As she knew ahead of time that it would be borderline, she did a lot of preparation for clearing & it didn't seem as bad as it is made out to be. Happy to help anyone (although it seems clearing is changing this year).

Dd has her heart set on her first choice and (like your dd circular) is only just coming to terms with the idea of going away. Encouragingly, she had an email from them this week saying that if offer-holders don't make the grades of their offer they should email straight away with their UMS so that they can take a decision on whether they will still give them a place. They said they only get the overall grades but need to look at actual UMS (I suppose to see how close to the required grade you are) to make a decision. Seems to suggest their could be a little leeway.

Dd has done her finance application now. No point in us supporting it as she doesn't qualify for anything extra. Not sure how she's supposed to live off it though, definitely going to need a job!

She has a waitressing job atm which is probably preferable to retail because often she makes more in tips than she does in wages. She is going to ask to be trained in bar work now she is 18 but getting exams out of the way first.

Yes, we know of others who have been through the same mumslife - scary thought!

DD works for a large retailer. They do have a policy for transferring to Uni town, but worried will restrict her coming home at weekends. Would prefer to be able to just arrange to work there during holidays, keeps forgetting to ask if that's possible.

Fairenuff Same here re finance. Loan won't even cover accommodation for any of her choices. Only saving grace is that the amount I won't be paying on all her music education stuff will cover what she needs as top up.
Unless she takes the London option (which may be her insueance choice) and doesn't commute - don't even want to think about that.

I want my house back. Someone give me my house back.