DH had decided DD should not go to grammar school - Help!

[supadoula]

Our gorgeous DD passed her 11+ without any tuition and then got into a grammar school 10 minutes away. She is not happy because she will miss some of her friends.
Without my knowledge, DH phoned the headmistress of her previous school (a failing middle school in special measures!) to ask if they would have her back. Of course, they said they would. Now, DD is convinced she is going back to her middle school...
I am going to mediation tomorrow with soon to be ex DH in order to sort this out ASAP. She is registered at the grammar school anyway but I need ammunition so that DH realises that it is his parental duty not to give into his daughter's whims and think about her long term future. Help!!

Marianne I do think that very able or conscientious girls do place themselves under immense pressure, it is something we had to deal with at our school so I am not sure that grammars create those feelings of anxiety. Of course grammar schools will be packed with anxious girls and that can make the problem worse.

I do think that some of the issues around grammar schools are caused by just the fact that they tend to be single sex rather than the selection issue. Are there any mixed grammars?

so a regular state comp was never really on the cards for us when it came to schools for our DDs

I suspect that we all see what we want to see. I don't like selective schools and therefore I see evidence that supports that. You want a selective education so you see evidence that supports that.

I find it extraordinarily difficult to separate the 'good' and 'bad' bits of my own education. I went to what was originally a direct grant school. (They got phased out.) My husband went to an independent boarding school - and would never, ever send his children to a boarding school - even if our finances allowed.

But even if you do your best to do things better - or differently - you still end up replicating all sorts of stuff. Partly it's just one's own conditioning. Or your children's genetic inheritance manes they 'take after you.'

With my stepchildren I didn't really have any choices. I just observed - and tried to support my stepchildren. With my daughter, I have - to an extent - been led by her choices and wishes. Which, even at the age of 10, were quite reasonable ones. Again it's a mixture of support, occasional intervention with her school, and damage limitation!

They are fab still look brand new and super comfy!

My dd1 would quite like a single sex school, dd2 would hate it and to be honest she would be an absolute nightmare if there were not boys around for her to escape to from all the drama she creates with our girls.

DD2 was the closest we came to even thinking a grammar would be appropriate and I have to admit that I have sometimes lost my temper with her and used the grammar school as a threat. She is very strong willed and has done some very silly things at school, she can also sink to the lowest denominator.

Sadly I fear her is trying to be the cool parents and setting you up is he trying to turn her against you this is very common with split couples they do the complete opposite just to be difficult even if this is not something that he would of suggest when you were married

LaQueenOnHerHolibobs mum you really do have far, far more energy than me on a Sunday morning - I think you need to pour yourself a cup of tea, and chill...it's the weekend. I don't think moving your fingers takes up much energy at all, especially as I type at 120 wpm.

I'm really happy with the school my DD is at ... it works for us ( shrugs) now this I do understand. However, I do challenge the naive notion that had your DD gone anywhere else she would have been bullied and all the local non selective alternatives have uncontrollable children in them who prevent all bright children from meeting their potential and bully people because they are bright. By your own admission, possibly only 2 girls from your DD2 class will get into the grammar. Do all the other children in her class fit the picture you have painted with regards to the type of children attending the local non selectives. Does she really only get on with 2 of her class mates?

I assume you must be pleased, for your own reasons, with the school your DCs are at...? Yes thanks. You might also find it surprising to know that although my DS gained Lv5 SATs at the end of yr 4 his close friends have a huge range of academic abilities with some of them being in bottom groups, some in middle groups and some in tops groups. I wouldn't have a problem with him going to secondary school with any one of them. In fact, irrespective of their academic ability, DSs friends are giving him a very positive school experience.