How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

[sunshine75]

I've read some pretty horrific things lately about boarding schools and the damage they can cause. See this article from the Guardian.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jul/20/damage-boarding-school-sexual-abuse-children

However, I have no personal experience of one and have no close friends who went to one. Therefore, I don't want to be hasty in forming a negative opinion about them.

So, if you chose to send your child to a boarding school then I'm curious as to why you chose to? For example, why did you chose boarding over a really good day school? Is there anyone who chose a boarding school for a much younger child and was this a really hard thing to do?

Your ds got brilliant GCSEs because he was at a good school and worked hard. Not because he was a boarder.

Except that at both boarding schools I have worked at boarders routinely out perform day pupils at the same school in examinations. This is well documented across the sector.

In some schools nationality (super bright Chinese, studying maths is the stereotype) accounts for some of this. This is not the case where I have worked.

handcream

Oh, I totally agree, the system was terrible. I left with nothing but have taken many qualifications since.
I think it is good and sad that so many people are coming forward from independent day and boarding schools to talk about all types of abuse, but I also think we have to remember that as horrible as these situations were they were over looked by society, they aren't so much now, thank God.
It was the same with dv back then, nobody got involved, your neighbours didn't interfere it was something you were supposed to sort out yourselves.
So much has changed since then both pastoral and academic, but the fact remains putting the abuse aside for a minute there are good and bad schools in all sectors.
You do what is right for your child.
We aren't well off and no way could we afford to pay fees, but dd will be offered a highly subsidised place at the school she desperately wants to attend, that will meet all her requirements and when the time comes she will go.
I will pm you sometime handcream thank you for the offer.

I meant to add after having 2 dc already go through the state system I am convinced that compared to their education the people on here talking about their dc education is poles apart.
I know there are some good state schools but when you don't have any in your area you are somewhat stuck and have to go with the best at the time.
If you have the money I think you have a better chance of finding a suitable education in this situation and certainly wouldn't blame anybody for taking it.
No way would my dd attend any state school in our area, I'm no snob, but they are dire and I know academically she wouldn't fare any better than ds2 who never reached his potential.
She may not turn out too bright at the school she will attend but will be with like minded people, they don't push the academics and the ones who do well are usually bright to begin with. It specialises in other ways.

We sent ours so that we could go out and get drunk and paint the town red every night. The long holidays are a bit of an inconvenience though.

Coming back to this thread the reality is that modern day boarding is an expensive proposition now that fewer and fewer people in the UK can access unlike in previous generations, (except of course if they have a DC with a particular talent like morethan's DD). For those who did board or had siblings who boarded how many of you could actually afford it now for your DCs?

We sent ours so that we could go out and get drunk and paint the town red every night. The long holidays are a bit of an inconvenience though

That's what school skiing trips, CCF camps and DofE field trips are for dahling. Sort it out !

Yep, got all those as well, truffle. But it still leaves about 8 weeks.

The supervised prep has been the making of DD2 who would either refuse to do her homework, or do it on the bus, and be made to re-do it at break times. At boarding school, she has no choice; they all sit down and do it together. The school report has been like that of a completely different child.

Now Mrs S has the right idea about us boarding parents. I mean what do we care. We have loads of wonger . We dont give a monkeys about our kids cos we cant be arsed to send them to a state day school. God forbid we send then private.

Seriously though just do what you think is best for your child. The detractors are here for three reasons.

1. They are jealous that you can actually send your child boarding. Yeah Yeah us wealthy Chinese can afford it. To complete the stereotype my dd best friend is Russian..Her other friend is a girl who is local but sheis on a scholarship so she is smart.

2. They had a bad time 30 years ago at boarding and their parent's didn't take them out. I have a friend scared for life. He went to a school that wasn't right foe him. Then went private day also not right. Went state and all was well. He failed all his o levels....

3. They have a distaste for a perceived elite education. Thus rendering the poor masses to the scrap heap.

No lets not bother and just say....

Hey up ar kid. ya doing well aint ya...

I think you'll find there actually is no legal obligation for teachers to report abuse. The law is about to be changed following the unbelievably tragic of death of Daniel Pelka teachers (for the record state day school) unbelievably saw him scavenging from bins, emancipated and bruised and decided not to report it that anyone let alone teachers can do this is to my mind extraordinary especially following the death of Victoria Climbe and the inquiry onto her death by Lord Laming but tragically we still need a law to get people to report their concerns.
Nurses on the other hand have a code if conduct which is legally binding, failure to follow it can result now in prosecution the code states that "making care of people is your first concern" and "you must work with others to protect and promote well being". Doctors have to under their legally binding code "comply with system that protect patients" and "respond quickly if you think a patients safety is seriously compromised".
Finally on response to a comment made above 1 child every week dies at the hand of another. 1 in 20 children are sexually abused.

I personally wouldn't but 3 friends of mine went and loved it, one went and disliked it. Their parents all worked abroad so there was no choice. One was sent (who liked it) because parents perceived it was a step up (a famous public school). I think if one has to, pick a school where you have talked to other pupils and the parents of those pupils who are still pupils at the school and not too much older than the child you're sending, to get a much clearer idea. If juggling childcare is not an issue then I'd prefer a good day school (whether that is a state school or private school - again that depends on what you have locally). While the situation about abuse is horrible, I don't think it represents the majority of schools. But make sure you choose the school carefully and thoroughly - not just from league tables or the brochure. Then again, if you work long hours and you need childcare, it's the same risks when choosing childminders, nurseries or nannies if you don't have grandparents to help.

I love you, Kenlee!

Mmm Kenlee, you sound pleasant. What a charming post. Your point 1) is nonsense. No one on this thread has suggested they are jealous you can afford to send your child to boarding school or, if I have missed it, then where? Most detractors seem to take the view it is bad for the child to be out of the home environment for long periods of time. Youcan agree or disagree but it ghas nothing to do with jealousy.

2. demonstrates nothing, so whatever.

3. how does you giving your child an elite education help the poor masses? One or two clever poor kids may get an elite education if they are lucky enough to win a scholarship but otherwise the availability or otherwise of elite private education is largely irrelevant to the poor masses. Or some would argue that the availability of private education is actively detrimental to the poor masses because it takes the wealthy out of state education so they no longer have a stake in ensuring it is good. Arguably if everyone had to be educated in the state sector, state schools would be better for everyone. I am on the fence with that argument really but I can see it's attractions.

Frozen lighten up...it was a bit of light humour....

If you want your child state educated then state educate them. I prefer a nice private boarding school. Where after extensive reserach. We picked one that was suitable for our DD. To be honest it wasn't to difficult. We did not pick a hot house as that would not suit my daughter. She just enjoyed her first year making many friends and some enemies too. Which I think is normal and boarders are taught to tolerate and behave with the nasty girls as well as your own peer group of friends.

Will she go back next year? well I did ask if she wanted to go to our international school in HK. She looked at me laughed and went about her own biz whatsapping her friends how silly I am.
She did give me a cuddle and said I still love you.

So no Im not on the fence Im quite firmly entrenched on the side of boarding.... Look I even bought some nice boots to suit as well...

Oh ok, sorry, I missed where it was humorous. My bad.

I think maybe some of us suffer from sense of humour failure when the "your're only jealous" line is trotted out yet again.

Hakluyt it is true though that for most parents,including those who boarded or had siblings who boarded, this is a bit of a sterile discussion as the choice and therefore the rights or wrongs of the choice does n't exist for their DCs.

That's why I keep saying I wish we could avoid talking about individuals- the discussion about whether boarding is good for children is interesting on a broader level.

Hakluyt The problem with that discussion is that it is rather simple to answer. It is good for some children and not for others; some can afford it and some cannot; some have access to good local schools and some do not.

No- if you read the thread you'll see lots of discussion about the principle of boarding per se. Nothing to do with whether it can be afforded,nor what the local schools are like.

But unfortunately this discussion is very much dependent on individual experience as there is no other evidence for the pros or cons of boarding as it is now.

It's much more interesting to talk about it outside the can you afford it, why not then level.

The you're just jealous line doesn't wash - there's other ways to access an elite education.

And it's been interesting to hear about other experiences.

Marsha Kenlee's comments were tongue in cheek and as I said above it is a potential choice for those with very talented children.