How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

[sunshine75]

I've read some pretty horrific things lately about boarding schools and the damage they can cause. See this article from the Guardian.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jul/20/damage-boarding-school-sexual-abuse-children

However, I have no personal experience of one and have no close friends who went to one. Therefore, I don't want to be hasty in forming a negative opinion about them.

So, if you chose to send your child to a boarding school then I'm curious as to why you chose to? For example, why did you chose boarding over a really good day school? Is there anyone who chose a boarding school for a much younger child and was this a really hard thing to do?

Maryz... Yes ... abuse can happen in any school and does not have to be reported to the police ..there is no law to say there has to be Mandatory reporting by schools ...
I don't just "think" there is a problem with boarding schools I "know"
there have been times very recently when known abuse in schools was "deal with" internally by the school and not reported to the police.

Look up Daniel's Law and Mandate now

So the police don't know about it but you do?

I think you've got a duty to tell the police then. Today.

Hi Eastlynne... historically (and up to the present ) boarding school children have, for a multitude of reasons, been vulnerable to abuse ..although I know this does not just apply to boarding . However when a child boards you hand over daily care to the school . All schools say they are safe but some prove not to be .
You say you are fully aware of your son's school policy . Does this include a procedure of reporting all abuse to the police if any occurs? Asking the school if this is in place seems a safe and sensible thing to do ..

1. The school’s child protection officer. All independent schools must have a senior member of staff designated as the child protection officer. The school’s child protection policy will identify the CPO and set out his/her main areas of responsibility. One such responsibility is to ensure that individuals are referred to the Disclosure and Barring Service where the person poses a risk of harm to children. It is an offence to fail to make a referral without good reason.

1. The Disclosure and Barring Service. DBS is an executive agency of the Home Office. It helps employers, including schools, make safer recruitment decisions and prevent unsuitable people from working with vulnerable groups, including children. It replaces the Criminal Records Bureau and the Independent Safeguarding Authority and is responsible for:

processing requests for criminal records checks
placing or removing people from the DBS children’s barred list.

1. Local Authority. Local authorities in England have a legal duty to make arrangements to promote cooperation to improve the wellbeing of all children in the authority's area. Key components of the LA’s role are discharged by:

a. Local Safeguarding Children Board. The LSCB has a range of roles and statutory functions including developing local safeguarding policy and procedures and scrutinising local arrangements. It must coordinate what is done by each person or body represented on the Board for the purposes of safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children in the area, and ensure the effectiveness of what is done by each such person or body for those purposes.
b. Local Authority Designated Officer. The LADO should provide advice and guidance to employers and voluntary organisations, liaising with the police and other agencies and monitoring the progress of cases to ensure that they are dealt with as quickly as possible, consistent with a thorough and fair process. The LADO should be informed within one working day of all allegations that come to an employer's attention or that are made directly to the police.

From: www.isc.co.uk/find-a-school/information-for-parents/safeguarding-children

I particularly think that these bits sum up my earlier points:
The LADO should be informed within one working day of all allegations that come to an employer's attention or that are made directly to the police.
The LADO should provide advice and guidance to employers and voluntary organisations, liaising with the police and other agencies

Isnt it true that most abuse happens at home? This view of the lovely family and the big bad boarding school where abusers lie in wait for their next victim... really!

Children know their rights far more than 30 years ago where sexual abuse was seen as something to cover up (Catholic church, scout masters etc). Those children werent at boarding schools. They were home with their families who in the case of my FIL's parents chose to ignore his reports that a priest was touching him inappropriately because it would bring shame on the family to report a priest - a man of god...

Every week there is media coverage about some scum bag who has kicked to death a crying child and then the mother trying to cover it up. Those are the abuses happening today and no one is doing anything about them. Someone correct me if I am wrong but arent 2 children a week killed and abused by someone that they know.

Maryz you say this ..."What makes you think that boarding schools are just happy to sit back and allow children to be abused? Isn't that a bit of a generalisation?"
I have never said anything of the sort . What I am saying that there is no law to make reporting of abuse mandatory. If it became a crime not to report known abuse it would be safer for children . There have been schools where the abuse has been "deal with " internally within the school, with no reporting to the police ... either to protect the school or the staff involved .. I am not generalising in any way . Some schools have reporting in place , others do not .

It is in law:
"Is there safeguarding legislation?

In England the law states that people who work with children have to keep them safe. This safeguarding legislation is set out in The Children Act (1989) and (2004). It also features in the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (to which the UK is a signatory) and sets out the rights of children to be free from abuse. The Government also provides guidance in their document Working Together to Safeguard Children 2013.

Jobs that involve caring for, supervising or being in sole charge of children or adults require an enhanced DBS check (previously called an enhanced CRB check). "

"Every State legally mandates that educators report suspected child abuse and neglect. A mandated reporter is anyone required by State law to report maltreatment to the designated State agency. However, some States clearly define that teachers, principals, nurses, and counselors are included in this mandate, while other States designate all school personnel. "

Abuse does have to be reported legally! There are proceedures, however it is perfectly possible always to report to someone higher in the chain of reporting eg. to the LA officer rather than the school one. In fact it is a legal requirement if you have any reason to suspect that someone is going to "cover up".

That wasn't the case in the past. Teachers and others working with young people cannot get away with just hiding their heads in the sand.

Byra I feel it is my place to say that what laws are writen down and what laws exist in practice are not always the same thing. Even if there is no specific legal binding that say boarding schools must report abuse does not mean that there is nothing legally binding them to do so IYSWIM.

It may be, in the letter of the law, that the school does not have to report it; there would however be a serious legal backlash against the school if the child or parents did report the incident and the school did not take measurable and reasonable steps to do so. Laws pertaining to Child Abuse, neglect, ect do still exist in a boarding environment.

Many laws have very wide remits and can be interpreted in a multitude of ways, it just seems that you have picked up on this specific legal boundary and are using it to paint boarding schools as havens for pedophiles to go about their deeds unchecked.

NW

Sorry, Byah rather than Byra.

I am a sahm and would love to send my oldest (of 5) children to boarding school!I would love to send him to summerhill,well all of them actually but could never afford it for all and doing it for only one would seem unfair on all of them,in different ways.

As for justifying it,to who?and why would anyone need to justify it to anyone?

Reading back "I feel it is my place to say" makes me sound really self-entitled, I just thought it wasn't a good idea to write "I feel qualified to say" as this is a conversation between mothers rather than legal professionals!

I asked to go to boarding school (not 'for' the boarding itself but for academic reasons, but in order to go I had to board). I loved it, in fact I felt safer and happier at school than I had felt at home (despite what was actually a very minimally supervised boarding environment with a lot of drugs/sex/drinking going on - much more than I was ever exposed to again, including as a student - compared to a pretty sheltered home life in those terms). I am in my mid 30s now and still if I am stressed or worried I have a default 'security' dream about my boarding house, never about my childhood home. I found leaving school after A levels very painful, though I had never had a moment of homesickness at school. Nevertheless I agree very strongly with haffdonga about what is lost by boarding and it would never be my first choice for any child. I wouldn't rule it out, at least for teenagers, but I hope I would always be honest with myself as well as the child/children about what is lost as well as gained. I would be especially worried about one child going while another/others didn't, even where there are really good reasons for this (as there were for me).

I think it suits some people to state they dont like boarding schools, or private schools in general or holidays outside of the UK, or working mothers and then assume as they dont like with them then EVERYONE should have the same view.

Robert Peston was writing about his own school recently and the abuse going on there and wasnt that a state school? You see you can pick a hole in everything!

To state that all children should be with their families as though that's the only option. Really?

Do you mean families with parents married to each other, or doesnt it matter?

Diane Abbott and half of the Labour gov claim to have hated private schools and what they think they stand for. Funny how when they have children they often change their minds. I have seen some Labour MPs claiming they would have chosen state but the wives insisted on private - well that's OK then.

"To state that all children should be with their families as though that's the only option. Really?

Do you mean families with parents married to each other, or doesnt it matter?"

I said that children should be with their families if at all possible.
Marital status of parents is immaterial.

Mary is right - some are indicating that boarding schools wont necessarily report abuse and every one else will. What about families that allow abuse to go on within the family - it might be one person undertaking the abuse but the other parent lets it go on? Or does that not exist in RL.

Do all the anti boarding posters think that when you are spending 30k upwards per child that you dont think long and hard about it. We dont live near a day private school. The state schools arent great. We could move house and be one of those smug middle class parents who use the grammars having tutored their children to within an inch of their lives but I dont really like the way the grammars are run. I wouldnt dream of trying to close them down though. They meet a real need around here and are very popular. I just dont choose to use them.

For us boarding has been great. The well known boarding school my DS attends has been the making of him. Do I think our bog standard state school would have achieved the same result - NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!

Dont know where the OP is. Did they ever come back? Its an odd thread but very lively. Why on earth would I feel a need to justify my choices to complete strangers. My DS has gained 9 GCSC's at A and A (and one B!)- he is a late Aug birthday. He wasnt massively academic, he would get a A in enjoying himself! Yet he did brilliantly.

The school helped with that and will help with the A levels and onto a good university. He now has the education and ability to do whatever he chooses to do.

I would imagine the article is being written now and will appear in on of the Sundays in a couple of weeks time.

Your ds got brilliant GCSEs because he was at a good school and worked hard. Not because he was a boarder.

I went through the state system of the 70's and 80's.
There is much of the emotional and physical abuse I suffered blanked out now.
Counselling helped a lot and made me realise how it wasn't my fault for having a severe learning disability.
I thought I was one of a few until recently found a thread on here where dozens were talking about the system during these decades.
I'm not suggesting this is the same as sexual abuse, but it has affected my life drastically with much of my childhood memories being a blur, too painful to remember.
I know I am not alone now and so do the many who suffered abuse in all sectors of education.
It has always happened and maybe always will to a lesser degree, its up to parents to make sure their dc are safe whichever school they attend.

Hakluyt - how on earth do you know that boarding didnt play a part in it. It allowed him to be around people all working hard and where the teachers were literally on tap. He has also always been to school on Saturdays - even when he was a day pupil. I think that helped. My view - you need to keep pre teen boys busy and teen boys even busier.

They had designated homework time and do I honestly think I could have got him to work like that if he was at home - no I dont. You ever tried to get a stroppy 16 year old to do his homework every single night? The school did a great job with him.

Morethan - I am sorry to hear about your experiences. I too was in the 70's and 80's system. My gripe is the crap educational system at the time. I went to a sec modern with no aspirations, CSE's were the norm. I did Ok but I look back now and wish I had been stretched more and give the opportunities that my DS's have. Sigh