How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

[sunshine75]

I've read some pretty horrific things lately about boarding schools and the damage they can cause. See this article from the Guardian.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jul/20/damage-boarding-school-sexual-abuse-children

However, I have no personal experience of one and have no close friends who went to one. Therefore, I don't want to be hasty in forming a negative opinion about them.

So, if you chose to send your child to a boarding school then I'm curious as to why you chose to? For example, why did you chose boarding over a really good day school? Is there anyone who chose a boarding school for a much younger child and was this a really hard thing to do?

HG

I admire your stamina

I am utterly astonished at some of the posters on here who appear to ignore what does not fit in with their own experience. E.g . Mini - your school appears to have been "emotionally harmful". My son's isn't .
Do you therefore think I have swallowed the marketing brochure. ? Boarding is not right for all children/ families for a variety of reasons . Perhaps it just wasn't right for you .

Mini. 'Would you have preferred' to have gone to my secondary school, where we knew all about 'teenage pregnancy,drugs, reality of life' . We also experienced 'Bullying, Sexual innuendo from staff as well pupils'. A totally horrible place, but the worst thing ' not one pupil from my year 1990 left with 5 GCSE passes .

The things you mention went on at state schools and in many cases were worse, the private schools are/were market place driven . This means that parents/pupils are customers/ clients rather than just ' inconveniences' dumped on the staff , like I and my fellow pupils were.

Right this is such damaging bollocks and really quite offensive to those of us working in boarding.

I know this to be right. If a teacher suspects abuse and reports it to the Head he /she can "deal" with the complaint themselves without ever reporting to the police

Firstly teachers must report concerns to the safeguarding officer who may or may not be the head. This person then has to follow very strict procedures for what to do with the information and this includes liaising with council child protection teams and the police if a crime is suspected.

If suspected abuse involves staff members then it must be reported to the CoG AND the police. Schools do not have the authority to 'investigate' criminal charges in house.

. It has happened in many schools and as a result the abuse has continued, sometimes for years . See "Mandate Now" to find out more.

It is because of horrific historic cases of abuse (that are certainly not unique to boarding schools) that procedures are so strict and well defined now.

As people say in their posts abuse can occur anywhere. True, but boarding school children ( especially young ones ) are particularly vulnerable as they do not have constant contact with home ... and please don't tell me they have mobile phones ... Children find it difficult, if not impossible, to disclose abuse and certainly no child will be able to disclose severe abuse on a mobile..

Yes they are acknowledged to be vulnerable. This is why they have access to independent listeners, school nurses, independent GPs, independent qualified counsellors, childline and a helpline specifically set up for children living away from home (I forget it's name, silly really as the posters are up in house). Not to mention the wide range of different staff they come in to contact with daily who are far more vigilant and willing to help than their historic counterparts.

No child has ever disclosed abuse on the phone? Don't be utterly ridiculous.

They emphatically do have constant contact with home.

Some says that boarding school children are watched all the time . They are not.... for one example a prestigious boarding school very,very recently ran out of the morning -after pill.. Were all those children over age I wonder??

Again absolute bollocks. Prescribing guidelines changed well over a year ago and boarding schools are no longer able to give out the morning after pill. They do facilitate getting it (via doctors/approved pharmacies) so your information is at best outdated.

Underage sex is not confined to, or mor prevalent in boarding schools.

My point is . Mandatory reporting of abuse in boarding schools does not exist and it is wise to get a written statement from the head on the school policy about reporting any abuse to the police before handing your child over into their care.

It does. And safeguarding policies are made available to parents as a matter of course.

Hell, at my school we even train the sixth form in safeguarding - just in case they come across something staff have missed, so they know how to report.

Now will you stop offensive scaremongering?

Stowe was the prestigious boarding school that ran out of the emergency contraceptive, but how many do you think they have in stock? it is a prescribed medication, we are only allowed to hold one packet, the previous school I worked at which was slightly larger held two packets. We are working with teenagers, teenagers in day schools and boarding schools state and private from all backgrounds have sex (and why not) it is far better that they feel that they can come to get emergency contraception than they become pregnant. We always enquire who they had sex with as child protection is our biggest priority. If we have any concerns by the way about abuse in any shape or form and however trivial and our school attempts to brush it under the carpet (which I doubt it would) then as said above we and the doctors we work with have a legal obligation to report our concerns to SS/police, we are all fully trained in CP.
This story about Stowe running out of ECP was blown put of all proportion by the Daily Mail all on the medical side of boarding (it's a small world) laughed at it.
I can only speak about the schools I've worked at. Children's emotional welfare is a very high priority for us as health professional, we meet weekly as nurses and with house staff to discuss the children at the school. We do have home sick children but most settle in a couple of terms, this would be no different from a child struggling to settle in a day school where Ive also worked. After a couple of terms and it's still not working we start advising both child and parent to think of alternatives. We also have a small group of children with significant emotional and psychiatric problems (which we specialise in) off the top of my head not one of those has been caused by boarding itself. It's nearly always caused by problems at home. We work extensively with CAMHs and PCAMH's who are stunned by the length we will go to to support a child, and many of our children feel happier with us than they do at home, most staff in the medical centre are trained in adolescent mental health and we do loads to help all of our children including mindfulness courses and CBT for anxiety.
Of course the vast majority of our children are very happy and healthy at a recent leavers party many told me that the last five years had been best of their lives, and we regularly here from them once they've left. The best thing of course is when the previously homesick child or the child with significant emotional problems stands in front of you smiling and happy and talks about how well they've been supported and how happy they became with us.
IME parents are often actually over concerned about children's emotional states, it is not uncommon for parents to ring us in tears saying Freddie is so unhappy but on close investigation we find a happy child loving his time at his boarding school.

Just backing up what Lottie said -
I work at a boarding school. All staff have training in safeguarding children and there is a clear procedure for reporting abuse.
Safeguarding policy is included in parent information as standard.

I also have many colleagues who work I the states sector who by it's nature has more unhappy children than we do, all are envious of the time and effort we are able to put in to our children, many feel that neither the teaching staff or the medical staff primarily through no fault if there own are able to offer anything near the level of support that we are.
Boarding schools are businesses ultimately we need paying parents to survive, exam results are improving across all sectors, boarding is expensive and as this thread demonstrates unpopular with many, so many boarding schools have made exceedingly high standards of pastoral care their selling point now. This has had a knock on effect on those who perhaps being over subscribed weren't making it at one stage making it such a priority. In 2014 parents expect and demand high standards of pastoral care and if they feel they're not getting it take their child and of course their money elsewhere.

Frankly it doesn't matter what any one who's pro boarding or has eerie nice of boarding writes on here the anti boarding brigade (with all their current experience of boarding schools) will still repeatedly state that it's the worst thing you can do for a child and only their way is the right way.

Sad but true happy. This thread has turned into:

'Black is white'
'No Black is black because of xyz, evidence based argument'
'Lalalala, whatever you say you're wrong because your very lifestyle is tantamount to child abuse'

I'm not sure why I'm still bothering tbh!

"still repeatedly state that it's the worst thing you can do for a child "

I don't think anyone is actually saying that, are they? I'm certainly not.

Lottie you are being excessively abusive and ignorant of the facts. You are WRONG. There is no legal requirement for a person in a school who knows of abuse to report it to the police. Some school do this .. others do not . But it is NOT the law and while it is not the law some schools "deal with" abuse within the school and children go on being abused.
If that is "offensive" as you put it, to those of you who work in boarding schools I am not interested and really don't care... My interest and concern is for the CHILDREN ...
For sensible parents out there.... the best advise is to get a very specific written statement from the Head, of the school policy on reporting any known abuse to the police before you leave your child in their care . This is not about past historic abuse ... a case of abuse at a boarding school was in the courts yesterday and it is not the only recent case...
Read 'Mandate Now' and Daniel's Law

Hacluyt you and others have such entrenched views that you will never concede that although it's not your choice (which is fine) it is a perfectly viable choice for many happy family orientated well adjusted children and that it won't have a detrimental effect on them or their relationships with their families.
lottie I could accept their point of view better if their arguments were evidence based but we are now hearing from those who work in boarding schools who probably haven't "swallowed the prospectus" and they are providing evidence that children are happy well adjusted and family orientated and that children aren't being buggered senseless by their HM's whilst the head turns a blind eye.

I believe that wherever possible, the best place for children with their families. I don't agree with the concept of boarding school. I would very much rather not talk about individuals. I don't quite know what you mean by an entrenched view- do you mean I haven't changed my mind?

And I am pretty sure that it is a legal requirement for anyone to report a crime to the police. Whether that crime takes place in a boarding school or anywhere else. Is that not true?

Lottie you are being excessively abusive and ignorant of the facts. You are WRONG

I'm not and I'm not. But if you think my posts are excessively abusive do report them to MN I'm sure the admins have nothing better to do

I'll admit to being robust in my replies. That is because what you are spouting is so wrong and such a direct criticism of my working life.

A working life I'm happy to passionately defend. I must be one of those BS teachers who really doesn't give a shit about those kids in my care? Or, er, in fact the opposite.

But Haculyt the decision parents make when they send their DC to a boarding school is about what is right for their individual child and circumstances, those of us who support it are talking about our individual children although some are now taking about the whole school. mimi is talking about her individual experience.
Also research even clinical research is about the individuals experience, how they felt. how they responded etc etc, you then collate the the data collected and come to a conclusion. So you cannot ever ignore individuals experiences be aisle then your views are not based on fact but opinion.

Trying to write "you cannot ignore the individuals experience because then you view are not based on fact but opinion."

I don't want to ignore individual experience. But it is very difficult to talk about boarding/not boarding as concepts when people are taking being opposed to boarding as a personal attack.

One of the two boarding schools I attended one 'School of the Year' not so long ago

It's rather pertinent how recently you attended don't you think ?

Byah

I have just as you suggested read Mandate Now and Daniel's Law. I can understand the strength of feeling you have .

I don't think Lottie suggested she or others at the school had a legal requirement to report , she outlined the processes put in place at her school to detect and deal with any abuse. They seem sensible and stringent to me.

Without trying to minimise the hugely important issue you feel so strongly about , this is not specifically a boarding school matter. I am personally confident that my son's school has good safeguarding policies in place and I am fully aware of them.

Whether the requirement should be a legal one or not is a much larger debate.

My experience of all my teachers were truly dedicated professionals who cared deeply about education, both academic and holistic.

My a level german master ran extra sessions at 6 in the morning for those of us that applied to oxbridge, was a passionate cricket instructor, house tutor. He was always available if you needed help or advice. The only thing he would not tolerate was pupils not fulfilling their potential - he would do everything in his power to make sure you reached it.

A big boarding school is a huge community. There are currently 550 or so pupils at my alma mater, hundrerds of members of staff - academic, service and vocational. Mine was like a town within a town. In a setting so large of course some people won't be happy - just like any other school.

I hate to break your bubble but abuse happens in state schools just as frequently

Lottie ... you are WRONG because there is no Law on Mandatory reporting of abuse in schools. There is no such law...

I am not "spouting" anything, just stating facts ...This is not making a personal statement about you or your work or how you treat children ...
It IS about advising parents to be aware that schools do not have to legally report abuse and that parents should therefore discuss this with the Head and get reassurance before leaving children in their care End of...

I posted waaay up thread MaryZ said I was sneery that many of the arguments for boarding school would apply equally to a good day school so aren't pro boarding per se. But nearly all of the arguments against boarding are very specifically about a child not living at home for much of their time.

(I went to 2 boarding schools - one appalling and neglectful, the other excellent and probably more like the current style of school with mainly happy kids, happy staff and loads to do.)

My objection to boarding, however good the school and pastoral care, is that the fact remains that a young person grows up out of their family home. It's not only the big things iike holidays and exam results that bring a family together, it's the little daily life things that we don't notice like making toast or watching rubbish on TV, arguiing about tidying a bedroom or what time to be in at night. If your child is only at home at weekends and holidays then a distance develops inevitably as your lives happen in separate places.

From memory I experienced the following at BS without my parents having any knowledge. I'm not saying I would have told them if I was living at home but there's more chance the channels of communication would have stayed open if we'd been around each other when they were going on:
first period
first kiss
first cigarette
first party
first time getting drunk
first boyfriend (not all on the same night )

I never argued with my parents about parties or curfews or boyfriends or homework because they all happened out of their sight. I wish I'd once had a good old row with my mum about not going out dressed like that just to feel 'parented'. By the time I went to uni I was totally independent and the transition was easy. In effect I'd left home at 11. And that's not a good thing. It's taken me a lot of life, marriage, family of my own, to even get back to a stage where I want to share things with my lovely mum. We love each other but we're not close and I do blame BS.

Of course, sometimes, boarding is the best option for a family, but don't under-estimate the effect of losing that intangible family glue that only sharing a bathroom when you're in a rush or making your dc a piece of toast and cup of tea after detention for a forfotten PE kit can bring.

Oh do stop shouting at me byah you are very trying.