How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

[sunshine75]

I've read some pretty horrific things lately about boarding schools and the damage they can cause. See this article from the Guardian.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jul/20/damage-boarding-school-sexual-abuse-children

However, I have no personal experience of one and have no close friends who went to one. Therefore, I don't want to be hasty in forming a negative opinion about them.

So, if you chose to send your child to a boarding school then I'm curious as to why you chose to? For example, why did you chose boarding over a really good day school? Is there anyone who chose a boarding school for a much younger child and was this a really hard thing to do?

Please could you do some kind of advance wetting-your-pants warning before alleging that boarding gives kids special insight into 'different cultures'? Kids at day schools do go to each others' homes, you know. Which in the case of many London kids - certainly at my children's schools and particularly in a large secondary - involves rather a lot of different cultures. You're really flailing around with that one. Like with the public transport.

I thought it was kids at day schools who couldn't use the tube?

All my dc have cried when dropped at nursery when they started, I hoped they'd get over it asap. So they kept going, and got used to it.

It reminded me of boarding school. Parents probably thought the same- keep going forward and hope the homesickness passes.

Interesting isn't it, how every moderate pro boarding. No judgement implied on anyone else post is being ignored. People really do just prefer the bunfight don't they?

It really is a lot easier if you concede that you're not the greatest parent in the world and you're going to make mistakes whatever you do...

I don't really need to justify sending my DS to boarding school it's my DS and my money and I'll do what I like but I will. I personally believe that children learn lots of life skills etc but the bottom line: state education wasn't going to offer my super bright DS the kind of education he should be getting, I believe that super bright children should be educated in super selectives, I don't live in Barnes, I don't have a super selective within any kind of sensible driving distance so I send him to a boarding school. There he finds caring committed staff which by the way we've never found in the state sector, has lots of fun but most importantly he gets the right education, mixes with like minded boys and has unparalleled opportunities to me it's simply a no brainier!

When all is said and done, that Mr Larkin got it right.

To be honest, I think a lot of the 'fringe' benefits or disbenefits of boarding / not boarding are absolutely not the point.

Nor do they carry very much weight in the 'to board or not to board' balance whch parents who consider boarding have to do [as I say, I was a boarder, and am very aware of the particulars of the balance made in my case].

The main point, it seems to me, fior the vast majority of boarder is that boarding allows those parents who can afford it [directly or through bursaries / scholarships] to access a school which they cannot access each day. The benfits of that school - whether it be academic excellence, a specialist education, a 'British' education for those abroad or a removal from more local schools for a variety of reasons - outweigh, for those families, the disbenefit of separation.

Supporters of boarding don't NEED to claim any extra benefits of boarding - I have never heard a boarding family say 'it's to make them independent' or 'it helps them to manage money' or 'they meet more people frm different cultures, even thougyh they are far away from their 'home' culture'. If they truly believe that the benefit of being able to access that school is worth it, that is the point.

In a smaller number of cases, it is more pragmatic - what the school provides is a more stable childcare / place of residence scenario than is available for that particular child. My own personal circle includes families whose children board because parental employment is a series of 1 and 2 ear postings all over the world, or single parents with exceptionally long hours jobs who feel boarding school is preferable to a long series of au pairs. But again, the key reasons for choosing boarding are not those tussled over in this thread.

As I say, my parents chose for me to board for the 'majority' reason - an education not available within day travelling disance. DH's chose boarding for the second reason, of jobs all over the world. I genuinely don't think parents say 'oh, i'd send him / her to a day school, but I send them boarding for the independence'.

Oh, and we choose not to send our children to board, because they can get the education they currently need in the state comprehensive a mile away, so in our case the disbenefits HUGELY outweigh the advantages!

Motherinferior so you think I'm fucking my children up do you? Well you are free to think that of course but I happen to know I'm not. Your comment is insulting and I do hope that you are not passing your arrogant unpleasant and intolerant attitude onto your own DC's.

Eh? I meant all of us. Parents do, I glumly suspect. It wasn't about you.

I cross-posted with you, if that explains it. Why is it arrogant and intolerant to suspect that ultimately many of us get quite a lot of stuff wrong?

Happy - ignore mother. I was in a run down shopping centre today, the two young girls, ignoring one toddler who was clearly upset whilst playing on their phones and shouting and swearing whilst talking - those are the ones who will bring up the two young kids in their own image.

Happy, I read that slightly differently - in that I absolutely do my best for my children, and choose what I believe is the right path at any given point, while KNOWING that I will, in retrospect (but only in hindsight, and possibly in 20+ years' time), look back and discover that some of my carefully-considered decisions were somewhat wrong.....

I try not to beat myself up about it. I do the best I can, but I know that, unwittingly, make mistakes - we all do.

Adrian Mitchell did an incredibly cheering version called 'they tuck you up, your mum and dad'.

I know bugger all about the merits or otherwise of boarding, but I do wish people would stop claiming they were 'forced' or 'had no choice but' to send their children to . You may not have been happy with the alternatives, but you weren't 'forced' to do anything. You exercised a choice, and one that isn't available to the vast majority of people, many of whom could be said to be 'forced' to send their children to schools they're not happy with.

We do get things wrong but also lots of things right, many children are happy and well adjusted (both day and boarders) and we should not let go of the fact that lots of parents do a fantastic job many in exceedingly difficult circumstances. So I don't agree with Mr Larkin I'm afraid, yes parents can fuck up their children but the majority although they do make mistakes their children emerge absolutely fine.
We have no right to criticise other parents, we should encourage and support not tell them how rubbish or criticise their decisions.

Of course you'll make wrong decisions, but there's a bloody big difference between making a wrong decision and fucking up a child.
Amber I'm not sure anyone said they were forced to send their child to a boarding school although I appreciate armed forces families have little choice. I wasn't forced to send my DS to a boarding school I didn't like what the state sector offered and felt it wasn't suitable and luckily I could pay for a better alternative.

Ahh, got a lovely book entitled "Where Did It All Go Right?" subtitled "they tuck you up, your Mum and Dad" by Andrew Collins almost permanently by my bed. Love it as a happy non-fiction read when insomnia strikes.

Just a reminder to all those who say that abuse is a thing of the past in boarding schools.... today a teacher admitted abuse to a 15 year old in 2012 /13 ... I will add to this that there is no legal requirement for a school to report known abuse to the police so if you have children in boarding school it is wise / imperative to ask the head what the school policy is on reporting abuse . I am afraid it is naive and /or ignorance to say that abuse does not occur in the present times ....