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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

882 replies

sunshine75 · 05/08/2014 19:15

I've read some pretty horrific things lately about boarding schools and the damage they can cause. See this article from the Guardian.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jul/20/damage-boarding-school-sexual-abuse-children

However, I have no personal experience of one and have no close friends who went to one. Therefore, I don't want to be hasty in forming a negative opinion about them.

So, if you chose to send your child to a boarding school then I'm curious as to why you chose to? For example, why did you chose boarding over a really good day school? Is there anyone who chose a boarding school for a much younger child and was this a really hard thing to do?

OP posts:

Dreamgirls234 · 07/08/2014 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWordFactory · 07/08/2014 18:27

dream TBH I think boarding in London must be a super-strange experience...

Picturesinthefirelight · 07/08/2014 18:30

Hand cream - the only other school which offers what dd wants is 140 miles away. We are lucky that we only live 40 miles away from the school dd does attend.

morethanpotatoprints · 07/08/2014 18:40

Pictures

I think your school is absolutely fantastic and for what it does has the best reputation and must be the most sought after in the country.
Saying that its similar to the one dd wants to attend, which you know of and this is only a 45 min train journey away.
I don't know how we would manage daily travel, the roads would be even worse than waiting for very early trains.
Talking to the students on open day many said they boarded because they didn't want to miss anything and of course the very late finishes they have.
She is still mentioning it on a daily basis but has come to terms with the fact we won't agree until she is older.
I must admit this is personal preference though and a bit of selfishness on dh and my side. I certainly wouldn't criticise others for doing it earlier.
I heard that the few under 10's they have boarding looked cute evacuating during a fire alarm test in their pjs carrying ted.

Deverethemuzzler · 07/08/2014 18:48

I have no idea why parents send their children to boarding school because it is totally out of my field of reference.

I imagine that they do it because they think it is in their child's best interests.

Why else would they do it?

There are probably selfish parents who do it to get the kids out of the way but there are parents whose kids go to day school who are selfish, just poorer.

If one of mine got a scholarship to a good school and they wanted to go I would definitely consider it.

Not for DS2, he has attachment issues and he would be distraught. I can see DS3 loving going to ballet school as a boarder though. I think he would toddle off with hardly a backwards glance.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 07/08/2014 18:59

"There are certainly the usual on this thread saying boarding is wrong etc. They have never set foot in a boarding school and are accusing others of being wealthy (as though this something that has just happened to them!)."

I didn't say anything against boarding but did mention wealth and I am not sure if anyone else did, so I don't know if this bit is aimed at me? If so, I am not sure what the bit in brackets means?

Hakluyt · 07/08/2014 19:02

"Boarding school equips them with many many skills that some day pupils may not perform as well as a boarder may when faced with real life problems."

I am still desperate to know what these skills are!

EastLynne · 07/08/2014 19:07

FWIW , our experience

So, if you chose to send your child to a boarding school then I'm curious as to why you chose to? For example, why did you chose boarding over a really good day school?

We chose a school , not boarding / day. We were open-minded and were not pro-boarding per se.

We looked at both day and boarding (inc Word's son's school and if anyone is in any doubt that only boarding is elite go and look round Westminster ) I really wanted DS to go there but it didn't click with him. The school he is at is the only one where he said "I really want to come here ". We had looked at some pretty good schools , as I say , both boarding and day. With this school boarding came with the territory. DS decided he wanted to and it has been a hugely positive experience for him.

He was at day school until then. For us, boarding at 8 would have been too young but other opinions are available.

I don't think boarding bestows magical skills but it has some really positive points. Nor do I think that only day school pupils have really strong attachments to their family.

Dreamgirls234 · 07/08/2014 19:29

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summerends · 07/08/2014 19:32

WordF you are right for many of us in the UK it is initially a pragmatic decision often to open up school possibilities. However once the benefits become apparent for the (right) DC it becomes much more of a positive choice. As I said my other DC is now wanting the experience despite being happy at present day school.

Minifingers · 07/08/2014 19:37

"Or is it just state pupils who you think undertaken this sort of role.

How wrong you are...."

No not at all.

The point I was making is that you don't have to go to boarding school to learn to be independent and self-sufficient.

"Boarding school equips them with many many skills that some day pupils may not perform as well as a boarder may when faced with real life problems."

I am still desperate to know what these skills are!"

Me too. I'm wondering what 'real life problems' boarding school teaches you to cope with. Teenage pregnancy? Addiction issues? Poverty? Unemployment? Academic failure? Or are we talking about important stuff like how to get your duvet in its cover without help from an adult, and ball your socks together before shoving them in the wash?

On a serious note, my sister managed to develop an alcohol problem at school, and my eating was very disordered for a number of years. Smoking and shagging in a mixed boarding school was massively more accessible than it would have been had I been a day pupil.

EastLynne · 07/08/2014 19:48

Minifingers

The point I was making is that you don't have to go to boarding school to learn to be independent and self-sufficient.

See post above , my son boards. However , I agree with you completely.

Dreamgirls234 · 07/08/2014 19:51

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 07/08/2014 19:58

Not sure I agree Dreamgirls - I don't think any of the skills you list are unavailable to day pupils. Some will learn them - some won't. It depends on the opportunities their parents provide for them in relation to independent travel, managing money, making decisions for themselves etc. I think you are simply picking skills you have observed that boarders have and saying that day pupils won't have them - not true.

I was a day pupil and I learnt all these skills at home with my parents because my parents made sure I did. I will do the same for my daughter. Many parents do cosset their children too much but boarding school can't provide the answer to that problem - too much of a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

Hakluyt · 07/08/2014 20:05

What sort of decisions do boarders have to make for themselves?

summerends · 07/08/2014 20:06

The main reason we see DCs very happy at boarding is not because they they are consciously thinking about how good it is for their life skills (although as a byproduct it certainly enables some), it is basically because it is fun.
However as in Mini's case there are some who struggle with coping with their peers and resisting certain pressures, particularly if there are other reasons for unhappiness.

TheWordFactory · 07/08/2014 20:22

dream you do know that about 1% of all children in the UK board.

Do you really believe that the other 99% can't manage money or make decisions?

Do you know many teenagers that don't board? Because most get an allowance and most are capable of making their minds up about stuff . True they might run stuff past their parents but that's not a bad thing, is it? I still run big decisions past my Mum or my DH and I'm 46...but I'm not some silly dependent type. I secured a place at Oxbridge at 17, despite coming from one of the worst estates in the UK, left home soon after, made a career for myself in London and then lived in France and the US....

Most of us do manage to build our skill sets, you know ...

Lottiedoubtie · 07/08/2014 20:23

Most posters who are pro boarding on this thread are not saying day pupils can't develop a full set of skills and independence. Boarding is one effective way of learning these things amongst many.

Hakluyt · 07/08/2014 20:28

"Most posters who are pro boarding on this thread are not saying day pupils can't develop a full set of skills and independence. Boarding is one effective way of learning these things amongst many."

But they do seem to be saying that it is a particular advantage of boarding that you learn these skills. Somebody actually said that boarders learn skills that day kids don't- but hasn't specified what they are. It SMS to me that day kids have much more scope for learning how to live independent lives than boarders do-more or less by definition. Unless independence means not being homesick. Which, you will all not be surprised to hear, I do not think is necessarily a good thing in a 10 year old.

rabbitstew · 07/08/2014 21:23

Well, unless boarding school has changed since my dh went there, it abjectly fails to teach you how to cook, clean or do DIY.

smokepole · 07/08/2014 21:27

The reason some parents are forced in to sending kids boarding, is largely down to a lack of suitable education locally. The differences in two schools next to each other can be huge. I was forced to send DD1 'boarding' with her father 25 miles away as that was the best school available ( out of a poor choice of schools) . The other problem was DD 1 refused to even consider joining the grammar when a place became available in year 9 or year 12. To be fair to the school, they have helped her achieve BBB ( possibly ABB. I do think that the standards at DD2 and DS grammar's ( average grammar schools) are 'light years' ahead not just in terms of academic achievement but everything. I believe DD1 would be looking at 3 A grades now, if she had been educated at the grammar.

I therefore can understand why parents with the 'money' and wear with all, consider boarding school education the correct way for their children.

Maryz · 07/08/2014 21:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 07/08/2014 21:45

Lol,at the hysterical It was a bit like the nursery model, dump leave and they'll be ok
I very much advocate the leave and they'll be ok.because they were.they are
No we dont have long angsty tearful goodbye.no one is dumped.all ok

handcream · 07/08/2014 21:51

Maryz - what a good post!

People spouting nonsense about something that haven't even tried. If my sons had shown any signs of not liking boarding we would have done something about it.

I tried the state system myself. Rubbish school but it was a good few years ago so maybe things have changed (but I dont believe they have).

We can afford it and it has worked out very well for all, my DS would not have got the grades he got without the school and their support.

All this stuff about not knowing how to use the tube or to cook a meal. My DS's cook a meal once a week and have jobs around the house every morning. My older DS uses the tube quite happily and we have encouraged this. It's not just the experiences from school that teaches them skills and responsibilities.

MarshaBrady · 07/08/2014 21:56

Nothing hysterical. You don't hang around for either

Don't see the problem with that, why hysterical?

What's wrong with people

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