How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

[sunshine75]

I've read some pretty horrific things lately about boarding schools and the damage they can cause. See this article from the Guardian.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jul/20/damage-boarding-school-sexual-abuse-children

However, I have no personal experience of one and have no close friends who went to one. Therefore, I don't want to be hasty in forming a negative opinion about them.

So, if you chose to send your child to a boarding school then I'm curious as to why you chose to? For example, why did you chose boarding over a really good day school? Is there anyone who chose a boarding school for a much younger child and was this a really hard thing to do?

I do to think this has got anything to do with boarding per say this is all about independent education and elite education in particular. You despise elite education bought by parents and most of those elite schools which you particularly despise also happen to be boarding as well. Everyone knows your views on independent education, the non existent old boys net work/networking you are letting this cloud anything anyone says about boarding and what it offers.

dream at DS school, about half board and half don't. I can absolutely assure you that after sixth form the boarders don't all march into the sunset to take on the known universe, leaving the day pupils quaking at the thought of taking a train! The main benefit to the boarders is that they are able to access the school from afar...

And given the school my son attends I think I can hardly be accused of disliking elie education!

I did not say I thought that boarding was right for some children. I said that there are good things about boarding school. Very different. I disagree fundamentally with boarding school as a concept because despite the fact that there are good things about it for some children, I believe very strongly that children should live with their families if at all possible, and that strong attachments are incredibly important. Which is why I disagree particularly with boarding for young children. Which is why I said I am not talking about individual children- I am talking about the concept.

And I would feel the same if it was free. It has nothing to do with my views on private education.

Dreamgirls- you have said something similar to this before "Boarding school equips them with many many skills that some day pupils may not perform as well as a boarder may when faced with real life problems. "

What skills are you talking about?

Precisely, dreamgirls, so for many less wealthy parents boarding will never be an option, if they or their children don't have a particular need or talent (including scholarship-level intelligence).

As you say, this debate seems to be less about boarding vs day now, and more about independent vs state education.

"You can't see any advantages from living communally with all the things learn, you describe it as a "niche skill, I frankly think it's a very useful skill particularly in the work place, least it would be in mine. It's a pointless argument."

Do you live with your co workers?

I guess it would be a useful skill for a nun or a monk or, perhaps more commonly, for someone in the services.

Or someone living in a commune, of course. Though I suspect I have a rather different sort of communal living in mind than the hierarchical one of a boarding-school. (DP is pathologically private, I have to say, and attributes this to his boarding-school, but that again is anecdotal.)

I have to say the idea that kids at London day schools don't know how to use trains or negotiate the Big City is testing my pelvic floor.

Hakluyt can I ask what your qualifications are for being so against boarding as a concept?

Are you a a psychotherapist? Do you study youth psychology? Have you worked closesly with young adults emerging from the boarding system? Have you worked with boarders themselves in any capacity?

Or are you just dismissing the opinions of everyone who is actually involved in boarding out of arrogance or a desire to be provocative?

Yes, motherinferior, my Dad is a bit like that too, and was also a boarder, albeit back in the Bad Old Days.

Oh, and I remember after the Guinness scandal ancient old gimmer alert, there was a lot of talk about how people like Ernest Saunders (or one of his cronies maybe) would find it a lot easier than some to get by in prison because he had been a boarder. I guess that is a useful skill of a sort....

Frozen. For as well as DD1 has done(hopefully) despite being educated in a 'Secondary Modern' there is no doubt she would have done better in any private school/ or grammar.

I actually think the debate could be about ' selective' and non selective schools , be those private or state. I believe that is where the real difference in the quality of education lies. The top grammar schools equal the public schools in terms of educational results, though not in terms of other opportunities.

I suspect you are right smokepole. I suppose if your child goes to a top state school though, you can maybe afford to supplement some of the other opportunities with the money you save on fees. Hope so, anyway (assuming it is ever relevant for us).

The OP didn't come back just tried to start a bun fight and went.
I can't believe people are still having to justify the type of education they have chosen for their children.
Do people so opposed to one form or another think a parent is a numpty for choosing it, not thought it through, etc.

Anyway on a positive note I would like to ask a question from a parent whose child boards or of course the nurse up thread.

What advice would you give wrt preparing a child to enter a boarding school at 13 (y8)? Of course any other ideas we may need to consider.
I would like to learn something if others wouldn't

Well in fairness,on mn folk are asked to justify all sort of stuff inc education

Just found this thread! Answering the OP's orginal question - you have heard some horrific things about boarding schools....

Have you spoken to anyone who is currently at boarding school?

Are these stories from 40 years ago?

There are certainly the usual on this thread saying boarding is wrong etc. They have never set foot in a boarding school and are accusing others of being wealthy (as though this something that has just happened to them!).

I have two sons at BS. Both come home at weekends, both have lots of holidays and I feel quite insulted by the people saying that perhaps we are not proper parents!

Yes, we can afford BS but its a stretch. We both work, others on this thread have probably made the decision to not work and consequently take the view that if they cannot afford then no one can!

There was someone (name escapes me) who was totally against selective education. really hated the concept. She sends one child to a grammar school and went to appeal when her 2nd DC didnt pass the 11+. Still hates grammar schools and all they stand for (but still chooses to send her DD) and claims she cannot move house for reasons she cannot disclose.

My DS's can use the tube, there are endless holidays Why on earth do people think that for half the year they are totally protected from the outside world and are unable to think for themselves the rest of the time. What about the holidays, my two sons are perfectly capable of getting on a bus and tube (we have encouraged this).

I personally do not want to send my child up the other end ofvthe country boarding, I love that she comes home every night (or most nights)

But I don't judge the parents of her friends who do board.

Feeling very sorry for my DDs 8 yo friend (boy) who is going off to board in september.He will have just turned 9 and is small and 'young' for his age.Poor little mite.

"Boarding school equips them with many many skills that some day pupils may not perform as well as a boarder may when faced with real life problems. Boarding allows a child to experience the world on their own for once with a great deal of independence and the odd guidance fell HM's"

My 15 year old dd (educated at hideously rough state school in an inner city) is out today - she has opted to work with physically and learning disabled adults throughout the summer. She gets to the centre taking two crowded buses through a very deprived and grim part of London, experiencing regular sexual harassment which she copes with and takes in her stride. At the centre she supports the staff in caring for adults who are sometimes quite aggressive and who sometimes behave in appropriately towards her (she's been pounced on and kissed twice, witnessed one of the clients compulsively masturbating). She accompanies them on trips to the park and to a crowded town centre.

Her friends are mostly from poor families. Many have to care for younger siblings or parents who are physically and/or emotionally unwell. They take responsibility not just for themselves and their school work but for their families as well. If they want to do well at school they have to fully take charge of their own learning - no one is spoon feeding them or keeping a close eye on their academic progress because their parents are often less educated than they are or simply too busy with other children to be very involved, and their teachers are satisfied with them just turning up, behaving themselves and doing a bit of homework.

I think about what I was like at that age and what my privately educated friends were like and when it comes to true grit, astonishing self sufficiency, maturity and nous there is no comparison - my dd and her friends would win hands down every time.

More than. Please feel free to PM me. I have plenty of tips. It is a worrying time, you dont hear from them and think there are issues, not the case, they are having a good time with all the other new boarders and forget to call/email you!

Biggest tip from me. Encourage your DS to be a good egg, if another boy suggests a game of football or to go to the swimming pool - go. Be known as someone who says yes - the other kids are just as nervous. If you dont say yes someone else will which is how friendships are made.

My DS (17) told me a story about one of his friends who left his school, loved the friendships but didnt like the academic side (is going to Bedales). 12 of them crammed into a boarding room (and for any of you who have seen the size of rooms you will know what I mean) for one night to say a special good bye to him. There was someone in the window sill, three sharing one bed, someone trying to sleep on a desk etc.

Actually thinking about it - the BIGGEST benefit of boarding is that you will learn to sleep absolutely anywhere!

Why do you need to send your children to the other end of the country for boarding??

There are lots of weekly boarding options and of course those endless holidays!

dream DS attends Westminster. So as I say, I can hardly be accused of being anti-private school, anti-elite or anti-selective education.

That said, I'm not anti-boarding as a concept per se. And I could forsee circumstances in which I'd use it (if Hollywood calls for me to adapt one of my books into a movie starring Meryl Streep, I'm sure I'd be on a plane and DS would be boarding ).

I just don't think it's as good for a child as living at home and I don't believe it bestowes magical skills upon those who do board...I think it's a pragmatic decision by many parents, which doesn't need bolstering with absurd claims!

Mini - my DS has had a job last year at a centre for kids with CP. He assisted the 1-1 carers and was the spotter when they went swimming. Or is it just state pupils who you think undertaken this sort of role.

How wrong you are....