Advice wanted on wording this letter

[montrealmum]

Dear XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX,
We are writing to express our concern about the Year 8 Religious Studies Visit scheduled to take place this September.
Parents have been informed that girls who wish to attend the trip are required to wear trousers and a headscarf as a mark of respect for the religious institutions they will be visiting.
It is also our understanding that girls who do not wish to wear the headscarves or trousers, or whose families feel it does not accord with their beliefs, will be working on their own at school that day on Religious Studies coursework.
While I fully appreciate the need to dress respectfully on a visit to any religious institution, I feel I must draw a line at my very young daughter being compelled to wear clothing items intended for women to express their sexual modesty. Just as I feel it would be utterly wrong to compel a Muslim girl to remove her headscarf in order to participate in a school activity, so I feel it is wrong to compel my daughter, or any other girl, to wear one.
It would be very easy for us to simply agree to this request on the basis that the headscarf may be seen as nothing more than a temporary fashion accessory, to be worn for an hour or so. However, I am sure that a Muslim would not regard it as such, and nor do we. While respect for religious traditions is surely admirable, is it not the case that respect for our views as atheists and feminists are equally worthy of consideration?
We would urge the school to consider whether such an approach does truly promote community cohesion surely with a little more communication, an agreement could be come to which is mutually agreeable to all. We would hate to think that any girls first exposure to Islam would be one of unnecessary compulsion.
Perhaps an agreement that girls have the symbolism of the headscarf explained to them, and are given the option to wear one on the day, would be more conciliatory. Or at the very least, that an option is given to those girls who choose to abstain that is not tantamount to an internal exclusion.
Given these objections, we find ourselves in the unenviable position of having to choose between our sincerely held beliefs and putting our daughter in a position where she feels excluded and socially isolated.
We therefore reluctantly give our permission for her to attend on the day and follow the strictures set down, but do ask that you give serious thought to our concerns about this matter.
We would like to thank the school for their choice of role models for the girls, such as Rosa Parks and Emmeline Pankhurst, women who understood that following social conventions is not always the best choice to make.
Thank you for your time,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

grobags schools up and down the country in the UK are enforcing the rule that girls school skirts aren't too short. My DCs co-ed school sends frequent letters about appropriate skirt length, repeats the rule frequently at assembly and has staff constantly monitoring the school uniform rules to see they're complied with. They also encourage critical thinking not just as a discrete subject in the sixth form but right through the curriculum from Y7. How as a parent of a girl at school do you deal with that one? It is of course about sex/ distraction every bit as much as a scarf.

Very badly phrased post that one, but I'd be interested to know how OP/ grobags deal or would deal with the short skirt issue at school? Do they/ would they just comply meekly? Even if their girls go for a 'sensible' length of skirt or opt for trousers, do they/ would they make this a massive battleground with the school?

They aren't going to care about that lette. You've given permission, the end.

I meant I support OP writing to the school. Re short skirts -tough one. o suppose the only way to tackle it is to make it clear that both genders must wear clothes that cover their underwear! If I ran a school I'd permit boys to wear skirts if they chose and then phrase any letters as gender neutral e.g all pupils' skirts/shorts must be xxx length as this is the school rule and in keeping with the law of the land on indecent exposure.

In my ideal society we'd all be naked and unburdened by worries about appearance or clothing but that isn't going to happen!

Interesting. What is the objective of writing to the school?

A naked school would be difficult to run!

Not if it was the norm fediline! Imagine a society where we weren't judeged on appearance, where women couldn't be accused of dressing like sluts because there were no clothes. ..where people took responsibility for their sexual urges rather than blaming uncovered hair or short skirts! Bloody paradise no? Well maybe not for Jonny Boden

I also think the issue of respect for others' beliefs could tolerate a little critical examination. Why do some beliefs that can be considered offensive (I find headscarf wearing offensive to women) deserve tolerance but others e.g rasicist views or a sincerely held belief in female circumcision do not? Why must certain viewpoints be respected just because they are part of a major world religion?

My own personal line is drawn well above headscarves, and is where violence and life are an issue.

There's a real problem with shouting 'gender attack' at every turn and conflating every single aspect of a culture or religion with the worst excesses of violence and killing at one extreme end.

I bet your daughter isn't fussed one way or the other, OP. As many others have said, just let it go, it's not important in the grand scheme of things and your letter sounds nitpicky and ridiculous and this is why I could never be a teacher.

You should be teaching your daughter that it's OK to adhere to the rules of a religious house even if you don't 100% agree with it and I doubt your daughter is old enough to have formed such firm opinions that she disagrees unless you have told her to.

I think you might be underestimaing the natural sex drives of average adolescents grobag if you think universal nudity wouldn't inflame things in a secondary school

Brdgrl, don't be silly. It's not an invitation. This is not a dinner party. The school are trying to fulfil what they conceive to be the curriculum.
No, it's not a dinner party. It is people's sacred space. You should treat it as such.
It is of course an invitation. Not from the school - to the school and its students from people who are willing to give up time and peace and privacy in the midst of their own work in order to host your daughter and her classmates in their space.
You're so rude not to recognize this.

Brdgrl (and HG and Molio and others who have made the same point)

"It is people's sacred space. You should treat it as such.
It is of course an invitation. Not from the school - to the school and its students from people who are willing to give up time and peace and privacy in the midst of their own work in order to host your daughter and her classmates in their space."

This I wholeheartedly agree with . As with the point that the invitation can be declined . I personally wouldn't . The OP is entitled to decline , I believe she has not and as posted upthread , in that I agree with her.

Thanks for all the input that everyone has provided. As mentioned in the OP, I don't intend to refuse my daughter permission to attend.

I merely wanted to point out that the school should be more mindful of the fact that some parents might not be happy for their daughters to wear headscarves for a variety of religious or cultural reasons.
I have had some very good feedback with regards to the wording - made it shorter, taken out certain lines, put some in, etc.
I am astonished that some people clearly thought it was presumptuous or bigoted of me to even debate it.

Re: school uniform.
Not the same- we signed up (literally) and agreed before she started.
Grobagsforever, look into recent debate in North America about dress policy.
Food for thought.

Montreal
I have reported you for your post of 20:40 as it is offensive and utterly misrepresents the point HG was trying to get you to recognise.

You are the intolerant one.
The mosque is trying to be welcoming.

Fine, report it. I have invoked the name which cannot be spoken.
My point stands. The point of view expressed is quite clearly one of outrage that I would dare question those who feel we have to "do things we don't like and look like we're enjoying it".

talkinpeace - I don't think there is any harm in making sure the school is aware that she is concerned girls who choose to not to wear a headscarf aren't treated harshly.

I don't think the school is way off base and I think its great they are giving girls an option. It doesn't seem too punitive, but ...

I also appreciate what difficult spot the school is and wouldn't want to add their burden. I don't think OP is causing harm.

Its become almost conventional for girls to slap on the headscarf out of respect and that's not terrible. A girl who doesn't feel comfortable doing this is now unconventional- just want to check we're not treating them to harshly for their choice. Hopefully not as harshly as mumsnetter hornets.

Monteal
In your thankfully deleted post you accused HG of sypathising with convicted sex abusers.
That has no place on this site

Proudmama
All of us grow up with compromise and hypocricy.
Next to mt toilet I have a political cartoon book from 1979. Nothing has changed.
BUT now we have the internet voice to point out that hypocricy and share our annoyance at it.
THAT will acieve OPs ends without stress

Molio, it's wonderful to say that you respect various beliefs unless they imperil "violence and life", but you still refuse to provide a reasoned argument for how people should distinguish between these? Would asking people to wear a Star of David directly imperil their life? Or is it merely an obnoxious and unnecessary request that should be refused?

Talkinpeace, I most certainly did not. I said quite clearly that telling children they should do anything on the basis that they were being "nice" or "respectful", was a shortcut to hell.

In my experience, children who are disrespectful don't come from families who hold considered, if to you or I, objectionable views.
They come from families who don't give a toss.

Could you please stop doing the silly "post it with a strike - through":thing? Either you mean it or you don't.

In my experience, children who are disrespectful come from families where they are encouraged to be disrespectful.

Disrespectful how?
By writing a letter questioning a policy?

Good grief.

Get over yourself, woman. I'm sure your 11 year old doesn't give a shiny shite that she's required to cover her head as a mark of respect when entering a religious institution.

And nor should you.
Questioning their policy??? It's not the school's personal policy at all.