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Advice wanted on wording this letter

380 replies

montrealmum · 08/07/2014 19:36

Dear XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX,
We are writing to express our concern about the Year 8 Religious Studies Visit scheduled to take place this September.
Parents have been informed that girls who wish to attend the trip are required to wear trousers and a headscarf as a mark of respect for the religious institutions they will be visiting.
It is also our understanding that girls who do not wish to wear the headscarves or trousers, or whose families feel it does not accord with their beliefs, will be working on their own at school that day on Religious Studies coursework.
While I fully appreciate the need to dress respectfully on a visit to any religious institution, I feel I must draw a line at my very young daughter being compelled to wear clothing items intended for women to express their sexual modesty. Just as I feel it would be utterly wrong to compel a Muslim girl to remove her headscarf in order to participate in a school activity, so I feel it is wrong to compel my daughter, or any other girl, to wear one.
It would be very easy for us to simply agree to this request on the basis that the headscarf may be seen as nothing more than a temporary fashion accessory, to be worn for an hour or so. However, I am sure that a Muslim would not regard it as such, and nor do we. While respect for religious traditions is surely admirable, is it not the case that respect for our views as atheists and feminists are equally worthy of consideration?
We would urge the school to consider whether such an approach does truly promote community cohesion surely with a little more communication, an agreement could be come to which is mutually agreeable to all. We would hate to think that any girls first exposure to Islam would be one of unnecessary compulsion.
Perhaps an agreement that girls have the symbolism of the headscarf explained to them, and are given the option to wear one on the day, would be more conciliatory. Or at the very least, that an option is given to those girls who choose to abstain that is not tantamount to an internal exclusion.
Given these objections, we find ourselves in the unenviable position of having to choose between our sincerely held beliefs and putting our daughter in a position where she feels excluded and socially isolated.
We therefore reluctantly give our permission for her to attend on the day and follow the strictures set down, but do ask that you give serious thought to our concerns about this matter.
We would like to thank the school for their choice of role models for the girls, such as Rosa Parks and Emmeline Pankhurst, women who understood that following social conventions is not always the best choice to make.
Thank you for your time,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OP posts:
Ohmydayz · 09/07/2014 13:35

Buzzard yes men and women are equal and are both required to cover their heads whilst visiting a gurdwara. However it has nothing to do with chakra - chakra is a Hindu ideology not Sikh - in covering ones head whilst at the temple, the Sikhs respect one of the 5 k's (kess/ hair) which is covered through loyalty and respect. - something I learnt last week!

Ohmydayz · 09/07/2014 13:36

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Johnogroats · 09/07/2014 13:57

I am an atheist, however, respect for others is one of the things I believe in and think important. If I invite people round for dinner, I don't cook pork for Jews, and have veggie food for veggies.

I went on a school trip to a mosque last year with 6yo DS and his class. It was extremely interesting. Particularly to see the Muslim mums giving the Iman a hard time! I wore a scarf, as did all mums. When we visited the Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi I wore a hijab. I was a guest and it was the right thing to do.

Get over yourself OP.

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 14:11

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Ohmydayz · 09/07/2014 14:18

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Molio · 09/07/2014 14:27

Fideline unless the kid keeps moving school OP will I'm sure have sent plenty of such letters to the school - someone doesn't come up with a stunt like this out of the blue after nearly two years in. The OP is a militant atheist/ feminist and they like to be heard. I asked early on if she'd sent other complaints, but that was another question which went without answer.

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 14:31

Of course Molio. It is obvious now you point it out.

I was taking the OP to be in the same category as this poster (for example);

proudmama2772 Tue 08-Jul-14 22:27:19

I don't think the school was right to ask female students to wear a head scarf and I think you are correct to write a letter. Students are being encouraged/compelled to engage in a faith decision that they may not agree with. I think they should be encouraged to respect women who wear head scarves, but they should not be encouraged to wear a head scarf if they don't agree with the practice in principle.

It is really important that more people speak out against this without being afraid of sounding bigoted. This is beyond to PC

...who sounds like a blinkered Ukipper in full flight. Do some people never visit places of worship? Confused

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 14:33

Well it's a fine line between them anyway

Ohmydayz · 09/07/2014 14:36

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TalkinPeace · 09/07/2014 14:36

FWIW I'm an atheist and I find the religious subjugation of women deeply, deeply offensive.
However the way to deal with that is to educate the women to reject it, not to go headlong at the messengers.

Its interesting that prior to the Iranian revolution, full veil wearing had nearly died out (apart from for practical sun shade reasons) and that it is the modern inward looking version of radical Islam that is causing so much of the problem.

Ohmydayz · 09/07/2014 14:38

And proudmama -read the op - it's a religious requirement not something that the school is insisting on! The children aren't compelled to do anything. They have been invited and have the option of declining. What is wrong with you? Read before you rant.

montrealmum · 09/07/2014 14:52

Obviously every one with half a brain has now disappeared, leaving the lunatic fringe to hurl insults and congratulate each other on being simple minded and rude. I should imagine you have a reputation for this sort of thing.
really hope none of you work with or have children of your own. Some of you clearly need psychological help.
Thanks to all who did make well reasoned contributions.

OP posts:
brdgrl · 09/07/2014 14:58

Obviously every one with half a brain has now disappeared
Yes, it appears that apart from yourself, only those with a fully functioning brain have remained to point out the obvious. Thank God.

TalkinPeace · 09/07/2014 14:58

I have children.
I am not on the lunatic fringe (my hair is tied back).
I have not been hurling insults (I often do, but not on this thread).

You clearly do not trust your daughter to make up her own mind about religion and discrimination.
That is a shame for her.

BookieTubules · 09/07/2014 15:03

Re it being the school's assumption at that age would it not be that perhaps the mosque considers those to be through puberty to cover up, those who are not yet menstruating do not have to but the school understandably does not want to have to spell that out/deal with the fallout and it is easier to ask all the girls to cover their heads?

If your daughter is happy to wear a headscarf, I'd let her and then she can at least discuss the issue afterwards from a feeling of having done it.

And I wouldn't send that letter as drafted because it's IMPOSSIBLE to understand.

BuzzardBird · 09/07/2014 15:07

Ohmydayz Sikhs cover their heads because it puts them in control of their Agia Chakra. There are many influences including Hinduism and Buddhism in the Sikh religion. The Chunni for instance is from Hinduism but is worn by Sikh women. There are other reasons, but this is one of them.

There is a reason I know this Wink

BuzzardBird · 09/07/2014 15:13

Oh, and of course it is one of the 5 symbols of Sikhism, but there is a significance to every one of them, they are not just picked at random.

Molio · 09/07/2014 15:13

I have children OP. The girls have gone out into the world as equal as their brothers and judging people on their own merits rather than gender. Between the DC they hold various religious positions as none has been presented as 'right' and none has been rammed down their throats.

I certainly wouldn't have wanted my girls in the closeted world of a single sex school, but that's another thread.

Molio · 09/07/2014 15:15

I also work with students. We try to encourage an open mind.

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 15:18

Am I the only one wondering why the OP posted?

BuzzardBird · 09/07/2014 15:20

Well Fide, you know what happened to the one we were posting on in the middle of the night? Same old, same old.

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 15:29

You might have a point Buzz

(Note to self -try harder to resist being sucked into to dubious threads)

BuzzardBird · 09/07/2014 15:48

I have had some funny replies from hq though, which lightens the monotony a bit.

OwlCapone · 09/07/2014 15:53

Obviously every one with half a brain has now disappeared, leaving the lunatic fringe to hurl insults and congratulate each other on being simple minded and rude.

Like you?

BuzzardBird · 09/07/2014 15:54

Shouldn't it be 'lunatic bangs' in Canada?

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