Private schools without the pressure

[SunshineQuack]

Hi

This is all a bit theoretical but my DF has just offered to pay for DD's school fees when she's a bit older as we don't have a great set of state schools around us.

We're currently just looking at our options. I'm quite keen on avoiding academic hothouses - my school was quite academically pressured and while I got very good grades I don't want the same adolescence for DD. She's very bright, very creative, and a real live wire - very energetic. She tends to like things to do, and doesn't need a lot of pushing - she loves to feel like she's doing well. DH thinks she'd do really well at any school, but I'm hoping for somewhere which is good on pastoral care, good on arts, music and drama, and while it will give her the opportunity to thrive academically, won't be too much of a hothouse.

We're looking at boarding schools in England (ideally south east so she can get home relatively easily) or day schools in the London area. We're RC and open to RC schools (she's in an RC state primary at the moment).

I had Bedales in my head as an option, but I am basing that on the media and one person I know who went there and I don't know if I've got an idealized view of the place.

Frensham Heights, Frensham very creative, no school uniform
King Edwards Witley - strong pastoral care, good arts

Both do not select on academics but get good results

Woldingham, St John's Leatherhead , St Theresa's Effingham, St Catherine's Bramley, Worth ?

I personally wouldn't choose Bedales a friends DS quirky and very bright had a hideous time there. The parents are also known to be mega wealthy.
St Edwards Oxford? Prides itself on a broad curriculum, lots of everything including drama ballet and sport, known at one time for not to be very academic but results are improving year on year with the newish head I believe last year 50% got A or A * at A level, they also offer the IB great for the all rounder or the undecided. But it is full boarding only or day, city based and quite liberal so not everyone's cup of tea. It also doesn't start till yr 9 so could be a problem you'd have to find a prep in between. Friends DC's are at Ampleforth out of your area of course but they've sent 5 and all different clever, SEN, weird all have thrived and done lots.
Bryanston? Has got links to London including a coach up to London and ?Richmond, friends with a DS there say it offers a broad curriculum, was liberal in the past but not under current head. Cranleigh great for the sporty, weekly boarding only, conservative with a small C parents. Bradfield has a reputation for having happy children who do lots, a friend with a DC there loves it, again weekly boarding only but again doesn't start till yr 9 first years live in a special purpose built boarding house all together could be a good start for a a child not familiar with boarding.

Hrm. Yes. I don't think Bedales would be right. DH and I are comfortable and come from fairly affluent backgrounds but we're not mega-rich and I don't want DD to feel like she doesn't fit in because we don't go on holiday to Barbados.

We have considered Ampleforth, but it's a bit further away than I'd like, although we are considering having a look just in case it's right. I suspect it's much more conservative than I'd like, but offers the kind of environment I think DH and his family would like (they are pretty devout Catholics).

Frensham Heights and King Edwards both look really nice. Thank you so much for that, Moid1. I am slowly looking through websites for the others, but am really grateful for the advice I've received so far.

OP, I thought on your other thread you said you were against boarding school as it had made you unhappy and anorexic...

Ignore me if this is not you, and I'm mistaken

Yes. That's me. I'm trying to find out my options as it's something that DF and DH are interested in. DH thinks I'm projecting hugely from my experiences with my boarding school (which was a massive academic hothouse) and we should look into some of the possibilities out there.

So I thought I'd post here as well and see what people said. It's a bit of a fact finding exercise and me seeing if I'm being a bit insane about boarding schools.

You asked about London day schools. They're not necessarily academic hothouses, but do all tend to be quite pressured.

You don't say which bit of London you're in, but ones you might like to have a look at are Streatham and Clapham Girls School, Francis Holland, maybe St James. And if you're considering coed, Emanuel and maybe the Harrodian.

I'm in South East London, and definitely considering co-ed. Considering everything at the moment, if I'm perfectly honest.

For nice but non- selective schools in the SE London area you could consider Emanuel or Royal Russell. Both coed, both good pastorally.

Royal Russell is an interesting mix as single sex houses where tutor group takes place but co ed classes. Pastoral care is very good ( I think because of the small single sex tutor groups and house mistress ) It is small enough to have individual care but large enough to have all music, drama, design tech , art that you would expect.
My DD had come from a high pressured prep which was not right for her and she has really flourished at RR and I am confident she will now be able to perform to the best of her academic potential as she is happy and settled. A good range of extra curricular activities as well. Some people don't think it is academic enough though.

Worth seems to fit your requirements. Benedictine school - not unlike Ampleforth. Close to London. Does well by all types of student. Not tremendously pressured.

Sunshinequack my impression of at least some very academic schools is that the children exert pressure on each other and the staff try to counterbalance it. IMO bright children need a critical mass of other bright pupils to spark off as well of course capacity to teach them to their ability. Not all mixed schools have that.
There are some 'hothouse' schools where the staff only praise pupils for very high level achievements and I would definitely avoid those for a child (most I think) who need more positive reinforcement especially for boarding.
For boarding, Benenden gets good reviews as a non hothouse girls's school at the moment although may be too far south for you? St Mary's Ascot is Catholic girls' but I don't know anything about it.
King's Cantebury again seems well thought of by posters on other threads

Thoroughly recommend Ashford School in Kent for day and boarding; just 35min from St Pancras. Both DDs loved it.

I am very anti boarding. Too many children are damaged by it. I would keep her at home if you can particularly as you say it could be a London school. I really would recommend North London Collegiate. We felt no pressure there at all although most girls cannot pass the test to get in so it will be for children who will not pass the test.

Most Catholic boarding schools have not enough pupils and poor exam results. Eg if you have a bright boy he would be much better at Eton which has Catholic chaplain (if you think boarding okay - I don't) than at say Amp.

Jane two of my siblings boarded, one loved it the other liked the freedom but did n't do particularly well. That was some time ago. I was fairly against it when my DC were young and would n't have contemplated it for them. However having taken the difficult step that way, I think in the right school it is an amazing experience for a sociable child who likes trying things although undoubtedly difficult for parents.

I've no axe to grind either way about Ampleforth as I'm definitely not catholic and Im ignoring Jane's predictable comment on boarding. Amoleforth has 600+ children aged 13-18 on its register so an average size for a boarding school not a small school and 75% got A's or B's at A level which is pretty respectable for a school that's basically almost non selective.

I've been advised in the past not go rise to Jane's tedious comments about boarding difficult as it is, I would advise you to do the same.

I'm surprised that bryanston and ampleforth have been mentioned. Not because they are bad but because they are full of the very wealthy. Ampleforth is catholic so good choice but long way away so could be isolating if dc does not like boarding.

OP said she was interested in London (day) and SE (boarding).

Wild that stretch to the south coast, and maybe Brighton College or St Bedes in Eastbourne on a weekly boarder basis?

Leighton Park? It is a quaker schools so liberal and creative

For all girls definitely Benenden , for co-ed what about Oakham or kings Canterbury

I am aware Queenswood in Hertfordshire is recommended in The Good Schools Guide for Drama and music is valued too. Not the highest results but very good and not so difficult to get into. However, please understand all boarding schools have very rich parents where they don't just have a holiday in Barbados, they are likely to own a house there. Boarding does enable children to mix with a variety of children and make friends that last a lifetime. It suits very many children.

Stowe fits the bill for your DD if she wants drama, music, art and no hot housing, excellent Head. Truly mixed ability and mixed backgrounds. All these schools have some mega wealthy parents but they are not in the majority. Brighton College and Hurstpierpoint (weekly boarding only) both have excellent Heads too. The Bradfield Head is going to Eton so there is a question mark over who will take over there.

Brighton college is shooting up the league academically so I wonder if it might be getting competitive, but it does have a good pastoral reputation. I'd definitely look at Benenden and possibly kings Rochester. Kings canterbury a great school but might be too hot-house for you.

King's Canterbury, while lovely, does have a rep for the children being competitive which may mean they pressure each other.

I think 'country' schools are a good call. Clayesmore?