Private schools without the pressure

[SunshineQuack]

Hi

This is all a bit theoretical but my DF has just offered to pay for DD's school fees when she's a bit older as we don't have a great set of state schools around us.

We're currently just looking at our options. I'm quite keen on avoiding academic hothouses - my school was quite academically pressured and while I got very good grades I don't want the same adolescence for DD. She's very bright, very creative, and a real live wire - very energetic. She tends to like things to do, and doesn't need a lot of pushing - she loves to feel like she's doing well. DH thinks she'd do really well at any school, but I'm hoping for somewhere which is good on pastoral care, good on arts, music and drama, and while it will give her the opportunity to thrive academically, won't be too much of a hothouse.

We're looking at boarding schools in England (ideally south east so she can get home relatively easily) or day schools in the London area. We're RC and open to RC schools (she's in an RC state primary at the moment).

I had Bedales in my head as an option, but I am basing that on the media and one person I know who went there and I don't know if I've got an idealized view of the place.

I loved St Bedes.

I see someone up thread has mentioned Emmanuel. Friends DS goes and it was chosen specifically for the pastoral care. We live v close and my DCs attend summer camp there. The facilities are wonderful. And am aware it has great drama and sports. Worth a look maybe?

Take a look at Mayfield in East Sussex. RC and nurturing.

Woldingham sounds good for you. It is girls boarding and Catholic. It is just inside the M25 on the train line to Victoria/London Bridge.
It is successful, but not highly selective.
Sounds like it ticks all the boxes and is nearby too.

Another vote for Kings Rochester. Not a hot house but gets good results and set in a lovely historic town but still with good transport links. Can be in London within half hour.

Thank you for all the suggestions. DH and I are going to try and put together a short list and I'm looking at pretty much everything suggested (at least their website).

Nearly all independent schools are likely to have high expectations in relation to the ability of their intake. This is one of their key selling points and this is how they market themselves. The less selective ones talk about value added the top one the % off to Oxbridge/Ivy League. Most parents paying school fees want better exam results than they think their DC would have got out of the state sector. So there is always likely to be pressure from either home or school or other class mates. Very bright children at less academic school could feel under significant pressure from school because these schools want these children to do really well, so that they can say on their website open days etc so and so go 3 A*'s and went to Oxford to read English, where as the top academic schools are less likely to focus on and maybe put pressure on a couple because they've got 50 or so who they're hoping will achieve this.
It is so so highly likely that in the boarding sector that the overwhelming majority of parents are going to be pretty wealthy, DS2 school has approx 15% on bursaries and that a lot for an independent boarding school that means 85% are paying £35k pa out of their after tax income and having paid their other bills mortgage food life style etc. So those on bursaries aside your unlikely to find many parents living in small semi's in Dover on the average wage paying boarding fees. Having said this some schools are known to be very smart and have very wealthy parents, our friends whose DS had a rough time at Bedales are in fact very wealthy but said the school has quite a few very wealthy celebrities' children there, didn't bother them but some it might. Marlborough is also known to have very wealthy and smart parents. So much depends on how you as family feel about it, from my own experience most children don't care, those that do are generally disliked by all, there will always be ghastly parents at any school but at senior school you have significantly less contact with them.

Have you heard of Farringtons in Chislehurst, Bromley? Boarding school and day pupils. Definitely not an academic hothouse and the pastoral care is very good: www.farringtons.org.uk/

beechwood sacred heart school in Tunbridge Wells?
www.beechwood.org.uk/boarding-welcome/
My neighbours girls went there are they are really lovely, they had a great time there and it catered well for their very different personalities
It's very good on the creative side but also recognises where academic and very bright students need more support and challenges

Sorry, pressed 'post' too soon
It isn't a hothouse, they are all about creating a happy and secure time at school. Both of the girls had a great time, have lots of friends from their time there and are very happy in themselves.

For day schools in London, definitely have a look at Queen's College as it sounds like it would really suit your daughter. Boarding - quite a few schools in the South East which offer weekly boarding so plenty to choose from. Benenden - didn't come across well to us and really disliked the hierarchy of girls in their houses eg junior girls not allowed on the comfy chairs plus weird school rules on the kitchen/pantry in the houses only being open to girls for 20 minutes each evening - not a homely feeling at all.

I would agree with Dusy Law, Queens College, lovely school. Ibstock Place or king Alfred other options ?

Ampleforth is brilliant and I can't praise it enough.
parents from all types of backgrounds and the children are taught to be really respectful of their teachers, so I believe the pastoral/social side is good.
because it is remote lots of things are organised for them, so never a dull moment.
When our older 2 were little and if we had had the money, they would have gone here.
We even had offer of a huge discount on fees, but boarding wasn't for us then.

Friend of mine has children at Ampleforth and they love it. They are all very down to earth and not the stereo type that everyone spouts about public school (only true of about 5% pupils). It is fairly academic but sport and drama are both very good too. There will be lots of kids going from London area and they have a lot of fun on the train. A full boarding school doesn't give children much chance to get home in between half terms as there is so much going on and so many extra activities that they love doing with their friends.

Pepperpot69

It used to make me laugh, my dh taught as a visiting teacher (specialist) for a good number of years compared to the Princes (not British) that were there my dh earned less than their pocket money. However, they addressed him as Sir, bowed and generally respected and looked up to him and all their other teachers. It never ceased to amaze me on the occasions I attended garden parties etc.
Similarly, there were those who were the poor relative in relation to this type of pupil and they were treated and behaved exactly the same.

Emanuel is very very strong in art. They interview everyone regardless of the exam results because they're looking at the whole picture. Coed.

If you are in SE London have you considered Colfes or St Dunstan's for co-ed? These are get good results without being academic hothouses and are known for their pastoral care. I know people with dc at these schools. Blackheath and Sydenham High are similar but girls only. I know that if you're closer to Dulwich then JAGS and Alleyn's are rather more selective and pressured, but Emmanuel is an option.

Ooh ooh pick mine!!! Look up The Laurels: it's a newly opened, tiny, very Catholic (but also inclusive of different beliefs) private girls' secondary, in Clapham Park, and (apart from the obvious lack of track record) it is FANTASTIC. Pastoral care and character development are their primary concerns, as they truly believe that if you nurture the child and encourage to be the best PERSON they can be, this will translate into them achieving the best results that they (as an individual) are capable of.

Do look at their website, go for a visit; I know the senior management team personally now (my daughter went when it opened last year) - nurturing their girls' is their vocation, and they really love them (in a good way!)

Www.thelaurelsschool.org.uk

As others have said, Woldingham might be a good fit. It is a Catholic school with, I think, a rising reputation. Many day girls commute from central London (there is a station in the school grounds, and a school mini bus meets the London trains), and weekly boarding is also a possibility (leave on Saturday lunchtime).

St Christopher's, Letchworth, Herts - it offers a few boarding options including weekly, it's quite laidback, only offers vegetarian food (!), from what I've heard the pupils are relatively mixed - not super super wealthy. A friend's kids went there and loved it.

I'd second St Chris.

Prior's Field in Godalming is lovely.
St Catherines Bramley - academic but focused on the whole child and them being involved in lots of sport/music/drama etc too

The Laurels is an Opus Dei school. Do think and investigate whether that is something that would work for your family.

How about Moyles Court in Ringwood? It is a boarding school in Ringwood Hampshire. Not for the super rich as they have a very good bursary system .

Agree with happy gardening.

My DSs are ate a private primary ( not a "prep" as such as they only go to 11, not 13), and I liked the school a lot and wanted something similar for secondary...only to find I could not find such a school nearby.

We ended up choosing a state school, as it is famous for its pastoral care and for being a happy school, whilst not piling on the pressure too much, whilst still putperforming the non selective private schools in terms of grades and value added.

Not saying you should look at State, just that I completely get where you are coming from and that I agree a hothousing atmosphere is not ideal for all children. Mine do much better in a more relaxed environment.

Good luck with finding the right school!