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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Do you pay/reward your children for their results/reports?

63 replies

shewhoneverdusts · 19/07/2006 11:08

The title says it all really. The reason I ask is my dd (12) has taken her yr9 sats this year and her friends are all bragging about their results and how much money they are getting for it. She got the same (and some better results as they did) but I don't feel it's necessary to pay my dd for what is essentially a normal part of school life. Just wondered if I am being mean or what others think.

OP posts:

melrose · 19/07/2006 11:11

My best friend's DAd used gto pay her for results. I used to get much higher results but no money! Don't think it did me any harm. My Mum just used to tell me that as long as i worked hard, did my best etc the actual result did not matter so she was not going to pay me for it!

Think i used to get the odd treat, but more for working hard than actual results, so more likely a trip to the cinema after exams ended rather than on results day.

Mine are pre exams now, but like to think I would be the same

Greensleeves · 19/07/2006 11:12

I've always thought it was weird and abhorrent. I certainly won't be doing it. But I know lots of people who think it's normal.

MIL told dh she would buy him a boat if he did well in his A-levels (he was sailing enthusiast). He got 4 As and 2 S-level distinctions - but no boat

I just don't understand parents paying children for passing exams. I think it robs the whole educational process of its meaning - the point of passing the exams is that the child is working towards his/her future, surely? Shouldn't that be its own reward? [mouth pursed like dog's bottom emoticon]

Sherbert37 · 19/07/2006 11:14

I get mine a game for PS2 or similar for reports and to take on holiday. Do make a big fuss and perhaps go out for a treat, as my parents just expected me to get top grades and didn't really show appreciation. Sane fuss for each child, regardless of result, as long as they have done their best. Has worked so far (age 13, 11 and 9).

hotmama · 19/07/2006 11:16

This was always a gripe of mine when I was at school - my friends got cash/pressies and I didn't!

My mum's response was that she just wanted me to do my best - and didn't want to reward/pressure for giving cash for particular grades etc. At the time I thought she was just being a tight wad - but in hindsight think she was right.

KBear · 19/07/2006 11:16

Praise is enough reward in my skint opinion!! I make a BIG deal about school reports and achievement generally but stress the "We're so proud of you" rather than "here's a present" thing. I think children love their parents to be proud (I know I do!). My two puff out their chests when I tell them how proud I am of their good behaviour or when they've swum three strokes of the pool or did as they were asked without me screeching!

BettySpaghetti · 19/07/2006 11:18

DD is only 6 but when shes got a swimming badge/gone up a group at swimming or when we've got her end of year report we've tended to have a well-done type family outing of her choice ( go for a meal or swimming trip).

Its nothing outrageously expensive but I think its nice to show her that we're proud of her for doing well/trying hard. Also its a family thing not just "bunging her some cash".

OppressedLiberalPinko · 19/07/2006 11:18

Don't like that at all. Might give a reward for trying hard- esp if the child perceived the topic as v dull- but definitely not for the results themselves.

melrose · 19/07/2006 11:20

The more i thin about this, the more I think it is awful to pay for results. Think it leads kids to expect something material for everything they do, does not always happen in the big old world does it? Someon esaying well done and thank you for working hard is far better than, here have a tenner.

MarsLady · 19/07/2006 11:22

I have always bought mine a hardback book at the end of each school year. I tell them how proud I am of them for working hard. I write that in the cover of their books as well.

I love love love books and give them at every opportunity.

When DD1 came back with stunning SATs results I told her that I was really proud of her. She asked if we could go out to dinner to celebrate and I agreed!

schneebly · 19/07/2006 11:22

I didn't get paid for mine and wont be giving cash to DSs either but we might go for a meal to celebrate or have a special tea or something!

bluejelly · 19/07/2006 11:25

No -- I was never rewarded and don't reward my dd either.
Academic acheivement should be a reward in itself! ( she said pompously!)

melrose · 19/07/2006 11:28

Marslady, that is a lovely idea about the books. Going out for a meal is too as a something you do together to celebrate something good, as you would if you got a new job or something. Money is just so odd as no thought gone into it and no "sharing" involved, just cold financial transaction!

Jackstini · 19/07/2006 11:29

I used to get rewarded but only based on the grades for 'effort' rather than results. Anything above a C was rewarded, anything below a C, I had to pay my parents! It worked for me and my sister.
Now in the real world I get a bonus for hitting target but based on results rather than effort!

charliecat · 19/07/2006 11:42

I have said Well Done you both have got excellent reports, if theres anything you want let me know.
They are no bother whatsoever at school, a bad word is never said about them, they work hard and they behave themselves.
Saving me an awful lot of hassle compared to other kids who play up, wont behave, get into trouble fight etc and so im happy to get them something ...
dd2 wanted an ice pole.

frogs · 19/07/2006 12:02

Dd1 told me in shocked tones that some of her friends from swimming club who go to private schools had been offered rewards for getting into particular secondary schools. I think this is quite common, actually, and I still find it appalling.

I took dd1 for her first ever skiing trip after her grammar school entrance exam, but we went before the results came out and I made it very clear to her that it was a reward for all the effort she'd put in and a mother-daughter bonding trip to mark a milestone in her life, rather than being a reward for getting particular results.

Ds is now insisting on a comparable father-son bonding trip when he's in Y6 as well -- they were muttering about going off to climb Snowdon. [yuk emoticon]

KTeePee · 19/07/2006 12:03

My kids are younger and they were very pleased to be allowed to have a junk-food takeaway as a treat when they got their reports!

SoupDragon · 19/07/2006 12:06

I buy DSs treats for getting a good report (but it's after the event, not as a bribe.

I'm chortling away at "the point of passing the exams is that the child is working towards his/her future, surely? Shouldn't that be its own reward?" . How many children actually realise/care about that? Their future is so far away as far as they're concerned. I know it was when I did my exams. That future is even further away now but it's behind me.

cremolafoam · 19/07/2006 12:11

I was never reawrded by my parent s for doing well in exams, but lots of my friends were bought a car for passing thier A levels!! ( i was quite jealous)
My dd is going to sit the 11+ this year and dh and i have decided to organise a special treat( trip to see Cats in london) whether she does well or badly. i think it wil be nice to reward her for trying her best and just surviving the stupid pressure that 11+ brings.

Greensleeves · 19/07/2006 12:35

I don't see what's funny about it, Soupdragon. Surely part of the job of parenting is to teach children values which don't necessarily come naturally to them. Like not allowing them to live on junk food and guzzle coke - most kids don't give a hoot about their parents reasons for insisting on healthier options, they just think it's "not fair". But the hope is that they internalise some of the values for later life, isn't it?

Or do you make all your parenting decisions on the basis of what your kids say they want?

littlerach · 19/07/2006 12:46

We bought sd a pc game when she got good sats results.

And we told DD1 that she could choose atreat when she got her school report as it was brilliant.

I was rewarded at GCSE, Alevel and degree but this was never my reason for trying hard. In fact, if I'd known I'd get something, I might have tried even harder.

As for the future, when i worked i got paid for doing so, and bonus for doing more, so I presume that this will happen to my children too.

mell2 · 19/07/2006 14:01

Shew, did your dd take the sats early? If so, it may warrant a 'reward' No, seriously though, i agree that i would offer a small treat for working hard more than for the actual result.

beckybrastraps · 19/07/2006 14:02

Ds got lots of praise and an ice cream.

roisin · 19/07/2006 15:25

We always buy dss (7 and 9) a book or two as a reward for their good reports. I always stress to them that we are most interested about the effort/motivation grades, and the comments about behaviour.

I guess when they get older the rewards will probably we translated into hard cash.

Iklboo · 19/07/2006 15:30

Greeny - you're in danger of sounding like dumbfluff [please don't be offended emoticon]

I can see both your point & soupy's though. You're not exactly paying them for pasing their exams, you're rewarding their hard work - a bit like you getting a bonus at work (on a very small scale) BUT they shouldn't expect it.

I'm not explaining myself very well here am I?

It's TOO hot

Original poster

shewhoneverdusts · 19/07/2006 16:10

Hi Mell2
yes she took them in year 8 as they are being accelerated. She did really well too and has got a 7 for maths and science, still waiting for English. DH and I just lavish praise on both dds and tell them how proud we are of them. we also tried to explain that giving money for getting results is wrong in our opinion as working your best at school is to be expected, not bought. DD1 understands this, but I think she is getting very fed up with the "oh, I got £50 for mine, or I got £10, for a level 8 and £5 for a level 7, what did you get"? Still, I shall stick to my guns and hopefully they will understand in years to come.

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