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Secondary education

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Original poster

Saturday detention and inflexible school.

216 replies

Rainbow · 11/10/2013 16:28

My DS2 is in Y8 and the school policy is, if they get 5 detentions for not doing homework, they get a Saturday detention. I don't agree with it but it is school policy and I agreed to work with the school for the duration of my child's time with them. DS2 got his 5 detentions and was told on Wednesday(2/10), that he had detention on the Saturday (5/10). As a Cub Scout Leader, I had made arrangements to go to District camp with all the beavers, cubs and scouts from our district. DS1 is a beaver leader DS2 and DS3 are scouts, DS4 is too young but had not choice and my parents and my sis are also leaders with beavers and scouts and so they came too. There was not at home who could look after DS2. I explained to the school that this was the case and after numerous suggestions along the lines of put him on 3 trains and a bus (total journey time 2 hrs 40 mins) it was agreed to postpone the detention to the following week. I got on the coach with all the other leaders and children on the Friday and returned by coach on the Sunday. I then discovered, that DS2's detention had been extended by 1 hour because he could not make the previous Saturday. School seems to be steadfast in their decision and insist on punishing DS2 for my commitment. He did get a couple of Saturday detentions last ear and one was changed as my cousin was getting married but the other 2 we bend over backwards to get him there, even picking up my cubs and taking them to their event before collecting DS2 from camp only to find that the member of staff who was taking the detention had not turned up! Working together is a 2 way street or at least I thought it was!

OP posts:
OddSockMonster · 13/10/2013 14:17

Why don't you approach the school and suggest the things you will do to help and the things you think would also help, e.g. checking that he's written down his homework correctly. Maybe suggest that you and they try these things out for a short duration, say three of four weeks, to try and crack it, then evaluate what's worked and what hasn't. If you write it in a 'lets work in partnership' way rather than being angry then hopefully they'll be happy to give it a go.

SirChenjin · 13/10/2013 16:22

When we had issues with DS1, I went to see the HT and we worked out what each of us would do to address the problems - so rather than it being his problem (although primarily it was...) we looked for solutions and agreed what he would do to improve things, what we would do at home to support him and the school, and what the school would do. I put the agreement in writing and we all worked towards it. Maybe worth a try as an approach?

eddiemairswife · 13/10/2013 16:26

Is there a reason why he doesn't manage to write down all his homework in the planner, or is just carelessness?

frogs · 13/10/2013 16:38

Oh fgs, you and he need to man up - your son needs to acquire some initiative and you need to grow some balls. The after-school activities are really not the issue here, nor is the school's so-called 'inflexibility'. 5.30 is not late to get in from school - a Y8 probably doesn't go to bed until 9.30 at the earliest, so he's got 4 hours every evening to do his homework, at minimum.

There are kids who do training for sports every day after school. Kids who swim competitively will be doing an hour's training before school most days. If they want to do it enough, they find time and energy for it

If he sees schoolwork as a priority, he will find a way to get it done. Even if he doesn't see it as important for its own sake, if he sees that you regard it as a priority and are prepared to enforce it, then he will gradually realise that you and the school mean business and it's in his interest to get on with it.

Obviously if you don't regard homework as a priority, and keep coming up with excuses as to why your poor put-upon son can't do his homework, he will consider that a green light to carry on prioritising scouts, computer time and doing sweet fa over getting his schoolwork done. In two years' time he's going to be starting GCSE courses, whose problem is it going to be then? Hmm

englishteacher78 · 13/10/2013 16:38

Is there a 'report' system? We can't as you say check 30 have written it in correctly but I know the 4 or 5 who can't be trusted and need checking.

Thants · 13/10/2013 17:07

Frogs please don't say 'man up' it's pathetic and offensive.
The op isn't a bad parent because her teenager has missed a bit of homework, by that age they should be organising themselves a bit more. But Saturday detentions worry me. Schools should not be dictating our lives. I'm assuming it's an academy which sadly all schools are becoming. It means they value profit over student care. A child needs encouragement and help not being forced to be at school 6 days a week!

SirChenjin · 13/10/2013 17:17

Agree. Telling someone (ie a woman) to man up and grow a pair of balls is pathetic.

frogs · 13/10/2013 17:43

Aww, bless. If you think 'main up and grow a pair' is offensive, you possibly need to get out a little more. Smile

But don't worry, just keep blaming the school for their unreasonableness. Just don't come back in three years time and moan about how much better all the other kids did in their GCSEs, and how the examiners were really unreasonable in not taking account that your ds needed to go to scouts and play on the computer.

Just sayin'.

ravenAK · 13/10/2013 17:44

You could suggest a VLE to the school.

We have one, hosted by a company called frog (although tbh my techy colleagues say there are better, cheaper alternatives.)

All teachers set HW on frog - I do this as the class is working & display on the interactive whiteboard.

All students AND parents have a log in. Students can see all their HW (& it's possible to attach resources such as worksheets, so no excuse if paper copy given in class has gone AWOL...). Parents can see everything set for their dc, with due dates etc.

Obviously, it doesn't solve the problem of ds producing inadequate/skimped work which passes muster with you, because you don't know the standard required, but not with the teacher - but if he honestly thinks his work is OK & he's being constantly told it isn't, you probably need to set up a meeting with school anyway, as he'll just fall further & further behind. IME it's much more common that a year 8 lad does know what's expected, but 'cba, tbh'.

School may not want to go down the VLE route but it's increasingly common & I think v effective. May be worth suggesting.

Oh & YABU about the detention, I'm afraid. He does need to suck it up.

SirChenjin · 13/10/2013 17:45

Get out a little more? Hardly Frogs - you just need to do a bit of growing up and stop thinking that telling a woman to grow a pair of testicles or to man up isn't pathetic.

Just sayin'.

frogs · 13/10/2013 17:47

Ahh, little delicate flowers. Sweet.

SirChenjin · 13/10/2013 17:51

Ahh - childish and a bit dim. Sweet.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 13/10/2013 17:54

Just reading this and I think the OP does need to man up.

Is it the phrase you object to SirChenjin or the notion?

In y8, the boy really does need to be capable of getting his act together a little more for himself, and if he gets detention, he needs to suck it up and not do it again. 5 detentions for the same kind of thing is just crazy.

Fairenuff · 13/10/2013 17:56

Yes, our school use frog too. It's easy to check what homework has been set. It sounds like he is just not used to a 'homework routine' and you need to help him set this up as a matter of urgency.

Retrieverlady · 13/10/2013 17:59

I agree with Frogs. My dd is in year 8 and her tutor rang me to say her homework wasn't always complete. I came down on her like a ton of bricks and she now has to do it in front of us at the kitchen table as we can't trust her to do it under her own steam. We have made it very clear that homework comes ahead of computer time or "fun". There is no way I want to get to year 10 or 11 and still have her thinking that homework isn't important.

frogs · 13/10/2013 17:59

Sufficiently non-dim that my dc have only ever needed one weekday detention each for uncompleted homework. After the first time, they worked out for themselves what they needed to do to prevent the situation arising again.

SirChenjin · 13/10/2013 17:59

Man up means what exactly?

If you mean be more assertive then just say so, rather than telling a woman to grow a pair on testicles, as if being a man and having a pair of balls is something to aspire to in some way.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 13/10/2013 18:01

Well, whatever you want to call it, she needs to do it.

SirChenjin · 13/10/2013 18:03

Ok - well lets be constructive and adult about this, rather than telling a grown woman that she needs to grow a pair of testicles. Fortunately there have been many of other posts which have been much more helpful and practical - hopefully the OP can take something from them.

cory · 13/10/2013 18:05

Ds' school went down the same route as flipchart's ds': put him on report so he could see for himself exactly how his behaviour was affecting his performance.

He needed that: some children are bright enough only to need one detention to see where they are going wrong, but ds needed to really have it spelled out to him that this wasn't just some silly idea by his overeducated mother. And the school, thankfully, were happy to oblige.

He is now upstairs doing the weekend's homework, having spent most of the weekend travelling to visit a sick grandparent. By my calculations he should still be able to fit 3 hours work in tonight as well as supper.

trianglecirclesquare · 13/10/2013 18:11

Rainbow I really sympathise with you! Do you think he may have an undiagnosed LD? My DS is dyspraxic, and thus hopelessly disorganised, and it is a monumental struggle with homework.

On the point that he does not write down the correct or complete assignments - have you tried a recording device? We had some success with this, as it's techy and he likes to use it. Get a simple, cheap one (for when he loses it....) He can speak the assignment into the device, or have the teacher repeat it into the microphone, or have a friend do it. It's clearly still user-driver Smile but it increased his likelihood to get the right information home.

Also... changing schools? Sounds like this one is not doing a great job with him.

And for all the posters telling the OP to just get her 12-year-old to do his homework... yeah, I bet she hadn't thought of that! [head slap] How simple!

curlew · 13/10/2013 18:19

"He takes himself Curlew. I take him to Saturday detention (to make sure he gets there!) but he comes home on his own"

So why does whatever you are doing on Saturday have any effect on him doing a Saturday detention? Or am I missing something?

Thants · 13/10/2013 18:22

Frogs it's offensive because you are attributing confidence and bravery to being male. If you don't find that offensive then I really hope you don't have a daughter.

Thants · 13/10/2013 18:23

Clearly the Saturday detentions aren't working so maybe forcing kids into school 6 days a week isn't the best way to encourage them to be passionate about learning.

bundle · 13/10/2013 18:27

Rainbow, is the Saturday detention a new policy or were you made aware of it when applying for a place at the school?

I assume you had the scout commitments before so knew the implications for your family.

I hope that your ds doesn't pick up on all of this - there needs to be a united message from parents and school. Or else find another school if you disagree fundamentally with its rules.

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