Saturday detention and inflexible school.

[Rainbow]

My DS2 is in Y8 and the school policy is, if they get 5 detentions for not doing homework, they get a Saturday detention. I don't agree with it but it is school policy and I agreed to work with the school for the duration of my child's time with them. DS2 got his 5 detentions and was told on Wednesday(2/10), that he had detention on the Saturday (5/10). As a Cub Scout Leader, I had made arrangements to go to District camp with all the beavers, cubs and scouts from our district. DS1 is a beaver leader DS2 and DS3 are scouts, DS4 is too young but had not choice and my parents and my sis are also leaders with beavers and scouts and so they came too. There was not at home who could look after DS2. I explained to the school that this was the case and after numerous suggestions along the lines of put him on 3 trains and a bus (total journey time 2 hrs 40 mins) it was agreed to postpone the detention to the following week. I got on the coach with all the other leaders and children on the Friday and returned by coach on the Sunday. I then discovered, that DS2's detention had been extended by 1 hour because he could not make the previous Saturday. School seems to be steadfast in their decision and insist on punishing DS2 for my commitment. He did get a couple of Saturday detentions last ear and one was changed as my cousin was getting married but the other 2 we bend over backwards to get him there, even picking up my cubs and taking them to their event before collecting DS2 from camp only to find that the member of staff who was taking the detention had not turned up! Working together is a 2 way street or at least I thought it was!

[SirChenjin]

The thing is, they did support you - they changed the date of the detention. I know they added on an additional hour, but I think they have to show that they mean business, otherwise they will have parents giving all sorts of excuses - so maybe that extra hour is a deterrent?

I would second flipchart's suggestion. DS1 was on a report card for a year when he started High School - 6 months at the school's insistence, and the next 6 months at mine because I didn't feel his overall attitude had improved sufficiently. He hated it, but it did work

[englishteacher78]

We do volunteer shifts in the library after school. Some students are 'invited' to attend.

[PeterParkerSays]

What does "he is expected to go to enrichment clubs" mean in your prev. post OP? Who expects him to? If it was me, I'd tell him that he can't go to enrichment clubs until his homework is up to date - he has to earn the right to attend them.

If the school aren't happy with this, explain that their sanctions - the sit around and twiddle your thumbs detentions - aren't a sufficient deterrent for him so you're taking additional steps to make sure his work gets done.

Please stop being annoyed at the school. no, the teacher didn't turn up to detention - had your son done his work, neither the teacher nor the pupil need have attended.

[Rainbow]

Englishteacher78, they have a Saturday detention every weekend. 2 of DS2's friends prefer Saturday detentions to staying at home and so deliberately get them. I find that so sad!

[mercibucket]

it sounds like you just need to schedule a once a month saturday detention into the family routine, not such a big deal if you think of it that way, i expect he will get bored of it eventually and start doing the homework

[SirChenjin]

To be fair - if the teacher is supposed to turn up for detention, then he/she should turn up. You can't pick and choose which bits of your job you turn up for.

[chocoluvva]

Well IMO the school is being ridiculously inflexible and their sanctions are not having the desired effect.

[LibraryBook]

You seem to have loads of legitimate reasons as to why things can't and won't happen as they should re school. Has it occurred to you your son may have inherited your disdain for the school's authority?

[Rainbow]

PeterParkersays - Enrichment clubs are straight after school like dance, drama, chess, big band, musical theatre etc Every pupil is expected to sign up to at least 3 a week.

I have suggested that he be allowed to do homework but nothing has changed.

[timidviper]

Have you ever thought of giving him some kind of punishment whenever he gets a detention. It would show you are supporting school and may make him improve. So, e.g., each time he gets a detention he is not allowed tv or computer or something you deem appropriate for 1 day, a Saturday could be loss of an outing or a treat.

I think you are giving him very mixed messages by sending him but complaining about it which could cause problems for you with discipline as he gets older.

[Sirzy]

So he can use the other 2 nights to do his homework then.

You seem to be looking for as many reasons as you can why your son isn't managing to do as asked. Its only going to get harder as he gets older so I would get it sorted now.

[Rainbow]

He's not the first child I have had through Secondary school and it is nt disdain for the school's authority. DS1 went to a different secondary school and had problems with homework and a few other things but his school worked with me as I did them and things were relatively plain sailing once DS1 realised that the school and I worked together. This school open last year and was closer to us. They are refusing to work with but want me to work them. That's the problem I have. I have 3 other children who don't deserved to be punished for DS2's mistakes. He should be not them.

[Sirzy]

I have 3 other children who don't deserved to be punished for DS2's mistakes

So get your son to pull his socks up then!

[Rainbow]

Sirzy - he does and on the other nights he does as much as possible.

That is why want it sorted. DS1 was sorted within the first year. It's the "we know best" attitude that seems to be stopping it getting sorted with DS2. Their way isn't working and not just with DS2 but many others but the school won't hear it.

[NeverKnowinglyUnderstood]

when you say you are working with the school it doesn't sound like it at all... it sounds like you are expecting the school to deal with it. without any change from you at all.

I understand about this weekend but really it has got to this point because you are failing to address the problem.

[RussiansOnTheSpree]

There seem to be several issues here. Your DS seems unable to keep up with the work. This is one issue. You are completely over committed to scouts (and so it seems are your sons) and you seem to think that scouts is more important than education. It isn't. Also - the school doesn't seem to be noticing that its detention policy is completely ineffective.

[TapTapBangBang]

You're really coming across as you're not willing to be the parent and punish your own child for not doing his homework and also you're not willing for the school to punish him in their way that has been clearly spelled out to him.

He needs to do his homework. Does he like being a scout? Simple no homework, no scouts. Does he have a playstation? Simple no homework, playstation is gone! Etc...

How are you punishing your own child, it's not just up to the school to rectify this issue, it's your sons and your responsibility too!

[PeterParkerSays]

OP, what does your son do at home when he's supposed to be doing homework? What other treats / incentives do he have at home - screen time, after school activities - that you could work with? Putting £50 of £1 coins in a jar for a computer game and remove £2 for every homework missed etc.

Has he explained why he doesn't want to do the home work?

[Rainbow]

timidviper - I agree. He is getting mixed messages this time. I have supported the school every time up until now. He has been grounded and missed camps. 99% of the time I have arranged things and put a lot of other people out to get to last minute meetings or Saturday detention. This is one occasion that will occur every 2 years , that every section and therefore every leader (my whole family) will be unavailable yet the school will not be flexible enough to work with me the way I have worked with them.

[Sirzy]

The school have been flexible, they have changed another date for you.

[TheAngryCheeseCracker]

but they are flexible aren't they? They let you postpone?

Really, your weekend commitments are not the school's problem.

[Rainbow]

PeterParkersays -He finds homework boring. I have explained boring or not , it needs to be done. He is doing some sort of work. I do check but I don't really know what I am looking at other than subject matter but it doesn't seem to be the right work or the right amount of work. He is a scout and does a lot of activities with them, camps, days out etc. He also likes the computer.

[flipchart]

What about my suggestion of him being on permanent report from a few posts back.
It made a huge difference to us.

[NeverKnowinglyUnderstood]

life is boring.. he has to get over it.
scout stuff is about self discipline as much as other things. He can't demonstrate his ability to do his school work he can't go to scouts.

[LIZS]

How can you say they are inflexible when it got deferred. You haven't responded yet on why he won't/can't do the homework set . Presumably other kids can do theirs in limited time. I'd have thought he should miss the extra curricular stuff until he is producing the goods but you seem to fuel his attitude by not accepting it is his responsibility.