daughter banned from her Prom, very unfair headteacher

[scruffy68]

I am looking for some advice from you guys as I have a meeting with my daughters head teacher and am feeling a little overwhelmed by this.

I will try to keep it brief but basically my daughter has been banned from her school prom and the only reason the school will give is that she has shown poor behavour in the past but will not give us any specifics, time or dates! in fact I had a meeting with my daughters head of year only weeks before they informed me of the ban and he said he cant wait for the first dance with her. After this meeting I bought my daughters dress and shoes at great expense.

I was informed of the ban when a standard letter was sent out with some key dates on it and at the bottom in one sentence they said " it should be noted that due to recent poor behaviour ............ will not be able to attend the prom"

I phoned immediatly and on numerous occasions since and have also been into the school 3 times but have been fobbed of continually. It was only once I finally wrote to the head with all my concerns and telling her I was informing the govenors that she eventually wrote to me,6 1/2 weeks later, inviting me in to discuss my concernes but that she would not change her mind about the prom.

I have known for 8 weeks now and have been fighting all this time to try and find a resolve as I feel really badly treated.

I would be gateful if anyone has any ideas as to what I should say or ask at the meeting as Im feeling pretty burnt out by it all now!

Her prom is next week!

Thank you if you have taken time to read this long post!!!

First up, I know this is an old thread.

Second, I'm annoyed at badly behaved children who make it difficult for the rest of the class to learn, followed by the incredulity of their parents on hearing the news.

While the majority of the class behave themselves, there are a small number who permanently disrupt. What incentive would there be for well behaved children to obey rules when there would be no deterrent for bad behaviour?

I think it's great the headteacher showed leadership on this occasion. It sends a message that there are rules.

I agree that the communication sucks.

Our headteacher weighs up facts and is constantly making decisions. Has done for years. She would be mostly fair most of the time. I assume the same in your case.

Recent example: DD and her friends pointed out a girl "bully". I later learned she was banned from her end of primary school dance. I then identified her mother at school sports day and thought "no wonder". Gobby, attention-seeking, passing comments and blunt, like two peas in a pod.

I imagine mother would have gone ballistic at the head teacher for the ban and the head would have anticipated this when making the decision and stood her ground.

Proms are not the be all and end all of life. I'd be prioritising the poor behaviour and how to improve future life chances.

I don't think the head needs to explain the events to you. You have a 16 year old to do that. If the head were to tell you, then they will just get embroiled in an argument. The decision is "banned". Suck it up.

She's got a 23 year old now, not a 16 year old... :o

Zombie thread

@scruffy68

Regarding a comment you made about only doing silly stuff, like skirt to short and being late for lessons.

Those are not silly things, if done enough it's seen as obvious flouting of the rules set in place, punishment can be detentions, suspension and blocked from attending prom once a threshold has been met.

Sounds like your DD flouted the rules one to many times.

Pineapple you must have seen the notice that this thread is over a year old!

Jeez I wish people would look at the dates!!!

My beautiful daughter is a grown woman now with her own family. She has done incredibly well at school and completed a fantastic business apprenticeship. She worked full time from the age of 16 and now works at a school for children with severe learning difficulties and disabilities. She was treated badly by her secondary school as were many. We have moved on from these times and only look forward to a positive future. I'm a firm believer in restorative justice. Some people have been understanding and I thank you, others have just been plain judgemental and unkind. That's your prerogative. I was looking for support at the time not haters. Thank you from a mum who just tried her best!

Haven't RTFT but I'm glad to hear things have turned out so well for your daughter, OP. She sounds like a lovely person and I wish her well for the future.

Thank you.