daughter banned from her Prom, very unfair headteacher

[scruffy68]

I am looking for some advice from you guys as I have a meeting with my daughters head teacher and am feeling a little overwhelmed by this.

I will try to keep it brief but basically my daughter has been banned from her school prom and the only reason the school will give is that she has shown poor behavour in the past but will not give us any specifics, time or dates! in fact I had a meeting with my daughters head of year only weeks before they informed me of the ban and he said he cant wait for the first dance with her. After this meeting I bought my daughters dress and shoes at great expense.

I was informed of the ban when a standard letter was sent out with some key dates on it and at the bottom in one sentence they said " it should be noted that due to recent poor behaviour ............ will not be able to attend the prom"

I phoned immediatly and on numerous occasions since and have also been into the school 3 times but have been fobbed of continually. It was only once I finally wrote to the head with all my concerns and telling her I was informing the govenors that she eventually wrote to me,6 1/2 weeks later, inviting me in to discuss my concernes but that she would not change her mind about the prom.

I have known for 8 weeks now and have been fighting all this time to try and find a resolve as I feel really badly treated.

I would be gateful if anyone has any ideas as to what I should say or ask at the meeting as Im feeling pretty burnt out by it all now!

Her prom is next week!

Thank you if you have taken time to read this long post!!!

No update from the OP yet?

This site is a lesson in modern schooling. I went to school so long ago (no proms) so I will just say thanks for the education.

Hi. It is the prom at my DDs school tonight. DD1 just finishing yr 10 so not her prom yet however they have been told today that almost a quarter of the year have not been invited. This is due to behaviour, attendance or not getting enough teachers to sign their 'passport of success'. Year 10's have been given ample warning that invitation to prom has to be earned - it is not a right.

We do 'Passport to the Prom' too.

There is much panic, generally, amongst borderliners in the weeks before study leave as they try to get various bits 'signed off' by more soft-hearted teachers...(eg. me)

If a kid is told they aren't going, they need to sort it out (last minute new leaf turning is encouraged). A parent chuntering won't achieve much I'm afraid.

Oh & usually, the kids organise & book (senior student committee), but venues expect a guaranteed teacher presence before they'll take the booking.

Ours is this Friday - an evening of unpaid, boring overtime for me, & frankly, anyone who hasn't got their P2P sorted by now is clearly an unrepentant total PITA & I don't fancy chucking them out when they get stuck in to the vodka in the bogs.

We don't do a Passport to the Prom (good idea though - might suggest it) but several of our Yr 11s have been banned. It's been a bit controversial this year - Head of Year is a bit impulsive, and has banned kids without thinking about it then had to go back on his decision, which helps no one.

ravenAK - I'm with you on it being upaid and boring overtime. Ours is on a Thursday as well - so school the next day.

Last year we got entertainment out of patrolling the car park, finding bottles of vodka stashed in bushes, emptying the vodka out and filling the bottles back up with water.

She has been playing up at school. It must be serious to ban her from prom. She would have received multiple warnings. She also won't be the only kid banned.

YABU for not being more concerned about your daughter's poor behaviour. I understand you're seeing it from her POV, but she'll be feeling very sorry for herself and playing down her bad behaviour.

YANBU to want to know what she's been up to so you can deal with it accordingly. Stop worrying about the prom and your 'poor mistreated child' and deal with her behaviour. DEMAND the school let you know so you can deal with it.

Principal wants first dance with your daughter? Creepy alert...

No school wants to ban pupils willy-nilly from proms- it's horrible for the child and they wouldn't want to do unless she had seriously pushed it. I'm sorry but your daughter almost certainly knows exactly what she did to merit this punishment. She must also have thought she would get away with it and be allowed to go anyway. You need to have a very serious conversation with her about it, and get her to tell you the real truth about it all.

Likewise EvilTwins, except we gave the vodka to the NQTs....

Oh & the dancing thing...?

It is pretty much compulsory at our do for staff to get up & dance with the students, & is particularly funny for everyone if it's Mrs Straightlaced Teacher with BaddestBoyInYear11.

We are not talking slow dancing here! Awful 'your dad at a wedding' moves which subsequently end up on youtube.

Gosh it's awful! I've tried to get out of it, but my year 11s have heard that I rocked up in full on goth corset & bustle a couple of years ago (my form were leaving) & have asked me to turn up again. I'm knocking back a rather good gig to be there.

And seriously if a young person of 16 can't get themselves organised and pointing in the right direction in the morning, yet focus admirably on an outfit for the school prom, then I suggest she may have got her priorities rather skewed.

she doesnt now what she has supposed to have done apart from the usual silly stuff like wearing her skirt to short or being late to lessons

Not silly and a good enough reason to ban her. She is 16 not 12, old enough to know the uniform rules and to read a watch.

The op has not been on here,since Tues evening when she went to visit the school.
My guess is that she has found out why her DD is banned,and the ban is staying in place.
I feel sorry for the DD.I know she may well have been getting herself into trouble,but it is still a shame.I hope the DD learns something,and if she does stay on at school somewhere,that she has a nice prom when she is 17 and 18,and even at Uni at summer balls.

Thanks for all your responses to my post. I would like to inform you that although it saddend me about the prom ban this was not what I was asking your help for!

I was very upset at the poor communication from the school as they had given me no cause for concern, yes it appears DD was playing up but they failed to inform me so how could I have delt with it?

I have now met with the head and she also agreed the communication was poor and is infact going to pay for my costs. We also discussed how things could be inproved in the future.

Yes my daughter probably got what she disserved but unless im aware of the said problems there is not much I could have done.

DD at home and around family and friends is a kind, loving girl who has acheived lots of excellent grades so what was I supposed to think? I have spoken to her and she agrees she was being silly.

IdontknowwhyIcare, I could respond to your horrid post because you are obviously very bitter about your life but im not going to because I dont want to hurt you like you have me!!!!!

Thank you again for all your posts you certainly gave me lots to think about!

Idon'tknowwhyIcare - what a nasty post.

They are going to pay for your costs?

I appreciate they were bad at communication but so was your dd.

I don't believe for one moment they are going to reimburse your costs

Howmuch are you talking? Most prom dress are over £100, not to mention the shoes/hair/nails that girls want these days (so glad i have boys and can hire from Moss bros - not cheap but less than dress/shoes/hair/nails/makeup...)

No school nowadays has £80 odd quid readily available to hand out to disgruntled mothers. And especially not disgruntled mothers whose daughters have behaved sufficiently badly that they're still banned from the prom. Just saying.

They're forking out for your costs?

Complete and utter bullshit.

You AND your daughter sound quite precious. To be booted out of prom she was not 'being silly.' She's behaved really badly.

I think your glossing over whatever your daughter has done. This will do her no good.

*You're

"I was very upset at the poor communication from the school as they had given me no cause for concern, yes it appears DD was playing up but they failed to inform me so how could I have delt with it?"

OP, your dd is approaching adulthood- she needs to deal with the consequences of her behaviour, not you. She is not a small child who needs mummy to tell her why she is being punished. She has been told what was wrong and it was her job to do something about it. This is not about what you could have done, it's about her life.

Seriously, with that attitude, how do you expect her to hold down a job or cope at university in two years' time?

Quite a lot of virtriole in the last number of posts. Why should we disbelieve the OP about the reimbursements? I've also experienced end of term reports which haven't been glowing and I wish I'd been told sooner to try and nip things in the bud. It's only if I ask a teacher if everything is ok that they inform me of misdemeanours. If I didn't ask they wouldn't mention it at all.