daughter banned from her Prom, very unfair headteacher

[scruffy68]

I am looking for some advice from you guys as I have a meeting with my daughters head teacher and am feeling a little overwhelmed by this.

I will try to keep it brief but basically my daughter has been banned from her school prom and the only reason the school will give is that she has shown poor behavour in the past but will not give us any specifics, time or dates! in fact I had a meeting with my daughters head of year only weeks before they informed me of the ban and he said he cant wait for the first dance with her. After this meeting I bought my daughters dress and shoes at great expense.

I was informed of the ban when a standard letter was sent out with some key dates on it and at the bottom in one sentence they said " it should be noted that due to recent poor behaviour ............ will not be able to attend the prom"

I phoned immediatly and on numerous occasions since and have also been into the school 3 times but have been fobbed of continually. It was only once I finally wrote to the head with all my concerns and telling her I was informing the govenors that she eventually wrote to me,6 1/2 weeks later, inviting me in to discuss my concernes but that she would not change her mind about the prom.

I have known for 8 weeks now and have been fighting all this time to try and find a resolve as I feel really badly treated.

I would be gateful if anyone has any ideas as to what I should say or ask at the meeting as Im feeling pretty burnt out by it all now!

Her prom is next week!

Thank you if you have taken time to read this long post!!!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thu 28-Jun-12 12:21:20

"After all, there might well have been things the OP could have done - like checking her dd's homework, if poorly done/handed in late homework was one of the issues; or turfing her out of the house for an earlier bus, if late arrival first thing was part of the problem."

Given the age of the dd, I would say that it is high time she realises that other people are not responsible for her behaviour- she is!

Most 16yos I know propose to spend the summer working, in real jobs, now that they have finished exams. Should mum make sure that they get to work on time to, and expect their employer to bring up any concerns about the quality of their work with the parent?

When should they start learning that their actions will bring consequences for them?

Ds is 16 and about to go to his prom. I am surprised that the op is so involved in discussing this with the school. When I was 16 I would have been mortified, as an earlier poster said, at my parents getting involved in such a way. At 16 you are, or should be, responsible for your behaviour and the consequences of this behaviour. If I'd forked out money in this case I would be taking it from my child not the school.
The dd's behaviour was not silly. Couldnt care less if she wants to ruin her own education but she has no right to disrupt the education of the others in their classes especially during the GCSE years. I bet the other parents didnt view it as silly behaviour.

Yes they do sparky. I think it was something in the region of £30 a ticket for staff if they wished to attend this year. Suppose it depends on how much fund raising they have done - if a lot then the staff tickets would be cheaper.

The school is fab though... I remember last year a couple of the girls couldn't afford dresses but the staff sorted them out and took them shopping (think looked after children/young carers/broken homes).

dreading dd getting to 16

BellaVita if staff have to pay, how do you arrange for there to be enough there to supervise? Prom for us (and we only have one for the Y13s) is about supervision of the young people, not enjoyment.

Umm not sure cardi. There are always plenty of staff there though (when I have looked back at pics of previous proms). I wouldn't think the staff call it enjoyment . I suppose all the yr11 tutors will be there, I know SLT will be there and any admin (who may want to go - eg me). I know the HOY 9 is going as we talked about outfits and of course the HOY 11 will also be there.

My DD says SLT, tutors and HOY always go. Then any teacher can and they spend most of year 11 trying to pursuade the wackiest and the most reluctant teachers to go. As if teachers don't have year 11 hard enough already!

Apparantly the Maths HOD has never, ever, been but said he would if my daughters set and top set, which he taught, worked hard for their exams. He managed to qualify it to his hand by saying "if he thought they worked as hard as they possibly could" but she says he got the highest ever early sitting pass rate from her set and highest ever (by a mile) early A/A* from top set, so there is a chance he will come.

I've managed to get out of it by pleading childcare problems - dh (genuinely!) stuck in traffic!

Pay to attend? Strewth. I hope my Head never gets to hear of that bright idea...

...although we're going Cackademy from September, so I wouldn't be surprised.

Some of my colleagues do look forward to it to be fair. I always spend the night clock-watching before rushing home to a bottle of wine as soon as is decent.

Bella

How thoughtfull of the teachers. That is the kind of thing that is never mentioned in the teacher bashing threads.

Blimey, I was going to mention that my daughter has been told today that she might not be allowed to go prom for wearing an earring but I don't think I'll bother! You'd think some of these kids were criminals the way some of you have commented! Hung, drawn and quartered for petty behaviour...it would be a different story if it was your own children! Schools are becoming so strict these days, kids aren't allowed to be kids! I guess you were all perfect students??

ZOMBIE THREAD

Given the time scale, i think you need answers like now. It is completely inappropriate for the head teacher to be avoiding answering the question for upwards of 6 weeks. So to me there are two issues, one is what are the reasons behind this ban and the second is the attitude and actions of the headteacher.
I suspect that the answer to the first issue lies with your daughter, logic says they must know the reason behind the ban, to be saying they have no idea just seems nonsensical. Having said that there is no reason what so ever for the school not to be replying to your telephone calls or when you were in the school. That is not acceptable. My inclination is to write an email to the head teacher and say that they have till 1200 on Monday to reply to the email giving some specific reasons for the ban or you will go to the press. I would be very sure to show your daughter the email before you send it and be very firm with her that this is the nuclear option and if she knows the real answer now is the time to fess up.
If the school do not respond I am not sure in all honesty I would go to the press because you by then must know that the school is not going to respond positively. Save the press for later. You instead need to take appropriate action with the school.The correct action is to get a copy of the school complaints procedure and then make a formal written complaint about the conduct of the head teacher of the school in that they were not prepared to meet with you, ignored you and banned your daughter from the Prom event for issues that they were not prepared to discuss with you and failed to disclose despite repeated attempts to get that information. That complaint will be to the Chair of Governors. You need to go through the school's complaint procedure which will firstly be a complaint to the Chair of Governors and then a committee of the governing body. Then if you still do not have the answers to the specifics of the reasons behind the ban, then that is when you go to the press.
However the school taking this action does not happen lightly so I think that you need to be aware that this could end up with tears. There has got to be some good reasons why they took this action.

Admission
A bit late the prom was 2 years ago.

scruffy68 this sounds very odd.

If you daughter is unable to shed any light on the situation then you have no option but to attend the meeting and hear them out.

Ensure all communication is in writing. If all communication is not yet in writing, I would suggest you compile a letter outlining how the situation has played out to date, along with specific dates, times, names etc. Send this to the Head prior to the meeting so they fully understand your concerns in the matter. This will take away their ability to change their account of what happened after the event.

I would also ask, during the meeting with the Head, as to whether this will affect your DDs school record in any way.

In the mean time, make the meeting know to your DD in case she is holding back on something that has happened. If she is holding back she might decide to tell you before the meeting takes place. After all, you're going to find out one way or other.

Regarding the expense of the dress and shoes etc. If the Head is unable to give you a valid reason for their actions, make it clear that you will be sending them the bill.

bruffin lol, it appeared at the top of the threads list. Very odd.

THIS ALL HAPPENED 2 YEARS AGO

My child is not allowed to attend school prom as her attendance is 83% yet other kids with less attendance can go. They took the permission slip and payment for her ticket , she was then told she cound,nt go, my child was asked to write a letter to the head to appeal which did not work , she was in her 1st gcse exam when a teacher went in and said her letter did not work and she still cannot go, this upset her and she thinks she has not done well in her exam. I then phoned and asked for an appointment with the head to discuss the matter, a week later after hearing nothing I rang back to ask when I could have an appointment with the head, I was put on hold then a year head came on the line and said they would not change there minds she could not go and they had no appointments with the head. I feel they are picking on my child and are not taking some of her illness,s into consideration i.e 2 weeks of with chicken pox , also 2 weeks of with impertigo both of which she had doctors letters. i was refund the ticket money and have a very upset daughter any ideas what to try next

Barbiepigeon - Start a new thread of your own so you get more of a response.

This thread is 3 years old and people may only scan read and not see your post to reply to.

barbie I would start your own thread as this one is mega old and people will just reply to the OP and you might get lost.

Xpost

You are making the fatal mistake of not putting things in writing from what your post says.
Write and hand deliver to the school a letter to the head teacher explaining how unfair this is and quoting sickness. Definitely say that you do not believe that daughter is being treated equally with other students. I would also emphasis the point that a teacher coming into an exam and telling daughter in the exam that she was still not going is extremely bad practice and is completely unacceptable.
However I think you need to have a very long and serious conversation with your daughter and check exactly what else has gone on because my feeling is that there is more to this then just having 83% attendance.That would normally on its own cause this much negative reaction from the school

admission this thread is three years old.

Dolores, yes, the thread is old, but admission is responding to barbie whose query is current.

A teacher coming into an exam hall to tell a student they're not going to the prom is such extremely bad practice that it almost certainly didn't happen.

Ah, apologies.