Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

daughter banned from her Prom, very unfair headteacher

159 replies

scruffy68 · 26/06/2012 16:57

I am looking for some advice from you guys as I have a meeting with my daughters head teacher and am feeling a little overwhelmed by this.

I will try to keep it brief but basically my daughter has been banned from her school prom and the only reason the school will give is that she has shown poor behavour in the past but will not give us any specifics, time or dates! in fact I had a meeting with my daughters head of year only weeks before they informed me of the ban and he said he cant wait for the first dance with her. After this meeting I bought my daughters dress and shoes at great expense.

I was informed of the ban when a standard letter was sent out with some key dates on it and at the bottom in one sentence they said " it should be noted that due to recent poor behaviour ............ will not be able to attend the prom"

I phoned immediatly and on numerous occasions since and have also been into the school 3 times but have been fobbed of continually. It was only once I finally wrote to the head with all my concerns and telling her I was informing the govenors that she eventually wrote to me,6 1/2 weeks later, inviting me in to discuss my concernes but that she would not change her mind about the prom.

I have known for 8 weeks now and have been fighting all this time to try and find a resolve as I feel really badly treated.

I would be gateful if anyone has any ideas as to what I should say or ask at the meeting as Im feeling pretty burnt out by it all now!

Her prom is next week!

Thank you if you have taken time to read this long post!!!

OP posts:
mumeeee · 28/06/2012 10:04

OP could you keep the prom dress for your DD to use at her 6th form prom or at uni. You DD would have had warnings about her behaviour and the ban so she should be paying you for the dress or at least part of it not the school.

Popoozle · 28/06/2012 10:18

DS1 (Year 10 in September) is already aware that you must have a good behaviour record to go to the Year 11 prom!

Actually, I am sorry for your DD that she is missing her prom - it'll be a hard lesson for a 16 year old to learn. It will be a very valuable lesson though - actions have consequences and she will, at least, be all the more aware of that now.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 28/06/2012 10:40

It's not vitriol. No school would say 'well your daughter has been banned from prom of her own doing, we're so sorry, here's your money back.

Hmm
Colleger · 28/06/2012 10:45

What proof do you have of that?

Floggingmolly · 28/06/2012 10:53

You need proof??????

DeWe · 28/06/2012 12:13

I would suspect the reimbursement was for the price of the ticket, not the outfit. I assume they pay for a ticket anyway?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/06/2012 12:21

Plenty of people on this thread have said that a child has to behave pretty badly, or have a lot of minor infractions to be banned from a Prom (people who felt that the OP was minimising her dd's behaviour). To be utterly fair to Scruffy, if my child was being that much of a pain in school, I would expect the school to let me know, so that I knew there was a problem, and could partner the school in tackling it.

After all, there might well have been things the OP could have done - like checking her dd's homework, if poorly done/handed in late homework was one of the issues; or turfing her out of the house for an earlier bus, if late arrival first thing was part of the problem. Added to which, I would have bollocked my dses good and proper if they were behaving badly enough in school to be banned from the Prom.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 28/06/2012 12:52

Letters home about behaviour get..Err.. 'intercepted.'

Time to sit down with your daughter and kindly but firmly get answers.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 28/06/2012 13:26

Checking homework? Deciding what bus to get? At 16? Really? I am not the parent of a teenager am not speaking from any authority but when do they learn they have to do it themselves and that they can't rely on their parents?

Part of learning is failing and suffering the consequences.

sparkybabe · 28/06/2012 13:44

Prom tickets are not paid for - they are free (at our school anyway)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/06/2012 13:46

Well - as the parent of three teenagers, and I'm sorry to have to tell you that sometimes, despite the best efforts of their parents over the years, they can be catastrophically disorganised and display positively epic lack of commonsense. And yes, we have let them suffer the consequences of their actions, and that does help for a while, but then, when they have lulled you into thinking that they might be turning into sensible, reasonable, somewhat organised human beings, they lapse again in ways you thought they'd left behind in primary school.

I think that the first year of living away from home at university, is going to be an interesting learning curve for ds1.

TheOneWithTheHair · 28/06/2012 13:46

Ds bought his prom ticket. It includes a meal so someone had to pay. Prom is optional (to those that have a choice) so the school shouldnt pay.

It's quite normal to have to pay for a ticketbb

amillionyears · 28/06/2012 13:51

My kids all had to pay for their tickets.Price of food/meal was included.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/06/2012 13:54

Ds1 paid for his own ticket, out of his paper round earnings, and we bought him his suit partly for his birthday and partly in return for him jetwashing the patio.

Kez100 · 28/06/2012 13:56

We've paid

BellaVita · 28/06/2012 14:13

I totally agree with cricketballs, the same would happen at my school.

The pupils are warned what will happen with bad behaviour and attendance at the outset.

You sound very precious.

BackforGood · 28/06/2012 14:26

Blimey SparkyBabe - everyone pays round here - it's a meal and a dance at a nice venue. Not going to come out of school budget.

I also agree that the OP did know of her dd's behaviour/attitude - she told us pages ago that her dd was being late for lessons and violating uniform codes.
By 10 16 though, they need to learn that they make choices, and the choices they make have consequences. At the end of the day, she's missing a social occasion, that you'd think was enough incentive for a 16 yr old to decide to conform. She decided it wasn't important enough in her life to have to go to the prom, if it meant she had to wear the correct uniform and turn up to lessons on time. Fine. That's her decision which any 12 16 yr old is capable of making. It's not like she's been expelled or something.

eragon · 28/06/2012 14:33

ebay the dress and shoes.

sparkybabe · 28/06/2012 14:49

Our school just have a disco - no food - tho transport is included.

The school pay.

BellaVita · 28/06/2012 14:51

Ours are free for the pupils, staff have to pay. However the yr11 pupils have to fund raise to ensure they have enough money to cover the cost.

I also think it was highly inappropriate for the HOY to say he wanted the first dance with your DD OP.

clam · 28/06/2012 17:52

We paid £25 for the ticket (dinner/dance/one glossy photo), or there was a package deal of all that plus a hoodie and yearbook too for £55.

We've bought ds a suit (and shirt/tie) that he can use for sixth form also. I think we get off lightly over here - my friend in the US says all the boys are expected to pay for their date's ticket, plus a corsage and it's tuxedos and stretch limos all round!

sparkybabe · 28/06/2012 19:17

Bella - the staff have to pay? For a 'boring evening of unpaid overtime'?(quoting someone upthread.)

Seems a bit unfair.

Our head is attempting to discontinue the Prom, actually. I hope she succeeds!

cricketballs · 28/06/2012 19:29

those of you who think the comment about wanting the first dance should look at it from a point of view that not all staff are paedophiles!

It was a comment trying to encourage the ops DD to change her attitude and behaviour to ensure she could go the prom not an invite to his bed

BackforGood · 28/06/2012 19:47

I Agree Cricketballs.
There's always someone on MN that can read bad into any comment though Sad

GetDownNesbitt · 28/06/2012 20:34

We charge £15. Heavily subsidised by us - includes transport, meal, disco etc

Just FYI.