Recommendations for co-ed boarding schools

[ohmygosh123]

I'm thinking about options for DD who loves being outdoors, gets on very well with boys and girls, and often better with boys as she is quite sporty and likes to be able to run around. Hence why I am thinking co-ed might be a better choice than an all girls school. Also needs to be academic, but with friendly atmosphere and good pastoral support. Any ideas please, as I'm not that well versed on co-ed boarding schools that take girls from 13.

But it's not home it's school its completely different IMO. I want him to be in a very stimulating environment where he feels able to be himself pursue the things that interest him and have the camaraderie of 60 like minded individuals. A place where if he wants advise support help at any stage in his education there are committed experienced and knowledgable people who are there for him. That the housemaster in over all charge is fair and does not discriminate on the grounds of ability money or nationality and promotes this ethos throughout the house and where the concept of respect for all regardless of who they are is all pervaiding. Where success is acknowledged and failure also recognised and addressed in a constructive way. Nice food single rooms pets etc don't guarantee any of this. And as for Xboxes and computer games if I had my way I'd ban the bloody things from a boarding house.

This is what my DS has currently that is what boarding is all about if it was like home why send him He could be a day boy.

If your DC was a full boarder you would ban things he would normally do at the weekend? Personally I would have thought a respectful environment would be a given and that to a teenager the physical things like a pet to cuddle when you're upset or a game to play when you wanted some downtime would be just as important. Obviously not everyone has the same criteria but I would hate for my DC to still feel like they were still in the formal environment of school at the weekends when they should be relaxing.

And where we are we have no option but for them to board which is why I think a homely environment is so important.

XLII - been following this thread . From the indies i've visited the way the boarders spend their weekends is quite different from what you would do at home, most likely there will be lots of games for the better part of saturday. Then perhaps an outing on sunday after chapel etc.

One school in particular stressed during the tour " if xbox is dc best friend then this is NOT the school for him/her. They keep the students very busy, so that any down time is likely to be spent sleeping or just relaxing. There will be very little time for computer games im afraid.

Just don't like Xboxes or computer games at home or school. Nokissymum is right my DS spends most of his non lesson/prep time participating in one of the many activities the school offers. Those computer games IMO are like TV they stop people communicating with each other. Boarding is about communal living those games are a barrier to communal living but then maybe I'm just out of touch with 21 century living!

Hmm wouldn't say DS's Xbox is his best friend, he goes on it for about an hour every week! However even if DS is reading, out having a kick about or being on his Xbox I think the part of his week that he spends doing unstructured recreational activities is as important as the time he spends doing prep. Having a time to unwind and spend some time alone is even more important when living communally IMO. When I was a boarder we had to spend all our time together, we weren't even allowed out onto the playing fields (on campus) alone. Through this relationships became strained. I believe that if you have just an our or so a weekend on your own to do your own thing you get a chance to unwind and properly relax. On the other hand a weekend activity is also very important as without something to do weekends can drag on!

The other thing to point out is that this is my DS's criteria of what he wants. Him and his sister are going to be abroad without my DH and I for weeks at a time, I think it's understandable that he would want some aspects of home at school? Or maybe I'm wrong to think that schools have moved into the 21th century when really they are the same as they were when I had a miserable time in the 80s. Is a caring, homely environment too hard to ask for?

My DS is far removed from miserable his boarding house is a friendly place with fantastic staff and pretty amazing facilities and like minded individuals and he is really happy there but I don't think he thinks it resembles his home life very much. There is by its nature little privacy or peace and quiet and therefore holidays time at home is valued very much by him. It's full on and not for everyone.

happy I think being an overseas parent is making me see this differently. My DC won't even be home for exeats (will be with family) so I want as homely an atmosphere as possible. As I said in an ideal world they would not be boarding but we have no choice as we will be moving back to england in the middle of their GCSEs so they have to move now.

For what it is worth I'm with happyg here. Ethos is paramount. I think I've only seen one wii on our many tours and I don't recall a pet (although one or two schools had countryside centres!). My DS was more concerned about how long he could play in the nets, swim for, go to the sports centre for, record some "music" in the recording studio etc etc. I would ban electronic games if I could.......fortunately we haven't made it into the 21st century yet and they remain on the wanted list...... But below a new cricket bat!! I think a homely atmosphere is created by the people that surround your DS.

I just don't see that to have a caring environment you need pets and electronic games. It's so much more complicated than that in fact it would be easier to chose a boarding house if those were the signs of a caring environment. It's the people that make it the right boarding house for your DC the housemasters assistant housemasters visiting teachers matrons domestic staff the problem is that these are 1 much harder to judge and 2 they are by there nature a changing group. Also as pointed out further up this posting in some cases you chose many years before your DC starts and often only after the briefest of meetings so it's hardly surprising that parents look for pets electronic games etc.
I personally believe that one of the essential factors to making boarding especially full boarding a success is the actual boarding house. Your DC needs to be happy there and you as a parent have to have confidence in the HM and this must apply even more if you're abroad.

I was going a stage further in the process - okay so we've chosen DD's school, now which boarding house does she put her name down for. So you look at the balance of the kids, how near it is to the activities she wants to do if the boarding houses are spread all over the place, what are the facilities like - and then yes woof woof would come into it!

My information came from a group of former CLC / Rodean / WA girls when discussing what house an overseas kid I know should put down for CLC, and who was happy at school, and what factors helped them to feel happy. However if I had a choice of houses, which seemed pretty much equal, and one included a dog and one didn't, then in all honesty I can tell you now that my DD would choose the one that had the dog in. And while you say it isn't important, it is interesting how many boarding houses at CLC wax lyrical about the pets in the blurb they give to parents. Maybe kids at pushy academic schools need the solace of a dog or cat?! - but it amazed me that in separate conversations all these women mentioned the word pet, and hence I figured that there must be something in it!

I suppose it's these little things that swing it when so many things are equal although I gave to say we've got dogs but this wouldn't influence our final decision. We were lucky the two HM's were both super but completely different and as they have so much autonomy we eventually after lots of thinking went with the one we felt would provide the best environment and ethos that would match my DS outlook on life. At the new boys lunch we knew within about 5 mins we'd made the right decision it was such a relief!

Do some boarding houses have awful/horrible housemasters then? I would have thought that all boarding schools would be caring evironments but is that not the case? We haven't actually looked around any so don't really know what we're looking for specifically but I'm guessing one will just 'feel' right.
Also just to reiterate I asked my son what he wanted in a boarding house and I'm taking it into acount in our search. He's 12, he wants what's natural to him. When school is his home for 30 odd weeks a year surely it should feel like home.

Ive not looked either but I'd assume housemasters are same as teachers - you get good and bad. You may also find that you don't like someone that others rave about.

There are lots of staff going through a boarding house but the HM is in overall charge like a head master and just like a head master a good one sets the ethos etc that all the other staff then follow. In some school they have a lot of autonomy and this can create huge variations between houses. Parents often try and find a house that reflects your DC interests eg some houses often have a reputation for being more musical/sporty than others. All are teachers and if your DC is for example a mad keen historian you might chose an HM whose a history teacher. Two things to look out for: in some schools HM's have fairly limited other committments because being an HM is seen as a big enough committment but at other schools HM's are also Directors of Studies or similar and so will be very busy people. Secondly when you meet an HM do you like him/her do you feel that in the event of a problem you could approach him/ her and discuss it?
Finally remember there are usually between 60-70 children in their care all different personalities plus parents some who will be incredably demanding IMO they need to be a figure of authority to stop chaos breaking out.
Some schools are incredably house orientated and apart from lessons the children have surprisingly little contact with those in other houses you may believe this is good or bad but you need to be aware of this!

Do remember that not all schools allow you to choose a boarding house. At some schools DCs are allocated so they have a spread of abilities and talents throughout the school. In some of these schools you are allowed to express a preference but they do not have the system whereby you choose a house years before you actually go to the school.

XL11 I can totally understand you asking your son what he hoped would be in a boarding house, but as HG and others have commented there are lots of other equally fun things to do at school. My DS comes home this weekend and he will be very happy to play on his XBox and that will be his downtime from revising for exams. At school his down time is filled with talking to friends, occasionally watching television, walking into town, swimming, playing sport etc. It could be interesting in a boarding house to have 60 boys and only one X box....!!!So personally I would not promise the x box as it would be sad if that was the deal breaker.. If it is that important maybe your relations nearby could have one for him to play on when he comes at the weekend.
Good luck with your school search..

I am figuring that if a child gets to see the schools with you, and has input in the process, then they are more likely to be happy at the school. That was the other bit of information I worked out from talking to friends who had boarded. Those who got a final say from a short list loved it - those who were ordered to the alma mater under duress without checking it was right for them ended up hating it. I am assuming you all gave your kids input into the final decision?

My worry is knowing when staff will change, and personalities will be very different. So far DD has got on with all her teachers, but we have been very lucky, and it might not always be the same. I chose my DD's prep because I liked and respected the headmistress - guess what, she left when a new head came into the senior school, so my daughter never got to go to school with her as the head!

However she is now deputy head at QM, and it makes me rather tempted to send DD there, BUT she'd probably move just as we arrived!

XL11 - I think when your son looks round a school and sees everything on offer, he'll probably care less about the X-box. Someone told me that exeat weekends are all about chilling, so I'm figuring DD will come back for the weekend and flop! Her problem will be that she won't stop, until she collapses with exhaustion - if something is on offer, then she wants to do it .......

The problem is though that to an extent my DC won't have exeats as they will be spend being sheperded around relatives by my parents who will be their 'guardians' whilst we aren't in the country. So a school where they don't have down time would cause issues. Also we haven't even looked around schools yet so my DC have very simplistic views on what they want as they don't know what to expect. That might not be the best way of putting it but they've never been in an environment like a boarding school before. going I doubt the xbox would be a deal breaker!

Sorry for the thread hijack but a quick question to those that already have DC who board. How much time do they have alone at weekends/have time to themselves?

XLII weekends go as follows:
Saturday morning school until 12.30
Lunch
Play team sports if in a team or sports training if not eg swimming etc
1600 free for rest of day/ walk into town
Supper
Sometimes films are put on. A few times a term there is a disco or similar
Occasionally they order a take out - not every week or at least not in my DC's case. Watch a DVD with friends
No prep time

Sunday
Lie in and then a Sunday brunch at 11.30 - 12.30
Afternoon: walk into local town, catch up on homework, chat with friends, free swimming etc
prep time used to sort out own washing and get ready for the week.

Some weekends are devoted to out door weekends, Duke of Edinburgh Award expedition training. It depends what your DC is interested in. When my DC were at prep school almost every minute was scheduled at senior school this is not the case and it is not necessary ime.

We too are overseas parents who have used family for exeats so I can understand your concerns.The problem is finding a school that is full boarding so there are a decent amount of people in at the weekend and not too many exeats. If there are lots of exeats then it is similar to a weekly boarding school and although you will be able to take your DC out whenever it could be that there is not a true boarding community when you want it. It is a balancing act.
So it is important to ask these questions when you look round. I know that sounds obvious but schools can give you a variety of statistics about boarding to fulfill what you want to hear. Eg we have 75% full boarders = true fact. However, a full boarder at this particular school means they have to stay at school first and last weekend plus one other in the term. Not exactly my definition of a full boarder.

Have you got your short llist to visit yet?

That was really useful going, I'm glad not every minute of the day is structured!
We've got together a brief list of schools we like the sound of but location is the biggest factor we have to consider as a lot of 'proper' boarding schools are too far away from family. In reality there's only one school which is traditionally boarding in the area we're looking at and we don't really like the look of it. We are going to look around in June and then returning in September so hopefully we'll get a good idea of what we're after on our first visit and then on our second we'll know what to look for!

OMG for girls exeat weekends are all about going shopping and completely restocking your wardrobe

XLII I totally understand where you're coming from about wanting your DS to be able to relax. At Oundle the weekend structure is similar but with an hour of prep on Saturday and Chapel on Sunday morning (so everyone has to be up by about 9:30, depending on if they are on early Chapel or not). Even in schools with lots of activities and stacks of work there will always be someone else who is happy to just sit and crash for a bit (even if it isn't for very long).

It might be more of a girl thing but towards the end of term people could sometimes get a bit tired and snappy (and hormonal...) and my housemistress would go out and buy a tin of celebrations and few new DVDs to add to her collection and encourage everyone to have a floppy night in and relax. I don't think it damaged my academic achievements...

Depending on school policy, you will probably find that your DS gets lots of offers from friends (as well as family) for exeats - my friends from overseas used to have to choose who to spend exeat weekends with because everyone wanted to take them home. The same applies for just normal weekends - my parents came once every 2 or 3 weeks but most weeks there would be people going out for Sunday lunch and pupils like to include their friends, particularly if they know that they haven't had many opportunities. I'm sure it feels like you're at a disadvantage being overseas, but your DS will make friends and those friends will treat him like a brother and include him in his family (and he can return the favour when you/his guardians/other family members come and visit).

Pastgrace what you say about exeats is exactly why I don't want to discount schools with fewer boarders as I reckon they won't actually spend much of the weekend in house even though I will be paying for it.
For the same reason I don't want a school with fixed exeats and no leave around them.