Teens at funerals - appropriate clothing

[rickyrickygrimes]

Hello

we are Scottish but haven’t lived in the UK for 20 years. We are coming ‘home’ soon for a close family member’s funeral. Where we currently live funeral wear is very informal - smart jeans, normal jacket, colours etc would be absolutely acceptable.

We are coming with two teenage boys. What’s the dress code for teens at Scottish funerals? They don’t own anything formal at all. I was thinking smart black jeans and a dark shirt?

thanks

School trousers (cheap and easy to buy in UK) white shirt, school jumper or blazer depending on age, black tie if over 16. Smart black shoes. If there isn't an M&S near where you are going you can pick up in a store near where you fly into the country and try on there and then and sort out returns if needed.

DS was at FIL funeral when he was at primary school and I wouldn't have considered jeans even then, he wore his school trousers but if he didn't have a school uniform the most casual I'd go for a boy would be chinos in a dark colour.

No school uniform here, so no cheap formal wear in supermarkets or anywhere else. For shopping on line, we are stuffed if we get it delivered to Scotland and it doesn't fit 😱there will be no time to find alternatives.

Sorry for your loss.

Where in Scotland is the funeral? Scotland is much more formal for weddings and funerals, and some parts (eg Western Isles, some parts of the Highlands) take funerals very seriously and everyone will be in suits. They have a lot of respect for the deceased.

Definitely black trousers, white shirt, propert shoes at the very least. If they will be at the internment then they’ll need a smart black/grey/navy coat because it will be very chilly. It’s their grans funeral, there’s no harm in buying a new outfit for them.

I’ve never seen anyone in a kilt but it’s perhaps area dependent.

Non faded black jeans on teens would be perfectly fine where I am on East Coast of Scotland. Faded and scruffy jeans with holes etc - no. Absolutely not, not unless specific requests were given by the family. Keep it on the smarter side of smart casual and you should be OK.

You'd be better off asking other family members than asking here, as funeral attire can be very culturally specific.

For example the dark but casual outfits that you describe would be totally fine where I am from - but that's an English working class community. It might be totally different in Scotland, or in a more middle class community.

If in doubt, it’s better to be too smart than too casual. Personally I baulk at people who dress casually at a funeral - it feels disrespectful.

I am getting the distinct impression that you were hoping that everyone would agree with you that jeans were OK and now excuses are being made.

Please remember before making comments like this that the OP has lost a close relative. This is probably just one more thing that she could do without having to worry about. Not the time for needless snark.

Wev Just had two close family funerals. All the male teens were wearing black slim fit trousers, white shirts and black ties. Also Scotland.

You will be able to grab them in any supermarket here.

I am Scottish and been to plenty funerals. I have seen people of all ages dressed in a wide variety of clothes. Teen lads will be fine in dark trousers and a dark jumper - navy, black or grey all fine. No need for loads of black and certainly no need to shirts and black ties.

Just go to a big supermarket on arrival and get the necessary items.

And yes to a tie - both should wear them.

Yeah, we won't have a lot of grabbing time, arriving late afternoon the day before a morning funeral and staying with my parents who live quite far. DSs are 6ft and 6ft2" respectively - I'm not sure all supermarkets will necessarily have trousers to fit. I'm not meaning to be negative, it's just not a practical solution to wait until we are actually there, but thanks for the suggestion.

I’d go black jeans and dark polo shirts for young teens, maybe bit more formal for 17 and over.

I'm not sure a tie is necessary.

Ds wore black trousers and purple shirt to my mums funeral. His favourite colour is purple and she knew that and knows he hates ties so my dad said she wouldn't want him wearing one when he'd be uncomfortable.

He has worn ties to other events but not funeral. It was his nan.

I used to buy black formal trousers for my sons who are similar heights in the supermarket. Asda was usually quite reliable. There's also Primark. I really don't think it's appropriate to wear jeans to a funeral. I am originally from Scotland and unfortunately have had to travel home a few times for funerals in the last few years. The children there have generally been dressed fairly formally.

This is the Scotsnet board 😊 but I guess the thread is coming up in Active now!

I'd be buying two sizes for each of the kids online and delivered to your parents.
The two sizes most likely to fit, could even do three sizes of you want?
If you don't have time to return them on your way home, then your parents can easily return them to their asda/m and s once you've left.

Asda will sort you out for black trousers for tall teens, get them delivered to someone's home or nearest supermarket, measure your teens and order a couple of sizes if your not sure, easy to return.

My son is 6ft2 and men's slim Asda trousers were his go to school trousers.

Op, I am in NE Scotland, was at an extended family funeral not long ago. The grandson, 18, wore a dark polo shirt, black cargo pants and dark shoes or trainers, plus a dark short jacket. He’s a pretty smartly dressed young man, and looked good. Dark jeans would be fine ime.

At the end of the day, it’s about being respectful. So clean, smart etc is absolutely more important than suits, ties etc. I would suggest haircuts and shave/ beard trims for all males but that might be old fashioned .

Sorry for your / your DH’s loss. 💐

Given you are obviously traveling from abroad I would imagine most attendees at the funeral will just be glad to see you and your boys. They won't be giving them the once over. I know if it was funeral in my family they wouldn't give a toss what the lads were wearing.

What did you bring with you for them to wear?

Could you just add a tie and jacket?

I've just bought my teen and young adult cheap black suits from m&s. I think you need to look like you've made an effort for the occasion. So tidy hair, clean shoes etc. and for me something smarter than what they wear day to day. (Both dress very casually.) Don't think dh could care less what everyone attending wears though.

Have you double checked with SIL what the actual dress code is? My SIL's funeral was bright colours. I guess she was a flamboyant soul - 39, stage manager in the big theatre, but just check what MILs wishes were!

I’d say no to a kilt. Yes it’s smart but I’m I have never seen anyone wear one to a funeral and have only attended fu seals here in Scotland. Plain, smart, dark. Ties for direct family are a yes.

Black trousers and a shirt and tie. School uniform one are cheap and fine (Asda etc)