Teens at funerals - appropriate clothing

[rickyrickygrimes]

Hello

we are Scottish but haven’t lived in the UK for 20 years. We are coming ‘home’ soon for a close family member’s funeral. Where we currently live funeral wear is very informal - smart jeans, normal jacket, colours etc would be absolutely acceptable.

We are coming with two teenage boys. What’s the dress code for teens at Scottish funerals? They don’t own anything formal at all. I was thinking smart black jeans and a dark shirt?

thanks

Next sell men’s trousres that do up to 6’ 4”. I suggest that you buy several sizes and styles for each teen , have them delivered to a relatives house now and then return the ones that don’t fit in the days after the funeral.

You can return in store or by post.

www.next.co.uk/shop/gender-men/category-trousers-sizetype-tall?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADm_5UVKgX6MTNaL9P593hoeejRRv&gclid=CjwKCAiAp4O8BhAkEiwAqv2UqGdgIh0LuL8KGGzFW1eczOdbe5jB9Us-dKcxqNR97vkIdJUa7lONjRoC7ocQAvD_BwE&p=1#0

You MUST order online, don’t assume they will be in stock in a local store, they won’t. You can also pick up in store, if anyone reliable is able to do this up for you.

If you are able to set up an account, you don’t have to pay up front. But I’m not sure if you can do that without a UK address / job.

BTW your outfit @rickyrickygrimes doeent need to be black, just dark and smart. So navy, very dark purple, maroon , dark bottle green , charcoal grey, dark brown etc are all fine.

No plunging necklines, strappy tops or bare legs, no mini or body con

Smart and modest is more important than black . So fitted navy knee length dress with sleeves wins over black sleeveless mid thigh length tight dress.

Exactly what I was going to say

I have two teen boys who attended my dad's funeral about 9 months ago. Both wore black trousers and a white shirt. One already had suitable black trousers for school, the other one we bought a cheap black pair from the supermarket. Both wore plain white shirts, one wore a tie and one didn't. There were many other people there without ties, and it doesn't have to be black - navy, grey, dark green, any subdued colour is most definitely appropriate.

The thing about a black tie is that it’s very cheap to buy ( £3 or 4 from Amazon etc ) , doesn’t take up much space in your suitcase and it shows that your sons have made an effort to be smart. This works even better on young men, as everyone knows they don’t usually wear ties outside school.

I think wearing a tie is actually more important than dress shoes - plain black trainers would be fine if they have them, boys here would wear their school shoes.

Id get them black ties to be worn with a white shirt. Or black if they prefer, it’s less traditional but still acceptable. Obviously they need an overcoat / jacket as it’s below freezing here but no one will expect a suit type jacket on young lads visiting from abroad.

At risk of pointing out the obvious, they need remove any hat ( or hood ) as they enter the church or crematorium. And if there is a service at the graveside, they remove their hat when the minister / priest prays . Anything at the graveside will be very short in this weather.

I realise that some people don’t seem to know this. I’m shocked at how many men I’ve seen wearing baseball hats in churches on holiday.

I used to work in the funeral industry and have attended many funerals over the years. We would see families coming in to arrange the funeral and to view their loved one in tracksuits and joggers but on the day of the funeral every last young man would be in smart black trousers with a white shirt and a dark plain tie and black shoes. Jeans just wouldn't have been seen to be respectful.
My nephew wore trainers for my DF's funeral because having sorted out a shirt, tie and trousers for him, SIL forgot until the morning of the funeral that his only shoes were trainers (he was 11).

School trousers and a black or white shirt or polo shirt

We are sorted, thanks for all the advice / opinions. Even the judgey posts reminded me how important doing the ‘done’ thing is to some people. Spent a long day shopping for armfuls of black shoes, trousers, white shirts and dark purple ties and we’ll return all the rejects later. My lovely SIL stressed that it’s our presence that’s the important thing, especially as we are travelling far to attend. And that MIL was not a formal person herself, bless her, she’d just be glad we were there to support FIL / DH / SIL and to say goodbye.

Anything at all as long as it's not scruffy - nobody should be worried about something like that when grieving.

My DD & her friends had to attend the funeral of a school friend and they all went in variations of their school uniform bless them.

Sorry for your loss

Having sadly been to both recently I have observed that English funerals are rather less formal than Scottish ones. The same with weddings interestingly, I’m not sure why the difference

English people don't all behave in one way, just as Scottish people don't all behave in one way. These England vs. Scotland generalisations are tedious and unhelpful.

Glad you're sorted, OP. I think in situations like you're in, you can only do your best with what resources you have.

Scottish supermarkets all sell school uniforms and shoes. You will be able to pick up trousers, shirts, shoes - cheaply in ASDA, Tescos, Sainsbury’s etc.

grandchildren need to be smart not casual unless specifically told to be casual.

Doesn't matter what they wear. It is about being there and showing support.

Definitely speak to whoever is organising it.
The last funeral I attended (in Scotland, incidentally) was mid-winter and graveside-only and anyone in dress shoes rather than hiking boots or wellies would have been flat on their ar-e. The one before that was outside the UK and smart black jeans and a shirt would have been perfectly acceptable. Most funerals nowadays seem to be a lot more relaxed than the few I attended when I was younger. Presence is definitely valued over formality.

Well of course people of one nationality don’t all behave one way, that’s why they are called “generalisations” 🙂

I did state that my comments very based on my direct, recent, observations and I didn’t state that one way was “better” than the other, so I do think you are being a little sensitive.

Having family and friends in both places I have observed (though you may of course disagree) that there are distinct differences between Scottish and English culture. That’s not a bad thing, but does sometimes need to be borne in mind in social situations.

YeGodsandLittleFishies, I'm not being over-sensitive, I just don't think you can assume that your own experiences are necessarily representative of the populations of two countries. Who knows what either side of your family's demographic is.

Having family and friends in both places I have observed (though you may of course disagree) that there are distinct differences between Scottish and English culture. That’s not a bad thing, but does sometimes need to be borne in mind in social situations

Indeed, I disagree. Differences exist within England as much as within Scotland. It's far more nuanced than just bearing in mind Scottish vs. English for social situations.

Anyway, I'll leave it there as I don't want to derail and I suspect we're not going to get anywhere.

@rickyrickygrimes - just wanted to say, I’m sorry for your loss. Hope it all goes as well as it can, and that the boys feel comfortable and appropriate in the unfamiliar setting.