Guilt free railing

[WouldBeGood]

The place to vent, moan, rail, cheer: whatever you’re feeling about Covid, and the rules, and life and the universe.

I’ve started this as I’m feeling scared and fed up with increasing restrictions despite vaccines. I feel that what should be a more positive time is instead bringing more and more doom.

I want the simple pleasures of life back, as well as all the big stuff.

My son is autistic and he's communication problems and husband works offshore. School is my respite at times. Luckily he's p1 so fingers crossed he will be back from 22nd, I've had to put subtitles on the TV and concentrate on that as his incessant repetition of things about Thomas The Tank Engine etc (not actual conversation) are starting to tip me over the edge lol. I know it's not his fault but bloody hell it's hard day in day out.

Welcome Ultra - moan away, you have plenty to moan about. Poor everybody really in your house. I'm not sure I'd have coped if mine were younger.

I want to rail at myself for being crap and having been sucked into that way of thinking too.

We went sledging yesterday with one of DSs friends, his brother, his brother's friend and his mum. I hate that i was totting up whether that's allowed, and realising it was, as only 2 of us were over 12. But then we met another mum plus 2 DCs at the sledge hill, and we had a nice, socially distanced chat as the DC were hurling themselves around - but all the time I was thinking - oh, this isn't actually allowed, and I turned away from them for a bit when I saw someone in a hi-viz jacket because I thought they may be someone official coming to Tell Us Off.

And DS really, really wanted to have a snowball fight with our neighbours (cos it's tradition). And rather than saying, cool, I'll text to see if they're up for it, I said - no, that's not really allowed.

WTAF have I become...

Im just so angry and sad all the time, it seems. I really want to see my parents, but there is no timescale for being able to do that. I really want DS back at school and interacting with his friends so he doesn't burst into tears at thee slightest thing - but there's no timescale for that. I really want to book a miserable summer holiday somewhere in Scotland FFS - but DH doesn't want to think about it because we probably won't be able to go so he says to wait until things are more certain though everywhere is already getting booked up so by the time its certain there won't be anywhere left to go . I've just got nothing to look forward to and nothing to break up the monotony of day after day and I hate it. And I know I'm failing at trying to look on the bright side and make the best of it and cherish time with my family...I just don't have it in me to be mindful or count my blessings, or to encourage the rest of the family to do it. I'm just broken.

@shouldistop

You can scroll down here to the heat map and it will give a rough idea of which band you were in on a week by week basis, you can look at before August and after:

www.travellingtabby.com/scotland-coronavirus-tracker/local

I'm sure the actual numbers might be on the Public Tableau somewhere, I'll have a look later as it'll takea bit more digging I think than the heatmap

Thanks Wax.

I feel bad moaning really. We don't want for anything materially, very lucky in that respect.
With luck all 3 of my kids will go back to their various settings in 2 weeks time and get that little bit of stimulation they crave.

I'm a bit of a pessimist by nature, so everything feels so bleak. I just wish we had a goal to aim for, a plan to follow, high restriction exit criteria to meet, anything that would indicate that we won't meander in the mess forever.

I hear ya @NotAnActualSheep, i'm not a sheep either but seem to have allowed myself to be herded up and I'm baa-ing along and forgetting i should be barking.

@UltraVires

Thanks Wax.

I feel bad moaning really. We don't want for anything materially, very lucky in that respect.
With luck all 3 of my kids will go back to their various settings in 2 weeks time and get that little bit of stimulation they crave.

I'm a bit of a pessimist by nature, so everything feels so bleak. I just wish we had a goal to aim for, a plan to follow, high restriction exit criteria to meet, anything that would indicate that we won't meander in the mess forever.

yes, without someone posting pictures of daffodils and how spring is coming...

I should be okay too, I' don't have small children or elderly parents and have no change in income and to be honest I wasn't a social butterfly and often made excuses not to do stuff with other folk. I just even want simple stuff like I was going to make a chicken dish for dinner, i need creme fresh, I know wee local shop wont have it but I don't want to go to supermarket and have to queue and mask up etc.

So now having to think what else to make. My brain just doesn't seem to function as well as it used to. Everything seems like too much hassle.

Oh fab, I need a good moan! I'm so fed up, it's unreal. I'm desperate to go on a date with my boyfriend, eat a nice meal in a restaurant, go to the cinema etc! I would kill to go to a gig and be crammed in with thousands of other people like sardines in a tin! I can't stop daydreaming about going on holiday and feeling the hot sun on my skin!!

I've worked right through the pandemic and in some ways I'm glad to have a reason to get out of the house but it's also become such a long slog because I'm working with none of the usual things to look forward to. Even annual leave is crap because there's nothing to do! I work in a hospital so I'm fed up of my friends treating me like a leper. It's also turned one of my best friends into a weirdo. She's a healthy 26 year old woman, doesn't know anyone whose had it and doesn't have any vulnerable loved ones but she's still too scared to go to the supermarket or get on a bus!!

I said to my boss that working at home full time with no lock down would be fine, or at least working out of the house during lockdown would be okay, it's both together that's difficult.

The thought of this going on much longer is too much to bear. There is 0 purpose to my life at the moment. I'm so angry and frustrated. Last year was meant to be a great year, trauma therapy had worked (I thought) and we had loads of fun stuff booked. Can't even go running at the moment because they don't grit here and it's like a skating rink. Our bins aren't being emptied due to weather...we will be allowed to put bags out with the bin in a fortnight, how kind of them.

Home "schooling" is rubbish. Dc1 (5) has a tiny attention span and hates phonics. Dc2 (2) interferes in everything. Keeping the house tidy is a nightmare with all the family at home all the time and I can't cope with the lack of physical and emotional space from them.

Then I feel guilty. Financially we're fine, dh just got an above inflation pay rise and is already on a more than decent salary. I don't know anyone who has died of coronavirus and I'm pretty sure my kids will be okay.

I want my life back, the one that I fought for after trauma and a diagnosis of ptsd not this pointless existence.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I’m in a similar position as regards the trauma stuff and was so excited to be “starting” life - ha!

I’m definitely trying to bark, not baa now.

I’ve been obedient. But now I don’t believe them when they say “oh, it’s just until...” insert random scenario

I really miss having the house to myself. Dd hasn't returned to uni flat, so she's home most of the time. Ds's college is online and Dh off sick until March. I miss my lazy mornings and chilling. Now there's always someone here on my days off.

I miss that too Groovee. I change my hours so I could have time off to myself but in the two years i've done it i've only ever had a handful of those days. It's either been tacked onto a holiday, DH has been home ill or as a minimum DSs have been home.

I love them all dearly but the plan was to do big clearouts and decorate or meet friends and family for lunch etc. Just not happened. I like being on my own sometimes where i can do have a job and have some lunch and go back to it without folk having to climb over stuff or have a toilet out of bounds or hoover at 8am if I feel like it. Struggled to do anything I had planned last day off as DS was in a couple of uni classes as precisely the time I felt like being noisy :o

All the announcements about travel and quarantine have really depressed me. My family all live abroad and it hit me that some might die before I ever see them again. I haven't seen my mum in over a year now and I regret not risking travel last summer.

What makes me rage the most is that because it's not a UK wide quarantine it won't even keep any new mutations out. So we'll vaccinate everyone just to watch the vaccine become ineffective. Back to zero and lockdowns. It's so so depressing. I was pinning so much hope on vaccination and now it all seems so pointless.

It feels like my children will miss out on so much as we go through endless lockdowns and relaxation. They won't know half their grandparents at all. So so depressing

That's Forth Valley NHS advertising today for full and part time staff "Covid 19: Health Care Support Worker Vaccinators" closing date 16th Feb. I'm hoping this is for more and not their first thought about maybe recruiting some folk..

@Callisto1 yes, I naively assumed that the vaccines might lead to freedom.

@WaxOnFeckOff I’ve heard nothing about my application to volunteer. And the local vaccination centres remain unused.

@WaxOnFeckOff it’ll be for new staff as the current vaccinators are knackered and have day jobs that they need to get back too e.g community nursing etc. We can’t do our contracted job and vaccinate full time.

I’m just wanting the lying government to give us the fucking vaccine so we can actually vaccinate. The NHS is not dragging its heals. Give us the vaccine supplies!!

I just want the schools to be back and to see people indoors. Sick of walking about freezing my arse off.

This is not life, it’s existence.

Just to be clear, I’m not blaming NHS staff or teachers or even local authorities for all this. 😃

@shouldistop

I think this is what you are looking for:

public.tableau.com/profile/phs.covid.19#!/vizhome/COVID-19DailyDashboard_15960160643010/Overview

Top chart, change to Rate of Positive cases per 100.000 and pick the area you want. It's the green line that shows the 7 day rate.

Feeling sad for my uni kids, been told no f2f teaching at all this semester. Wasn't clear if they would actually be allowed back to halls when/if internal uk travel restrictions ease. A rubbish ending for ds in his final year and a rubbish start for dd. Feel for everyone at the minute, its awful whatever stage in life you are at. Although my full sympathies lie with those trying to juggle work and home school, that really would tip me over the edge.

I want a large g&t in a pub and people watch. I want to go to Largs for chips.

DD’s Birthday is in March and it was a few days after the first lockdown. Now she’s facing another Birthday locked down.

A lot of young adults meet their partners/husbands/wifes in workplaces so now they can’t do that the only option is online dating? That’s shit.
I can’t be bothered doing anything apart from the minimum. It’s just very shit

Yeah, it must be awful for the youngsters. And women who are in their thirties and thinking children.

I do count my blessings really!

I am beyond frustrated at what seems to be a severe lack of wanting to look/move forward by the scottish govt.

Postivity rate is below 5% in the last 7 days the r number is below 1 and cases are falling

Why is nicola sturgeon saying right clearly we are over the worst so heres what I think we will do?

And John swinney should absolutely have a clear plan for kids exams.. How can senior pupils be motivated to prepare when they have no idea if there is anything to prepare for?

But I did get a text today saying the may I. Service day has been moved to coincide with the election so clearly there is a plan for the election

Yeah, we got a letter through from electoral service offering a postal vote. DH and I saying fuck it. We'll go and vote in person as we always do.