The vitriol for SAHPs on this site is insane

[JustSoFrustrated]

So many insisting it “isn’t work” and that we’re lazy, calling us “leeches” on our spouses, saying that “housework doesn’t take that long” and assuming we’re either “faffing about” or filling our time with made-up work or leisure activities…

Honestly, I wish they could all take a turn doing what I do each day and see if they still think it isn’t work or that it only takes “two hours max” daily to keep the house running—Someone told me that it only takes 20 minutes to hoover the entire house! I was like, I could do maybe one room in 20 minutes. Are they not picking things up off the floor first or moving furniture?? It also makes me imagine that their homes are TINY, and that they don’t have much of a garden, or at least not one that’s their responsibility to maintain. They also all have older, more independent children and seem to have forgotten how much supervision and assistance young children need, and how much of a mess they make constantly.

Someone else was like, “It takes five minutes per meal to do the dishes,” and I thought, what the hell are they feeding their kids? Maybe if you microwave cans of soup, or pop a tray of chicken nuggets in the oven on a single sheet pan, or boil pasta in one pot and then dump a jar of sauce over it… And that’s fine to do every once in a while, but not for every meal. If you’re actually cooking cooking— you know, chopping fruits and veggies, working with meat, cooking different components to a meal in the way they taste best, serving them on real dishes, with real cutlery to eat with… Dishes are gonna take you more than 5 minutes per meal, even with a dishwasher (Unless they’re just popping their dishes and cookware in without rinsing them off at all?? In which case I’m assuming their dishwashers are rank inside!)

And when you explain to them, this is how much work I have to do, and how much time it takes me, they either start concluding you’re “plodding around”/doing it inefficiently/incorrectly, or they’ll start suggesting that you downsize your life so that you’re less busy… presumably so you can get “a real job.” But that’s totally not the point; why would I make it so my family has a less enjoyable or less luxurious life, and see my DC less, just so I can go to work to make money that we don’t really need?

I’m tempted to just start insisting to WOHP that their houses must be disgustingly dirty and that they’re obviously cleaning wrong if it takes them so little time… or that they’re “faffing around” at work all day, because obviously if families with SAHP can live comfortably on one income, then their work must be really inefficient…

But that wouldn’t be reasonable, would it?

You’re being pretty vitriolic and judgey

And to be honest a lot of the posts I see are about how vulnerable a stay at home partner can be especially if unmarried

People don't understand things they have no experience of.
I wouldn't care what a random person thought of my lifestyle / cleaning schedule.
Being a parent isn't easy and I don't knock anyone for going to work or staying home whilst doing it.

@JustSoFrustrated I find that in real life - no one actually cares whether someone is a SAHM or whatever.
If anyone does say anything - just ignore them.
🙂

If you have preschool children being a sahp is a lot of work.

i had twins and me and my dh agreed I would stay at home until they went to school.

i then went back to work for the next twenty years.

it was bloody hard work.

I don't actually see this supposed vitriol towards SAHP on MN. Ever.

But your post is astonishingly unpleasant to non-SAHP - you seem to be suggesting everyone has a dirty house, feeds their kids shit etc.

What is the point?

I agree with you that there is a strange vitriol for SAHM on here. I never see it in real life though. I’m assuming it’s underpinned by jealousy.

I've never seen any such of the sort said about SAHP.

Your vitriol towards working parents is palpable though.

Do want you want to do.

Rule one of parenting.... everything you do is wrong.
Working. Not working. Working part time. Bottle feeding. Breastfeeding. BLW. Traditional weaning. Your child's name. Deferring a summer born. Not deferring a summer born. ERFing. Not ERFing. Using a pushchair. Using a sling. Helping with homework. Even feeding your children fruit.
You will be criticised. You just have to be confident in your own choices. And remember, someone choing something different is not a reflection in your choices.

Everything you do, most working parents also do.
HTH

Not gonna lie, your post is coming across vitriolic and judgy

Actually, I will say that what I have seen sometimes on MN, is a sense that SAHPs have no idea how there ARE aspects of their lives that are easier. I have quite a few friends who are SAHPs (and DH was one for a while too) and in real life, they all acknowledge that one of the biggest benefits once the DC are a bit older is that they have more time. One friend openly acknowledges that she just feels so much happier because she doesn't rush all the time anymore and another has to be reminded that it's NOT her job to do all the friendship admin but she always pushes back with, "but I have more time". haha.

Yeah our tiny dirty houses and microwave meals are the real problem here 🤣

What people always say is there’s a difference between being at home with small ones and babies and being at home once your children are all at school, and there is.

You’re obviously very angry and I haven’t seen your other threads or posts. Were you complaining about being a SAHM and people suggested you work if being at home isn’t something you’re enjoying?

Dishes are gonna take you more than 5 minutes per meal, even with a dishwasher (Unless they’re just popping their dishes and cookware in without rinsing them off at all?? In which case I’m assuming their dishwashers are rank inside!)

I'm guessing you don't have a dishwasher.... You dont rinse them first as the detergent needs the enzymes to work properly. You SCRAPE not RINSE

Your post is one of the most judgy I've ever seen. If you want to spend your days doing housework and childcare crack on. But it's not for everyone and leaves a lot of women financially insecure.

I think people are sensitive to criticism that relates to them / their situation. I work full time find mumsnet to be very anti-nursery and pro sahp. We pick up on the threads that touch a nerve.

I’m tempted to just start insisting to WOHP that their houses must be disgustingly dirty and that they’re obviously cleaning wrong if it takes them so little time… or that they’re “faffing around” at work all day, because obviously if families with SAHP can live comfortably on one income, then their work must be really inefficient…

Goodness no dahling my home is spotless. The maid cleans everyday

This!

While I sort of agree, sort of. It's mostly because SAHPs are vulnerable that's mostly on here.

But what you're describing for tasks is dragging shit out dude. Meals you wash up as you go along so there's only plates and cutlery to wash at the end. You don't need to move furniture every day to hoover underneath. Cleaning corner to corner every day is just busy work. How messy does your house get if housework takes so long daily?

You're complaining about judging when that's exactly what you've done yourself.

What you are talking about is being a housewife, not a SAHP.

Housework can take as little or as long as you like - it certainly doesn’t take me 20 minutes to vacuum a room!

I agree, mumsnet absolutely hates a sahm

Am I?

I just don’t see how you could cook anything other than pre-prepped or very simple meals and somehow generate only 5 minutes of dishes. I guess some people batch cook, but even then, cooking the batches still makes for more than 5 minutes of dishes, plus you’re stuck eating the same meals for however long you’ve prepped for, and it’s not always fresh at the end of that time period… Or keep a large home running and well-cared for with only 2 hours work per day.

Again, this is in response to those insisting that SAHP are idle, lazy, doing things inefficiently, etc., not the WOHP who are doing their best to fit their home management around their jobs and not making assumptions/insults towards SAHP.

Just as a housekeeping tip op, it's generally not recommended that you rinse dishes before you put them in the dishwasher, it can actually cause your dishwasher to have a pink mould problem, so you can save time on that one. ;)