Would you work if you OH earned £60k?

[hihosilverlining87]

My OH earns £60k. Mortgage is around £570. I'm due a baby in October - would that be enough to live off? Would you give up work if your partner was on £60k or would you say it's not enough?

Whatever my oh earned would never make me pack up work. I have skills I wanted to use and didn't want to be a sahm. I have always worked and contributed to the household finances as well as investing my money and paying into my pension.
My dp and I are now in a position to retire early, that wouldn't be happening if I had given up work.

@CrouchEndTiger12

Depends where you live. That is nothing in London.

All you could borrow for a mortgage with £60k in London is £285k which won't buy a one bed flat.

You already have a Home though but would buying a larger home be a problem.

I keep working as never wanted to be sahm

Not even that with some lenders atm ! Being tightened up !

@ohdelay it’s not gainful employment no, but it is a job and is contributing to society. As I said upthread, although you have said that no one will
Thank me for having children thats not true. When you and your peers are 70+ and needing the next generation to keep the country working for you, you will need them then.
Your comments about letting the human race die out are just bizarre - you sound in a bad place if you want humans to die out?
I have lived my life for me. I wanted children more than anything else. I have 3 and even one week of having them hands down beats every other experience in my life added together. It’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Literally my whole being and soul is bursting at some point most days with love and the joy they bring me. Nothing can touch it. They are tween and upper primary now and my heart is aching already for the days to come when they are no longer by my side every day.
I’m sorry you haven’t experienced this. But for myself and many many other parents it’s the most worthwhile job in the world - even if it is extremely hardwork and frustrating at time, and yes sometimes even repetitive and boring - most jobs are!
So OP if you can afford to be at home with your child (even if it means making sacrifices for a short while in terms of material things) do it. Time passes so fast and before you know it, they are asking to meet their mates without you.

Absolutely not. It's important for you to maintain financial independence.

When I was with my EXDP, he earned about that, and I earned substantially more, took maternity leaves, then went back to working full-time.

When he became emotionally abusive, I was able to decide to walk away knowing I could support myself and the DC singlehandedly. You won't be in a great position if anything goes wrong, ESPECIALLY if you are not married. Don't expose yourself like that OP!

My Dh earns around that, a bit more. We are lucky that financially I don't have to work. In doing that we can afford nice cars, holidays, most things we want but have to save for them and can't buy outright. We can get most stuff without thinking about it within reason and then have to leave other stuff until the following month.

However, I want to work, so I do. But only part time. I wouldn't want to work full time and count myself lucky that I don't have to. It's personal preference though.

Yes - but I would consider having the full year maternity leave and returning part-time if that was an option, especially if you have a career where a significant break could affect your career long-term.

It's not enough really to just afford it now - you will be missing out on pension contributions and possibly seriously clipping your future earning potential. Children can be very expensive as they get older and these days, if you can afford to, saving to help them with uni/house deposit is more needed than ever - for most people that will mean both hands on board earning.

Two of DH's friends have got divorced recently (they don't know each other - so no comparing of notes) and both had spouses that never returned to work after having their first child (children now young adults). I was always under the impression that this worked very well for them but I was shocked at the level of resentment that was voiced at being the only one earning for so long (and they both earn considerably more than £60K) when the divorce process was started.

My Partner earned alot more than that when we had our first DC together. He asked if i wanted to stop working...absolutely not. I had worked hard in my career , had a good pension and the main issue was we were not married. Would never leave myself that vulnerable.

As an unmarried woman you'd be mad to stop working.

[quote OnTheBrink1]@ohdelay it’s not gainful employment no, but it is a job and is contributing to society. As I said upthread, although you have said that no one will
Thank me for having children thats not true. When you and your peers are 70+ and needing the next generation to keep the country working for you, you will need them then.
Your comments about letting the human race die out are just bizarre - you sound in a bad place if you want humans to die out?
I have lived my life for me. I wanted children more than anything else. I have 3 and even one week of having them hands down beats every other experience in my life added together. It’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Literally my whole being and soul is bursting at some point most days with love and the joy they bring me. Nothing can touch it. They are tween and upper primary now and my heart is aching already for the days to come when they are no longer by my side every day.
I’m sorry you haven’t experienced this. But for myself and many many other parents it’s the most worthwhile job in the world - even if it is extremely hardwork and frustrating at time, and yes sometimes even repetitive and boring - most jobs are!
So OP if you can afford to be at home with your child (even if it means making sacrifices for a short while in terms of material things) do it. Time passes so fast and before you know it, they are asking to meet their mates without you.[/quote]
I've got a child, he's 11. I also have a career I enjoy in IT and earn the same as my husband. We met at work, we have always worked, our friends are from work. We are happy and have been together for 16 years, but I'm still me. I am proud of my son and love him but he is a separate person that will make his own decisions and be his own person. I'm not living through him.

When I'm 70 I'll be old and will have had a great life fingers crossed. At best, if everything goes perfectly in your life you get 80 years to make the best life you can for yourself. I think the OP is unmarried and young and should focus on what she wants from her life. Stop selling her the handmaiden kool aid because it is bullshit.

DH earns much more than that and I work.

Why turn down the ability to make money when you can? Before you know it, your children will be at school and you'll have lost your identity and mojo.

Don't give up work! That's always my number one tip to newly pregnant women. Don't do it! Even if he is (or you are!) so rich, you don't need to work, work is good for the sense of confidence.

If you have half a brain, keep working to avoid insolvency and/or insanity.

People forget that lots of people don’t have ‘careers’ with a career path that they are keeping an eye on. Instead, they have jobs they dislike, which pay little and have no career path. Often these jobs won’t cover childcare and if you leave, you could get another anytime.

People also forget that lots of people have no financial planning but live hand-to-mouth, whether there are 2 incomes or 1 or only benefits. And huge proportions of the population don’t tend to marry anymore. There is no financial security if they break up, but for many, there is no particular financial security within the relationship either.

So much of this advice could be totally irelevant. It assumes Op is looking to ensure maximum household income and to protect a longer term future career.

I think this thread shows how much of MN is a bubble, assuming middle class values…..that maximising income rather than minimising work is the key, that marriage is the norm, and that having clear financial goals is the norm. It assumes people want a career not a job and that buying rather than renting is the goal and norm, and that £60k is okay but much more should be strived for.

Loads of people aren’t interested in work unless they need every penny to survive. Op might see the boyfriends £60k and think it means she doesn’t need to do her tedious job anymore and they will still be able to afford the rent on their place and go out. It’s about the short term, not about building up a savings pile so they can afford to buy, or about ensuring financial independence in case this relationship breaks down.

But then, Op did ask the Q, so thought us going into this.

How much do you earn? Would you be happy for your OH to give up work on your salary?

But when the sh*t hits the fan. And people separate they separate they can hardly say they gave up their careers for their partners and expect to be compensated. I live with one who want to reduce work doing a job and my attitude is no absolutely not if anything they should be looking to increase their earning potential. Why should I do the heavy financial lifting? Why should I move jobs and retrain to earn enough money? The problem with marriage is it breeds dependence, in fact marriage is just communism between two people something I am not about to provide. Be responsible for oneself if you need a home go out and earn it if you don't like your job go and retrain in one that will pay for the lifestyle you want.

And people separate they separate they can hardly say they gave up their careers for their partners and expect to be compensated

Why not, if it was a joint decision?

We were due to get married last year three times but it got cancelled due to COVID. We will in the future but would rather wait until things are a bit more normal.
I earn around £18k (I get paid hourly I'm not salaried so that's an estimate - I get £9 an hour) as a dental nurse, my wage alone wouldn't cover the mortgage. Going part time will mean a good chunk of my wage will go on childcare. I probably could easily get back into dental nursing in a few years time.
I don't know whether to give up dental nursing and just work in a cafe or pub that will be easier round the baby once she's born.
Thank you for all your answers x

My name is on the mortgage though and will stay on even if I'm not contributing. I'm 33. OH says he's happy with whatever I'm happy doing but financially going back to dental nursing doesn't make much sense x

Your name being on the house debt is not protection. Get married asap, and work FT until you do!

@hihosilverlining87

We were due to get married last year three times but it got cancelled due to COVID. We will in the future but would rather wait until things are a bit more normal. I earn around £18k (I get paid hourly I'm not salaried so that's an estimate - I get £9 an hour) as a dental nurse, my wage alone wouldn't cover the mortgage. Going part time will mean a good chunk of my wage will go on childcare. I probably could easily get back into dental nursing in a few years time. I don't know whether to give up dental nursing and just work in a cafe or pub that will be easier round the baby once she's born. Thank you for all your answers x

Childcare is a joint cost

Our childcare was more than my salary at 1 point.

I am now in my 50s and earn much more than £60k- retiring before 60

People say- you are so lucky.
No, I made choices. Other friends gave up work- an equally valid choice but many now work in part-time low paid work and are dependent on state pension (67) and DHs pension

Dont just think now. Think 30 years ahead. Where do you want your life to be (mortgage free, holidays, retired etc) and what do you have to do to get there?

It’s not about the money it’s about self worth and independence. I’d go part time, it’s what I did.

Of course I would. I want my own independence. I want my own financial independence. I don't want someone holding the fact that they are the main earner over my head. I don't want to be an unpaid skivvy because I am at home all day. I don't want to have to explain what I have spent money on. I don't want to go cap in hand for "housekeeping" money.

I am more than a mum and a partner.

Childcare is a joint responsibility whether that means you both pay for it or work around each other depends on the jobs you have.

I'd definitely work. Returning to work after having my first child was probably the best decision I've made. It was hard and we talked about me becoming a SAHM but ultimately I went back with the agreement we'd see how it goes. I soon realized that I missed the work environment, having more than two minutes to string a thought together, socializing with my colleagues and the intellectual challenge. My salary has more than doubled in the six years (which BTW included another period of maternity) whilst my partners has remained about the same. This increase has given us new joint opportunities in terms of schooling, housing and future prospects more generally. With MumsNet's help (because I honestly hadn't thought too much about this) I realised as a unmarried SAHM I would have had zero financial independence without the legal back-up of marriage. Instead I am an independent woman who doesn't need my partner's income to survive (and vice vesa). We're looking to reap some of rewards of the hardwork (and a fair amount of luck!) as a family.

DP earns about 78k and I work part time because I don't want to SAH and want a career. Not really a decision to make lightly

My Dh earns more than that and I still work full time.
My career and having long term financial independence is really important to me.

I've just read that you aren't married. If you give up work you are putting yourself in a very precarious situation financially. In that situation I would 100% not be giving up work.

What would your long term plan be?

I think I'd keep a toe in if I were you. But absolutely go part time post mat leave if you can? It's very easy for women to become marginalised after they've had a child.

My DH earns less than that and I'm currently not working. (I've been retraining). It's worked out well due to the pandemic happening when it did as I was mostly available. Definitely ready to work again asap now.