Would you work if you OH earned £60k?

[hihosilverlining87]

My OH earns £60k. Mortgage is around £570. I'm due a baby in October - would that be enough to live off? Would you give up work if your partner was on £60k or would you say it's not enough?

Entirely depends. My DH earns approx £100k and I spent a few years not working. I went back to work as, to be entirely honest, I got bored.
The finances weren’t an issue when I wasn’t working in the sense that it always all shared and I didn’t feel like I lost my independence. It was just family money. I started to feel like I’d lost my identity a bit though, which drove the decision to go back to work.
£60k seems fine to live on, depends entirely on your outgoings and the lifestyle you want though.

This is a conversation you need you have together.
Is your partner happy to divide labour this way, or would he perhaps like to take a step back once your child is born, and take on a part time role? We did this when DC1 was born; both of us went part time. It was the best decision. Our mortgage is pretty much the same as yours, and our joint income with both of us working part time was initially 32k. We found it was plenty enough. We did this for 4 years, and then upped working slightly so both now work equivalent of 4 days, with a joint income of just about your DH's salary. Good work life balance, and we both have lots of time with DC.

It completely depends on where you live.

I'm guessing housing is cheap in your area or you had a huge deposit because that kind of mortgage where I live would only get you a 1-bed flat (bottom line is £250K for anything.)

You also need to consider your longer term career plans and if taking time out will impact on that.

I worked throughout our marriage apart from taking 4 years off when I did no work at all ( 2 DCS under 5 at the time) then went back p/t.

Our income was higher than yours but so was the cost of living.

Op, in case you are in any doubt why people are saying don't give up work.

If you are not married then in the event of separation the maximum contribution your OH would have to make towards your child is less than 10% of his monthly salary.

That's it. It won't even cover childcare costs. You would be reliant on your sole income or benefits. Whilst you are not working you are not contributing to a pension, whereas your OH will be. You are not entitled to a penny of his savings or pension.

Of course no one thinks their relationship will fail BUT it happens in over 50% of cases and much more common after the birth of a child when there is a power shift.

Getting back into work after SAHM is extremely difficult. Part-time or flexible roles are often poorly paid. Why are you not married?

I would never give up work regardless of what my DH's salary was! Why on earth wouldn't you maintain financial independence.

I would still work, if only part time for a while, but I liked working. £60,000 pa in the London area is not huge. However you could probably manage as your mortgage repayment isn't high.

It's not just about managing though, it is nice to have your own money and there can be great satisfaction from working.

Go on maternity leave and see how you feel towards the end; weigh it all up, cost of child care etc, and also if you are happy to leave your baby. Choosing someone to look after your child carefully is so important, I've known people who have left it until the last minute which is not wise.

My mum looked after mine when I went back to work part time and later on, when grandad retired, my in-laws did quite a lot. They were great at picking up from school and looking after until I or husband came home. None of them would take payment, they wanted to help, but of course I did treat them.

I realise how fortunate I was because we were certainly not at all well off at that time.

Don't make your mind up now, you don't have to. Just take your maternity leave, then one day at a time.

Congratulations! It's an exciting time.

I'd work. 💯

I don't understand why you would consider 'giving up' work as an option.

Even if you don't need your income in the short term, don't you want skills, independence, the security of having two people in the workforce, saving for retirement.

If you don't need to earn an income short term I would suggest that you at least work part time or better yet study to upskill and earn more down the road .

So many questions. Do you live in your family home or a “starter flat”? Are you married? Are you in an expensive area? Are you planning further children? How flexible is his work and yours? How easy is it to come in and out of work in your industry? Do you (and you may not know yet) actually like being at home with young children? Have you discussed any of this with OH? Etc.

I’m married. DH is on a very high income. I work very flexibly around him (his hours are more fixed), and I also made some investments before DD arrived and get income from those. I loved mat leave with DD but tbh once friends went back to work it was hard and lonely, and huge parts of me were just not being used which frustrated me. As DD got closer to 2 I also felt she’d really benefit from a few mornings at nursery to interact with others away from me.

Yes I would work regardless of the salary. I think it’s really important to have an equal partner who shares everything. I’d not want a partner who thought only I should work so wouldn’t do the same in reverse.
No one knows the future so maintaining financial independence is important especially when there are children to support.

@TheDamnFoolThatShotHim

The thing that jumps out is 'OH' rather than 'DH.' Are you married?

If you're not married, It really really wouldn't be advisable to give up your job, security, income and independence to become dependent on someone else.

I'd say the same if they earned £20k or £200k.

This. When I earned more than £60k there was absolutely no question of the bloke giving up work.

It would depend on the career plans.
Sometimes stopping work is the death knell for career development. If that were the case in my job and I wanted career development, I’d keep working. You have to consider the longer term impact and not just the immediate one.
If I really enjoyed work, I’d probably keep going even if part time.

Money is a key factor in these decisions but often not the only one.

Absolutely not if you are not married.
If you are married, only if you are well set up financially by your partner, with a pension paid for you, and your own money paid to you, and any other assets/ investments in both your names on legal paperwork..

Having a SAHP can give both a better quality of life but the SAHP is extremely vulnerable if the relationship goes tits up (even with all of 'safeguards above), and you need to consider that seriously. There are many deeply unhappy women who find themselves in the, frankly, horror of this situation.

It would be more than enough for us to live on, but it's really dependent on a whole number of factors.

If I wasn't married, I wouldn't ever give up work, regardless of how much my partner was earning at the time.

100% no I wouldn’t work. But to me being there raising my child every day during the day was the most important thing in my world. I would have stayed at home with them even if it meant having very little. The pleasure I got out of those years particularly before school age was priceless to me.

60k is plenty if you don't have significant debts/ car finance etc. Personally I wouldn't give up work regardless of how much my OH earns, but it's a very personal choice. I would agree with other posters that you should be married before becoming a SAHM. Unless you're independently wealthy

I can’t help but laugh hysterically… we live off one wage which is less than half of that.
Depending on where you live and what your basic outgoings are… of course you can live off 60k!

You can, the question obviously is whether or not you should.

I wouldn’t.

I would work full time

@ThorsLeftNut

I can’t help but laugh hysterically… we live off one wage which is less than half of that. Depending on where you live and what your basic outgoings are… of course you can live off 60k!

Exactly! I live in the SE and my DH earned half of that! I was off working looking after kids. We had 3 kids under 3 at one point (unexpected twins) and no family help so paying for childcAre wouldn’t have worked anyway! It’s perfectly doable on 60k??!

@ThorsLeftNut this really depends on many things. There is no way we could live off 30k with 2 kids in SE London

Lots of people have jobs which are our key jobs for money and not careers or for satisfaction or enjoyment. If they don’t need the money they don’t do it.
Op might have this kind of job. Thinking about long term career progression might be meaningless as if she stops work, there could be a similar job anytime she wants, if it’s needed.
Lots of people also haven’t got any financial stability behind them and so don’t think in terms of ensuring financial independence. If you’re in an newish relationship and having a baby and have no real savings and live it rented accommodation, and that’s the ways you’ve always lived and can’t imagine it ever being different, then the base income figure for each week or month seems the key figure and not the issues of financial provision in the event of relationship breakdown or longer term career development.

People are right to point out to Op how dependent on the man she could be and how she could be left high and dry if she stops working. That’s very true and it is important for people who have previously lived hand to mouth to think ahead further when having a child. But lots of people don’t. They don’t like work and don’t actually earn much and when they think about childcare costs and what they earn, working doesn’t feel like it makes sense. And actually, in the short term, that can be true.

Not everyone has a career which will develop if they stay in it, can earn enough for childcare and enjoys their work. Loads of people in low paid work stop working when they have kids. And yes, their financial position is vulnerable, but it was never very stable to begin with.

The thing that always strikes me is less the concerns about financial instability, but relationship instability when people have kids. So many seem to have a child with a man they have barely got to know and where there is no stability. And then not surprisingly the relationship breaks down and it is the woman left struggling with a child.

Op is already pregnant so the horse has bolted, as they say. Maybe it is a long term relationship and pregnancy or not…who knows. If it’s a pregnancy within an early stage relationship, adding financial instability to relationship instability is a bad idea…..but in my mind the relationship instability in that case is more the isssue,

We have similar incoming and a slightly higher mortgage. It's doable but there's not much left at the end of the month. Depends how you're happy to live, we like the simple life so it suits us. One uk holiday a year and the occasional meal out. 3 DC who don't go without so all good.

Personally no matter what your partner earns, I would plan to retain your financial independence and maintain work skills as much as possible to keep the door open for future work opportunities that will benefit you and your family.

Also, don’t underestimate the possibility that the camaraderie with coworkers and other work benefits can act as a buffer and break from parenting role when you are going through difficult stages and struggles as all parents inevitably do.

[quote Wingingthis]@ThorsLeftNut this really depends on many things. There is no way we could live off 30k with 2 kids in SE London[/quote]
That’s why I said it depends where you live and outgoings!
For me personally - I find it laughable that they couldn’t cope. I would LOVE to have that sort of money!