Would you work if you OH earned £60k?

[hihosilverlining87]

My OH earns £60k. Mortgage is around £570. I'm due a baby in October - would that be enough to live off? Would you give up work if your partner was on £60k or would you say it's not enough?

In fact, that makes no sense at all. £60k is approx £3600 per month. OP’s mortgage is under £600. Leaves £3k for everything else. Even with pension contributions and savings that leaves plenty.

don’t quit work just because he wasn’t 60k- it’s not like she would be just stopping work and lazing about all day not working with no children! Looking after a child is a job- an extremely important one!

Its not about downgrading looking after children at all. Its the simple reality that handing your financial survival to someone else is extremely risky. These boards are full of desperate women who have done this, they are trapped in miserable marriages, or their H is leaving them and trying to screw them over in the divorce because, guess what?, The people who REALLY don't value the job of raising children are sole earning husbands who want to leave their SAH wives.

As a society we don't value raising children because its women who get financially screwed when marriages break up - child maintenance is a pittance, the woman's loss of career is typically not really taken into account by courts in the settlement and its easy for many men to avoid paying maintenance at all or to hide their assets from the divorce courts. It is not individuals on this board who are downgrading raising children when they point out the realities of making yourself dependent on a husband.

Yes because I earn more than that.

What are your career aspirations? Who has the greatest earning potential? Could you each work part time?

If you didn’t work would he see is earnings as shared? How would he feel about being solely responsible for supporting the family?

No one can answer these questions but you and him.

I do, I work full-time but DS is 16. I stayed at home until he was 18 months, then did part time for 4 years.
We have a similar mortgage to you. However, I have said that if DH moves up further in his career I’d return to pt. it would benefit us both if I were at home to manage the house stuff. But we’ve been married more than 20 years, so I’d feel ok doing this.

How long do you plan not to work for OP? Can you continue to pay into your pension? Is your career the kind that is forgiving of gaps in employment? It varies so much on the area

Looking after child is a job- an extremely important one! No it’s not a job. It’s called being a parent
Looking after children in a regulated setting with policies and inspections that’s a job. Watching your own child,that’s not a job

No idea. Work through pregnancy. Take mat leave including any unpaid you are allowed THEN decide if you will return or not . Keep your options open. You don’t know how you will feel ie e we hat will happen over the next almost 2yrs - which is the timespan you are looking at

Are you married? If not and especially as you are considering not working, you need to be (married I mean), because boring as it sounds, you need some element of security in case it all goes wrong.

Personally I wouldn't give up work, regardless of DH's earnings. I like knowing that I can be financially independent and even if you go part time or take a less demanding job, a job is always better than not having one.

So difficult for anyone to answer this for you without seeing a full list of your outgoing expenses - and I can't imagine anyone would like to share that online with the world!

I would say yes it would be very easy to live off £60K. But it's more of a question of do you want to live off £60K?

My DH and I very happily manage on much less, and our mortgage payment is slightly higher. However we are both financially very prudent, have at least 25% of DH's wage at the end of the month to save. We do splash out on items where spending more truly does get you more such as holidays or household stuff like vacuums. But in most day-to-day things like clothes, we are incredibly frugal and never buy anything new. Come to think of it, I don't think either of us have bought any clothes at all in years anyway. I also am very low maintenance beauty wise. I have a few skincare holy grails that I do splash out on, but other than that I never get my hair or nails done or anything like that. So it depends on whether that would make you happy - maybe you'd be miserable looking like me lol, no shame in that at all! Do what makes you happy. So the question of whether £60K is enough really does just depend on what you consider to be expenditure that's essential to make you happy

I would echo other posters in asking whether you're married - I would not have been too happy to give up work without being married, purely for the legal protections that come with marriage.

We can argue until the cows come home about whether being a SAHM is work (I would rather we simply moved away from the idea that someone has to be "working" in the capitalist sense in order to be considered as valuable to society), but surely everyone agrees it's a perfectly valid and pretty normal choice, and women who chose it should not face financial ruin because of it.

@OnTheBrink1

It’s threads like this that make me realise how low down people see raising your child and not using childcare. Comments such as ‘don’t play house’ with your boyfriend, don’t quit work just because he wasn’t 60k- it’s not like she would be just stopping work and lazing about all day not working with no children! Looking after a child is a job- an extremely important one!

It isn’t a job and no one cares about raising your child except you. This is just being a parent and the world sees this as a choice. What do you want to do with your life

In London, yeah - that was about what DH was earning when oldest was born and we couldn't have paid mortgage without my income as well. Other parts of the country probably doable

My husband earns more than that and I still work. I also earn more than that and no one has ever asked him if is giving up work.

£60k no way. £160k yes!

@EspressoDoubleShot

Looking after child is a job- an extremely important one! No it’s not a job. It’s called being a parent Looking after children in a regulated setting with policies and inspections that’s a job. Watching your own child,that’s not a job

Yes it is. It’s an unpaid job if you are doing it all day- if you weren’t doing it then you would have to pay someone else to. It’s one the the only essential non paid jobs there is. Many people actively save money by doing it yourself esp if there is more than one child.

@ohdelay so? No one care about a lot of jobs - wtf does that have to do with it?
It’s one of the most important jobs there is and no, of course you don’t have to have kids, but someone has to! To be honest, no enough people are at the moment and it’s going to cause a huge problem in years to come when the elderly retired population (YOU at 80+!!) vastly out numbers the young and there is not enough young people to support them and keep the country turning whilst they can’t!
Bringing up your child in the right way to be a decent kind person is THE most important thing you can do, not leaving it to chance with a random nursery worker or childminder. A child has most of their personality set by age 5. It’s critical a child is given an extremely solid and stable predicable life during these years. Switching between main caregivers is not that, no matter how much you want your financial independence. If you think you will be ‘bored out of your mind’ looking after your own child then for gods sake, don’t have one.

[quote OnTheBrink1]@ohdelay so? No one care about a lot of jobs - wtf does that have to do with it?
It’s one of the most important jobs there is and no, of course you don’t have to have kids, but someone has to! To be honest, no enough people are at the moment and it’s going to cause a huge problem in years to come when the elderly retired population (YOU at 80+!!) vastly out numbers the young and there is not enough young people to support them and keep the country turning whilst they can’t!
Bringing up your child in the right way to be a decent kind person is THE most important thing you can do, not leaving it to chance with a random nursery worker or childminder. A child has most of their personality set by age 5. It’s critical a child is given an extremely solid and stable predicable life during these years. Switching between main caregivers is not that, no matter how much you want your financial independence. If you think you will be ‘bored out of your mind’ looking after your own child then for gods sake, don’t have one.[/quote]
I definitely don’t agree with all of this (I mean come on, childcare can be boring and some people need the money to ensure adequate provision and the privileges they wish for themselves and their children ) BUT I do think that my ‘financial independence’ is nowhere near as important as making sure the dc spend most of their time when they aren’t at school with me. I think a lot of people would struggle to balance family life, finance and work if they are accustomed to functioning as a couple, and suddenly found themselves single. But I’m not going to compromise my dc’s daily life set up for fear of that happening.

He does and I do. For a number of reasons:

1. I earn more
2. Gives us both flexibility to change jobs and not be totally screwed of one of us is made redundant or similar
3. His pays the bills but doesn’t leave much spare (big mortgage, childcare etc)
4. I’ve seen too many SAHMs get shafted then not be able to get back into work to take that risk

[quote OnTheBrink1]@ohdelay so? No one care about a lot of jobs - wtf does that have to do with it?
It’s one of the most important jobs there is and no, of course you don’t have to have kids, but someone has to! To be honest, no enough people are at the moment and it’s going to cause a huge problem in years to come when the elderly retired population (YOU at 80+!!) vastly out numbers the young and there is not enough young people to support them and keep the country turning whilst they can’t!
Bringing up your child in the right way to be a decent kind person is THE most important thing you can do, not leaving it to chance with a random nursery worker or childminder. A child has most of their personality set by age 5. It’s critical a child is given an extremely solid and stable predicable life during these years. Switching between main caregivers is not that, no matter how much you want your financial independence. If you think you will be ‘bored out of your mind’ looking after your own child then for gods sake, don’t have one.[/quote]
You keep calling it a job, no one is paying you to make more people. No one has to do it, we can die out. You're really not doing humanity or anyone else any favours by making more humans. I wish you well, but seriously live your life for you. You only get one life, then you die. If your sole goal was to make another person in the hope they did something interesting I'd say you wasted it.

I wouldn’t no, I’ve stopped working to be a SAHM but when my DC are old enough I want to return for work, no matter how much DH earns

OP it depends on his views on it. What was the discussion before you decided to have a baby ?

Yes I would in that position if you could afford to for a few years, but to me it was something I always knew I wanted to do, it was so important for me to be at home in those early years for my child. So I settled down with a man who was happy with my choice.

Now having the discussion with him now, I feel is a tad late, but if he's happy to take that on and you are happy to take it on, go for it. Do what's right for you as a family, nothing else matters,

It's not enough, from my point of view. But it depends on where you live and what kind of lifestyle you want, as well as other factors like whether your OH wants to be the sole earner, and whether you would be happy not working.

Yes, we are married, he usually earns 60k ish but was diagnosed with condition that's had him off work for several months already (and potentially more) he's on SSP, my earnings can keep us going. A good job and pay is one thing, health issues can side swipe you.

It wouldn’t occur to me to give up work.

I just cannot imagine being financially dependant on anyone else, married or not

Yes, because

• I like the mental stimulation and social aspects of work
• I have seen too many friends watch their. Husband's leave, and leave them high and dry
• I wouldnt want DH to have the horrible mental pressure of being the sole breadwinner
• that is an enormous mortgage which leaves your pretty precarious on only £60k a year (we have a mortgage half the size and much higher salaries and it still feels like a stretch)

Mine does and I do work. For my own self-esteem and because I love my career! But I don't have young dc. You and your dh need to work out your costs, priorities and what your careers need you to do.