Would you work if you OH earned £60k?

[hihosilverlining87]

My OH earns £60k. Mortgage is around £570. I'm due a baby in October - would that be enough to live off? Would you give up work if your partner was on £60k or would you say it's not enough?

I would probably work part time, say 3 days a week

Yes, always. It's wise to be able to stand on your own two feet financially.

I'm astonished how many of my friends gave up working entirely in their early 30's. Kids now heading to secondary school. These friends are now largely unemployable and have no way of earning their own livings. I'm not sure what they're planning from a pension perspective. Also, two of them are stuck in unhappy marriages.

Even when salary equals childcare costs, it makes sense IMO to keep working (even just part time), as many jobs come with pension, paid sick leave and you stay on the ladder for future job prospects.

My DH is on about that but pre-tax. Take home is around 3k. We are able to save most months and our mortgage is about £900. I work very, very PT and earn about £300/m. After bills I think we would struggle to save much without my tiny salary too tbh. It really depends on your outgoings though.

What does your DH think about this?

I earn around that, my husband about 15k less. I would feel extremely exposed and unhappy if I was to become the main income earner.

We manage on a bit less so it is enough. However we are pretty frugal and although we don't have to worry about money, there are lot of things we don't spend on like car loans, phone contracts, holidays abroad etc that my eldest son's school friends parents do spend on. Mortgage is a bit more, but it's overpaid so we can reduce it if neccessary.

I didn't plan to be a sahm, I was made redundant and I'm planning to go back p/t soon.

Do you want to stay at home? What are your future plans? Think long term too - you will miss out on pension contributions and it can be tricky to get another job with a gap depending on your career. I'd also think about needing the money in the future. If you keep working, you will earn more in the future than if you take a break. When the kids are older (and more expensive), working may be the best option.

Decide what will work for you, we are all different and have different priorities. Neither option is right or wrong!

That’s his wage his career, and you need your wage your own career. Don’t be a housewife

You shouldn’t be financially reliant on a partner so yes keep working. You must retain your career, it’s your safety net and if it goes awry with your partner you’ll have a career to support you.

It entirely depends on your outgoings. DH earnt that the year I gave up work when ds was a baby. I gave up that salary for three days per week because ds was ill and we felt it was for the best. He recovered BTW.

Expenses were:
Mortgage
Car
Professional indemnity
Council tax
Utilities
TV
House and car insurance
Life Insurance
DH's fares

It was very very tight and there was very little left that first year - but there was a little left but not much for extras. Laughable for some I know and I was glad to have some savings for my personal expenses.

Yes I would.

@MotionActivatedDog

Does your partner get a say in whether they are solely responsible for earning the income for the whole family?

Well, he got a say in making her pregnant and presumably he understands that someone has to look after the children, ideally one of the parents!

Retain both wages and book nursery place. Don’t give up work
It’s a huge burden to make one partner wholly financially responsible fir the family. You need to contribute too. Also, consider if you give up work, how easy is it to get back in?

It's the unemployable at 50 that's the issue really. It gets harder to get a job as you get older.

Preserving everyone's mental health is probably most important but things like pensions & what ifs do need to be considered.

Can you pick up where you left off in a few years? I would consider sahm from 0-3 if I wasn't setting myself back, if I could easily come back in at same level. I would not give up a well paid career but might take a break if lower paid job that I would likely get back into when ready.

In my experience babies don't cost much, (apart from childcare) but as they get older the hobbies, tech and clothes as well as days out as a family and holidays would be important to me.

I don’t think it’s sensible to give up your income. Go part time, work flexibly but don’t give up your income.

Both Dh & I earn more than 60k, and I would never give up work

Absolutely , even if you can afford to survive without your salary now you need to play the long game . Children get more expensive not less, it’s so important to retain your earning power and bear in mind it’s actually harder to work when they are at school than when they are babies .

Wrap around care is not always easily available, you need to cover holidays and inset days plus sick days. Plus there’s stuff at school or in their lives that you want time off for , a seven year old knows when you are not there for a concert an 18 month old probably doesn’t .

I worked 5 days in 4 at first, then 4 days then 3 and by that time when I had 3dc at school I had worked my way into a senior position where I could pretty much control my own diary. In the early days we probably worked at a deficit in that childcare exceeded the financial benefit of working but it has paid dividends as they got older.

Couple of things I’d be considering:

What your earnings are now and how much of a drop in household income it would be. Kids are expensive

What provision will be made for your pension if you stop working. This is where huge gaps between men and women’s retirement starts.

What legal protection do you have if you split? I’m sure your OH is lovely now and you can’t imagine him being horrible, but people can become very selfish overnight, sadly.

Well, he got a say in making her pregnant and presumably he understands that someone has to look after the children, ideally one of the parents!

Or day care? There is no rule that it has to be the OP. Or that it can’t be both parents doing half or another split of the childcare. It’s something couples should discuss. Im asking if OP intends to. Rather than just thinking “you earn £60k so i can quit work.”

I would take a long maternity leave. But either go back to work, even part time, or work in my own business till children old enough to go to school. That he warns plenty is good, but he may leave later in life. You do need your own money. Marriage protects you partly, but for me, the best is to keep working.

Having said that, you are in a position to do whatever you want and both ways can work really well but also come with many challenges. Juggling work and parenting is stressful but equally so is staying at home full time. I hope you have great start to your new life as a parent, and reach out for support when you need to , doing whatever you decide works best in your situation.

I’ve mostly been the higher earner but I wanted to be involved in childcare so we both cut our hours by a third. We have both kept continuity of job/business, this was very good during covid as DH’s work shut down overnight.

It doesn’t follow the higher earner has to be sole breadwinner.

If you do become a SAHM at least make sure you claim child benefit even if you partner earns too much for you to be paid any money. Claiming it proves you care for children so you will still get NI contributions to a state pension.
I would think very carefully about putting yourself in this financially vulnerable position though.

Yes. You need to future proof yourself, you don’t know what might happen

Yes my partner earns around the same, and I was made redundant at the beginning of the pandemic. We do own our house outright though and I own another property which I earn around £1000 per month from.
I do plan in going back to work after having a second child but we are comfortable at the moment.

Does your partner get a say in whether they are solely responsible for earning the income for the whole family?

Does her partner want to give up work and look after the baby?

Well, he got a say in making her pregnant and presumably he understands that someone has to look after the children, ideally one of the parents!
Ok so they both work, use FT daycare
They both work reduced PT hours and share the childcare
It really doesn’t have to be te default that the women give up work

OP I gave up work for 8 years and they were the most glorious 8 years of my life and I thoroughly enjoyed being at home until dd was settled into reception. However, although the first year was hard we were not skint.

I returned to work aged 43 and started at the bottom again and took professional qualifications. It was the best thing I ever did although it is only in recent years my local public sector salary has caught up with my previous earning . But going back to work gave me a new lease of life, a broader perspective on my community, probably helped my marriage because I stopped being child centric, and provided a better female role model for my children. Notwithstanding the fact that when I retire I'll have the equivalent of two thirds of a final salary scheme occupational pension.