Is being a SAHP really mind numbing?!

[grey12]

I was reading another thread here in MN that said this. It caught my eye and definitely it's not the first time I heard it. It seems to be a common thing to say.

I am a SAHM and mind numbing is the last adjective I would use to describe it!! Am I the only one?!

I am exhausted! Tired! Annoyed at times! I have no time for myself, I poop with the door open! I have little chance to pursue hobbies or go to the gym. But mind numb?! No. My toddlers keep on my toes. They change interests and development every few months. They are loving and easy to make laugh. They have the ability to make ME laugh which isn't super easy...

Most jobs became very routine. You have do the same boring tasks and deal with the same people every day.

What I mean is, there are downsides to SAHP but why pick this one?!

I've loved being a stay at home mum. It's been 1000x easier than doing my previous high pressure role. My mind is busy and occupied but in a low stress way. At times I'm bored, especially during cold rainy lockdown days with no activities outside to rely on. But it's been (personally) so much easier than working (I went back to work but left very soon after)

Surely it just depends what interests you.

I'd be a terrible SAHP. I would find it mind numbing because I'd not be using my brain in the way that I like to and I love my job. Some of my friends are SAHP and don't find it mind numbing because they really enjoy finding places to take DC, coming up with activities to do with toddlers etc.

Your OP just sounds like every other SAHP/WOHP thread where someone claims their side is harder and they 'don't understand' why anyone would do the other because it's so boring / dull / routine / easy and so on.

I am not officially a SAHM but I am currently on my second maternity leave in 2 years. I find caring for a child at home full time to be busy, hectic, emotional, difficult, tiring, and yes, mind numbing. To me its mind numbing simply as I am a secondary english teacher, so my job is to answer pretty academic questions, fired at me by impatient 14 year olds, 5 hours a day. My brain is well and truly used in my job. At home, I find no mental or academic stimulation. At times I felt like my ability to think critically or debate was melting away. I found it very hard. I was much happier when I went back to work part time.

Don't agree at all that most jobs become boring. I absolutely love my job and I've been in the same field for 15 years.

When I had my daughter I decided I would like to be a SAHM. I loved the idea. Had visions in my head of it all being great. Didn't happen... Lol. Think I'd worked for so long that I just found it repetitive.

Went back part time and had the best of both worlds.

I think you have to do what's right for you. People do get very definsive of the whole SAHM thing though. So many people seem to try and justify it and sound like they are trying to convince themselves that they love it. We are all so different x

I do find it find mind numbing, not boring because I can’t actually remember the last time I sat and relaxed or slobbed about BUT my job is super technical and warrants a lot of attention.

I would say I’m highly strung and at work I’m used to a constant barrage of tasks, if there aren’t any, I find some/start a new project/find a problem/test something. I love the feeling of ‘shit we can’t get that done in time’ then successfully working your arse off to get it done to the point of mental exhaustion. Maybe I’m odd.

Being a SAHM is timeless, there’s no deadline, the tasks are endless and monotonous, they lack any form of challenge at all. Putting a wash on and singing to my baby with a happy face before I’ve had my morning coffee isn’t what I want to do for the next few years. I don’t find it fulfilling.

My child is beautiful and (obviously IMO) perfect in every way and I’m going to bawl like a baby when he does go to nursery BUT I will be a better me. I don’t think this is the right way, but certainly it’s what will work for us. If everyone felt the same there wouldn’t be any childcare for us to go to work in the first place.

@teaflake

Got to laugh at all the intellectually stimulating work posts. 😂

I am not sure what you are sniggering at to be honest?

My work is intellectually stimulating - I am was involved in writing Brexit legislation. It is intellectually stimulating to me but that doesn't mean that I think I am superior to a SAHM. But yes, getting my head around and drafting trade laws was a very intellectual exercise.

@ARoseInHarlem

I found it mind-numbing until they started school. I never once thought that the alternative was working: juggling holidays, sick leave for me/the children, having to put a boss before my family with DH having to do the same thing (we both worked in full-on City jobs where bosses and clients are even more demanding than toddlers). It would have been impossible and nobody would have benefited from it.

So I stuck it out until they started school, then went back to studying and qualifying in a completely different field, which allows me to pick and choose how much and when I work.

I now feel like I have the best of everything: there for the family who I can put first, interesting work which I can do as much or as little of as I want, and most importantly when I want. I’m earning about 1% (yes, one) of my previous salary but I’m okay with this. I saved like a demon when I was earning and we live very comfortably off DH’s salary.

So, basically, yes mind-numbing but something new gotta give somewhere 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hi - may I ask how/where you did your studies?

And what did you re-train in? Not being nosy but we are 2 City workers and I am looking to explore the same route you went down.

@museumum

My focus and concentration really suffered when caring for young children. Because they needed me all the time and it was always immediate and never the same for even five minutes. I was interrupted every 30 seconds and after a year I could no longer enjoy reading or tasks I’d normally lose myself in.

Totally agree with this for myself. I completely lost the ability to read a book, for example.

I’ve been a stay at home mom since I was trying to get pregnant (got many health issues). I think pre-baby and pre-Covid I could just finish up the housework and chill a bit. I actually read the news so I felt I could hold a conversation about stuff that’s not baby related.

Fast forward now I feel that I’ve got constantly stuff to do but it is stuff that is making me feel stupid. I love my kid but I won’t say I love being a mom. I do the same chores everyday that even with my bad health condition I could recite to you what needs to be done in detail. When I’m bedridden and my husband has to do the parenting and chores, it goes to the point he told me never to have a second child because he cannot imagine himself changing diapers 12 times a day, getting laundry organised and organising daily walks everyday for the first two year of a child’s life.

Two masters degree later, yeah I can understand why some find it mind numbing. I mean I know friends who love their job so much that they can’t part with it. But I also know friends who think being a stay at home parent is the dream because you don’t have to deal with yucky colleagues. Let’s face it not everyone has amazing colleagues. Also let’s face it not everyone has kids who aren’t trying to rip your eyeballs out. My baby tried to rip my eyes off today. T___T

@grey12 it's the cleaning I find mind numbing. Some days I literally just cannot with the hoover. It's so so so boring. Everything else is fine but the constant clean up ugh no I just can't.

Kids themselves are hilarious and entertaining and if I feel bored we just go do something.

I have been a SAHM for 9 years. However it certainly hasn't been mind numbing for me as I was forced to take care of an extremely premature infant. I learnt far too much medical stuff for a new mum, I hated it, It fried my brain. I became obsessed with numbers, doses, statistics and medical journal texts in his first year I developed quite a severe form of OCD. Things are much better now, however I still need to be on high alert as my eldest is on the autism spectrum and I have had to use my brain a lot with that! Every day is a new disaster to navigate! I'm sure people assume I'm brain dead or like a 1950s housewife or something just because I can't work due to shitty childcare systems but I know I have a brain that will benefit many in the future. My ultimate dream is to be a nurse one day like my mother was for 30 years. I feel its just something that is meant to be one day and I'm hopeful not stupid.

The parenting isn't mind numbing at all. I love spending so much time with my DD. The numbing part for me is the isolation, the lack of interaction with other adults. I listen to podcasts to feel like I'm involved in conversations, but it's not the same, of course. I worry I come across as a bit desperately lonely in play groups (because I am).