Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

Is being a SAHP really mind numbing?!

137 replies

grey12 · 11/07/2020 14:33

I was reading another thread here in MN that said this. It caught my eye and definitely it's not the first time I heard it. It seems to be a common thing to say.

I am a SAHM and mind numbing is the last adjective I would use to describe it!! Am I the only one?!

I am exhausted! Tired! Annoyed at times! I have no time for myself, I poop with the door open! I have little chance to pursue hobbies or go to the gym. But mind numb?! No. My toddlers keep on my toes. They change interests and development every few months. They are loving and easy to make laugh. They have the ability to make ME laugh which isn't super easy...

Most jobs became very routine. You have do the same boring tasks and deal with the same people every day.

What I mean is, there are downsides to SAHP but why pick this one?!

OP posts:
Somethingorotherorother · 12/07/2020 17:35

@eddiemairswife A play pen is very useful to keep them out of mischief.

For 3 minutes while you do a wee, maybe, but it would be pretty cruel to keep a mobile child in a tiny box for an extended period of time!

eddiemairswife · 12/07/2020 17:48

My play pen wasn't a 'tiny box', but perhaps they are now.

Somethingorotherorother · 12/07/2020 18:25

@eddiemairswife the only ones that ive seen are basically hard bottomed travel cots

BertieBotts · 12/07/2020 18:30

The six sided one that has a gate that opens is pretty good, you can leave it open 90% of the time so it's not a threatening place and is fun for them.

But to be honest I never got on with leaving mine in a playpen, it doesn't take very long until they are trustworthy in another room. I wouldn't go off and have a nap or go to the shop but I'll happily go and hang up washing while my 22mo is elsewhere, or sit on the sofa and read on my phone while he's playing in and out of the room.

a12345b · 12/07/2020 19:06

8 month olds need to be supervised of course, but that can easily mean read a book or smt in the same room. You don't actually have to sit and watching them stacking blocks!

Somethingorotherorother · 12/07/2020 19:08

@a12345b i absolutely have to watch mine, she's crawling and pulling herself up on everything and putting everything in her mouth and she is so, so fast! She has no time for things like stacking blocks, not when there are bookshelves to destroy and carpets to lick.

InkieNecro · 12/07/2020 19:21

They're 2 and 3 and I'm on my own, I have to leave the door open when I go to the loo as they're climbers and I need to hear they aren't climbing on the radiators. I've tried getting up and leaving, they're up and chasing me before I've got 6 feet away!

Maybe if you have more compliant toddlers it's easier to do something for yourself if they want to sit and play without you there? They don't want me to necessarily play with them, just have me there for reassurance.

mynameiscalypso · 12/07/2020 19:51

@Somethingorotherorother I think we might have the same child! My DH will often read/play on his phone and 9/10 times, it ends in DS pulling something over or hurting himself or eating something he shouldn't.

AccountAntsy · 12/07/2020 19:54

I’m not sure mind numbing is the phrase I’d choose but it’s definitely relentless. I’m onto month 4 of wfh with a toddler and it’s absolutely brought me to my knees and destroyed my mental health. I would never now choose to be a SAHM if the option was there for me.

Somethingorotherorother · 12/07/2020 19:56

@mynameiscalypso today i took a moment, while sitting in the garden, to adjust my bra strap, and in that time DD picked up, put in her mouth and choked on a large piece of moss. She would genuinely die if i wasn't watching her 24/7

mynameiscalypso · 12/07/2020 19:59

@Somethingorotherorother I feel your pain; I don't know how they manage to have an innate sense of the 10 seconds that you aren't paying full attention for and then also use those 10 seconds to do something ridiculous!

MotherPiglet · 12/07/2020 23:24

I dont find it mind numbing at all. I love seeing my DCs little brain working as hes figuring something or has suddenly picked up something he couldnt do before. I understand why people go back to work for adult conversation etc but I keep my mind busy thinking of different activities to do with my DC or trying a new way to teach him whatever hes trying to learn at the time. It's only mind numbing if you let it, like at work if you're doing the same thing day in day out.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 12/07/2020 23:31

Stay home and enjoy every second of them

Luckily I was able to do this for 4 years. Since then it's back to rush hour commute, career expectations, mortgage, after school club, grind, slog etc

Rainycloudyday · 13/07/2020 06:49

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor but your grind/slog is someone else’s busy and fulfilling, varied and well-balanced life Smile So thanks for the advice but no need to tell us all what to do. I’ll stick with my life as I love it.

Porgone · 13/07/2020 07:39

Each to their own isn't it. I am on mat leave and looking forward to going back to work, but similarly my home life isn't great and I think I'd feel differently if I had a supportive partner, and can see why some people love being a SAHM. The only time I feel for those at home is when they haven't really had a choice, and due to childcare costs etc and being made to feel like it's not feasible for them to work; but for anyone who chooses it obviously works for them.

Fizzingsherbert · 13/07/2020 07:44

I was a SAHM for 7 years and absolutely loved it! Yes it was hard and relentless but absolutely the right thing for our family. I think it depends what you do though. Almost everyday we'd pack a picnic and be out to the forests, beaches, farm etc so there was no time to be bored.

Ignoble · 13/07/2020 07:50

Surely it depends to an extent on your job? I can see that for some people in unfulfilling jobs, being a SAHP might be comparatively appealing, but for people who love what they do and have spent a long time acquiring the qualifications and experience/seniority enquired, jettisoning all of that to look after children does not appeal.

Porgone · 13/07/2020 08:04

I agree @Ignoble. Obviously there are exceptions, my friend has a lot of qualifications and has always been very career minded, but she surprised us all by spending 4 years as a SAHM. She is looking to get back into work now, but it's surprising how, despite her quals and experience, she is struggling to get interviews for jobs quite far below the level she was working at. She started applying well before covid, although that has an impact now. I guess unless you are exceptionally lucky you cannot have both; time off and walk back where you left off after a number of years. Which is a shame, and probably factors into many decisions, rather than everyone not enjoying being at home, if you see what I mean.

nowaitaminute · 13/07/2020 08:08

Yes...I spent 6 years at home. I love my dc but yes I needed more!! Mind numbing would be the words I would use but it didn't exactly challenge me mentally etc. I needed more so I went back to work and did a uni course also.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 13/07/2020 08:23

Everything's a bit boring sometimes, isn't it? One of mine went through a phase of wanting me to read the same Bob the builder book over and over again. And it was a long story! But eventually he moved on. And the next phase was different with its own challenges and rewards.
Apart from getting paid and not being judged by society as a lazy cow, living off my husband, I can't say that working was better than not. Sometimes it was great and other times not so much. Marking 30 essays on Romeo and Juliet wasn't any more interesting than reading Bob the builder to my own child. And I think that's probably true for most people - there are peaks and troughs to whatever we do.

It was awesome when they went to school though and I had the whole day free Wink.

Jmommy · 16/07/2020 09:00

Didn’t read the whole thread but find it interesting how some people seem to think that being a sahp with toddlers rules out thinking about anything besides nappies or discussing various topics with other adults.

Personally I loved the time at home with my DS. Sure I didn’t have meaningful intellectual conversations with him during the days, but I did follow the world news, read newspapers, watched films and had conversations with my DH and friends about all kinds of topics.

Now I’m back at work. I’m doing project management in rather high pressure environment and to be honest I miss the stress free life as sahm. My job involves plenty of problem solving but I’m still not sure I’d call it very intellectual work? What work would be? A therapist maybe, or philosopher?

SnowWhite33 · 21/07/2020 14:13

If you leave the job you love to look after the kids then it might feel very boring. And I totally understand, it's not for everyone.
I have been working full time for a decade in jobs that were ok to pay my bills and I was lucky to have nice colleagues who became my friends but other than that it was not rewarding nor it was my calling. So I do not feel like I am missing out or that I am less worthy as a person because I am SAHM. Quite the opposite, I feel I contribute much more, I'm also lucky to have time for volunteering and personal development and I have made some wonderful friends. I would only ever consider going back a couple days per week in a few years time and only for a job I would love

Woolwichgirl · 09/11/2020 22:50

Am a stay at home single mum to an 8 month old.The constant crying does my head in..I also have to watch him like a hawk all day else he will hurt himself and then at night he wakes up severally so theres never respite for me.Am burned out from it all.

Pantheon · 28/11/2020 13:24

I don't find it mind-numbing as DD is such great company and constantly changing. And I have a lovely group of sahm friends. Lots of things to do and places to see in usual times.

Pantheon · 28/11/2020 13:24

I would add DD is 2.