"If you're a sahp it's not a job"

[Lunalula]

That phrase. It gets on my nerves so much!
I'm a sahp, I see it as not a career, but yes an unpaid job because simply, someone has to do it.
If you were working to earn a wage you send your dc to nursery, school, ect. So in theory you are paying someone to look after your dc, to care for them, change nappies, feed and/ or prepare bottles/food, teach them the basics and more.
My problem is these people who say a sahp has it easy because it not a job.
I beg to differ. You don't get paid. You can't relax properly. Your children always 'need' you. Nappies changes. Bottle making. Meal prep and cooking/ feeding. Learning games. Being careful of bumps, trips and falls. The list is endless really.
Yes there is plusses which sometimes you can't do in paid work. Toilet breaks as you please. Drink breaks a you please. You can kind of do what you want if DC nap during day. You can have the TV on all day whilst entertaining DC.
So basically, yes, sahp is a job!!!

I’m not defensive over my choice to be a SAHP generally. It’s our choice as a family, we can afford it and it’s what is currently best for us.
I have got defensive on MN a few times though when I’ve been told that I’m essentially a prostitute for being a SAHM.

I don't see how it is a job. I have a job, which I get paid for. I'm currently at home relaxing, as is DS. I'm responsible for him. I've fed him, and will shortly nag him into cleaning teeth, going to bed etc. It is not a job, its just being part of a family. If I didn't have a job I'd spend more of my time with DS, but it still wouldn't be a job, because I love him, and do it because it is what he needs. My job is something I do for money, which is a different thing altogether.

Knittink when you say working parents do all the same stuff, are you only talking about parents who work school hours ?

As working parents of a pre school child don't spend the same amount of time with the child, nurturing them, Teaching them things and investing the time to help develop them, they pay someone else to do that through the day.

Working parents (non school hours) of school age children aren't there for the children to be dropped off or picked up.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I'm just pointing out they physically can't do all the same things with the child if they work outside school hours.

I always stick up for SAHM because it is fucking hard work. Been there,done that,pulled my hair out( kid that didn't sleep,didn't eat,didn't talk). It's exhausting and gruelling and a lot of the time mind numbing. Like pushing the food trolley back and forth even though there's no baby/kid in it. Or going for a breather and you can still hear crying... but no one actually is crying.

But I'm getting more and more increasingly pissed off at the assumption that because I'm away from her for a few hours a day, I'm somehow not responsible for her, or that I'm not as much of a mother or do as much.

Despite working I still... clean,cook, wash dishes, do laundry, homework,food shop,spellings,reading daily, play with her, talk about her day, watch stuff together, organise parties and playdates and shit, doctors appt, school plays, stay up all night if she's poorly and then go to work all day(if OH is home) or look after her during the day. I still need to be available to pick her up if anything happens and I have. There is nothing(or at least very little)that a SAHM does that I don't do , i just have less hours to cram it all in.(hence the flat being a tip..fuck it)

No, they can't do as many hours of it as SAHPs, but they still do all those things. I'm sure you're not suggesting that WOHPs do not nurture their children, teach their children things etc. Or suggesting that SAHPs spend all their time nurturing their children (as opposed to also cleaning the house, making the dinner, doing the shopping etc). Also plenty of people work part time, which allows them to do a job as well as having a bit more time with their child.
I know plenty of non-school-hours-working parents. They still do the same stuff with their school age kids, they just do it a bit later or at weekends. There are plenty of SAHPs who don't spend their time nurturing and enriching their child's life, just as there are plenty of WOHPs who spend their evenings and weekends doing just that.

As a SAHM to pre schoolers, the thing I do that WOHP’s do is physically care for my children in the hours that a WOHP is at work. Surely that’s not in dispute?
Everything else I do, every other parent does too.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing

Like fuck you arent, Tigger.

Those who pay a childminder or nursery to look after their child whilst they go to work - do you not see the childcare provider as doing a job? They’re doing exactly the same thing as a sahp only it’s not their own child.

My childminder has a child of her own who is with her all day. She does the same for my child as she does for her own. She’s actually in loco parentis whilst I’m at work. I can’t claim to be physically or actively parenting my child whilst she’s not with me (the emotional/mental side, yes, but not the physical)
She can’t take on an additional child whilst her own is there. He is counted in her numbers. Therefore her ‘job’ is looking after her own child too.

They’re doing exactly the same thing as a sahp only it’s not their own child.

Correct. That's what makes it a job. Just as cleaning your own house isn't a job, but cleaning somebody else's house for money is a job. We all know this really. Presumably what the OP is driving at is "Me being a stay at home parent is bloody hard work and enables my partner to go to work, so I deserve some recognition'. I agree, but that doesn't make it a job in the 'employment' sense of the word. We all know what parenting involves, we are just arguing semantics about what 'a job' means.

You will see in my post I said "through the day" with regards to the pre school children, never for 1 second said anything about weekends nor did I suggest all SAHM do that, I would never put everybody under one umbrella

And with school aged children I said to be there for drop offs or pick ups,

If I clean my own house it's not a job.
If I pay someone else to do it is their job.
Same with childcare.

@Leonie87 I'm sorry if you feel so emotive about this to swear at me...but I am only saying a very valid point.
I have lots of friends who are working mums and they accept this is a difference without without such a vulgar response

A job is something someone pays you to do. If you're working and not being paid for it it's not a job, it's modern slavery. Being a sahp is work but not a job, but as you choose to do it it's equally not slavery...but on the other hand you couldn't stop if you wanted to, sooo don't really know what it is!

@Jorgezaunders it's a chore.

sooo don't really know what it is!

Well for me it’s a choice. I know that’s not the case for everyone.

Tigger - You didn't mention weekends, so they are irrelevant? Why on earth would you discount weekends etc?

My point was that all the things you mention (nurturing, teaching etc) are things that all good parents do during their time with their children. Your point appeared to be that SAHPs have more time with their children - which is perfectly true. How much quality time any parent spends with their child varies enormously from parent to parent.

I don't really see what pick-ups and drop-offs have to do with anything tbh. My child is no less nurtured and taught on the days he goes to an after school club while I'm still at work. I interact with him when he comes home on those days, the same as I do on days when I pick him up at 3:15.

Ohhh I drop off and pick up every day too. Do I get a cookie?

Rebel - and a

Knittink i never discounted weekend but you can continue to twist my words if you feel the need, it just wasn't relevant to my post. It was stated you do the same as a SAHM as well as go to work. My post was showing what was different between the 2, not to list what was the same.

No. It’s not a job.

IMO, it’s way harder than a job. I work full-time, 3 kids, single parent. I’m exhausted all the time - but it’s STILL way easier than being a SAHP (for me). Others might see it differently.

My kids are older now so childcare isn't an issue & they can help out around the house but I still do 90% of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, life admin etc.

I found being a single SAHP of a 2yo & a 4yo much easier & less knackering than being a WOHP to teenagers... my house was always clean, we had proper dinners, we did activities/days out, coffee with my SAHP friends... these days dinner is whatever I can be arsed cooking or a takeaway, the place is a shithole some days, I spend all day Saturday doing a weeks worth of laundry, any days out have to be scheduled & planned months in advance and I'm lucky if I see my friends once a month!

SAHM these days seem to feel the need to justify their choice by either saying it's an actual job or cramming their day full of kid based activities to prove that they're fulfilling some sort of requirement... in my day fuck I'm old we just got on with it & didn't have to justify our existence to anyone!

The only thing that pisses me off is those that suggest a working mum isn't a "full time" mum - we never say dads are part time dads when they go out to work... you don't stop being a parent when your child isn't with you FFS

No twisting, Tigger. WOHPs do the same things for their children but in different time frames, that's all I was saying.

I would still prefer to be a SAHP. You can control your day, arrange social events and you're not answerable x number of people. Much easier than being at work, travelling, having to manoeuvre around office politics, deal with staff performance etc.

I found being a SAHP incredibly easy compared with working. But my job involves being in charge of 30 children at a time, so maybe that's not all that surprising!

Knittink just for reference it is twisting when you say I "discount" things that I never did.

As I say, it amazes me how this topic always turns out