Will we regret leaving London?

[Townorcountrysideliving]

NC for this as don't want to be outed. We currently live in the less desirable bit of a nice part of SW London and the kids are in good primary schools.

For years, I have wanted to move out of London but apathy from the DH means we haven't. We are bursting at the seams of our current house, we are in the not so nice part of the bit of London we're in and our house is terraced so we can hear the neighborhood and vice versa through the walls and in the garden. We're all very respectful and get on but there is no privacy. This bothers me more than my DH. What I really crave is a bigger house and garden where I can park the car without a scrum, cleaner air, space, being somewhere quiet and countryside walks on my doorstep. As it is, we spend a lot of our time walking (when Covid restrictions allow) in the woods/countryside which is about 20-40min by car depending on where we head. Even before I had kids, I wasn't really benefitting from London living. Not bothered about bars or restaurants and trips to the theatre/museum reduced when I had kids and stopped completely with Covid. I don't miss it at all. If we could afford to move to a bigger place where we are now, we would. We can't though. We could move to the nicer part of where we are but wouldn't gain any extra space and DH says it's pointless to do this.

Pros of moving

• bigger house/garden
• less air and noise pollution
• kids 7+9 have space to run around in and currently enjoy running around in the woods and countryside
• can finally get a dog as I've told DH it wouldn't be fair to have a dog where we currently live due to lack of space (do-able and plenty do but I don't want to add a large dog to an already cramped house)
• my parents are elderly. Looking ahead, in the event one parent isn't around anymore, more space means the option to have the remaining parent move in with us so I can take care of them. We can't do that in the current house but could in a much bigger house so we aren't on top of each other.

Cons

• we are looking at places in Surrey as we often go walking there. Housing is expensive and seems to be in short supply though we'd still get more space than we have now.

• schools is the biggest headache. One child currently at at excellent and well regarded all through school. So, if we stayed in London, we don't have to worry about high school. The other child will likely have to attend a high school out of borough and get on a bus if we stay. Problem with Surrey is that good schools seem to be oversubscribed and secondary high schools don't seem to be as good as the ones we have where we are. This is my main worry. To leave and end up in schools not as good as what they have now/can have.

• we can't afford to move back. Staying in London will make internships much easier and staying at home for a year or two is an option if kids want to go to uni and London rental is too expensive.

• ease of access for kids. In a couple of years, the oldest can easily walk to school on his own in London.

• will the kids even want to be in the countryside in a couple of years? My DH grew up in a city and was very independent meeting his friends. I grew up in a small town where it was normal to walk to a bus stop and wait for an hourly bus into town to meet friends. That was normal for me.

• we both work so one of us would have a longer commute but DH is okay with this as he's also craving more space now and also loves country side walks. He's also desperate for a dog.

We've been looking for ages now and it feels like we're going round in circles. It would be a lot easier without the school issue. We started the search before the pandemic so this isn't a Covid move but certainly the option to WFH most of the week has made it more feasible to move out.

My question is - because of schools, should we just stay in a smaller house and where we are then plan to move when the youngest finishes high school? I feel my soul may die a little if we did that but if it's the right thing for the kids I'll do it. Will we regret moving? Have I idealised the move out of London? Once we move, we can't afford to come back!

Sorry the post is long and rambling. Thank you if you made it to the end. Would love to hear about any experiences others have had doing the same thing or any advice you might have. Thank you!

There are pros and cons to both. We're in the South West and have had an influx of London folk arrive since the first lockdown. Speaking to several, the novelty is wearing off. Rural life is a world away from London life and while that's not always a bad thing, if you're not used to it, it's tough. Things that they've commented on include relatively slow broadband, no Waitrose or Ocado, nothing for older kids / teens to do, no big sports events or concert arenas (outwith Covid obviously), limited regional theatre, long and often unreliable train journeys to the rest of the UK, boring winter, few private schools, ok state schools but not amazing, limited extra curricular opportunities compared to big cities etc.
That said, Surrey is still rather close so may be quite different for you.

We moved from London to a village in Wiltshire about 12 years ago and I hated it from day one. We're long since priced out of moving back to London but hoping to move elsewhere later this year.

I just can't find any joy in endless country walks, I miss town/city life terribly and there is nothing here for children or teenagers.

We left a tiny terrace house in a big city with no garden (not london but a very big and amazing city)
We were able to afford a massive detached period property with the most amazing garden.. it's semi rural, living the dream we thought...

We are miserable, there is fuckkkk all to do and I'm sick of having to drive back to the city (pre covid)
So we are moving back as soon as we can! Will be moving back to a smaller house (not as small as before luckily)
But the thought of being able to get an Uber and walk to a nice bar or restaurant is just amazing...
We didn't realise what we had and how good being in the city is..
The grass was not greener for us

And my kids are young, but the thought of having to be their taxi service is enough for us to move back..
I grew up In the city and it was amazing,
Where we live now the kids have to take two trains and a bus to get to anything half decent and I just don't want that for my kids...

I know two other couples who did the same and have since moved back
I think the novelty wears off very quickly....

But I guess it depends on what sort of person you are, when we moved I was fully in the mum bubble, couldn't even fathom a night out or a job (stay at home mum)
But now they are abit older I want a social life, I want a career!
And it will never happen here so... back we go and I cannot wait!
Will miss my house so much as it's genuinely a dream house but there was a reason we could afford it....

Good luck x

Sorry that was longer than I intended haha

We moved from London to a pretty village in the Midlands. Despite growing up in the country and loving long walks, it was a disastrous move for us — the village was xenophobic (we’re not originally from the UK), insular and unfriendly, and despite having chosen the location because it was technically just over an hour from London by train, later trains took over two hours, meaning that nipping back for music or theatre became an exhausting trek. We gave it eight years, and made every possible effort to integrate — volunteering, joining village clubs, child at baby groups, preschool and then the village school — but I was very relieved to move on.

In your shoes, I would rent the house out and rent in the new area first.

Could you do a compromise and live on the edge of a market town. You'll then have the benefit of both.

We live somewhere semi-rural but are in striking distance of several towns. I dream of living somewhere rural but in reality I'm not sure I could cope with living miles away from everything (and Waitrose!).

When we moved from london, part of the criteria was -

Able to buy a pint of milk without driving
Kids able to get themselves about

So we’ve ended up on the edge of a largeish village which has a mainline train station we can walk to in about 15 minutes

And 10 minute drive from a bigger town that has more stuff going on

Not Surrey, but further out so an hour into London but more house and garden for your money.

No looking back for us, very pleased to have moved
Great schools and no scrabbling for places
In year transfers at primary are always a bit more tricky, my eldest had to do yr 1 & 2 at the next town and then transfer to the village junior school as there wasn’t space before that.

Like you in the end I wasn’t making use of all London has to offer, and if I do miss that sometimes it’s easy enough to do a day trip

Do you want to move to a town so that kids can walk to schj etc but have easy access to the countryside or a village. They are very different ways of life.

Most of Surrey is not what most people would consider “rural”. It is less urban than central London but it is suburbia, not rural. You won’t have the issues associated with actual rural living (no public transport, getting snowed in, need to be self sufficient in bad weather, long drive even to a small shop etc).

What sort of areas are you thinking of moving to? You will get better advice if you can be more specific.

Ps. But please do not base your decision to move on whether your children will want somewhere to live to do internships in London in 10-15 years!?! Seems such a specific concern. If you’re in Surrey then most parts would still be commutable to London anyway!

We moved out of London when DC were very young. As young children, they had a fairly idyllic rural upbringing but got fed up with the isolation as teenagers. I spent a lot of time ferrying them around to clubs etc and, as they got older, picking them up from parties in isolated locations. DC moved to London as soon as they got jobs and I can't see either returning. ExH has recently retired back to London.

@Bobbots

Most of Surrey is not what most people would consider “rural”. It is less urban than central London but it is suburbia, not rural. You won’t have the issues associated with actual rural living (no public transport, getting snowed in, need to be self sufficient in bad weather, long drive even to a small shop etc).

What sort of areas are you thinking of moving to? You will get better advice if you can be more specific.

This.

Where are you looking?

Most of Surrey isn't what I would consider 'rural' with the downsides that PP mention about moving out to the South West for example.

Can you be more specific about the areas you're considering?

It seems like you're going to be surburban or semi-rural?

Surrey practically is London for all the things you want. Only MN would see it as rural living. Nice part of the world but still too crowded for me.

Sorry for responding late. Thanks for all the posts and feedback above. I've been reading them to DH!

I should clarify that I know Surrey isn't rural but I wasn't sure where else to post in Talk. We like Godalming, Witley, Farnham, Frensham and places similar to this and around that part of Surrey. Definitely not Guildford and not busier places like Esher or Epsom.

I should mention that the other reason to move is to get away from the hot housing / scramble for secondary school places where we are. I suspect there will be some of that in Surrey but I can't believe it can be as intense as where we are.

I grew up in a village five miles outside the city I now live in. We live here because the house prices are considerably cheaper. It's not through choice

My DF still lives in the village and I regularly go back. The one thing that always strikes me is how quiet the village is and how bloody loud the city is

I guess you have to work out which Pros and Cons you can live with. There will always be some

Average house in this area is £200-250k. A friend recently bought a house in the nearby countryside for £650k and when asked how they're finding it just said "we can't get any takeaway deliveries to come out this far"

I despair

@ILoveAfternoonTea Yes, there are no takeaways that deliver here either. Picking it up isn't an option as it's too cold by the time you get it home (20-25 minutes). Our ex-London neighbours were really surprised by this. No Dominoes, Chinese, Indian, Uber Eats or Deliveroo. We do have a mobile chip van on a Tuesday (although it's cash only and as the nearest cash point is an 8 mile round trip, it needs careful planning ).

Takeaways we are not too bothered about as we don't usually get them. Maybe an Indian once a month but I think that's a con we can live with. I am worried by the number of posters who seem to have regretted the move out of London. However, I keep saying to DH better that we think it over super carefully and weigh up all pros and cons as it's not a move we can afford to get wrong. Going round in circles! Wish I had parents who lived somewhere semi rural so there was a clear destination and reason for going

Those places still aren’t even semi rural. You need to spend some time in the proper countryside! You are still talking suburbia. I think the possibility of a move will be better considered if in your head you compare urban/city vs. suburbs rather than central London vs “semi rural”. I’m not sure what you’re expecting.

The schools issue is not a urban vs suburb vs rural issue it just completely depends on the area. I live in the suburban outskirts of a very large town and in our area there isn’t too much of a scramble for good schools but on the other side of the same town people are paying massive premiums to be in one or two particular roads to guarantee school places. So again don’t think of this as being a feature of urban vs suburbs but just the specific locations you consider.

Everywhere you are talking about is going to have public transport, takeaways that deliver, cash points, supermarket deliveries etc so you don’t need to worry about that.

The reason Surrey is still expensive is that it offers a slightly less noisy/crowded living experience but with all of central London in commutable distance. In some places it will be more expensive, not less, than many more central postcodes. If you actually want to live semi rurally then you could consider moving further out still.

I agree and understand that villages and country around Godalming aren’t ‘proper’ rural/countryside like Devon (or even parts of Hants and Sussex) but calling it the suburbs is not really accurate either! The points about having to drive to buy a pint of milk or being in a village that only has a pub and no takeaways still applies- and no pavements just narrow lanes in many areas. So not like the wilds of wherever but certainly not exactly like living in zone 5! Surrey is densely populated but there are some lovely parts with national trust woodlands etc. And a quick train into london. Hence why it’s so expensive I suppose 🤷‍♀️

We have had more success moving out of London than previous posters.... we moved 8 years ago....our eldest absolutely blossomed when we got them out of the city and the others are very happy here too. We are properly rural but only 15mins drive to nearest market town and 20/25 mins drive other way to bigger town. We all love it - there is lots going on (loads of sports, watching matches, good local theatres) but I do spend a lot of time in the car! There is thankfully not much traffic so we rarely get stuck but we are not daily commutable to London so it is a bit less populated.

We were in a similar predicament to you the year before last as dd1 was getting close to high school age. We live in one of the cheaper parts of a SW London suburb in Zone 6, 25 minutes walk from the train station.

We also considered Surrey, but unfortunately not being of white English origin, the lack of diversity put us off some of the nicer parts! I really wanted a bigger house/garden with downstairs loo. But for our budget, it would have meant a move to a less desirable area or much further out.

Plus, I'm a city girl through and through and the thought of being rural or in the countryside is definitely not for me. Although seaside/coast maybe!

So we have stayed put. Dd1 got into a great local secondary school via waiting list and we are glad we didn't take on more debt and try to move somewhere when we love where we live (but just wanted more space).

Dh like you OP, also thinks very long term and said if we moved out of London we wouldn't be able to afford to move back in again. Plus the kids may want to stay home for uni to avoid rental costs of student accommodation, so they could always commute from here if they wanted to!

My DH and I ( both Londoners) moved out of London before we had children. we have lived in a few different places in Herts, E.Sussex and Kent and have never wanted to go back to London, even though we both commuted for years before I had children and my DH still does sometimes (contractor).
Surrey is just not the only place to go. Look around a little more. There are a number of counties around London that can offer you houses on the edge of large villages or small towns where you can have all the conveniences people mention and a bigger house to live in.
I live rurally now with 3 teenagers and we love it. There are transport links to the local towns although you can wait quite a while for buses. It's a ten min walk to the nearest farm shop for basics or 2 miles either way to large villages with take-aways, cafe's, independent shops and supermarkets ( we have Waitrose, co op, Tesco's within the 2.5 mile radius. We even have an independent cinema. We also have a good choice of primary and secondary schools and lots of private schools too. The experience of moving out of London is so varied as there are so many different set ups you could go for.
My teens absolutely immerse themselves in the life we have here: cross-country biking, horses, local sports clubs, and they are used to walking a mile or two to see friends if I am too busy to drive them.
It's true that you may spend more time driving but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I grew up in east London but I wouldn't go back now.
I think the best advice you have been given is to try renting first. And I'll add to that that you should look further afield than Surrey.

Why don't you move to another city which is cheaper? That way you can still do all the stuff you take for granted when living in an urban area (24 hour shops/takeaways etc) but will have the countryside within easy reach. For example, somewhere like Norwich is nice, has some good schools and is only 30 minutes from fantastic coast, the Broads and lots and lots of countryside.

Or Sheffield if you'd be prepared to live further from London? Lots of beautiful surrounding countryside and a great friendly city.

Chichester?