Will we regret leaving London?

[Townorcountrysideliving]

NC for this as don't want to be outed. We currently live in the less desirable bit of a nice part of SW London and the kids are in good primary schools.

For years, I have wanted to move out of London but apathy from the DH means we haven't. We are bursting at the seams of our current house, we are in the not so nice part of the bit of London we're in and our house is terraced so we can hear the neighborhood and vice versa through the walls and in the garden. We're all very respectful and get on but there is no privacy. This bothers me more than my DH. What I really crave is a bigger house and garden where I can park the car without a scrum, cleaner air, space, being somewhere quiet and countryside walks on my doorstep. As it is, we spend a lot of our time walking (when Covid restrictions allow) in the woods/countryside which is about 20-40min by car depending on where we head. Even before I had kids, I wasn't really benefitting from London living. Not bothered about bars or restaurants and trips to the theatre/museum reduced when I had kids and stopped completely with Covid. I don't miss it at all. If we could afford to move to a bigger place where we are now, we would. We can't though. We could move to the nicer part of where we are but wouldn't gain any extra space and DH says it's pointless to do this.

Pros of moving

• bigger house/garden
• less air and noise pollution
• kids 7+9 have space to run around in and currently enjoy running around in the woods and countryside
• can finally get a dog as I've told DH it wouldn't be fair to have a dog where we currently live due to lack of space (do-able and plenty do but I don't want to add a large dog to an already cramped house)
• my parents are elderly. Looking ahead, in the event one parent isn't around anymore, more space means the option to have the remaining parent move in with us so I can take care of them. We can't do that in the current house but could in a much bigger house so we aren't on top of each other.

Cons

• we are looking at places in Surrey as we often go walking there. Housing is expensive and seems to be in short supply though we'd still get more space than we have now.

• schools is the biggest headache. One child currently at at excellent and well regarded all through school. So, if we stayed in London, we don't have to worry about high school. The other child will likely have to attend a high school out of borough and get on a bus if we stay. Problem with Surrey is that good schools seem to be oversubscribed and secondary high schools don't seem to be as good as the ones we have where we are. This is my main worry. To leave and end up in schools not as good as what they have now/can have.

• we can't afford to move back. Staying in London will make internships much easier and staying at home for a year or two is an option if kids want to go to uni and London rental is too expensive.

• ease of access for kids. In a couple of years, the oldest can easily walk to school on his own in London.

• will the kids even want to be in the countryside in a couple of years? My DH grew up in a city and was very independent meeting his friends. I grew up in a small town where it was normal to walk to a bus stop and wait for an hourly bus into town to meet friends. That was normal for me.

• we both work so one of us would have a longer commute but DH is okay with this as he's also craving more space now and also loves country side walks. He's also desperate for a dog.

We've been looking for ages now and it feels like we're going round in circles. It would be a lot easier without the school issue. We started the search before the pandemic so this isn't a Covid move but certainly the option to WFH most of the week has made it more feasible to move out.

My question is - because of schools, should we just stay in a smaller house and where we are then plan to move when the youngest finishes high school? I feel my soul may die a little if we did that but if it's the right thing for the kids I'll do it. Will we regret moving? Have I idealised the move out of London? Once we move, we can't afford to come back!

Sorry the post is long and rambling. Thank you if you made it to the end. Would love to hear about any experiences others have had doing the same thing or any advice you might have. Thank you!

We live rurally in the midlands. We have to drive everywhere, which meant I did a lot of driving when the kids were teens and now run 3 cars! I have dogs and horses and love rural living, but I miss the facilities of our old very desirable town in the SE. We had an idyllic lockdown as we have lots of land and our house is huge, so everyone came home, but they are now all leaving for their city unis / jobs once more. My DC loved the place growing up but none of them are planning on moving back near here long term so the house will eventually be sold as it is too big to grow old in. Also, our house is still worth about the same as it was in 2007. I don't regret moving, but I could never afford to buy our old house back.

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses.

@SpeedRunParent your lifestyle sounds exactly like the one we want for us and the kids.

For those who suggested moving further afield, we also looked at Herts and Berkshire. Can't look further afield as both of us are tied to London work wise and WFH permanently isn't possible. Not wanting to give too much info so I don't out myself, but both of us would struggle outside of London to find decent jobs in our fields. Otherwise, yes, I'd be totally up for living anywhere! In hindsight, I do wish I trained as a teacher/accountant etc....a job which means I can go anywhere.

We made the move out and all love it. But I would say widen your search area and find somewhere with better schools and for us having the school (and therefore clubs) in walking distance as well as a shop was very important and has worked well.

Kids love it here and as we planned well so things were walkable we don't need to drive them, maybe once a month. More animals has been a huge success - we have chickens, rabbits and a cat.

Find somewhere with things kids can do of all ages they will be and ideally get that walking distance.

You may be best to consider renting first or even just staying for a week trying to imagine living there. Also knock on doors of neighbours before you buy to see how they are. Consider commute very carefully and also if changed job.

As lock down eases, it might be worth keeping a diary of all the things you can do with ease where you are now, and those that are more awkward. You can use that as a checklist for any possible future location.
Personally, I'd hate to be in a position where buying a pint of milk would involve getting in a car and driving somewhere.

We live in a village. Moved from n London 20 years ago.
It's friendly. People are nice, mostly. Pub and shop. Local town isn't great but half way between 2 bigger towns. We have a dog and dont do takeaways much.
You do have to drive everywhere. But there are plans to improve and has got a bit better.
It took a while to get used to it. You can't be as spontaneous and I like the space and peace. We have neighbours but can't hear them. We can park the car. It's an hour into London on the train.

I miss (still) the multi cultural green grocers and bakers but we moved from a 1 bed terraced flat (house conversion) to a detached with a big garden.

Dd is going to Uni in London and I wouldn't have wanted her to live with us anyway and she wouldn't either.

I don't think my kids will stay here but my neighbour left and then moved back when they had kids. I'm not sure we'll stay here for ever. Just if you do move, don't live in a really tiny village. My friends do and the whole village has fallen out.

My parents move city to country when I was a child.
It ruined my life.
Sure we had more money, bigger house, 'better' school but I developed MH issues in part due to the isolation.
I was totally dependent on parents to go anywhere. I missed out on most teen experiences- cinema, Saturday shopping in city with friends, parties, etc.
No delivery food- I didn't eat a single Chinese or Indian meal for years.
Walking wasn't accessible either- the fields were farmed- no nice parks like in the city.
No culture, no theatre, had to stay away overnight for a concert etc.
Birthday presents were rubbish because no big shops nearby.
Busy windy country roads too dangerous for bike so stopped riding it, compared to bike lanes etc in city.
Drug use in teens was much more prevalent than in city due to boredom.
Couldn't get a Saturday job.
Rural community was very insular- hostile to outsiders, everyone else's grannies had grown up together.
Went years without haircut as too far away.
As teen no access to sexual health clinic- couldn't go to local gp alone because of lack of privacy in gossipy community.

All this cause huge resentment towards my parents which irrevocably damaged our relationship.

I moved to another city but it's more countryside to me as it's surrounded by lots to do. You don't need to go completely rural and there are other options out there. I love London parks but there's also so many other parks and amazing scenery, not just country walks in fields, that are beyond London. It's opened my eyes to what the UK has to offer and it's easy to get to places like Wales which is stunning.
I always thought London was the top but covid has outt an end to that. We used to regularly visit (staying with family) to go to the activities etc which were so good for our children but now they are non existent. I just don't know when everything will be up and running again. In the meantime, I've explored so much outside of London and my eyes have opened.

Our garden, although not huge, has been really good to have during lockdown too. The more privacy the better.

Going from London to rural seems far too big a leap. I grew up in a village as a teen myself it was deadly dull wouldn’t inflict that on my kids.

We moved to small city in south west. Genuine country walks from the door but a city with lots to do for teens. Lots of ex Londoners here - as were we. The estate agent said many Londoners bought rural then a year or two later sold up and bought in the city.

I should add. I really like living here. Walks are great and I like the countryside. It's also really easy for me for work as roads and train are good. But have loved it during lockdown.

What's your budget ?

I lived abs worked in London (Bromley living) and moved to Notts to go to uni at 24 and never regretted it. I occasionally go to London with work but rarely.

Have you tried somewhere like Sevenoaks? Good commuter town and rural areas closeby

I agree with @FleetwoodRaincoat. I Gee up in london, studied in Edinburgh, now live in brighton. All amazing cities but I don’t miss london a jot ( and am close enough to pop up anyway). I fantasise about moving to Liverpool and Glasgow- not stylish and arty cities with wonderful architecture and lots going on.

In between, we spent 5 years in Godstone in Surrey. As someone not of white ethnicity, I did stick out a bit. I also found suburban society rather dull and narrow minded after Brighton and London so loved the countryside but I didn’t make many friends, despite becoming a scout leader, going to dance classes and the gym etc. We moved back to Hove when our first child’s as born. I miss the wide vistas of beautiful trees from our windows in the countryside but I am so happy to be back in a more diverse place.

That’s my tuppence worth!

I would think really carefully about the commute. If both of you are London based for work, even with some WFH, a long commute imposes a lot of stress and take a lot of time from both of you and childcare arrangements may be tricky.

Also, is your DH on board with the idea of moving one of your elderly parents in? That also imposes a lot of stress on a family.

We have a life similar to @SpeedRunParent with teens living rurally. We left London when dc were small and don’t regret it for a second. We both commute to London part- time (about 90 mins door to door) so that’s the trade off.

Buses are sporadic but dc manage with walking and cycling a lot plus we have an open house here with lots of space so often have a house full. We do have to drive a lot and it’s trickier with no lift- sharing at the moment but not terrible.

Mu only advice, make sure you aren’t so rural that you get good internet! We’ve been ok, but lots of dcs friends have really struggled when there is poor connection and often no mobile signal either - even more so recently!

We moved out of London 18 years ago to somewhere near Surrey, and then moved again ten years later to the country. Surrey move was a trial to see if we like the countryside and quieter life. We did, and actually wanted an even quieter and more rural setting.

You need to look inwards not outwards.
Are you city or country people?
It basically boils down to that.
If you love the quiet, silence even, are self sufficient and not worried about being close to shops and convenience. City people tend to love 'things to do' and appreciate being able to get anything day or night. Country people prefer a much quieter life, with nothing much happening day to day.

My dc were younger than yours when we moved here, and we have really enjoyed their rural childhood, playing in the forests at the back of our house, long country walks, riding and a simple life. Versus endless ballet, violin, mandarin classes etc we had before - we gave it all up and really simplified our lives. The children choose one hobby each and spent the rest of their childhood in the gardens, building dens and climbing trees and out in the country. It is definitely not a decision I regret. I made lots of friends, we were made extremely welcome in both places, and really have a great social life now, and before. I should think really researching your choices very carefully. Go to the local shops, meet the people in the village. Get to know the people.

Now both are teenagers, I expected a problem, but they are now outdoorsy teens and play lots of sports, I drive them to see friends a few times a week or they walk over to meet them. They are happy. Not interested in city life at all. So although we considered a move to somewhere more exciting might be in order at some point as they got older, it is not something either dc want to do.

I wouldn't move to another city, as that is the worst of both worlds. Your employment opportunities are very good in London. For you, and eventually your children.

In your position I would rent a place for the summer in Surrey if you can afford it, and spend six months going there for weekends and holidays, and really get to know what it is like. If you can't afford that option then with an eye on good senior schools choose an area you really like, rent out your London home and rent in Surrey for a year and try it out. Like an adventure. If after a year you all love it, then buy.

Buying immediately is risky, as you could lose your home in London and it might be expensive to try and buy back your old life.

We rented for two years before finding our home, and it gave us all a chance to decide whether it was for us.Buying houses is expensive.

Watch out for lockdown fatigue, you might find you love London again when everything reopens. Of course wide spaces appeal now because we have all been cooped up for so long, but those wide spaces are usually cold, muddy and bleak in the winter - and transform into magical places in the spring and summer. You need to take the rough with the smooth in the country thats for sure. Good luck!

Our teens have also both really embraced living more rurally and love that its so much safer than where we were in London, going running in countryside and seeing deer, squirrels etc, being able to keep silkie chickens and rabbits, air cadets so they learn to fly a plane, singing lessons, parties with friends, gym at the school, netball club and its all walkable. Plus school is walkable so its an hour and a half back on their day from when we were in London. School is better, smaller and better results, kids are nicer. Much less drug use than when we were by London. Can get bus into nearest city if they want cinema, more shops though they often shop online. When they are 16 they can also be volunteer firefighters in the village. And the shop is just by our house.

silkies Yes I am surprised by how much my teens love their lives in the country.
Much less pressure on them. They decompress. Both are very fit, as they enjoy working out, running with dogs, or friends. I feel relaxed as they are safe, no chance of drug taking or gangs here. We go to London four times a year, seasonally, to shop, go to the theatre and museums and convent garden. It is enough for them - we are always happy to come home. The fact my teens are so happy here is the greatest surprise to me, as I thought by now they might be a little bored. But no sign yet of that and one will be leaving for uni soon.

DH and I both grew up in very rural SW, for me there was a village shop and the nearest supermarket was 15 miles. Walking or cycling 3 hours to a house party as a teenager was normal and part of the fun. I completely disagree that there is nothing to do and we are moving from a city we've been in for 10 years to somewhere I'd describe as semi rural, only 500 people live in the village but also only a short 1.5-2 mile walk from a supermarket. It does depend on what you want though eg shopping, school runs, activities etc have to be different. Eg have a good size pantry and an extra freezer for spare milk and bread just in case you run out. But it sounds like where you're looking is semi rural and I think that will be an easier transition. Good luck.

What’s your budget for a house?

I wouldn't swop London for Surrey, partly just because Surrey is not my bag at all but also because the difference in housing wouldn't be marked enough to have a significant impact on my quality of life. I've always said if I was going to leave London it would either be for somewhere beautiful up North (helps that I'm from the North) or possibly the Kent coast at a push (though I wouldn't do that if I had kids due to the grammar system).

Hot housing is a problem everywhere, especially if there is only one good school for miles

Are you medical profession? We have some amazing hospitals here, Addenbrookes, Papworth, etc. I'm in West Cambridgeshire, and Cambridge itself has a Science Park. The clue is in the name, I think.
We also have some excellent schools here, and, yes, some are over subscribed, although I think that tends to be the case wherever you live, sadly. We have excellent countryside walks, literally on the doorstep, and further afield. London (King's Cross) is an hour commute. There is no train to Cambridge, but there is a "guided bus". Peterborough, another city, is about 20 minutes by train.
It's also a lower crime rate area. Your car insurance would go down because of this. Our broadband speed is actually quite good! I know this, because my son told me, and he should know, because that's what he does for a living, the fibre optic thing. It's a slower pace of life, and I love it! My kids have never had a problem with social activities, at all, ever, since we moved here. I have not regretted it for a single moment. We're close to the A1, and the A14 and therefore the A14/M1 link. Not close enough to appreciate the noise though! We have no overhead aircraft, except for the (very) occasional RAF jet. No major road traffic jams, unless there's an accident. We have Tesco, Marks and Spencer, and Waitrose on our doorstep, together with Aldi, et al. We are within driving distance of The Grafton Centre and Queensgate shopping centres. We also have various Farm Shops. There is also numerous tourist attractions available, some of which are completely free. We have National Trust and English Heritage places available to visit, together with those grand gardens to visit. If that's what turns your pages, obviously! It didn't turn mine for sure! I was completely against moving here. Hated the thought of moving so far away, away from family, friends, you know the thing. When it was decided that we were moving, we got an Ordnance Survey map (maps, I should say, of different areas) and laid them out, and circled where the railway stations were, investigated how long he was willing to commute (an hour, at the most) and then re-circled the ones that were an hour away. Then, we investigated the areas where we (he) would like to live, and this was the closest we (he) could come up with. I have never regretted it, ever. Not even once. The people here actually say "Mornin'" to you. I found that weird, in the beginning. Complete strangers, greeting you. Apart from that, they all talk funny!! It's all part of their character. Lovely people. Lovely surroundings. I can hear the dawn chorus, rather than traffic. I can smell clean, fresh air, rather than car fumes. I can see the stars at night, rather than light pollution. I've even seen a satelite passing over! Amazing!
The public transport system has improved, immensely! When I first got here, I could get a bus to the nearest town, and could spend either 10 minutes before the next bus, or, 4 hours, before the next bus, so I did need a car. You WILL still need a car, because it IS so rural. I would not swap back to my old life, ever. It's not for everyone, I understand that. I know children have a large part in any decision making, but honestly OP, hand on my heart, my 3 have not suffered, at all. Our schools are excellent. 2 of mine have gone on to Cambridge University. Well, all 3 did, but 1 dropped out, so don't know if he counts? We also don't have police or traffic warden people. Our part time police station closed about 5 years ago. We have one set of traffic lights, which is a pedestrian crossing. It doesn't get used, because
A. There's not enough traffic and
B. There's not enough people to use it
We DO have yellow lines, but they don't mean anything. It's only when you get into the "real" towns that anyone bothers about that sort of thing. We have cheap parking, all day. I think it was £2.30 the last time I looked (last year, just before the the You Know What) (sorry! been watching Harry Potter!)
If we know the person blocking our car, on a yellow line (double yellow line even) we just go and ask them if they can please move their car. Never an issue. If we don't know whose car it is, ask the person next to you. They'll know, or know someone who does. Within 20 minutes, you'll be able to move your car, and also, have got to know the locals a bit.
When I first got here, I was bloody horrified! Honestly, it was as rural as I could ever hope to be. I was absolutely convinced that they all must have webbed feet. At the very least, they were all related! They all laughed like drains when they heard that! The DH shared that information. Bless him. We have been welcomed with open arms and open hearts. My neighbour went pheasant shooting just before Christmas, one year. He then arrived on my doorstep, with a brace of pheasant, looking particularly pleased with himself, and I sent him away. "THAT is NOT coming into my house, unless it looks like it came from Tesco!" And off he went! A couple of hours later, he was back, with a couple of (dressed??) sorted out pheasants. Another friend, caught some trout, again, landed on my doorstep, holding these poor fish by the gills, and he was told the same thing. He wasn't impressed, it had taken him ALL day to catch those. Poor thing. STILL not coming into my house looking like that. Did you know, that there is only breast meat on a pheasant? No legs, wings, thighs, etc?
And Trout tastes like mud?
Sorry OP! This has been a long ramble. I just really wanted you to have an idea of what it's like, in real life, to live here, in carrot crunching country. There is miles of dog walking opportunities available also. Rivers (not Thames, obviously) available, for dogs to chase sticks into. All of that stuff. We're actually quite civilised. Mostly!
Happy House Hunting!! xx

I've always wanted to live rural. Please can someone give me some areas which are classed as rural

I live in one of the areas you’ve mentioned. You need to be in walking distance to a station. Station parking in normal times is non existent, for example you can’t park in godalming station before 9am, farncombe station car park gets full quickly, residents are increasing complaining about commuters parking on streets, leading to resident only parking near to stations and town centre. Parking in town is about £9 a day.

The London to portsmouth line is notorious for delays, yesterday the morning service I took from Guildford was 36 minutes late. There are times when the line is blocked, especially around Christmas, you will need to get a taxi then.

The housing market is saturated with people moving in from London, you would need to be in a proceedable position to even view. I.e. have an offer agreed or sold on yours.

Wraparound Childcare isn’t really available much past 6pm.

Schools are over subscribed but we get children moving in and out, a new class mate due after Easter, this means that all class sizes are 30. Always. Mostly the children leaving leave because their parents have been out priced from the housing market and need to a cheaper area. There’s one school that has had issues with one large family (with a child in every year), it was under threat of closure due to lack of pupils, don’t go there.

@PurBal that's exactly how it was for me. I loved that I had foxes and muntjac deer in my garden. Not at the same time, I loved that the muntjac left "teething" marks on my trees. I loved that the foxes came and snuffled about, but sadly, never ate the food I left out. I think the hedgehogs got to it first! I had never even seen a hedgehog until I moved here. SO much wildlife! Apart from the muntjac deer and the foxes, there are squirrels, albeit mostly grey ones, I have seen at least 2 red squirrels. Or, the same squirrel, twice. And the birds!! Cormorants, Kingfishers! I didn't realise how very small a Kingfisher is! And Herons. I also didn't realise that they kind of squash in their neck, so they appear a lot smaller that they actually are! I saw that Heron, stand up straight, and then, he was a proper Heron. At least, proper, in the sense that I recognised him for a Heron. I'm still gobsmacked at how small a Kingfisher is though. Town and City living. My natural horizons have been so broadened by living here. Wouldn't change it.