Is a village the utopia I imagine?

[BRAV0Juliet]

I'm 50, married, & live in a city but dream of life in a village and am now seriously considering selling up & moving next year despite my husband working here and therefore living apart a few days a week

Although cities have a lot going on I think they are lonely transient places and I don't hit the shops or bars so wonder what the point is.

My view is that in a village (hopefully The Cotswolds) I will have more friends, there will be stuff going on, there'll be a pub, shop, book club? gardening club? WI? Hellos as I walk the dogs, neighbours there for me, popping in for coffee. Am I deluding myself?

Please tell me your experiences of village life Mumsnetters!

Ummmm I don't live in a village but for what it's worth think you are deluded. If you haven't got a social life going in a city you are going to struggle with less people around. You need some friends at the same stage of life as you. I'm a bit younger but corona aside am very busy. My inlaws live in a rural area. They seem to spend their whole life in the car or having dinner. They are 60's though.

If you were saying you wanted to live closer to country walks, crave silence etc that would be a bit different but it seems to me that you need to deal with how you want to spend your leisure time primarily.

I moved from City life to Village life five years ago.... I can honestly say I would not change my life now for anything at all.

The first noticeable thing was how staff in shops are much more cheery saying morning to me as I approached them. This never happened in London at all.

We have a library, three pubs, independent bookshop, two bakeries, three independent restaurants, coffee shops etc.

I live in a village. Good things are, distance. No noisy neighbours, parking disputes etc. Clean air, fields woodland, plenty of walks. Nice NHS dentist, Less stress, less noise. Decent pub. One bus an hour.

Disadvantages are: five miles to supermarket, takeaway, railway station. Slower broadband, lower salary, have to drive ds more places, 7 mile school run. No taxis, one bus an hour.

I grew up in small town, lived in London for 10 years but here is where I am happier (and much healthier)

I'm 57 and live in the sticks, we are a mile up the road from the village our address falls under (we're in East Anglia) and I can honestly say that if you are prepared to put yourself out and join the groups that village life has been the best move we ever made. DP has recently had a major health scare and we had to self isolate ahead of his admission to hospital and the village have been hugely supportive of us, stopping by with medications, essentials someone even delivered us some logs and stacked them in our wood shed.

You are not deluding yourself but you do have to work at it too, it doesn't come to you, you have to reach out for it.

Thank you for the posts so far. A mixed bag.

I don't have kids to shuttle about and that was why I've always lived in a city so I didn't have to do that when they were younger. I do love country walks and peace & quiet. Luckily I live on the edge of the city so I do have that but what I don't have is a sense of community.

@bloodywhitecat Are these helpers just useful/supportive or are they friend-material.

I've got some friends at my stage of life but they're busy working or with their family. I'd like a wider range of friends and acquaintances...

I would have a look at the villages you like Facebook pages and you will grasp weither it is somewhere sociable or not. I did this when looking in areas I liked and got a good feel for the people in the area.

I don't think a village is going to give you what you are looking for tbh. However, if you are happy to socialise with people 10-20 years older than you, then a very small town might work. I live in one, just over the north Cotswolds border and it is very friendly, and people who are free in the day have plenty of choices of activities, lots of little shops where they know everyone and so on. But at 50, you are at the stage between children based socialising and retirement - if you join clubs you will get a lot of time filled, but not necessarily friends.

I bloody love living in a village and have never had such a busy social life - In normal times obviously!

We have pubs, restaurants, a couple of shops, a cafe and an amazing cocktail bar. Everyone knows everyone and it's a proper community. We're also close to a bigger village which is great for a day/night out.
It's brilliant.

I moved to a village 5 years ago and never met anyone to be more on nodding terms with. Even got asked at the WI "why I was there" snotty saddleworth for you!

My mum lives in a village like you describe. I grew up there.

BUT, she’s still considered ‘not from the village’ after 43 years there. She has joined all sorts of clubs since retiring and keeps spare house keys for/at her neighbours etc. But she’s still not from there. 🙄

My sister and I, who moved away years ago, are proper villagers apparently. It’s weird going back because you can’t move without meeting the parents of people you went to school with etc.

Since joining all the knitting groups and such like, my mum’s conversations all begin: ‘so Margaret... you know Margaret... oh, of course you do. You went to toddler group with her son Simon... oh maybe it was your sister...’. 😆

This could be your future too, OP, even if it works out.

I've lived in 2 villages in the last 10 years. First one I loved. It was friendly and welcoming and wonderful. Village life where I currently live though is... weird... New comers to the village are the devil It's a local village for local people

I think it depends on the village. They sure as shit don’t all come with cocktail bars. I grew up in villages but would be bored stiff in one now... but then I’m not interested in WI. I think you could find some great people and others who won’t even talk to you for ten years - especially if you’re coming from a city. The village where my mum lives has a pub, a post office and a spa shop. She doesn’t particularly have a group of friends there it’s just somewhere she lives - she still has to drive everywhere to meet them. Book clubs and Gardening groups and all other sorts of social groups do exist outside of villages as well you know.

I live in a tiny village in the north Cotswolds which has no amenities other than a pub. It's friendly, but I agree with the poster who said that you are at an in between age and won't naturally fall into the very distinct groupings of those who have kids and those who are retired. There is also quite a difference between individual villages. Some seem to have much stronger communities than others. Another thing to bear in mind is that, while the summers are lovely, the winters can seem very, very long and the roads and footpaths very, very muddy.

I also find it surprisingly noisy. There is constant machinery noise from farming or people's building projects. My dream is to move out of a village to somewhere more remote. Also bear in mind that the traffic in the more touristy parts of the Cotswolds is awful and the very opposite of a rural idyll.

I live in a village. It’s pants. No one speaks if you pass them. No clubs or groups. I tried to join a few, but they are invitation only.

I’ve been here 10years and seen as an outsider. I only came from a few miles away.

Nothing happens, the pub is a dive, no shops. I’ve lived in friendlier towns.

I think what you are looking for can be found in the right village. (Imho it could equally easily be found in a city). Our village is what you describe. Book clubs, cafes where people and their dogs meet up for coffees and gossip. Cosy pub. Lots of community traditions like a flower show and Christmas Fayre and Carols under the Christmas Tree etc. Pilates, danbce and murder mysteries in the village hall. I suspect it would be fairly easy for a 50-something to get to know people.

It can be very cliquey though. I avoid the cliques so have very few close friends nearby, but enough of them to go for a walk or a drink once or twice a week, which suits me fine. And loads of friendly acquaintances at fitness classes etc.

Just choose yoru village carefully. Make sure it has a really vibrant village hall, lots of notices on the community noticeboards, a good pub, shop and cafe. And clear roads out to the nearest city!

I live in a Cotswold village and I love it! We have a community shop, pub, cafe, school, football club, running group, WI, Brownies, village festival. I have been here 5 years and have only just started to feel I am no longer a newcomer! It is pretty much as you describe!

Market town might be more what you're looking for op. I grew up in a village. So cliquey.

Just like towns they are all different and like others said you need to research. My village has a post box, that's it, my last village had two post boxes and a phone box but I felt I needed to get away from it all 😁

I live in a Cotswold village and have everything in your list except for a wI. We have a great community with loads of events, community gardens and a really friendly atmosphere.

Be careful when picking a village. Some "chocolate box" villages are nearly all second homes or holiday let property ; a lot of temporary people, but no real community.
A couple of our friends retired and moved to a village like that. Beautiful village and house. Hardly any permanent residents. First time we were invited for a weekend, we walked from one end to the other on a sunny day in midwinter and didn't see a living soul. There was one pub; open,but empty except for us. They moved again a few years later.

I can only speak for our village, but we have no friends here, though chat with a number of neighbours and have one batshit unfriendly arsey misery of a neighbour who spends his days drilling metal. There is no pub anymore (but why would we go there?), nothing going on. The village shops sells almost nothing and is rarely open. We have a lovely village hall which is cheap to hire but only a few elderly-focused activities there. Back in the day we tried to get things going and do have others but none of it sticks. The CofE church has a service once a month, and so does the Methodist one. We drive out kids to school 10 miles away (no bus as it's the Grammar and the comp is closer so only transport is to there).

That all said, we like living here. Love having fields to walk in. Not sure why else we like it but we do. Oh we have hens and a big garden.

So yeah, your view is rose-tinted. Oh and life is the same pace as in city but we cover more miles - 25-35k a year in non-covid times. I get sick of the car and would love to walk to places or get a bus or train.

I generally love living in a village, but book clubs etc and friends are not in abundance tbh. It will depend on where the village is though. The Cotswolds may well be good for that sort of thing. I have trouble meeting people I have much in common with near my village,unfortunately.

Depends how “village” you want to go. We have lived in a remote village with no nearby shop etc. I would not recommend really. Now we live on the outskirts of a village near a market town - much better - the perfect balance between rural and useful amenities.

I live in a big village. People are very friendly and you get lots of hellos when out for a walk. We have lots of woodland and farmland around us which I absolutely love.

We're not involved in any clubs or community stuff but it is there if you want it.

I wouldn't want to live anywhere else tbh.

@Holdingtherope

I moved to a village 5 years ago and never met anyone to be more on nodding terms with. Even got asked at the WI "why I was there" snotty saddleworth for you!

That really surprises me. I'm in Saddleworth too and only moved here 7 years ago. There's been the odd 'comer inner' joke in the pub but everyone is so friendly and I've made friends who I now class as family.