Is a village the utopia I imagine?

[BRAV0Juliet]

I'm 50, married, & live in a city but dream of life in a village and am now seriously considering selling up & moving next year despite my husband working here and therefore living apart a few days a week

Although cities have a lot going on I think they are lonely transient places and I don't hit the shops or bars so wonder what the point is.

My view is that in a village (hopefully The Cotswolds) I will have more friends, there will be stuff going on, there'll be a pub, shop, book club? gardening club? WI? Hellos as I walk the dogs, neighbours there for me, popping in for coffee. Am I deluding myself?

Please tell me your experiences of village life Mumsnetters!

My dad had loads better broadband speed than I do in his little village

But most of all the community. People really do look out for one another and rally round.

This is what I love the most and this year more than ever. As soon as it looked like we were going into lockdown in March, a community group was created which delivers shopping, medication etc. The local pub set up a food bank and collected books and jigsaws for those that were shielding. The co-op ran competitions for the kids and we had a mystery artist who painted rocks and hid them around the village for people to find... a little painted hedgehog is still my 6 year olds favourite thing.

@Chasingsquirrels

If you live in Cambridge then you are surrounded by lovely villages you could move to (with your husband) and he could just commute into work rather than having to love separately.

My heart's not here though @Chasingsquirrels & it's so expensive to move I don't want to do it twice.

@SueEllenMishke

I bloody love living in a village and have never had such a busy social life - In normal times obviously!

We have pubs, restaurants, a couple of shops, a cafe and an amazing cocktail bar. Everyone knows everyone and it's a proper community. We're also close to a bigger village which is great for a day/night out.
It's brilliant.

I would call where you live a town, not a village!

We moved from London to a small village, we love it. Never want to move back to a city. Village life, like anything, is what you make it. I'm on the Village Hall committee, and we do a book club in our local pub.

Villages are not homogeneous, some I'm sure are the utopia you imagine but my experience was that it wasn't, the residents were cliquey, didn't like newcomers, the housing association people were shunned by the owner occupiers, no buses, shop was rubbish, main road had cars doing twice the speed limit. I didn't last 3 years.

I'm now in a small town, lots of new houses so newcomers aplenty and buses to the city until midnight.

I would call where you live a town, not a village!

It's really a village. Why do people think I don't know where I live? 🙄

It's the very definition of a village .... population of between 500-2000 ( actually about 1800). It's built around a central point ( a mill - which is still operational) and doesn't have defined boundaries or a local government. We are one of a number of villages which forms a parish.
Just because we happen to have a number of amenities doesn't mean we aren't a village.

I think you need to choose your village carefully. Lots of community stuff going on in ours normally. Crafting groups where everyone brings thier own project, conversational french, walking. There's a place in the village like a posh community centre (not government funded but has charitable status) locals run short courses jewellery making, felting, how to cover a lampshade type stuff. Well attended by mostly locals its what I'd recommend to someone looking to make friends.

I grew up in a village in the Cotswolds and it was perfect, we had one pub and one small shop, a primary school, community hall, church, and not much else. The community was fantastic and I miss it like crazy. I then moved to another village not that far from it, but hated it. I now live in a town, again not that far from where I grew up, and hate it here too! I’d love to move back to the village I grew up in but there’s rarely houses available there.

I live in rural Norfolk ( the working bit that's looked down on by posh Norfolk) and I would say - pick your village carefully . Some villages empty during the day because everyone commutes out to work . But lots of local papers and get a taste of the area - the letters page for grievances , amongst others ! And if you do move , don't arrive with the " we can do what we like "and sod everyone else attitude , which in our area had happened and then wondered why people don't fall over themselves to be friendly

You have described my PiLs Cotswold village, but there’s not so much popping in. They have lived there for 30 years though, been heavily involved in school/village hall committee/cricket club etc to develop the social life though. I imagine it would be very easy to move into the village and not meet a soul.

@SueEllenMishke

I would call where you live a town, not a village!

It's really a village. Why do people think I don't know where I live? 🙄

It's the very definition of a village .... population of between 500-2000 ( actually about 1800). It's built around a central point ( a mill - which is still operational) and doesn't have defined boundaries or a local government. We are one of a number of villages which forms a parish.
Just because we happen to have a number of amenities doesn't mean we aren't a village.

Gee, thanks for the rolleyes smiley. You seem nice @SueEllenMishke.

I said that I would consider it a town. A village, to me - before you start with the rolleyes again - does not have enough people for all those amenities.

I've lived in villages all my life, some good some bad. Now, nearing 60, we're looking at moving to a large town or city! A friend has a fab new apartment in the centre of Cheltenham and loves it.

The first noticeable thing was how staff in shops are much more cheery saying morning to me as I approached them. This never happened in London at all

I have lived in a village and can honestly say now I live in London I have found the reverse to be true.

I lived in a village for 12 years and I don’t think I spoke to anyone for years.
Hated every minute and sold the house at a bargain price just to get away from it.

I have always had loads of friends and people to talk to (I have lived in towns all over the uk)
I tried village life and was the loneliest I have ever been

Maybe shouldn’t have moved to a village as I am not Christian, I don’t drink and I didn’t have children.

I love village life but part of that is because I am happy in my own company and (pre lockdown) loved the balance of working in London several days of the week and coming home to a village. We do have WI, a brilliant recreation ground, beautiful walks, a pub and a part-time post office. Downsides- some that have lived here think they own the place and the village Google Group can sometimes be a bit ranty. God forbid anyone mows their lawn or burns rubbish on a Sunday. Dogs also seem to be a constant source of agro (hare coursing, someone didn’t pick up poop, or a dog kills a lamb etc). There is community spirit and everyone pulled together to make Halloween special for the children without trick or treating, and we’ll do the same for Christmas somehow.

And what @Oliversmumsarmy says- there is a strong link between some of the ‘community’ activities and the church. We don’t partake either.

Gee, thanks for the rolleyes smiley. You seem nice @SueEllenMishke.

I said that I would consider it a town. A village, to me - before you start with the rolleyes again - does not have enough people for all those amenities.

Apologies if I came across as snippy. A few people had already made that comment and just felt it was a bit of a ridiculous one to make especially given you don't know where I live!! .... such a bizarre thing to comment on.

It's really not a town - our local authority ( which is based in the nearest town to us) calls it a village. It fits every definition of a village.
We have so many amenities because we attract lots of visitors to the area.

A place near where I live calls itself a village but it does seem a little strange and doesn’t sit right considering it has rows of shops in different parts of the “village” multiple schools, restaurants and pubs, hairdressers and beauty salons and different places of worship. A large train station and is quite sprawled out with different estates of houses.

I would call it a small town but the residents seem to think it is a village

@SueEllenMishke isn't is strange we live in similar area and had such different experiences. I live in the green place not upper place (sounds like where you live). I've tried the Wi and book clubs

[quote Holdingtherope]@SueEllenMishke isn't is strange we live in similar area and had such different experiences. I live in the green place not upper place (sounds like where you live). I've tried the Wi and book clubs[/quote]
It very strange!
I don't live in the upper place ...we did look there and almost bought a house close to the centre but then we saw our village and fell in love! We live in the place with the donkey and that can be seen in Brassed off! I really pleased we avoided in the end as it always seems like chaos when I visit!!

We were very lucky that the liberal club was still
open when we moved in and we stumbled across the village Christmas party there not long after we moved. There was also time when most villagers went the pub on a Sunday afternoon to listen to live music so we got to know people that way.
We also have a really good mix of locals and comer inners which I think helps!

Ah that sounds good. Well if you ever want to meet for a coffee when all this is over, message me! (That sounds really weird! We have just started an allotment project which is social and plenty of free veg and fruit. Myself and two others. Only in the last couple of weeks so maybe I am getting there!) it's near water stone place.

@Holdingtherope

Ah that sounds good. Well if you ever want to meet for a coffee when all this is over, message me! (That sounds really weird! We have just started an allotment project which is social and plenty of free veg and fruit. Myself and two others. Only in the last couple of weeks so maybe I am getting there!) it's near water stone place.

Absolutely that sounds lovely!

I stumbled on this thread - so interesting!
I'm French and with DH (British) we've been talking about leaving London for somewhere more rural, but I've been really worried about always being seen as an outsider partially because of my origin. I grew up in rural France and remember people not being as warm with foreigners or newcomers.

It's really interesting learning about your different experiences and how some villages have a great atmosphere and are really welcoming, and not others.

In your opinion what are the things to look for to check if a village has a good atmosphere and would be welcoming to us?

Thank you for your help x

It always make me laugh when people that have never lived in a village call the op deluded!

I live in a village and have done decades. We have an amazing village, friendly and cheerful with lots of supportive and caring neighbours. We have two pubs, a church, a village school and a small shop. It is perfect in every way. It is safe and with countryside all around us everyone is fit and healthy. I could knock on any door and will receive a friendly welcome and any help I might need. In the spring and summer it is full of flowers and wildlife - and even looks beautiful in the middle of the winter. There is a sense of well being and timelessness here.

The scent of woodsmoke greets me every evening, and I feel a deep sense of peace and comfort.

I would never consider moving to a faceless city or town, never. I believe once you have experience of living in a proper village, where you are known, valued and cared for you are never leaving!

There are no downsides that I can think of.

The easy way to find out if you have found a friendly village, is to walk around and talk to the locals. Tell them you are thinking of moving there can they tell you a little more about it. If you somewhere lovely, like our village people will be only to happy to detail what is here, and their experience. An unfriendly village might look at your suspiciously, or refuse to engage.

Obviously you need to meet a good many people to make an informed decision. It is well worth asking estate agents too, and reading the local papers. Friendly villages are common in my view, always do your research.

I live very rurally in a hamlet - about 4 miles from the nearest village and it is lovely. I have made so many friends here, mainly through dog walking to be fair, very good social life (pre corona). The downsides are I have to drive everywhere if we want to go out but to honest we are 50 now and did all the socialising in bars etc in our 30's/40's, so most of our socialising is at home or in other peoples houses. A lot of our friends are still in London and love coming "to the country" for the weekend so we still have (had?) a really good social life without the hustle and bustle of London.