Is a village the utopia I imagine?

[BRAV0Juliet]

I'm 50, married, & live in a city but dream of life in a village and am now seriously considering selling up & moving next year despite my husband working here and therefore living apart a few days a week

Although cities have a lot going on I think they are lonely transient places and I don't hit the shops or bars so wonder what the point is.

My view is that in a village (hopefully The Cotswolds) I will have more friends, there will be stuff going on, there'll be a pub, shop, book club? gardening club? WI? Hellos as I walk the dogs, neighbours there for me, popping in for coffee. Am I deluding myself?

Please tell me your experiences of village life Mumsnetters!

I have nothing useful to add other than your vision sounds lovely and can I come too!

er, I don't want to rain on anyone's parade.
I do know some people in a very happy village, it can happen.

It's just that I do some regular volunteer work in village2 & live in a small market town. You have to be careful in the town; anyone you slag off is probably best friends with someone in earshot. If Amy takes dislike to you then so will her sister Kim & Kim's children & cousins on husband's side too, of course.

Village2 is suffocating. Few residents under 50. Only people out & about are dog-walkers. In Lockdown the playing fields & playground were plastered with coronavirus threat signs. Waiting for someone to exit a narrow path, DS idly span the kids roundabout (outside the locked playground). Someone came out of their home to frown at us for that. Was against the CAN'T USE THIS EQUIPMENT CORONAVIRUS THREAT policy on the signs taped everywhere.

Yes you don't have to lock your doors & people are pleasant to your face. They also know all your business & if they dislike you they will gossip & no one will talk to you. Parish council politics get absurd. Someone who grew up there mutters dark things about her sister (not white) getting stared at. Over my dead body would I want to live in such a place.

I love living in a village. However it's a very small village though it does have 2 pubs. But no shop! So it's a 4 mile round trip to a shop which is ok if you drive but not if you don't. Because there are only 3 buses a day, or a decent walk carrying shopping on the way back.
However, mine is quite a posh village where nobody seems to walk anywhere, they just roar past in their Rolls Royce/Porsche/Alfa Romeo so there's not much chance of having a walk and bumping into someone to have a chat with.
But there's the WI who meet in the chapel, and a local history society.
And it's right in the countryside and the rural side of things is great.

It depends what you mean by village: if it's got cocktail bars and more than, ooh, 2 shops (maybe 3) it's almost certainly a small town.

I spent part of my childhood in an actual village in the Cotswolds and I don't think it would give you what you're looking for: the pub was closed down as a result of some sort of ongoing planning permission kerfuffle, there was a village shop but that's now closed too because there was more money in turning it into a house, and the locals didn't want to have anything to do with us because we were outsiders.

In contrast I now live in a Very Small Town elsewhere in the UK where we have several nice shops (both useful and ornamental), a choice of 2 drinking establishments, a library, GP surgery etc and it's fantastic. If you have a Thing (mine is the local allotment society but a range of indoor and outdoor Things is on offer) you can build it into a social life fairly easily. The only downside is that I'm regularly having to hold back from arguing with people who persist in calling this Very Small Town a village. (It's a market town! It has a market cross ffs! You can get a pint of milk at 10pm, even on a Sunday! This is a hill I will die on.)

It depends what you mean by village: if it's got cocktail bars and more than, ooh, 2 shops (maybe 3) it's almost certainly a small town.

Not necessarily. We have that and more and we're definitely a village.

I live in a large village in east anglia. I disagree with some PPs that you have to have kids or be retired to socialise. I don’t have kids yet and I’m nowhere near retirement and I’ve not struggled finding groups. Although some of my friends are in neighbouring villages. I grew up in a ‘village’ (small suburb in a large urban area) that was a village for local people. My current village isn’t like that. I think because it’s a commuting village and is quite large.

Our village has loads of groups for people of all ages. There’s an active youth club, book club, craft group (all crafts are welcome), tinkering in a shed group. There’s a community spirit here, the food bank will post on FB asking for a TV or a wardrobe and within 30 minutes someone will have offered them something. We didn’t join any of the groups but we focussed on ‘dog’ activities, so our network is a bit broader than our village but suits us as we can take the dogs. Before all this kicked off we would be out in evenings doing flyball and agility. The shops, pubs and cafes are all independent, we aren’t first name basis with the owners of these but they recognise by sight and will say hello to us if we see them in the village or town. The owner of one of the restaurants had seen us walking the dog and when we went in next he told us we were able to visit the cafe during the day with the dog. We’re friendly with our neighbours and we help them out and they’ll help us.

Two of my neighbours are very well known in the village, so when giving directions to where we live, we are 4 doors down from Mike and next door to Anne. Lived here 3.5 years and not met someone who doesn’t know where one of those two lives.

Downsides of village living: high streets are struggling. We have some independent cafes/restaurants and they’re all gorgeous food but we have no bank, the post office is under constant pressure and if someone ram raids the ATM the village has no means of getting cash.
Last train home from the city is about 11pm and trains out of the city are every 40 minutes.
If you want to go somewhere other than the village restaurants, you have to drive as public transport can’t always be relied on or take you where you need to go.

Community Facebook pages will give you an idea of what the village is like. If the community is open and has lots of stuff going on, these will all be posted on the Facebook page. It’ll also tell you what the big issues are - perhaps traffic or parking or in this case of our village, runaway goats.

If you pick a village not too posh or too cheap, reasonable distance to town, with an operating school, shop, pub, there should be a reasonable amount going on. Pro's - getting to know people, ownership of community, access to countryside, hopefully good friends, village events can be great. Cons everyone knows your business for better or worse, have to join in with scarecrow trails PTA etc multi generstion families v incomers, if you put a foot wrong it can be grim, small pool of friends for kids. Relentlessly positive approach and readiness to join in helps. Check out the facebook page of anywhere you are considering.

We had a stint in a village but it didn't work for me. I foolishly asked if there was a vegetarian option at an event once and everyone just stared at me for aaagggeeesss .

I just think it's a numbers game, there are more people in cities so more likely to meet others on your wavelength.

Brexit really showed me where I belong. We moved back.

We really landed on our feet with the very small village we live in now. I think it helps that there are a fair few recent arrivals and also a bit more coming and going with London based second home owners. With the dog we did get to know people but mostly met people in the local pub. We've been to weddings, birthdays, neighbours for dinner, out for meals and really quickly made some great friends. Aside from this is a beautiful place to be but like a previous poster said, 5 miles to reasonable supermarket or a station. No regrets at all.

I imagine you'll choose your village carefully to give you most of the amenities you're looking for. I have a friend who lives in a village in the Cotswolds (she's been there about 10 years) and she loves it, there's lots going on. I live rurally and I love it.

I love the tiny village I live in. It’s so peaceful and quiet at night. There are swans and ducks that waddle around and out v.old church still has its bells. We walked back from having Sunday lunch in the local pub yesterday as dd1 ( who is visiting) said she felt like she was in a fake toy village

This is my home I’ll never leave. Was previously from city/built up estates.

this is fascinating, I am really surprised at the facilities and transport links in some of your villages. We have a letterbox and 26 houses. We do get a village Christmas tree with carols/mincepies/drink and sweets for the children at the beginning of December. Obviously the pool of friends is quite small, so although we are acquainted we don't have any friends as such in the village. The next village has a pub and a village hall with activities but they are a bit old fashioned.

@BRAV0Juliet A bit of both, lots are just wanting to help but there are a couple or three that could be friends material.

Where have you met friends through the pub?

@SueEllenMishke meant to reply but where have you met friends?

I live in a tiny village joined with a few other villages to make a parish. It’s lovely for the empty nest generation - fifty somethings. We feel quite young.
Our social life outside of Covid19 is excellent. We’ve lots of friends in villages and know everyone. We look after our elderly too.
Socially there is far more involvement than most in cities have but the potential price is lack of privacy and expectation of involvement. We don’t mind people knowing our business as we’ve nothing to hide. It does mean we know who to call on when assistance is needed.

I think you’d have to choose your village wisely, some are more like towns with the disadvantages but few of the benefits. Size and soul are important. Our pub is less so. Few single who use the pub and mostly it’s farmhands unless it’s a special event.

We have three book clubs within four villages. One non-fiction, one gossip and one real reading. We have a choir, yoga, bell-ringing, besting, churchyard and pond clearing, produce and plant sales, Safari suppers, a wine tasting event, cinema club, a tennis league and cricket team. There’s a few other things and one off events such as bonfire night, Christmas Eve supper and Mayday picnic. It’s usually the same people to the same things, give or take.
The churches are central to each village and the only communal indoor space in ours. Most people attend whether they are Anglican believers or not.
We do lots of formal and informal super parties and impromptu barbecues, swims, pizza evenings etc. We can’t get takeaway.

We love it but it’s not nightclubs and wine bars. It’s wellies and waterproofs. Slow gin rather than cocktails.

[quote Holdingtherope]@SueEllenMishke meant to reply but where have you met friends?[/quote]
Partly through the pubs but also through going along to social events and activities. I joined a bookclub and DH plays football and goes to watch the cricket. We also found that whit Friday was a great way to meet and talk to people. We have a 6 year old but the pubs are really family friendly so we will go on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon - people were generally happy to chat to us.

I used to live in a village and now in a large town.

I miss village life and the community so much! There were always clubs, events, nearly everyone you pass you say hello to, lots of lovely dog walks - this was in the Cotswolds too.
The only warning I can think of is some of the Cotswolds villages have become so popular with second home wonders they’ve lost their real community but I’m sure you’d see that quickly if so.
Go for it!

As for meeting friends, people drop in to say hello and bring presents when people move in. A cake, a bottle, etc. Then if people attend church they are spoken to and introduced to everyone. Usually an offer of supper, an invitation to a BBQ, an offer to walk the dogs and have coffee. Once you have been discovered the other invitations follow depending on where you might fit in. A sporty person might be offered tennis, the number of the WhatsApp group for windsurfing or to go cycling. It all just happens.

There was a long thread previously on MN about 'villages' and 'towns'...

I'm not used to 'villages' with ATMs or cocktail bars or > 1 retail property. most of our villages don't even have a school, maybe 40% have a post office.

I’d be quite interested to know how many of the villages mentioned have people of colour living in them.

Our "village" is huge I'm sure it's a mini town but I love it. Rural enough for country walks and fairly quiet but big enough for lots of amenities, we have 5 pubs, 3 doctors surgeries, 2 post offices. The 500 new builds that went up last year have made it so much bigger and they are planning more so it is less village like these days.

@Divebar

I’d be quite interested to know how many of the villages mentioned have people of colour living in them.

In our village there are only 43 houses. Mainly very elderly white British. Mainly very affluent. Adjacent village is about 140 people. Mainly affluent. Mainly elderly White. We do have some diversity in terms of a younger disabled man, three gay couples, a few non-British Europeans, a Sri Lankan couple and a Malaysian women, married to an American.

I was going to say don't underestimate a good WI but they exist in cities too. Having moved back to a city (for kids schools) It could be an uphill job getting to know a village if you don't have school gate to get you started, unless you are an enthusiastic extravert, and I'm not getting that from the OP.

Is your city rubbish? If it wasn't for Covid and family responsibilities I could be in WI, choral society, monthly sewing class, book club, sports groups, local pond committee, all kinds of voluntary community projects here. With trams and a John Lewis into the bargain. I don't think it's transient here. I am on a FB group where they post up old photos and every one has someone saying "my nan worked in that shop" or something.

@PontiacBandit

Our "village" is huge I'm sure it's a mini town but I love it. Rural enough for country walks and fairly quiet but big enough for lots of amenities, we have 5 pubs, 3 doctors surgeries, 2 post offices. The 500 new builds that went up last year have made it so much bigger and they are planning more so it is less village like these days.

500 new builds - 5 pubs, 3 doctors surgeries

We have a doctor's surgery 7 miles away, 500 houses would be a very large village to me!