Is a village the utopia I imagine?

[BRAV0Juliet]

I'm 50, married, & live in a city but dream of life in a village and am now seriously considering selling up & moving next year despite my husband working here and therefore living apart a few days a week

Although cities have a lot going on I think they are lonely transient places and I don't hit the shops or bars so wonder what the point is.

My view is that in a village (hopefully The Cotswolds) I will have more friends, there will be stuff going on, there'll be a pub, shop, book club? gardening club? WI? Hellos as I walk the dogs, neighbours there for me, popping in for coffee. Am I deluding myself?

Please tell me your experiences of village life Mumsnetters!

It’s a blessing and a curse. I like village life but everybody knows everybody and I like to keep myself to myself. Sometimes I just want to walk from A to B without having to stop and talk.

My current village is exactly as you imagine it OP. We have (not running with lockdown), coffee mornings, various community groups and events, a women's group, a men in sheds group, gardening club, choir, am dram and 2 pubs for quizzes etc, a butchers and a bakery with a little seating area for coffee and cake outside. I love it!!!!

My last village was full of people who commuted to a big city in the week and had no community spirit.

Choose carefully!

I think you’re at a risky age to abandon your husband in favour of book-clubs and the WI.

I moved from a London suburb to a market town and we’ve got everything you want. I brought my husband too 😆 and he’s made a great group of friends here. There are soooooo many clubs and societies, two WI groups, pubs, restaurants... I think you’d love it.

Then you could retire to a nearby village. We are very close to a rural hamlet that I drool over but my husband isn’t impressed by - yet.

We live in a village, it even has a vegan restaurant!

You want to move away from London to a village? Blimey, I’ll swap with you in a heartbeat.

I spoke to a rural vicar's wife in west Wales.
In her village there was a churn of residents.
Incoming retirees, mid 60's who were still active stayed in the village until their health began to deteriorate.
At this point the elected to move out to be closer to their families and better social / medical care. So making room for the next tranche to escape the city
With the isolation a car is essential. When you can no longer drive then life becomes more difficult.
Not for me. I visit the countryside and admire the views but live in a city.

I grew up in a village and have since moved to a city five miles away as house prices are much cheaper. Needs must

My Dad still lives in the village. He's been there seventy years, he was born in the house he lives next door to. I go back once a week I guess

In this village at least there isn't really any community spirit. There's two pubs, a co-op and a chip shop. A huge housing estate had been built on the fields where we played football as children and now it seems with hundreds out outsiders coming in nobody knows anybody anymore

When I was a child we knew nearly everybody. Some villages will have a community spirit but some won't. I certainly think the Cotswolds is a good place to start, I've been there many times and it is absolutely stunning

That’s a shame @Holdingtherope. I live in that area and find there are lots of clubs and groups to join. It’s not as friendly as it used to be, but it’s villages are getting huge and almost town like. I don’t think it’s real village life anymore. When I was little everyone knew each other and said hello (I still do).

We are in a small Suffolk village, no shop, one pub and a village hall. Getting a dog has made a big difference to our village status - we are now known as ShadowPups family and other dog people will stop and chat which is really nice. I help out at the local kids club and we sell eggs from an honesty box out front which sometimes encourages chats with passers by. I also know all the other parents from chatting on the school run or at the bus stop.

The downside is that we don't go to village events much as DD has complex SEN and we have goats a few villages over which keep us busy. This seems to have been interpreted by the village as us "not joining in" and was actually cited recently as the reason DH was turned down for a job in the village. I don't feel like we should have to justify not coming along to events if they would cause distress to our daughter so we accept that we will always be seen as people who "keep themselves to themselves" or "not community minded" but it rankles slightly. We also don't visit the pub which I'm sure counts against us but neither of us drink and DH has a gluten intolerance.
We are happy with our lifestyle which the village provides in terms of quiet, open spaces, dog walks on the doorstep and a lovely local school. Move because you like something about a particular place and not in search of community - you can find that anywhere if you look hard enough!

I live in a village. Its a small village. No shop or school just a pub and church. Village lifes not for everyone. My village is quiet until lockdown. Once lockdown hit we are inundated with runners , cyclists and walkers all trying to escape to the country. At the moment we are suffering a lot of rural crime. The people are a lot friendlier here. However not everyone can handle the dodgy mobile coverage and poor broadband. Apart from the constant rural crime nothing happens much and we hardly see anyone.

We moved a few years ago to a small rural village in w.berks. The average age is 70+ so although we live our neighbours there is a relatively small social circle within their age group.
The younger people we found were so busy working, looking after kids or already had preformed friendships that we never really felt we settled despite hosting drinks/bbqs/baby groups etc.
The disadvantage of village living is that there are limited opportunities to meet people and in deepest darkest winter it is a ghost town.

Just resurrecting this thread to say I've decided to move to Chipping Norton. Alone. I love the idea of a village but worry it'll be too limited in terms of friends and stuff to do. It might end up being one of the close villages to there - Salford/Enstone/Churchill - but if anyone has any comments on Chippy, that'd be great. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but I need work, friends, activities, and to be able to walk when poss.

Well, bravo, Juliet

I've only just come across this thread, but looking at previous posts, I disagree about cities and social life. I'm a very sociable person but was very lonely when I lived in London. It was probably a bit like Cambridge is for you, OP. I now live in a small seaside town and there is so much to do for people of most ages (poss apart from teenagers). Easy to make friends, and no crap about incomers. Best of luck in Chipping Norton. When you say you're moving "alone", does that mean that your other half wanted to stay in Cambridge? I'm sorry if you're sad about that

Chipping Norton is just lovely! I'm sure you'll love it there.

@DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy - yes, we've gone our separate ways. Not sad. I'm looking forward to starting my new life.

Only today someone on the radio said that during the pandemic people in cities have reported feeling lonelier than those in villages.

@JellyMouldJnr - are you from there? Know it well? Be great if you could suggest some stuff (not kid related...I'm past that).

I don't live there, we go on day trips there regularly, mainly for the lido (chippylido.co.uk/) and the bookshop (www.jaffeandneale.co.uk/) and to have a nice meal out. Yes, Chipping Norton is a buzzing metropolis compared to where I live!

I hope it goes well. I live in a cotswold village (not near chipping Norton though) and I love it. I did grow up in a village but also lived in London for a few years so have experienced city life as well.
Personally village life will always be the right choice for me. I was very lonely in London. Moved to current village 3 years ago and have made so many friends. Slightly different because I have primary aged kids so made friends mostly with other parents.
We have a pub, shop, primary school, amazing secondary school, lots of walks but still have several towns nearby for shopping and huge out of town mall complex only 20 minutes away. I would never live in a city again.
The cotswolds is an amazing place to live

@JellyMouldJnr - where do you eat out?

I visited yesterday and found it very busy and very noisy. Viewed a couple of houses but neither were right. Starting to have doubts now. I really want a quiet location but with amenities. What do people think?

Chipping Campden?
Charlbury?
Buford?

Will there be things for me to do? Friends to meet? Please...

We recently made the move from city to village. We're just outside of the village so our view from the windows is open countryside, deer, hares, birds...it's lovely.

Village life does differ from place to place though. Some villages can be very insular and it's difficult to break into the local community as an incomer. You're considered an outsider even after you've lived there for 10 years. My MIL lives in such a place. In that situation you can end up even lonelier than in a city.

Our village isn't like that, in fact it's very friendly...everyone says hello and stops to chat to me when I'm out walking the dog and baby. There are lots of other incomers from the nearby cities, as it's on a commuter route, so it's not a Local Place for Local People only. But...most people here are either OAPs or young families like us, so the facilities and activities cater for those demographics. I'm not sure if someone in their 50s without children who's looking for friends and a social life would be happy here. I would do my research before jumping into a move.

I'd have thought there would be more chance to make friends in a city? There's a greater variety of people so more change of finding your "tribe" and a bigger variety of clubs and activities on offer.

Thanks @ChochoCrazyCat - your post does resonate. I love what you describe you enjoy = the wildlife & peace, but accept the polar age groups. Are you in the Cotswolds area? It can be quite diverse there, due to the reasons people settle. Cities are so transient and cold. There was a study recently that said village residents faired better during lockdown. I can see why.

We live in a village and love.it. There are friendly people mainly,.also a couple of shops and pubs. Everywhere has idiots though. Our village does have a mix of people which I think helps it be friendly not snooty. Make sure you look for a village with a centre to it and an established village social club. A school also helps.

My experience of village life is wonderful. It is as you describe. I've had to move to the city for work, but I am trying to find a way back to the village I lived in 4 years ago.

My view is that in a village (hopefully The Cotswolds) I will have more friends, there will be stuff going on, there'll be a pub, shop, book club? gardening club? WI? Hellos as I walk the dogs, neighbours there for me, popping in for coffee. Am I deluding myself?

FWIW OP I have this in my community. Can't leave the house without bumping into someone I know, good pub, coffee places, book club, annual arts festival, lots of volunteering... and I'm in Zone 2 of London (and not a nice bit!). I'm not sure "a village" is necessarily the prerequisite.

I think you maybe need to be looking at a small town than a village OP (or a big village).

I live in a small village and we have a corner shop and a church and that's it within walking distance (partly due to the connecting roads being horrible for pedestrians if you have a dog or children negotiating them with you).
The next 'village' along has a selection of independent shops and cafes, and a small train station as well as a GP, dentist and optician, two pubs. So it's a bit of a stretch to call it a village but it would be right up your street as it were, much busier.

So no, true village life probably won't suit but a village in name only may well do what you need and there's plenty of those in the Cotswolds, although the ones with the amenities tend to come with tourists as part of the deal. Supermarkets are notably sparse in that area too, I've found!