Is a village the utopia I imagine?

[BRAV0Juliet]

I'm 50, married, & live in a city but dream of life in a village and am now seriously considering selling up & moving next year despite my husband working here and therefore living apart a few days a week

Although cities have a lot going on I think they are lonely transient places and I don't hit the shops or bars so wonder what the point is.

My view is that in a village (hopefully The Cotswolds) I will have more friends, there will be stuff going on, there'll be a pub, shop, book club? gardening club? WI? Hellos as I walk the dogs, neighbours there for me, popping in for coffee. Am I deluding myself?

Please tell me your experiences of village life Mumsnetters!

snowspider, I agree. Our GP has a branch surgery - outreach service - about nine miles away. No pub in our village. No post office. Nothing. Next village has a pub and a small shop plus a tiny school.

Ha, those of you describing living in a village but having shops, bars, etc - are you sure you're in a village??!! We are in a hamlet. No shops, no pub, no buses, no anything. We moved here when we got married. Couldn't have kids. No one speaks to us. Life here revolves around children. Political leaning very different here too. We've had enough.

We moved to a village (many years ago and we do not livre their now) and the first thing I learnt when I internet searched it was that is a had a swingers club, we lived there for 4ish years and never found out who was a member

we had a annual village fair, newsletter, I joined the WI, there was a bit happening but I find the same on large cities as the little areas in them have just as much happening.

I love city/large towna and country equal just different

We moved into a village a couple of years ago and love it but I made sure it was a village with a shop, doctors and school in it which are all walkable and that makes a big difference.

Our village is friendly - our street has street parties several times a year and we get invited, there are village events like annual fireworks (not this year due to covid), a visiting youth bus, air cadets, army cadets, a school gym community can use, adult classes at the school for languages, crafts etc. There's a village pub that does events like quizzes and music evenings, does food parcels in lockdown. People checked on everyone in our street during lockdown to see if anyone needed anything via e-mail. Lots of people do have dogs - our neighbours have a long-haired St Bernard, we have a cat, rabbits and silkie chickens. I would say in a larger village its possible but you do need to research what is where. Most of ours are based at the school. There's church events as well.

I live in a tiny village in the SW. very close knit community, lots of hellos on dog walks and chatter in pubs.

1am on Halloween teenage lads we’re stood in the middle of the road setting off fireworks that almost woke my baby.

The bloke directly opposite is constantly screaming at his partner (or daughter not sure what relation she is) effing this, effing that.

Our MP voted against free school meals, which makes him a wanker.

Sleepy villages are lovely but they’re not perfect. I absolutely adore living so rural. The lack of signal roght down to the smell of sheep poo in the morning after they’ve come on the driveway and has a nosey around the car.

I’d recommend it, but don’t expect complete bliss. Idyllic certainly, going downhill with bored teens? Sure.

My village has a pub, a club and a hairdresser.
The town a few minutes down the road is mainly charity shops and cafes and more hairdressers.
Historic town, absolutely beautiful. The little markets that take place being everyone together, we usually have a music festival every year. It’s lovely.

Moved from city to village.
Had a post office, off licence, restaurant, pub, bakery, Ofsted outstanding school and a little independent garage. Most are gone except the school and pub. The Facebook group has several splinter groups due to infighting from various self appointed village elders. You're not allowed to volunteer to perform any kind of good deed unless one of them can shoehorn themselves in and grab some glory.
One of the local societies fell out ages ago quite spectacularly during a night out. No one knows why but everyone chose to believe it was a car keys in a bowl situation as that was probably more interesting than the truth 😕

Ha, those of you describing living in a village but having shops, bars, etc - are you sure you're in a village??!!

Yes. A village can have amenities. We have a population of less than 2000 people and easily match every definition of a village.

I live in a very small town, most people describe it as a village and it’s probably more of what you’re looking for. Shops, bars, social groups etc. A bit like the village on midsomer murders!
I want to move to a village which won’t have any of those things which will suit me just fine as I’m not keen on socialising

I’d be quite interested to know how many of the villages mentioned have people of colour living in them.

Ours does. It's still predominantly white but it's definitely become more diverse in the few years I've lived here.

No. I have a certain contempt for village life owing to growing up on a hill with the nearest village 2 miles away. The TRUE rural experience! However, putting that aside the local village was accurately described as ‘a crucible of bitchiness’. There were an absurd number of affairs, constant malicious gossip, A LOT of teen drinking, drug taking and underage sex and there was a general antipathy towards single parents never mind the homophobia and racism. Put me off for life. The next one over was nicer but had fewer amenities. Others were more like small towns and definitely didn’t have the ‘rural village’ feel and seemingly very few people actually took advantage of the countryside. They were very much This Country style villages.

I live in a biggish village I love the hello’s when our for walks, shopkeepers very friendly for little chats, neighbours lovely. There’s lots of opportunities for volunteering. I do a lot with the school as my dc go there so I’ve met lots of people that way. There’s also a wi, book club, and (when it was on 😢) a theatre group. I thinks village can be what you want but do your homework and then do it again and it will be dependent on you putting the effort into meeting people as well.

I’d be quite interested to know how many of the villages mentioned have people of colour living in them.
Ours does. It's still predominantly white but it's definitely become more diverse in the few years I've lived here.
Same as ours I’m very happy that the school has lots of pupils of different ethnicities- that was one of my concerns moving to a village that it might not be like that but I didn’t need to worry :)

I moved from a village (1000 population) to large town of 90000 and the village social life was far better and more inclusive

I miss it so much and if it wasn’t for our jobs I would move back to have village life for our kids as soon as I could

I hated village life. Everyone knew everyone elses business and there seemed no escape from the people who were the self appointed village leaders. Live in a city now and it's lovely.

I grew up in a village and now live in the next village over. Not in the sticks, close to a town. So I'm only half hour walk from city centre, 20 min walk from another shopping centre. I've briefly lived elsewhere but I missed the greenery. I like it here, say good morning to people in the street, chat to neighbours etc. Other posters are right about everyone being connected though, it's a small world so to speak. I'm in North Yorkshire. My mum lives in another village and she goes to flower arranging classes, aqua keep fit, things like that.

I moved suburbs to rural three years ago. The village I am in has a good balance between incomers and generations long back residents. My experience is closer to as you imagine because the incoming people embrace and respect the community spirit and so are not resented and don't trample over treasured ways like annual events or polite gestures such as giving way in single lanes.
You get trouble when the locals are few, pushed out and incomers are not interested in being social but only transplanting their existing life into a new location. Or you are the first incomer and regarded with suspicion by people unused to change.
My experience has been lovely, I was hoping for similar to you and got it. My kids attending the school was a good ice breaker, but others work too such as having a dog.

@NotMeNoNo

I was going to say don't underestimate a good WI but they exist in cities too. Having moved back to a city (for kids schools) It could be an uphill job getting to know a village if you don't have school gate to get you started, unless you are an enthusiastic extravert, and I'm not getting that from the OP.

Is your city rubbish? If it wasn't for Covid and family responsibilities I could be in WI, choral society, monthly sewing class, book club, sports groups, local pond committee, all kinds of voluntary community projects here. With trams and a John Lewis into the bargain. I don't think it's transient here. I am on a FB group where they post up old photos and every one has someone saying "my nan worked in that shop" or something.

It's Cambridge, so not rubbish but very transient and somewhat woke. As you can imagine there's a lot available but often these things are dominated by 30-somethings: you wouldn't recognise the WI!

I'm not at all old fashioned at all but just past all that stage of parenthood and protest. Just want a glass of wine and a walk.

I find village people are much friendlier and there is a real community spirit i had never experienced before.. people seem happier. I have to travel bit further to shop but i have taken to online shopping more than ever so i havent got any problem.. im much happier with quieter life.. go for it i say

So basically OP you're going to leave your husband for most of the week?
Do you work? Are you going to be able to have a job in this village? If you are then your time for village life will be limited, as it often revolves around retired people and SAHM/ PT working mums and the timings of events reflects that.
If you don't work, how are you going to cope financially if the distance between you and your husband causes your marriage to break down?

Did I read you have kids? As a child (under 10), living in a village was great. Other children to play outside with, I could run in and out of my friends’ houses on the same street, it was safe and idyllic etc etc. As a teen, it was awful. Boring, small-minded, gossipy and I had to rely on my parents or the bus (which came once an hour) to get out. There was a lot of cider drinking in the park. A lot of neighbours comparing the teens and tutting and gossiping.

My parents liked village life though. But neither are very sociable so the countryside was what they were there for. They hate the city.

I see the appeal as a grownup, but I wouldn’t want to raise teens in a small village.

@Ultimatecougar

So basically OP you're going to leave your husband for most of the week? Do you work? Are you going to be able to have a job in this village? If you are then your time for village life will be limited, as it often revolves around retired people and SAHM/ PT working mums and the timings of events reflects that. If you don't work, how are you going to cope financially if the distance between you and your husband causes your marriage to break down?

@Ultimatecougar I could work or not work. I could work online or I'd be happy doing a few hours in a shop or suchlike. I am lucky in that respect. Obviously if my marriage broke down I'd have to rethink...

Thank you all for so many posts. I feel really optimistic & excited now. Some of you are living my dream life! As you say, it's probably all about the research.

I just don't go to bars or shops, in fact we spend all our time heading out of the city and walking in the countryside with our dogs and going in to village pubs.

WiFi would be necessary but not too many of you have complained about that.

A small town can be as good as a village for community spirit, better even. Shops, pubs, a working church, established WI, allotments etc all make great foundations for clubs and groups and give a bit more variety than a village (and the ability to get away from anyone you get on with less well).

If you live in Cambridge then you are surrounded by lovely villages you could move to (with your husband) and he could just commute into work rather than having to love separately.

I grew up in a village and now live in a city

As a kid it was idyllic. Long bike rides, playing out with friends, village fetes, sweets from the corner shop

As a teen I couldn't wait to get away. 45 mins drive to nearest clothes shops and bars, Young farmers barn dance and underage drinking was your whole social life

Now I really yearn to go back.
I wish my kids had had the carefree childhood I had. I miss the hills and the clean air
But most of all the community. People really do look out for one another and rally round. There's a lot of groups in our village especially arts
I have known people move there from all over and they are warmly welcomed despite some joking about people from 'off'

I am going to move back there as soon as I can. Retire to the country, get a dog, have a log fire and do volunteer work.
I'll do it when my kids have flown the nest.