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Rural living

Looking to relocate to the countryside? Find advice in our Rural Living forum.

Rural living with teenagers

117 replies

BeauticianNotMagician81 · 25/07/2020 09:03

Hi we have recently, finally sold our house. We've moved to a new area, near family and are renting while we search for our forever home.

A beautiful house has come up locally that was available last year but we were not in the position to buy. It's a semi on a country road. Big plot gorgeous gardens and overlooks miles of fields. It's a 3 minute drive into the nearest town with a railway line and a 3 minute drive to a shopping centre in the opposite direction. Is it a no brainer or do you think our teenagers will hate it. They don't go out much other than to walk the dog. They are always on their games consoles. We have two younger boys as well who attend lots of clubs but I tend to drive them anyway.

OP posts:
Bitchinkitchen · 25/07/2020 09:05

I never forgave my parents for doing this to me.

Pumpertrumper · 25/07/2020 09:11

When you say 3 minute drive, how long is it to walk/cycle?
I grew up in a village that was a solid 30-40 minute drive to the nearest big town/village and a 1.5 hour (expensive and very unreliable) bus service.

It ended in years of
‘you need to get a job...we can’t afford to keep paying for everything for you...you need to contribute’

‘BLOODY HOW?’

Arguments. I still to this day don’t understand how they expected me to get a job or contribute when there was absolutely no way for me to do it. When I finally did get a Saturday morning job in the nearest town they asked me for a ‘contribution for food shop’ and I asked them for a contribution for bus tickets as my job wasn’t covering my travel costs. I was just about breaking even with nothing left over. They were not pleased. They still live there! I moved out at 18.

Pumpertrumper · 25/07/2020 09:13

*town/city

GreyGardens88 · 25/07/2020 09:13

3 minute drive? Confused Do you mean 30 minutes?

Mascotte · 25/07/2020 09:15

The reality will be rubbish all round.

Anna783426 · 25/07/2020 09:18

If it's 3 minutes...not a problem, as presumably not long to walk either?

If it's 30 minutes - I grew up a 15 minute drive from the nearest town and hated it. No bus service, and about an hour to cycle in up many hills. Totally removed any independence, and a lot of the time I was just very lonely with no friends nearby and totally reliant on my Mum for lifts. I ended up staying with friends a lot in final school years and moving out at 18. Looking back I can see it was beautiful and quite idyllic, perfect for childhood but definitely not for teenagehood

Girlwhowearsglasses · 25/07/2020 09:19

3 minutes - no brainer- thats ten minutes on a bike.

Fedup21 · 25/07/2020 09:19

Well, your teenagers won’t be able to drive so saying it’s a 3 minute drive to x is not useful unless you are going to give up work and be their willing chauffeur.

Can they walk/cycle safely home/to school/to the station/shops/town/bus stop? Or is it a winding country lane with no pavement? Could they do that at 10pm? How long would it take?

choli · 25/07/2020 09:19

@Bitchinkitchen

I never forgave my parents for doing this to me.
Same here. Utterly miserable. Left at 18, never looked back. It's ultimate parents putting their fantasy first.
user1493494961 · 25/07/2020 09:21

If It's a 3 minute drive, it can't be far to walk. You could be living in a town and it would be further than that to get to shops/station.

Therollockingrogue · 25/07/2020 09:23

But is it somewhere you’d be happy for a teenager to walk back alone at 1am? Not on a bike ,not in a car, and potentially after they’ve consumed one too many cheap vodkas? Because a 3 min drive down a country lane in the day is Very different from a walk down a country lane at night alone.

icedaisy · 25/07/2020 09:25

3 minute drive is not rural living. Like pp says can take you longer to get into town when living in town.

If house perfect sounds like a great option. Even 30 minutes isn't that bad, although I'm rural and always have been so am used to driving for anything.

OneMoreLight · 25/07/2020 09:25

3 minutes drive doesn't seem that rural.

It's ok if there is transport regularly but if not you'll be relied on for lifts.

When I went to college we tended to stay over at who evers house was closest to the club we'd been to rather than pay over £25 for a taxi home.

I left home for uni in a city just to go and live somewhere busy.

FlatterNow · 25/07/2020 09:42

I grew up rurally and loved it, but it was fairly easy to bike to my friends' houses or to places with better transport, and my parents were happy to drive us places. If they can bike or walk to a town and to a railway station very easily then that sounds like a good compromise. How close will their school be? The other distinction in my case was that all my friends were in the same situation as it was a very rural area - I didn't feel disadvantaged.

BeauticianNotMagician81 · 25/07/2020 10:14

It's a 3minute drive to the edge of a small town. Not much there in the way of shops but has a railway line. According to google maps it's about a 30 minute walk, along country lanes, no footpaths but wide grass verges. I presumed would be classed as rural as its surrounded by miles of fields and only two other houses on the lane.

We want to get it right this time and obviously eventually our younger children will be teenagers too and I hadn't even thought about when they start drinking. I don't think I would need to give up work to drive the children about but lots to think about.

OP posts:
blosstree · 25/07/2020 10:22

Yes a 3 minute drive isn't that long, but fast forward to them being 17/ 18, coming back on the last train a bit tipsy... are they really going to walk across grass verges and countryside for 30 minutes to get home? With the risk of falling down rabbit roles/hills/over rocks higher than walking down a straight path in a town?

No, OP is going to have to go and pick them up at 1am.

InTheWings · 25/07/2020 10:22

Years of taxi driving for you.
Years of being dependent on Mum and Dad for them.
Independence from 17 car dependent: massive expense.
All my nieces and nephews live rurally, it clipped their wings.

Knittedfairies · 25/07/2020 10:26

I spent my teenage years in a rural location; I didn't enjoy it at all.

Appuskidu · 25/07/2020 10:27

Would you want them walking those country roads alone, in the dark at 11pm after a night in a pub?

Bitchinkitchen · 25/07/2020 11:12

@BeauticianNotMagician81

It's a 3minute drive to the edge of a small town. Not much there in the way of shops but has a railway line. According to google maps it's about a 30 minute walk, along country lanes, no footpaths but wide grass verges. I presumed would be classed as rural as its surrounded by miles of fields and only two other houses on the lane.

We want to get it right this time and obviously eventually our younger children will be teenagers too and I hadn't even thought about when they start drinking. I don't think I would need to give up work to drive the children about but lots to think about.

So they'd need to walk for half an hour and then get a train in order to have any kind of social life?

That'll be supremely shit. Don't do it.

ActionNeeded · 25/07/2020 11:20

I hated living in the ‘middle of nowhere’ - buses once an hour and last bus home at 6.20 pm :/ didn’t allow for much of a social life!! Did encourage me to get an unconventional job at 14 - I worked with a travelling fair at weekends. Picked up Friday evening, dropped home Sunday night. (I not so fondly remember writing up my physics coursework at 5am when there was enough daylight to see by haha). Might have been an easier life if parents had offered a lift once in a while, but it was always ‘you want to go, you get yourself there!’ Thaaaaanks mum.

crimsonlake · 25/07/2020 11:21

The lack of footpaths to walk along even in daylight would put me off.
You are doing the right thing to consider the future now. Personally I would have a rethink.

Hedgesfullofbirds · 25/07/2020 12:24

Oh Lord, here we go again, urbancentric Mumsnet throws up its hands in horror at the mere thought of living anywhere but in a town or city, surrounded by traffic noise, pollution, concrete, buildings and the ubiquitous 'must haves' of gyms, bars, restaurants, coffee shops and retail outlets. No wonder so few people these days can correctly identify the commonest tree, bird, wild flower or insect. And want to destroy them all, rather than learn to love and enjoy them. And the massive disconnect with farming, food production, knowing what seasonal agricultural operations and equipment are for, the rhythm of the seasons, failing to understand the value of precious life giving rain are all symptomatic of a virtual, sanitised world where an ability to shop 24 hours a day is paramount to one's enjoyment of life.

There is nothing wrong with rural living, it just requires a little adjustment for those who are not brought up in such an environment, and a little preplanning in respect of keeping a ready stock of consumables, for emergencies. There is plenty to keep one occupied and stimulated, more so, in my view, than in a town where there is little to do but trudge the streets from one shop to another! And, let's face it, most country towns have all the facilities one needs, even down to theatres, cinemas and museums ( they are not exclusive to London or other large cities), and readily accessible. We were given appendages, known as legs, which, strangely enough, are useful for propelling oneself about, either on foot or via the pedals of a bicycle, not to depress the pedals of a car! Sad really, that life has become all about the movement from one hermetically sealed static brick built box to another tin one on wheels! Yes, I concede that a car is a neccessity for rural living, given the paucity of public transport and you will, in all probability, be a taxi for your children from time to time, but surely a small price to pay for your children to grow up in a natural environment, far safer than in a town, fresh air, less light pollution, the natural sounds of cattle lowing, sheep bleating, owls at night, birdsong by day. Lie in bed at night, windows open, curtains pulled aside, watch the moon's transit across the sky - all things which are difficult to fully experience in a town.

But, living rurally, is the opportunity to engage more fully with the natural world, your children will learn, hopefully, an appreciation for all the wonderful creatures which inhabit it, the chance to learn about growing food, keeping livestock, learning how to create their own educational fun and, it is not like living on another planet, so cultural activities and leisure pursuits are within easy reach.

I was brought up in a very isolated environment - there was not even any vehicle access, one had to walk half a mile alongside a river to get to the house, everything from shopping to feed for our livestock had to be transported in a wheelbarrow. But my siblings and I loved it, helping my dad creosote his chicken sheds, helping with the bees, learning how to milk mum's goats, shear the sheep, grow vegetables, make jam, cottage cheese, wine etc - wonderful. But we still went out and did cultural things, my love of history partly stems from visiting museums and other attractions. Rural living is not primitive, uncivilised or a fate worse than death.

Go for it OP, say I, go for it, although I suspect that I am in the minority.

GalOopNorth · 25/07/2020 12:28

I loved living rurally as a child and a teenager.

It taught me a lot, including self reliance and resilience. 3 minutes to a station is nothing - 15 mins on a bike - easy.

To me it would be an absolute no brainer

icedaisy · 25/07/2020 12:47

@Hedgesfullofbirds great post, well written. Sums up my childhood really. Nostalgic now.

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