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Rural living

Looking to relocate to the countryside? Find advice in our Rural Living forum.

Rural living with teenagers

117 replies

BeauticianNotMagician81 · 25/07/2020 09:03

Hi we have recently, finally sold our house. We've moved to a new area, near family and are renting while we search for our forever home.

A beautiful house has come up locally that was available last year but we were not in the position to buy. It's a semi on a country road. Big plot gorgeous gardens and overlooks miles of fields. It's a 3 minute drive into the nearest town with a railway line and a 3 minute drive to a shopping centre in the opposite direction. Is it a no brainer or do you think our teenagers will hate it. They don't go out much other than to walk the dog. They are always on their games consoles. We have two younger boys as well who attend lots of clubs but I tend to drive them anyway.

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 25/07/2020 12:50

I agree with Hedgesfullofbirds, my teen years were spent very rurally, l used to ride a horse 8 miles to get to my schoolfriends farm at 13!
I had a Saturday job at the tiny only village shop which was a 1.5mile walk or cycle.

Yes teens can miss out on some social events,but there are huge advantages, my brother and l had horses to ride, quad bikes, he had a trial motorbike from 12, we bred animals, had loads of pets, camped out. Roamed with friends over moorland and fields, built camps.
There were plenty of children on neighbouring farms.

We both learnt to drive a landrover by 11 or 12, so passing a driving test was easy at 17.We also learnt to occupy ourselves and be alone happily, a huge life skill. I feel all my rural friends are much more self sufficient, practical and in many way capable, than my friends from living for 10 years in London.

Friends used to stay over at the weekends, and plenty wanted to come.

I do remember my father collecting me from our local (30 minute away) nightclub at 1pm though...l would be willing to do that for my Dcs to be able to offer them the rural lifestyle.

My brother and l are very comfortable in city or country, but loved our upbringing.
I think you do have to be realistic and expect to do a fair amount of driving.

Apple31419 · 25/07/2020 13:29

I grew up in a village 15 minutes from the nearest town and hated it. However, unlike the posters here who enjoyed it, our house was more of a suburban feel, had a small garden and we had no pets. Then to add to that my parents were overprotective so I wasnt allowed out anywhere if I wanted to.

As I got older it just got harder to juggle work, school a long and expensive bus ride away (local school had no 6th form) and I didn't want to learn to drive as it cost too much money and is bad for the environment! Basically, all of the disadvantages of being both in a town and being rural.

By all means go for it, but please make sure that they actually do get a decent experience of it. Maybe ask them what they are into and would or wouldn't want to give up.

InTheWings · 25/07/2020 13:49

HedgesFullIfBirds:

Haha. I grew up very rurally. What a romantic picture you paint.

Illegal Slaughter if protected species deemed pests, the industrialisation if dairy herds, destroying barns that house owls, habitats that they know house bat colonies... keep your windows closed during crop spraying,.... etc etc.

Many people need to live rurally for their work. Others view country living as an escape from urban environments. Of course small towns have shops, cinemas etc, all people are saying is if it is a lifestyle choice to de-urbanise maybe live within a teenagers independent reach of friends rather than the whole family depend on the parents driving around.

Sorry but coastal and rural deprivation is real and impacts teens. People need to know that before rocking up in an XC90 full of Joules wellies.

This thread is full of people who did grow up in rural / isolated areas, sending a ‘think twice’ message to those who romanticise rural living as you do.

There are ignorant destructive idiots amongst all sections of the population and likewise environmentally aware and committed.

transformandriseup · 25/07/2020 13:53

I have lived in several rural places and I would say being able to walk to a bus or train station and a local shop is essential. You would need to think about where they would get a job when they get older.

GetUpAgain · 25/07/2020 13:59

Aged 13 I moved from a large village with good buses, to a small village with shit buses. It was rubbish. My parents weren't willing to ferry us kids around and we all left home very young. I wouldn't do it to my kids. I think if it's all you've ever known its different.

jassa090 · 25/07/2020 14:00

Grew up in a village that had a restaurant and a couple of pubs. Had jobs at one point or other in all of them whilst studying. Dont know what I would have done for work otherwise. If this location has no local prospects of work then you will need very deep pockets to fund a teenagers life.

3 Minute drive is about 10 minutes on the bike so no reason they cannot find jobs in the town. Why not sit down and talk to the family about it?

Abraid2 · 25/07/2020 14:05

@Hedgesfullofbirds

Oh Lord, here we go again, urbancentric Mumsnet throws up its hands in horror at the mere thought of living anywhere but in a town or city, surrounded by traffic noise, pollution, concrete, buildings and the ubiquitous 'must haves' of gyms, bars, restaurants, coffee shops and retail outlets. No wonder so few people these days can correctly identify the commonest tree, bird, wild flower or insect. And want to destroy them all, rather than learn to love and enjoy them. And the massive disconnect with farming, food production, knowing what seasonal agricultural operations and equipment are for, the rhythm of the seasons, failing to understand the value of precious life giving rain are all symptomatic of a virtual, sanitised world where an ability to shop 24 hours a day is paramount to one's enjoyment of life.

There is nothing wrong with rural living, it just requires a little adjustment for those who are not brought up in such an environment, and a little preplanning in respect of keeping a ready stock of consumables, for emergencies. There is plenty to keep one occupied and stimulated, more so, in my view, than in a town where there is little to do but trudge the streets from one shop to another! And, let's face it, most country towns have all the facilities one needs, even down to theatres, cinemas and museums ( they are not exclusive to London or other large cities), and readily accessible. We were given appendages, known as legs, which, strangely enough, are useful for propelling oneself about, either on foot or via the pedals of a bicycle, not to depress the pedals of a car! Sad really, that life has become all about the movement from one hermetically sealed static brick built box to another tin one on wheels! Yes, I concede that a car is a neccessity for rural living, given the paucity of public transport and you will, in all probability, be a taxi for your children from time to time, but surely a small price to pay for your children to grow up in a natural environment, far safer than in a town, fresh air, less light pollution, the natural sounds of cattle lowing, sheep bleating, owls at night, birdsong by day. Lie in bed at night, windows open, curtains pulled aside, watch the moon's transit across the sky - all things which are difficult to fully experience in a town.

But, living rurally, is the opportunity to engage more fully with the natural world, your children will learn, hopefully, an appreciation for all the wonderful creatures which inhabit it, the chance to learn about growing food, keeping livestock, learning how to create their own educational fun and, it is not like living on another planet, so cultural activities and leisure pursuits are within easy reach.

I was brought up in a very isolated environment - there was not even any vehicle access, one had to walk half a mile alongside a river to get to the house, everything from shopping to feed for our livestock had to be transported in a wheelbarrow. But my siblings and I loved it, helping my dad creosote his chicken sheds, helping with the bees, learning how to milk mum's goats, shear the sheep, grow vegetables, make jam, cottage cheese, wine etc - wonderful. But we still went out and did cultural things, my love of history partly stems from visiting museums and other attractions. Rural living is not primitive, uncivilised or a fate worse than death.

Go for it OP, say I, go for it, although I suspect that I am in the minority.

I spent five years driving teenagers to sports, drama, parties, to pick up school buses and it was shattering, especially in the winter on small country lanes prone to ice and flooding.

The day the younger one got her driving licence was a day of celebration.

blosstree · 25/07/2020 14:06

My mum always said that rural living is idyllic if you are wealthy, but a different story entirely it you're poor. Don't know if it's true but I've never forgotten it.

I have a friend who grew up in a gorgeous country house with land and a swimming pool, horses, etc. I imagine her teenage years of having her friends round for pool parties and bbqs, riding ponies and being ferried around by her parents (who owned their business so weren't chained to specific work hours) was pretty different from someone who lived outside of walking distance to anywhere, in a small house, no amenities nearby, no bus service, and parents who are at work a lot of the time so can't take them places/to Saturday jobs.

Obviously there will be a middle ground between those scenarios but consider it.
It all depends on your circumstances.

ComeOnGordon · 25/07/2020 14:16

We live in a small village with no amenities which is a 10 minute drive up and down hills to the nearest big village with a railway station.

It was the biggest mistake of my life moving here and I regret it every day. When the children were small it was amazing - they could play out and I never worried about them but since the first one became a sociable teenager it’s had a negative impact on all of them. I spent many a night having to pick her up at 2am somewhere or pick her up the next morning from a friend’s house. She had no independence till she could drive but we’ve only got one car so still not really.

She left to go to uni last year to a city where she has everything at her fingertips and there’s no chance she’s coming home for the whole holidays.

And the same is happening to the other kids too.

I’d love to move but now exH made me a good financial offer to stay in the family home so I’m sadly having to force us all to stay here since I haven’t yet seen a place I could afford for us all in the next bigger village.

Please don’t do it to your kids unless you want to rob them of all their independence.

Purplewithred · 25/07/2020 14:22

I’m in the no gang. The whole rural idyll making hay in the garden thing is fine if you are that kind of child/family but otherwise it’s a pain for everyone. Moving with teenagers from the middle of nowhere to walking distance of the train/shops etc transformed everyone’s lives for the better.

ShaunaTheSheep · 25/07/2020 14:29

Terrible idea,
I picked up 2 teens from a friend's rural house earlier, and they spent the journey in disbelief that anyone would choose to live so far from anywhere! No buses or trains. Nothing to do except walk the dog.

I thought it was an idyllic spot

21NewNames · 25/07/2020 14:31

I wouldn’t do it, I don’t think it’s fair on teenagers.

As pps have said, they will end up getting a train and then walking 30mins back home when drunk in the pitch black with no pavements. No way would I make them do that or trust them to do that when drunk which will inevitably be the case.

KatherineJaneway · 25/07/2020 14:32

Go for it OP, say I, go for it, although I suspect that I am in the minority.

I suspect you are as well.

I hated living rurally as a teen. Cut off, having to ask for lifts, paying for taxis, not being able to get a Saturday job as trains didn't run regularly, always having to get the last train home and leave your friends having fun etc.

It can be great as an adult, it's crap as a teen.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/07/2020 14:36

It’s been good for our family. You do need to realise you will be taxiing around though. Our three have enjoyed growing up rurally.

RowenaRavenclawTheSecond · 25/07/2020 14:39

I suspect some parents think that they can somehow encourage their children to be the kind of teenager who adores rural life, helping with farmwork, picking vegetables, embracing nature etc. but the majority will just complain that there's nothing to do and be jealous of their friends who can walk to a shop/pub/train station/cafe without waiting for a parent to be available to take them

WinterAndRoughWeather · 25/07/2020 14:42

I grew up in the countryside and loved it. I had weekend jobs in the nearest town from the age of 13 that I used to walk to (took about 45 mins each way).

At school the LEA provided transport for those of us not on the bus routes. No idea if that still happens.

Lots of my friends were scattered at long distances, so in sixth form we tended to stay over at mates’ houses in town after a night out.

I did used to hitchhike fairly often in my late teens, as well as get buses and trains. The kids who learned to drive at 17 became taxis for the rest of us.

Hedgesfullofbirds · 25/07/2020 14:44

I guess it is simply a matter of what one is used to - I once had to live briefly in a town, through circumstance, and never in my life have I felt so bored, suffocated, hemmed in and like a trapped caged animal, almost literally pacing up and down in a similar way to a polar bear in a zoo. Nothing to do except stare out of the windows wishing I were elsewhere.

No, it is not a romantic idyll by any means, Thomas Hardy it ain't, my employment requires a three hour, 75 mile round trip each day (there is nothing closer in my sector), winters can be harsh, rural poverty and deprivation IS real, no doubt, but possibly no greater than in urban environments, it can be noisy, smelly and disruptive, depending on the time of year and what is happening agriculturally, but, for me, the positives do, and always have, supercede the negatives.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/07/2020 14:45

I'm.not sure I'd do it if I already had teenagers. However, we moved out of a city into a village when our DC were small in order to have a bigger house and better quality of life and it's been fine.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere from.the age of 10 and always resented it so when we moved i was insistent that it would be into a village and that we had to be prepared to be a taxi service when DC were older.

The thing with villages is, all the children are in the same position. That means at primary they all play together, roam around the village together etc.

At secondary school they met a wider range of children but still all rural. DC2 was very sporty and most spare time was spent in games of football, squash, cricket etc. with local friends.

We paid for driving lessons and bought them a car when they were 17 so that they would have independence.

They both cycled to the next village (10 minute cycle) to catch buses into the nearby city.

DC1 still lives at home, DC2 is at uni but currently home for two weeks- he has been in touch with his old school friends and meeting with them at the pub, as he does every time he's back.

The thing is, our kids have grown up in a village as have all their friends, so t
them it's the norm. That won't be the case if you suddenly move to the countryside with older dc.

Regulus · 25/07/2020 14:46

People need to know that before rocking up in an XC90 full of Joules wellies. Grin

I think it's easier if you were born rural than move as teenagers. Definitely agree with pp who said rural is great for the wealthy. However 3 mins drive is not my idea of rural at all.

WinterAndRoughWeather · 25/07/2020 14:47

I’m the same @Hedgesfullofbirds, cities make me feel trapped and suffocated. I’ve lived in them from time to time but being back in the countryside now is such a relief.

Oly4 · 25/07/2020 14:47

There’s no way I’d do this. We purposefully live within a 10 min walk of our large town so that our teenagers will have freedom. They want to walk to school, to see their friends, to walk home.
Save your rural move for when you retire

maybelou · 25/07/2020 14:48

My parents moved to rural places when I was a teenager and I've always resented them for it, nothing to do, no friends around, no public transport, and they would never drive us anywhere. I absolutely hated it and still question to this day why the hell they made the move.

yeOldeTrout · 25/07/2020 14:50

We live in a town with good transport links. DD is very sociable so has friends all over county, I have discovered many new places when she needed pickup from nowhere rural places at midnight. Most parents get their DC driving as early as possible, around here.

sageandroses · 25/07/2020 14:52

Nothing to do except stare out of the windows wishing I were elsewhere.

@Hedgesfullofbirds
So no libraries or bookshops? No other shops to browse? No park to stroll around? No leisure centre to go swimming? No pub to have a drink in? No restaurant or cafe to have a nice meal in? The medium sized town I live in has all of these, plus multiple small galleries and museums, and a castle!

You can't say there was nothing to do in the town. It's just not the stuff you like to do.

Which is fine, but don't make out like there was literally nothing to do. There was you just didn't want to.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 25/07/2020 14:54

I'd go for it, short cycle to train, no problem.

We're fairly rural, my teen has friends around in surrounding villages and they meet up and mooch around. Or he walks to next village and gets the bus to town. The last bus is late enough for going out (not that he is old enough for that yet) and the walk home to our village is excellent for sobering up a bit.

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